Unforgettable

by P J Gilbers

  “Kolina, this is Sam.”

  “Nice to meet you. Too bad you couldn’t be here earlier. We could have had much fun. Did you enjoy with David?”

  “You know David?”

  “Oh, yes. David is very, very good friend. For many years. But, perhaps we get together next time. Or at David’s. He’s very sweet. You are very pretty.”

  “Thanks. Nice dress. I think Jack should buy you a new one.”

  “Yes. He will. He buys me many things.”

  She bent over and kissed Jack, her round, firm boobs inches from my face, and walked out.

  “She’s gorgeous.”

  “Yes.”

  “So this is how it’s going to be.”

  “What?”

  “I go out with David and you invite someone over and fuck the hell out of her and then you feel…what, back in control?”

  “How about we change that whole scenario, missy.”

  “Missy?”

  “How about you’re one of my staff. You go fuck whoever you want, however you want, as long as you’re safe, and I do what I want. Like I always have!”

  “Absolutely. Crystal clear, sir. I’ll be ready at five-thirty, Mr. Nolan.”

  I ran up the stairs. My temples were pounding with anger. How could I have presumed I was anything to Jack Nolan?

  How completely stupid of me.

  Ted and Gabrielle sat a few feet above the steps.

  “Things are not going as planned,” Gabrielle sighed.

  “I know you’re trying to protect her but you know what we learned in the seminars, it’s best to stay out of it. Let the living have their free will.”

  “You know this isn’t a normal circumstance. I thought Mr. Hollywood would protect her.”

  Ted rubbed his bald head. “He may. Loves her or he wouldn’t react like this. And that Kolina.” He whistled.

  She hit him and laughed. They floated up through the ceiling joining the skydiver group.

  Monday

  At four-thirty the next morning something had the audacity to buzz next to my bed. It was the phone.

  “Wake up my beauty.” It was Fritz. “Did you want me to come up and start your shower?”

  “What time is it? It’s dark out.”

  “Four-thirty. The filming business is a tough one as you will see. Coffee’s on.”

  I was nervous about seeing Jack after what had happened.

  I followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen. Fritz handed me a cup.

  “Good morning,” he mumbled.

  “Good morning.”

  “Ready for today?”

  “A bit nervous.”

  “You’ll do fine.”

  “If I could figure out what it is I’m to do that could be true.”

  He hugged me. It seemed perfectly natural.

  “Feels good,” I whispered, resting my head on his chest.

  Jack yelled from the front that it was time to leave.

  Fritz looked at me.

  “I understand things didn’t go well last night.”

  “You understand correctly. But at least I know where I stand.”

  “Don’t take his angry tantrums as gospel. Think about why he got so angry. And, perhaps, why you did.”

  I shook my head. I wanted my anger. I wasn’t ready to let go. One of my many fatal flaws.

  Gloria and two other security people led in the black SUV. I helped Jack into the front seat of a red Jaguar. We did not speak.

  Fritz drove. With a gun sitting on the console between the front seats.

  “Love scene this week,” Fritz said. “Doesn’t she turn into an alien or something?”

  “Just disappears in my arms. Puff of smoke.”

  “Don’t you hate it when that happens?”

  Jack chuckled.

  “Today?”

  “Not sure. I think they want me on a horse today.”

  “A horse?” I couldn’t stay quiet over that one. “I don’t recommend that, Mr. Nolan.”

  They looked at each other. Jack ignored it.

  “Fake horse. Just saying some lines. Me. Not the horse.”

  I couldn’t believe the studio. It was titanic huge. I felt like a little kid standing next to her first elephant.

  There were workers everywhere, sawing, hammering, checking lights. Chaos.

  “Hey, Jack!” A man in a plaid designer shirt and khaki shorts hurried up to him. He was short with a long chin, high forehead, and cropped brown hair. They shook hands and discussed his ankle.

  “Sam, I’d like you to meet John Black. The Director. John, this is the beautiful Samantha I was telling you about.”

  “Very nice to meet you. I am glad you are here with us. Anything you need, let me know. And any ideas that you have as to how to get him in the positions we need…the actions…I’d love to hear them.”

  I nodded, certain he was feeding me a line.

  People came up to Jack from everywhere, telling him the same thing…so glad you’re back…can you walk yet?

  Fritz was right. He was a commodity.

  One of the women with a clipboard and headphones told him to go to costume and make up. A young man in skinny jeans and a white tee shirt came and wheeled him away.

  “And now we wait,” Fritz told me. “Let’s go get some coffee and something to eat.”

  “I worked in a really bad nursing home for a while.”

  “Oh?”

  “It was nothing like this.”

  He giggled.

  “This is not like much of anything else on earth. Except, perhaps, the government. Those closed door sessions you know…they bring out the mats and punch the hell out of each other.”

  “I never knew that.”

  “Few people do.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.”

  “Why do you have a German name if you’re from England?”

  “My mother was British. My father was German and Austrian. So, when are you two going to kiss and make up?”

  We found the food table, got coffee, rolls and oranges.

  “’Don’t know that we are.”

  “Stubborn little nipper, aren’t you? What good will come of this?”

  Walking back we found a park bench to share.

  “I don’t know. He’s setting boundaries. The gist of it is that he doesn’t want me to see David.”

  “’Doesn’t seem to care what the cleaning crew do, does he? Hmmm…”

  He smiled--the cat with a parakeet in his mouth.

  “He cares for you. He’s madly jealous. He’s also a bastard at times.”

  We sat in silence, eating, watching the circus going on around us.

  “I’m glad you’re here. I would be totally lost without you.” I took his hand and it seemed as if I’d done it for years.

  “So, when are you going to tell me about last night?”

  “I had a nice time with David.”

  “Yes.”

  “Loved his house.”

  “Mhmm.”

  “Met Jack’s lovely friend.”

  “Kolina.”

  “Yes.”

  He fed me pieces of his cinnamon roll. I licked the frosting from his fingers. I put small chunks in his mouth, he nibbled on the tips of my fingers. His eyes were smoldering hot. How could a cinnamon roll be so wonderfully erotic?

  “I have a theory,” he said. “Would you like to hear it?”

  “Sure.”

  “Sam meets David. David doesn’t live with Sam. David is outside the tiny realm that Sam now finds herself. David is known throughout the universe for being exceedingly charming.

  “He charms Sam somehow to leave the safety of the compound and the two men who are now madly in love with her. And there is a reason she takes this leap. This risk of pissing off Jack and the risk of losing the security she currently has.”

  I felt my spine fusing into a solid block of ice.

  “You’re making me very nervous.” I turned my ba
ck to him and peeled an orange.

  “So, in the land of who-will-fuck-Sam-first, she goes on a date with David. She comes back with her face tearfully red. Not just a few tears tearful but that hard, broken heart sobbing tearful.

  “Now, what makes Sammy cry like that? Only two things: what has happened in the past, all the pain, the rotten things that happened after the assault, and, the present, the frustration and terror over the sadistic bastard still coming after her like the Terminator.”

  “I think I have to go to the bathroom.”

  “Sit still. Now, Fritz wonders, what do those two items have to do with the date with David? Hmmm. There’s one clue about this whole thing that no one has put together.

  “Except clever Fritz. Where are the men in Sam’s life since the rape? Why did she leave St Louis? Where was the love of her life who would love her, protect her, persuade her to stay? Answer…”

  “Fritz, this isn’t…”

  He turned me around and put his arms around me.

  “There were no men. Why?”

  “Stop. I don’t like this.”

  “Many women, after a rape, choose a safe, loving, kind man who can help them overcome the terror, the flashbacks, that having sex brings. After rape.”

  “Fritz, let me go.” My anger was spitting hot rivets at him.

  “It’s not an easy process, though. Difficult, facing the fears, being touched again. Someone like Sam might choose someone like David to be such a surrogate, a smart, loving man who will be patient, won’t get angry, won’t demand…But the tough part is how does Sam explain this to the two men who are wildly, madly, hopelessly in love with her?”

  I tried to get up but he held tight.

  “What do you want from all this?”

  “First of all, am I correct?”

  “Yes, dammit, you’re correct.”

  “Second, why not choose me or Jack to help you?”

  “Lots of reasons. I didn’t want to get into a heavy relationship when I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have sex. Don’t want to be broken when I start a relationship so that I’m constantly being rescued.”

  “And?” He tilted my face up to him.

  “When you or Jack kiss me or start …I get very hot. And I want you. A lot. It’s been a very long time, Fritz. And I know, from one bad experience, that I can make it through until a certain point and then I panic. And I stop. I run. And that tends to really piss guys off.

  “Fritz, I can’t believe you put all of this together. Are you going to tell Jack?”

  “Things are going to be difficult with Jack if he doesn’t know what’s going on. Even if he does. He’s going to act out like he did last night, waving the Kolinas of the world in your face. Trying to hurt you back. Because it’s killing him that you’re with David. But if you don’t want me to, I won’t tell him. What if you fall in love with David?”

  “I don’t know. I think perhaps I am. All I know is that I tried therapy. Lots of it. And my therapist finally told me that I needed a ‘David,’ just like you described.”

  “I’m so jealous my eyes are turning green.”

  “Your eyes are green.”

  “See. They used to be a lovely blue.”

  I laughed.

  “I want to be the one who holds you, Sam, helps you. I’d be lying if I said differently. I’m not letting you go.”

  I kissed him. I didn’t want him to let me go.

  We walked back to the set, his arm around me, so safe, so comfortable.

  I loved him. How did it happen? The night before I loved David. I had never been like this before and I didn’t understand it. But at that moment I wanted Fritz more than anything in the world. Jack and David seemed to fade away.

  "Would you just talk to your dad?"

  "Mom!" Frank plopped down on the kitchen chair, just like he'd done since he was two. "I know he's trying to help. I know you are. But...I just don't want to go into business with Dad. I don't want to flip houses or start a car shop or sell fruity juices..."

  She was still an incredibly beautiful woman, but he knew the beauty didn't equal weakness or any form of submission to any man... When her hand was resting on her hip he knew...he was in trouble.

  "Then what do you want? They kicked you out of their little club. You can't play spy anymore. Because of whatever happened over there."

  "Mom, I can't tell you about it."

  She glared.

  "Something bad happened."

  He took the beer she handed him.

  "Mom...it was bad. It was badder than bad and I pray that you and Dad never find out. Now...do me a favor. Get him off my back."

  He slammed out the back door, just like he did when he was thirteen.

  She picked up the phone.

  "It's your brother...no...amazingly its Frank. ...yes, the Afghanistan thing...no, he still won't talk...I don't think he'll go to Los Angeles...your clubs are doing well? That's good. Maybe just come home for a couple of days. All he does is lay on the couch and watch Bewitched and the Andy Griffith re-runs.. I'm going to start calling him Opie. The mood he's in he'd probably shoot me."

  Two hours passed. I read. Fritz watched the stocks on his laptop and played online poker.

  “I have a problem,” I told him.

  “Whatever it is I’ll fix it.”

  “I’m running out of clothes, didn’t have that many to begin with, and what I do have are over in the apartment. I need to go to some of my thrift shops but… when do I get paid?”

  Fritz smiled and took out his wallet.

  “I have a magic card in my wallet and a magic shopping portal on my lap.”

  “I can’t let you buy me clothes. But, I could pay you back I guess.”

  “Oh, no. It’s not my card. It’s Jack’s. So… let’s shop.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  “Of course you can. You have no idea how wealthy this man is. He could buy the bloomin’ store if he wanted. Now, where shall we go first?”

  He helped me choose what seemed like dozens of outfits. I kept going to Penneys, he would close them down and hit the designers. I couldn’t believe the prices. It was a never ending Christmas morning. With a dash of guilt thrown in.

  “Oh, here comes his majesty,” Fritz said.

  He was in a long, shimmering golden cape, with long hair and a graying beard.

  “I thought this was a western—I guess I assumed because of the horse.”

  “No, it’s a futuristic piece. He’s not on the planet Earth and the creature the movie goers will see won’t be a horse.”

  Three large crew members helped Jack climb up but when Jack swung his left leg over he screamed.

  Instinctively I was on my feet and holding his leg.

  “I’m sorry, John, I can’t put my damn leg over the side,” he muttered to the director.

  John, talking to someone on an earpiece, was next to him just as quickly as I was.

  “Side saddle,” I said and Jack shifted and turned and wiggled until he could manage to sit.

  Jack was breathing hard and sweat dripped from his brow.

  “You must be burning up in there, Mr. Nolan.”

  “Okay, I get it, you’re still pissed, Miss Rose. And, yes, I’m burning up.”

  He looked at me and smiled.

  I didn’t want him to smile.

  I went back to my seat and watched Jack become the character, larger than life, screaming into a huge fan with fake snow blowing in his face. He held a saber, pointing it around as he growled his lines.

  Four cameras were rolling, one on a long crane that dipped all around his face. After his speech two men pulled the horse back and forth in front of a blue screen. The wind machine blew the entire time and Jack hunkered over the fake creature as if struggling through a blizzard.

  The same three burly men who put him on the horse now lifted him down and he stood next to the horse reciting short lines.

  By two Jack was obviously exhausted and John sent him to
lunch. Everyone applauded as he rolled away in the wheelchair.

  While we were eating in the tiny dressing room Fritz’ phone rang.

  “Yes, she’s right here.” He handed me the phone.

  “Detective Silverman, Princess. Just wanted to tell you that we had to release Eddie Welsh this morning. He made bail. It looked like Oscar hired the bail bondsman. We were hoping that Robert would show up but he’s obviously too clever for that. But, actually, this may be a good thing. He may lead us right to Robert. But, I wanted to let you know. He’s out.”

  I stared at the floor.

  “Sam? Still there?”

  “Yes. Is there anything you want me to do?”

  “Not now. I’ll keep in touch, though. And stay with that brigade Nolan’s hired for you. How was the night with Mr. Abernathy?”

  “How’d you know about David? Never mind…”

  “You’re supposed to stay in the Nolan property. Try to remember that. If you see anything out of the ordinary please let me know.”

  I looked around at the bizarre surroundings and almost laughed.

  “What did he say?” Jack asked.

  I told them.

  Fritz called Roger and then Jack took the phone.

  My soup tasted like mud. I put it down.

  Jack looked at me.

  “Sam, it’s okay. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

  “You know what, Jack,” I went into a flash of unexpected rage. “When you’re a little kid and you hear something at night and it scares you, your parents say ‘there’s nothing there…no monsters…go back to sleep. You’re safe.’

  “But, that’s a lie. Because you’re never safe. I’m never safe. The noise…the coat rubbing on the wall to your bedroom, the cord crinkling in his hands…they’re real. Our parents lied. The Universe lied. God lied.

  “That was the worst thing that Welsh did,” I whispered. “He took away my blind faith that everything was okay. That somehow I would be okay.”

  They were both silent and then Fritz spoke.

  “Now that you say that, that’s exactly what happened to me when Clarice—my wife-- died. I believed that she would make it. That somehow the doctors would get her through. That the drugs and radiation would work. But…they didn’t. And I lost all faith.”

  “I didn’t know your wife died. ‘Didn’t know you had a wife.”