by P J Gilbers
"Chief, you gotta take this seriously. I think they've got people in the ranks."
The Chief leaned back, climbing higher.
"Shut up, Jameson. They've got Silverman and a couple more I know. And it's your job to make sure they're about as impotent as...this old man's cock."
He laughed.
"And if you don't...well...you're pretty enough...prison will be good for you."
He opened his eyes and winked at Jameson.
My phone went off waking me which was a surprise since I hadn’t known I was asleep.
It was David.
“I heard,” he said.
“Yes. I’m…well, I’m in this big white apartment building. Not sure where.”
“I know. I’m coming over.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ll cry and we’ll end up in bed.”
“And that would be bad because…”
“’Just not ready.”
“I don’t like you being alone right now. I really wish you would come and stay with me.”
“Can’t.”
“Sam. What am I going to do with you?”
“Did you know about Jack…screwing everything in arm’s reach?”
“Not the particulars. I saw the video. I’m so sorry, Sam. Please let me come over. I’ll bring dinner.”
“Perhaps tomorrow. Can you have any scripts delivered here? It will give me something to do besides turning my liver into Swiss cheese.”
I thanked him and hung up.
My phone rang. I knew who it was before I checked. I didn’t answer.
He called again and again. And then silence.
An hour later the elevator opened and there was Jack, his jaw red and swollen.
“Leave!” I yelled at him.
“No, we have to talk.”
“Leave or I’ll have you escorted out.”
“They’re working for me.”
“Damn you. There’s nothing to say, Jack. Except, perhaps, why? Wasn’t I good enough? Was I too…something or not enough something? I’ve been sitting here trying to figure it out.”
“Sit down,” he motioned to the couch.
“You know, I’ve been thinking all afternoon about what you were like when we met. How you flirted, you grabbed a kiss when you could, you constantly tried to seduce me. And I thought it was because you really liked me. I was so naïve.”
“It was because I liked you. I was drawn to you…unbelievably drawn.”
“No. That’s the core of the lie. It was the game. It was a challenge. And that’s what it is with every woman you meet. And you know what else I figured out? That’s the way it will always be for you. Did you fuck her?”
He was silent.
I was breathing as if I’d run a mile in galoshes. I could no longer hold it in. I put my face in the rough couch cushion and cried and sobbed and raged.
I was dead.
“I loved you more than I’ve loved anyone in my life.” The words spit at him.
“And look what you did with Fritz and David! You’re not completely innocent here.” he shouted. “You and David fucked, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And you and Fritz. That man’s explored just about every inch of you. And you let him! He’s crazy about you as you can tell by his fist imprint on my jaw. We’ve both had lovers. Both of us, Sam. But, I love you more than I’ve loved anyone in my life. We just need a fresh start. Please, Sam.”
What he said was true. Partially true. Since we’d been together I hadn’t…Did I have any right to this anger?
He did not look at me straight on but slightly turned, questioning, afraid. His chin jutted out at me, jaws clenched. But his eyes, his eyes were loaded with pain.
I wanted to feel no sympathy.
I wanted to know I would never love him again.
I wanted to think I had control over something…anything.
“Can you honestly say you won’t screw around, ever again? That you’ll be completely loyal to me? I don’t think so.”
“Can you?” he yelled.
“See—you can’t even answer the question. Leave.”
He grabbed me and pulled me to my feet. I felt like a small twig under a boot.
“I swear to God I’ll do anything you want. Don’t leave me, Sam.”
I escaped his grip and paced around the edge of room, staring out at the dusk, wishing I could slip through the heavy panes of glass and fly away.
I was already dead.
“Perhaps we should be like David. Have several lovers, rotate them through according to our appetite. We could be third Thursdays, you can fuck Shandi at work, and the make-up girl every other Tuesday. And I’m sure you’ll add some on the Saturday parties.”
Tears were running down my numb face. They were stealing my strength.
I was already dead.
“I feel so damned ashamed. I’m sorry, Sam. I don’t know why I do this. I’ve always done this. Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is a game with me. Maybe…most probably…I am a fool. But, I’m going to prove to you that I love you, with all my heart. And John Black…I’m meeting with David about him. The son of a bitch.
“But, know this, Sammy, I’ll do whatever you want. Please, don’t leave me.”
He could not face me.
“I don’t know if I can really forgive you. I loved how you loved me.”
“I know I have no right to ask you this, but, please, let me fix this. Let me be with you. I can’t bear an hour without you. I’m so sorry, Sam.”
He leaned on the glass, staring at the floor. “And please hear me. I do love you. I’ll prove it to you.”
He glanced at me, walked to the elevator and was gone.
I was already dead.
Ted and Gabrielle had been standing on the outside of the windows. They stepped through the glass as Jack left.
“I don’t know if she can survive this,” Gabrielle cried. “She’s been through so much.”
Ted stared at Sam sobbing on the couch.
“She’ll make it. Unfortunately these are the hard lessons we learn as mortals. Son of a bitch. I knew… I knew…”
Three lost weeks
The penthouse prison had anything any prisoner could want. Everything in the world was delivered including groceries and dinners. Even desserts and breakfasts. I found a place for strippers—either sex. Massages, facials, nails, even custom made shoes or bathing suits.
I was bored.
David and or Fritz came over almost every night. They always wanted to stay. I always said no.
My heart, and related organs, were closed for the season.
Maybe forever.
And they never, ever talked about Jack.
David and Fritz and Roger tried to teach me poker. It failed miserably since I always revealed everything in my face. However, I realized I was very good at reading them and began to win a hand here and there based on a facial twitch, a sigh, or a rhythm they drummed.
Arnie had no clue he was going to do it. The woman had actually been quite sweet. She just argued with him. And he hated that. He stared at the blood and her face that was now almost unrecognizable as human.
He punched the wall. He was out of control. And above all else he hated being out of control.
He kicked the body, over and over, screaming at her that it was her fault.
Then he washed, watched a game for a while, stole her money, and left.
I drank too much and wondered if I was going to be Rapunzel in this tower forever.
But one morning things changed.
I woke at ten. The apartment was quiet as a tomb. I got up, showered, and went to the kitchen to make coffee.
Silverman called, said he was on his way. He walked off the elevator two minutes later, whistling.
“Girl, this is some place. You just keep falling upstairs, don’t you?”
“Yes. Yes I do. Don’t know how really. I asked Fritz to just get me a smal
l apartment and this is what I got. I’m not complaining. Although with all the marble it feels a bit like a museum.”
“So Jack’s having trouble keeping his dick in his pants—no surprise there—and you decide to move out. Understandable.”
I nodded. We went out on the patio and sat with big mugs of coffee. He looked at the book of castles on the table.
“You like castles?”
“Love castles. Fritz is determined to buy me one. With a nursery.”
He laughed. “Wow, Princess, Van Nuys to a castle. Wow!”
“I know. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up soon.”
“Listen to me… Hate to shift the mood like this… Our little psychopath has been busy. Dennington informed us of an incident at your old apartment. Someone who fit the description of Robert Welsh, was hanging around the kids there. Taking photos of them.”
I sat straight up.
“What do you want me to do?”
“This may go on for a while. I think you need to go into witness protection.”
I closed the book of castles.
“And let some poor kid get hacked to pieces? No way.”
“Dennington wants to talk to you. She’s on her way over. Don’t cooperate with her, Princess. This is off the record. I could lose my job here but I’m telling you it would not be wise. Please listen to me on this.”
As if on cue Dennington strode across the apartment and sat next to me. Five minutes later she left. Silverman stayed with me for a long time. I saw Roger walk in.
Eddie and Robert got back from the hardware store and unloaded large, blue flowerpots from the van. Oscar was studying the map he’d drawn of the UPS route.
“Those are pretty,” Oscar said. “Got the UPS route down. Shouldn’t be any problem.”
“You know where we’ll come out? Where to park the second van?”
“Yeah. At the grocery. That’ll get us just ten blocks from our furniture store. Man, if we pull this off we’ll be so fuckin’ rich. I can’t wait.”
“Oscar, wanting to do a job? I think I’ll die of fucking shock,” Robert laughed at him.
“Good. Let’s go out tonight,” Eddie said. “May be the last time for a while.”
Ted walked over and ran his hand over their beer. The pops all flew off and beer flew into the air.
Ted laughed and floated out the ceiling.
Fritz arrived and talked to Roger.
I walked Silverman to the elevator. He glared at me. We said good bye with silent words.
I carried the castle book and gave Fritz a big hug.
“I have to make a phone call,” I told Fritz. “Be right back.”
I called David.
“I was wondering if we could have business meeting tomorrow night. Are you free?”
“Free or at a greatly reduced price,” he giggled. “What’s up?”
“Two scripts I really liked, and…I just need to see you. Alone. Thought we could order Chinese. Or Thai.”
“I’ll be there, sweetheart.”
I walked back to Fritz. Everyone was gone and the place was quiet.
“Coffee?”
“Sure.”
“Let’s look at the castles for sale. I think it’s fascinating.”
We sat at the table for hours, talking, laughing.
“Sam, tell me the truth.”
“Why don’t people ever ask for a lie?” I was being flip. It was being ignored.
“Do you love me?” His face serious, his eyes clouded in hope and pain.
Now I was in a corner. I sat on his lap and kissed him. It was good but it wasn’t going to get me out of this.
“You didn’t answer.”
“I do love you. But…”
“Jack.”
“Yes. And David. And, the big but of all, I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I will tell you something, though.”
“What?”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I want to…if you want to…make love to you. Tonight.”
“What’s the change?” He bit my nipple through my tee shirt tightening his hold.
“Thinking about you more, thinking Jack and I are never going to be, feeling lonely. There’s one rule, though.”
“You are a woman of rules.”
“No talk about marriage or tomorrow or taking me away. Just here, now.”
He took my hand and we walked into the bedroom. He undressed me. I curled up in his arms and we lay on the bed. I slipped his shirt off.
“You’re scared,” he whispered, nuzzling my neck.
“I’m scared.”
“Don’t think.”
He quickly pulled his pants off, slipped a condom on, and climbed on top of me.
“Oh, God, you’re inside of me,” the erotic surprise of it took my breath.
I arched into him and he moaned.
“Good?”
“So good.”
He kissed me, thrusting his hips faster and faster. We rolled and fucked until finally he moaned, cumming deep within me.
We lay peacefully together. He stroked my face.
“I love you so much, Sammy. God I love you.”
“I love you, too. I really want you to know that.”
I wept. I knew the future. I knew this was probably the last time.
“Why are you crying?”
I shook my head. “Just hold me, kiss me.”
We spooned together.
“I’m starving,” I whispered, barely awake.
“Me too. Let’s go make some food.”
“We smell like sex,” I laughed. “I want a shower.”
He showered with me, luxuriating in my slick, soapy skin.
“Do you know how much I love your ass?”
“No.”
He massaged me and I turned him around, leaning him against the wall, as I massaged his back and ass, wrapping my arms around him.
He turned and I slid down him while he moaned. He gasped as I took him into my mouth. I stood, wrapped a leg around him and he pushed deep into me.
“I love you, I love you, I love…,” I whispered into his ear.
He quickly came and eventually I turned the water off.
“If we don’t get out of here we’ll turn into prunes. Starving prunes.”
Fritz found chicken breasts in the freezer and made baked chicken with sweet potato fries.
“You are amazing. I didn’t know you could cook.”
“I can do all kinds of things. You should marry me.”
“That’s breaking the rules. Look what I found in the cabinet?”
I held up a bag of marshmallows and two long skewers.
We went to the fire pit outside. He fired it up and snuggled on the bench in front of it.
“Do you know how long it’s been since I roasted marshmallows?” He ate two burnt ones.
“Your military days.”
“Oh, yeah, us chums all sang around the campfires and roasted marshmallows. No, I think I was in school, on an outing, with the hots for Jennifer Pruitt. That was the last time.”
“I’m cold.”
“Come here.” I sat sideways between his legs and he wrapped his arms around me.
“Marry me. Please. I love you so very much.”
“You’re breaking the rules again.”
He kissed me, small at first, then deep, long, and hungry.
“Time to go to bed,” he muttered.
I smiled.
Saturday
Justin, one of the new security guards, met me in the kitchen the next morning.
“Fresh pot of coffee,” he said with a smirk. “I thought you might be tired.”
I gave him a drop dead look and laughed.
“You’re very bad.”
I was wearing a silk short robe and nothing else. It felt invisible. It was clear the bedroom walls were not sound proof.
He handed me the new scripts for the day. I was surprised that there were so many.
I carried co
ffee to Fritz.
“I have work to do.”
“So do I. We’re having trouble with a tenant. A large company. I have to go have a discussion with them but I can be back tonight.”
I looked at him, uncomfortable and embarrassed.
“What?”
“David’s coming over to discuss some scripts.”
“I’ll bring sushi.”
I looked away.
“Or not. I guess you’re having a meeting like we had a meeting last night.” He was hurt and I didn’t know what to say.
“I have to talk to David alone.”
He pulled me down to him and kissed me.
“I don’t want anyone to have a meeting with you like we did.”
“We’ll get together soon. I just have to do this.”
He got dressed and left without saying a word. I felt like I’d just drunk sour milk. It made me feel so sick to hurt him.
I sat and stared at the phone for a long time. And then I called Jack.
“I hope I’m not getting you out of something important.”
“No, what’s up?”
“I was wondering if you’d like to come over tomorrow night. If you can.”
There was silence.
“I’m cooking.”
“Does that mean I’m bedroom potential? Like Fritz last night and David tonight?” His voice was rough with anger.
“Perhaps it’s not a good idea.”
“No, no. I’m sorry. I’d love to see you.”
“I’d love to see you, too. Tomorrow.” I was trembling when I hung up.
David showed up at quarter to six.
He gave me a big hug and then showed me some travel pamphlets.
“What are these?”
“I’m taking you on vacation. You desperately need a vacation and so do I.”
“Paris, Vancouver, Montreal. They all look wonderful. But I don’t have suitcases and clothes and shoes.”
He pulled me next to him on the couch.
“Then you’ll have to go naked. The best thing you wear.”
We ordered Chinese and watched The Full Monty.
I straddled him and kissed him.
“What’s happening, Sam?”
“You know that I love you, and I love Fritz and Jack. I’ve decided it’s time to take it to the next level.”
“You’re lying.”
I giggled.
“I’m not going to pass up a night with you, don’t get me wrong, I just want to know you’re okay.”