Bound by Rapture

by D. Martin, Megan

  I helped her out of her clothes. She stood there like a zombie, her eyes vacant, letting me maneuver her arms and feet at my will until she was completely naked, her long aqua hair falling in messy waves around her.

  My cock kicked hard in my pants and I was almost ashamed of myself. But I couldn’t help it. I could never help it when it came to Julia. She was everything. Even there in that basement, blood and brain matter coating her face, she was everything I wanted. I would have fucked her on that bloody concrete. I would have came as hard as I had that morning while she bounced on my dick in her bedroom. Maybe even harder. I couldn’t deny the rush of blood, adrenaline, Julia. I would have fucked her like it was our last time. I would take her anywhere in any way.

  I’m so fucked up.

  I led her under the water. She didn’t even flinch when the spray hit her skin. Something like panic flared in my chest.

  “Julia, I’m going to wash you.” My words sounded like a little boy’s, they were so weak and pathetic. She didn’t even nod, just stood there. I washed every inch of her, scrubbed the remnants of the last twenty-four hours from her skin. Scrubbed away the death, the horror. I wanted to wash it down the drain and make her forget these things had happened. That her friend had been beheaded, that the man who cut her throat had tried to kill her again, that I had to blow his head off only inches away from hers.

  But I knew she wouldn’t forget. With the way she was I doubted she would even remember this shower.

  “Julia, baby. Look at me. I need to know you’re okay.” But her gaze didn’t meet mine. She just stared at my t-shirt. I glanced down at it, realizing there was blood on the white material. It was bloated and a little faded from the water, but still there nonetheless. I jerked it over my head and tossed it aside, along with my jeans. “You’re okay, baby. You know that right? You’re safe. I’m here with you.” I pulled her into my chest; she stood limply against me. Some bitter emotion rose inside me and I wanted to laugh. How many times had I spoken those same words to her? How many times had I been wrong? How many times had someone hurt her when I had the power at my fingertips to stop them? It was surreal, really. Unbelievable.

  I sank down on the floor, bringing her limp body with me. She curled against me, her head resting on my chest while the warm water showered against us. I glanced down to see her eyes still open, staring at the shower door blankly.

  “You probably think I’m the biggest joke.” The words rushed out of my mouth. I almost laughed at how ridiculous they were. No doubt she thought I was a joke. “That’s probably why you’ve mentally checked out.” I shook my head. “I don’t blame you. I’m a fucking failure.” I leaned my head back against the shower wall, letting the cool tiles press against my wounded head. “I was right, you know, when I told you I ripped women apart.” The accuracy of my stupid stage name wasn’t lost on me. At the time it seemed appropriate, considering that’s what I wanted to do to Julia, rip her apart and leave her with nothing left that I didn’t own. “It wasn’t until after I met you that I realized I did rip women apart. Destroy them until they were just shells of who they used to be.

  “My mom is a great example.” I let my mother’s Botox-made face pop into my head. Her blond hair bleached to the max. “She was the only woman who was supposed to love me unconditionally. The only person who was supposed to care for me. But she didn’t.” I let memories of the past swirl around me. Memories of hunger. Of holding my screaming baby sister in my arms while she wailed because she was starving, yet there was nothing in the house to feed her and my mom hadn’t been home for days. It was a miracle any of us lived as long as we had. “And now she’s done this.” There were a lot of things I expected from her. I expected her hate. It seemed crazy that the woman who nearly starved me had the nerve to hate me, the only son she had left. But that was the reason in itself. I took everyone else away. It was my fault they were gone. Both of them. Sandy and Garrett. She would never forgive me for that. All the money in world couldn’t buy her love. Her forgiveness. And now she was trying to hurt me in any way she knew how.

  I stared down at the top of Julia’s head. The evidence pointed at Julia’s ex, but something didn’t sit right about it. The words on the wall, they made me think of her. My mother.

  You did this. Cole is next.

  Stay away from him.

  It brought back her words.

  “You did this! You did. You!” Her hands shook as she looked at me. The horror on her face was something that would be imprinted into my brain forever. She looked at me, at my blood covered clothing at the horror scene before us. “How could you? How could YOU?” Her words boomed around us, seeming to melt into the expensive stone walls. The home I had built for her. Her eyes were frantic, wide, looking everywhere and at me all at once. “Where is Garrett, Cole?”

  Why is she home? She should have been gone until tomorrow, until I had the chance to clean everything up and get Sandy on a plane to some place that could help her emotionally.

  “Where is he, Cole?” I wasn’t going to answer, because she knew. I know she did. Why she asked, I don’t know. I don’t know why she bothered to pretend we weren’t both standing here in this house of horror.

  “You didn’t. You wouldn’t have.”

  She’d always loved him more. Even when she left us all to starve. It was him she held when she came home. It was him she said she was sorry to. It was always him. For both her and Sandy. What it was about Garrett that made them love him more than me, I never figured out. Even after I made my money and gave them all a better life, I was still last on the totem pole.

  But the blood on my hands changed that. More of it was splattered across the floor. Some of it was my own blood. But most of it wasn’t.

  “Where’s Sandy?”

  I shook my head and pushed the memory away, not wanting to relive it, especially the moments after that. Those moments broke me. That made me into this thing I was today. This man who destroyed the women he loved until they were just lifeless shells or dead.

  I clutched Julia to my chest. She would never be like my mother, or like Elaine, or even like Sandy. She was stronger than them. But it was quickly becoming apparent that it didn’t matter how strong the woman was, I found some way to break them, some way to make them hate me.

  My mother’s words that night were a perfect echo of the words written in blood on that mottled wall.

  “You did this.”

  And maybe I did.

  Maybe I deserved all of it. Maybe I deserved to be punished for things I had done and things I would never do. Like be sorry. Even after I followed my mother up the stairs and found yet more tragedy, I hadn’t been sorry about what I’d done. I didn’t wish I could take any of it back. Even for today, for the big hole I put in that piece of shit’s head. I wasn’t sorry. Some twisted part of me wished I could do it again. Even after I squeezed the trigger I wanted to pull it again. To pump his brain full of lead and ruin him, make him non-existent. Splatter him until he was nothing more than a smear on a cracked floor. I would have, if he hadn’t been hurting her. If she didn’t need me in that moment, I would have done it and maybe more.

  And maybe that was why all this was happening. There were too many sins, too many sinister thoughts, hopes, plans. It was all there and more. I wanted to lash out again. The sudden need to punch something expanded under my flesh. I would feel better once I did that. There was a punching bag in one of the rooms at Rapture. I could just go back there and let off some of the anger. I could punch myself back into sanity, instead of this pathetic heap I was right now. But I couldn’t bring myself to leave her, or even move.

  The warm water still poured down on us.

  I glanced at Julia and noticed her eyes were closed, her breathing deeper. A sense of calm washed over me.

  We’re going to be okay.

  It might not have been true, but I embraced the words as if they were a prophecy promising my own good fortune.

  I ran my fingers through Juli
a’s hair. “I didn’t fuck her,” I said quietly. Elaine’s face popped into my head. “I tried to.” A hollow laugh escaped my lips. “I actually wanted to. I wanted to forget about you.” I took a deep breath. “It was on the night I let you go. When I had you up against the back of that after-hours club. I’d gone home with a raging hard on, ready to sink my dick into something, anything.” I could remember the feeling, that horrible sensation of loss. The bitter anger of it being over. After all that time, I had let her go and it was a sentiment I couldn’t describe. So bitter and disgusting. “Elaine was there, waiting for me at home. I hadn’t fucked her yet since we’d gotten back together. She’d just flown in that day, the first time I’d seen her in months, with that big rock on her finger, the one I told her to go buy.” The words clogged up in my throat. Why am I telling her this? She’s in shock and asleep. She’s not even hearing it. But I didn’t stop.

  “She was on the bed, naked. She wanted it.” I chewed the inside of my cheek at the memory. “She begged me.” I shook my head. “Fucking begged me. But I couldn’t do it. And something inside me died. Something that was already broken and hurt, something I thought couldn’t get worse. It doesn’t make sense, right?” I shifted around a little. “It shouldn’t have hurt me that I couldn’t fuck her. But it did. My cock was hard. And I pretended it was for her. I told myself Elaine made me hard. But it was all a lie, Julia. It was you who made me hard. It was you. All along. I wanted it to be her. So badly. Because you were wet when I pushed you back against that wall. You were wet for that fucking tool bag bartender. Not for me.” I clenched my fists. “But after all that, I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t hard for her. I didn’t want her. I wanted you. And that was worst feeling ever. Knowing I let you go, that I would spend the rest of my life wanting you, even though I could have anyone else.”

  Emotions swirled around inside me. I didn’t know where this confession came from, but I had this need to share with Julia even when she probably wasn’t listening. But she’d always had that effect on me, making me want to pour my heart out to her. I wanted to tell her everything. To confess it all. It was a weird feeling, one I’d never experienced with anyone else.

  “I love you,” I whispered into the foggy shower. Words she wouldn’t remember. But I would. I would remember every second, every moment, because she was my Julia. And I wouldn’t let her be broken and ripped apart like the rest of the women in my life. I wouldn’t let my sins shatter her and turn her into something unrecognizable. I would fix this. I would help her heal and I would stop whoever was doing this.

  Even if it meant I had to kill them.

  FOUR

  Julia.

  I stared blankly at the ceiling. It was white, plain, simple. A popcorn ceiling with those funny little bumps that had gone out of style years ago. At least that’s what HG-TV said.

  When was the last time I watched TV?

  I wracked my brain for the answer. It had been weeks, maybe longer. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been staring at the ceiling. For all I knew it could have been years. Time seemed to stand still the longer I looked at the bubbles on my ceiling. Some were bigger than others, misshapen and bulbous. I wondered whose idea it was in the first place, to make a ceiling that resembled a movie-time treat.

  It didn’t matter really, but I wanted to know. There was suddenly this burning in my heart, this absolute need to know the answer, the truth behind the popcorn on my ceiling. An answer to the why in my head.

  “Julia.” The voice was back. That gravelly handsome voice. I knew whom it belonged to. I loved the owner of that voice. I was certain of it. But he was far away, on the outside of my popcorn curiosity. I considered asking him, but decided he probably wouldn’t know.

  But then there was another voice. A woman’s voice. I didn’t recognize it.

  Why is a woman here with him? Something strange bubbled in my chest. It prickled along my skin and made my heart pound. A woman shouldn’t be here.

  I blinked my eyes, letting the popcorn come in and out of focus. Another male voice sounded but I couldn’t focus on it. I was too overwhelmed by the intense feelings swimming inside me. The voices continued to murmur to me, to each other. I didn’t know why, but I knew I needed to stop them. Especially the woman. She needed to leave.

  What if it’s Elaine?

  It seemed like a hundred years had passed since I’d thought about her. Like she was a distant memory from a life that was long gone. But now she was back pressing at my mind, sinking her red claws into what was mine.

  Cole.

  His name sent a blistering hot shiver down my body. No one could have him. No one. He was mine. And if anyone was going to stare up at the popcorn on the ceiling with him, it would be me. Only me.

  I blinked harder and the ceiling came back into focus. I looked to my left and I saw her. The woman. It wasn’t Elaine, and a small part of me relaxed. She had thin red hair that stopped at her shoulders. A plain, tan pantsuit encased her body as she sat in a chair next to the window. She was nodding at someone who was talking. Her hair swinging back and forth.

  Who is she?

  All of a sudden my view was clouded, blocked by a tight orange shirt encasing muscles. I looked up, up, up until I was gazing into light green eyes. Eyes I knew.

  I blinked harder.

  “Vic?”

  He pushed his hair out of his face, but his dark bangs swung back to cover one eye. “Jewel?” The clarity of his voice snatched me out of the stagnate reality that had become my home.

  “Are you real?” It had to be dream. I hadn’t seen Vic since I dropped him and his boyfriend Chris off at the airport months ago. Before everything happened, before Cole, before the attacks. Before my life was turned upside down.

  “Oh, Jewel.” He got down on his knees, leveling his gaze with mine. His nose was a little crooked from when he was punched in the face at a bar fight after I first met him. It actually improved his looks and gave his handsome face even more personality. “I’m real. And I’m here for you.” He grabbed my hand. “I’ve been so worried!”

  I couldn’t stop the smile that tweaked at the corners of my lips. “You aren’t telling me how hideous I look, are you sure this is real?” I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know I probably looked less than ordinary.

  He grinned, revealing straight white teeth. “I’ve only been here a few minutes. Don’t worry. I still have time!” He pulled me into a hug, his musky cologne teasing my nostrils. But once I was in his embrace I could see the woman on the other side of him, the redhead. She stared at the two of us with a light, innocent smile on her lips. And I was reminded of what awoke me to begin with. Her voice. Cole’s voice.

  “Who is she?” I pulled back and glanced around the room to find Cole standing at the end of the bed. He towered over everything, his presence nothing short of overwhelming. Something dark and sinister was painted on his face, reminding me of the last time he had towered over me while I lay in bed.

  “Who is she?” I repeated, directing my question at Cole this time.

  “Her name is Sarah Arnold. She came here to see if she could help you get out of your funk, but clearly all you needed was Vic.” His words were bitter.

  I glanced back at Vic and then at the woman. “Why would I need someone to help me?”

  Sarah cleared her throat and stood. “Mr. Maddon called me because I’m a psychologist. He’s been worried about you.” She glanced at Cole. He gave a little nod and she continued. “He thinks you went into shock two days ago when several traumatic events occurred. You’ve been very listless and unresponsive for the most part. You’ve allowed him to lead you around, bathe you, feed you, but you have been staring off blankly. Which in most cases indicates shock.”

  Vic squeezed my hand.

  “I’ve been out of it for two days?” I rubbed my forehead with my free hand.

  “Yes.” Cole growled, crossing his arms over his chest.

  I tried to remember the past couple of days, but it was al
l a blur running through my head, vague and distant like I hadn’t really been there, just a far-off observer.

  “Jay,” I whispered the name and closed my eyes. The bloody lifeless body flashed in my head only feet away from me. I sucked in a deep breath.

  “Shhh.” Vic comforted me, his hand brushing against my cheek. “You’re okay now. Cole told me what happened and you’re going to be all right. He can’t hurt you anymore, Jewel. You’re safe and I’m here.”

  I let out the breath and opened my eyes. “I missed you,” I whispered to him. He was the only person left from my old life and him being here meant a lot to me. It meant I could move on from this. I could move forward; life could return to some semblance of normalcy.

  “I would be happy to stay and chat with you, Miss Collette.” Sarah stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.

  I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk to a stranger. “I think I’ll be okay.”

  She looked at Cole, who said, “Randy, the guy just outside the door, will pay you.” She nodded and left the room.

  As soon as she left, it was as if she took all the air with her. The room suddenly seemed very small with both Vic and Cole inside. But I couldn’t deny how happy it made me to have both of them there.

  “Is Chris with you?” I directed my attention to Vic.

  He nodded his head. “Yes. But he’s visiting his mom at the hospital today.”

  “I’m glad. Is she doing okay?” I remembered she had been sick several weeks ago when I was hospitalized after the attack.

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t seen her, but Chris seems optimistic about her recovery.” There was a sense of sadness in his voice, reminding me he’d never met any of Chris’s family on account of them not accepting his homosexual lifestyle.

  “Good.” I smiled. “Where are y’all staying?”

  “We’ve got a hotel.”

  “A hotel? No. You can both stay here.”

  “What?” Cole hissed.

  I glanced up at him, annoyed. “Why should they stay in a hotel when they still have a furnished room here. I won’t be using it.”