She didn’t know how she was going to react to her mother being a—what was she? Did one sexual liaison with one woman make her a lesbian?
As much as she was surprised and almost overwhelmed by these new feelings, she had no plans to run away from them. Lucy didn’t quite know how she was going to explain all of this to Alexi. But she knew she had to tell someone and Lucy had a good relationship with her daughter. She’d told Alexi she could come and talk to her about anything, which, over the years, she had done. Lucy hoped the reverse would hold true. They had a relationship that surpassed that of mother daughter, they were best friends. Maybe the only way was for her to come right out with it and see how Alexi reacted.
Lucy pulled up just a short distance from her holiday cottage and hoped Jamie had gone. She knew she couldn’t face her at the moment, not with so many unanswered questions and so much on her mind. She looked at her watch and saw it was nearly ten o’clock. Jamie would be opening the gallery. Once inside Lucy packed her overnight bag with enough for a couple of days. She locked everything up securely and started her journey back south.
JAMIE’S DAY AT the gallery seemed to last forever. Even with Selena trying to take her mind off of Lucy, she spent all of the time, when she wasn’t dealing with customers, looking out of the window for any sign of her. She couldn’t wait to lock up and go round to where Lucy was staying, and see what was wrong.
Finally, it was the end of the working day and she and Selena cashed up and then locked up.
“Fancy having dinner at the Anchor, JJ?”
“No thanks. I’m going to go round to Lucy’s, to see if everything is okay.”
“Well, you know where I’ll be if you want to join me later. With or without Lucy,” Selena said.
“Thanks, Sel, and for putting up with me today.”
“Don’t worry about it. If I don’t see you later, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Chapter Seven
LUCY TOOK A break at the motorway services and called Alexi. It turned out it was David’s night out with the boys, so Alexi was free to chat. Lucy was glad David wouldn’t be there as she didn’t know if she could talk to them both about this. Lucy had a great rapport with him, but she’d let Alexi do the honours with regard to her news.
Setting off for the last bit of her journey, she was still unsure how she was going to broach the subject of her sexuality.
While she’d been sitting having a cup of coffee, Lucy had noticed some very attractive women. Lucy knew she was looking at them in a whole new light, and even thinking about making love to them.
Oh yes, and how will I do that, Miss new-to-the-lesbian-world, Lucy?
A woman at the opposite table caught her eye, looked her up and down and smiled at her.
Perhaps it was as easy as that.
Lucy smiled back at the woman.
If truth be told she now wanted to experience making love to a woman, something she probably would have done had she not run out on Jamie. It was a whole new world for her, she was waking from what felt like a hibernation.
She mentally chastised herself for being so dramatic.
But in a sense it did feel like that, and the more she thought about it the more she wondered what she’d been missing out on. If she’d recognised these feelings as early as it would appear most people did, would she even have got married, or indeed had Alexi? That gave Lucy pause for thought.
I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on that.
JAMIE ARRIVED AT Lucy’s cottage just after five and looked for the car. She couldn’t see it in front of the property, which gave her rise for concern. Then she rationalised Lucy had probably gone out for the day.
She went up to the door, knocked and waited. Jamie couldn’t hear the noise of a television nor any music. Not that that meant anything. She knocked again, but still no answer.
Giving up, Jamie made her way to join Selena at the pub. She had to eat, and a couple of beers would hit the spot just right.
Jamie walked in and found Selena sitting by the fire.
“Hi, Sel, I see you got a good seat. Do you want a refill and have you ordered food yet?”
“I always try to get the warm seats in the cooler evenings, no thank you, and no I haven’t ordered food. I was waiting for a bit to see if you’d come in.”
“Okay, it’s my treat. What do you want?”
“I’ll have the cottage pie.”
“Cottage pie, that sounds good. I’ll be back in a tick.”
Jamie went to the bar to place their food order and get herself a drink.
Returning to the table and Selena, she vowed to try not to be miserable. After all Selena wouldn’t want the evening to be as bad as the day had been.
“It shouldn’t be long.”
“Great, I’m starving. Was Lucy in?”
“No, but I did peer through the window and could see her things were still there.”
Selena was silent as she drank her lager. Jamie was beginning to wonder if Selena had decided to give her the cold shoulder.
“Maybe she’s just gone out for the day and gone for a meal out before she comes back,” Selena said.
“You could be right. It’s what I was thinking as I waited for her to answer the door. What would you do in Lucy’s shoes?”
“Wow, that’s a hard one to answer.”
Again Selena went quiet, but at least this time Jamie knew she was only thinking.
“If it were me, I’d probably need to talk to someone about it. But it would have to be face to face. What Lucy’s going through is not something you can talk about on the phone. I’d want to see the person’s reaction to what I was telling them. Also they can’t just put the phone down on you.”
Jamie thought about what Selena said before she made a comment. It was logical for Lucy to want to talk this out with someone. After all, it’s not every day, at the age of sixty-one, you sleep with a woman for the first time.
“I agree, Sel, and of course all the people she would talk to are probably in London. She has a daughter, maybe she’s gone to talk to her.”
“Perhaps,” Selena said, “but what you have to give Lucy is time and space to process all this. Let her come to you if that’s what she decides.”
“What if she doesn’t decide to do that, Sel? I think I’m getting in deep here.”
“I know, JJ, but what’s meant to be will be. Don’t push her or you might end up pushing her away.”
“You’re right of course. And if worse comes to worst, I can always write via the letting company.”
Jamie knew the property was a Whitby Holiday Cottages let, so as a last resort she could write and get them to send it on to Lucy just to make sure she was all right.
IT WAS NEARLY four o’clock by the time Lucy pulled up in front of Alexi and David’s house. There was a car in the drive, so Lucy surmised she was working from home. She didn’t know what she was going to say.
She was so worried about the conversation she was about to have with Alexi, she couldn’t help the tears falling down her cheeks. The last few hours of introspection were catching up to her. The journey hadn’t produced any answers, and now she was getting upset about seeing Alexi.
She needed to pull herself together. If Alexi saw her in this state it would freak her out.
She got out of her car, locked it, and walked up the path to the front door. Just as she got there it was flung open. Alexi stood there with a worried expression on her face.
“Mum, whatever’s the matter?”
Lucy fell into her, sobbing and shaking.
“Come inside, Mum, you’re starting to worry me now.”
Alexi led Lucy into the lounge and got her to sit on the sofa. She handed a box of tissues to her.
“Do you want a coffee, or something stronger?”
“Wine if you have it,” Lucy managed to say between sobs and blowing her nose.
By the time Alexi returned with a couple of glasses of wine, Lucy had composed herself a little.
“Okay, Mum, you’re really frightening me now. First the phone call, then your arrival in tears, and wine this early. So please, tell me what’s wrong. What’s happened to get you in such a state?”
Alexi sat next to her mum waiting.
Lucy took a large drink of her wine, hoping it would give her the courage to explain what was going on for her. She put her glass down on the table at the side of the sofa and stood up. She couldn’t do it sitting so close to Alexi, and she needed to see her face for her reaction.
“Oh god, I don’t know where to start, and if I do start I’m afraid of your reaction to what I’m going to tell you.”
“Please, Mum, just tell me. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”
“My god you’ve no idea how bad it can be.”
“Have you killed anyone?”
“No, of course I haven’t!”
“Then, it can’t be that bad.”
“I think I’m a lesbian.”
Alexi looked at Lucy, unable to say anything to that bald statement. A nervous yelping laugh escaped her lips. She took a large gulp of wine.
“What did you say?”
“Don’t make me repeat it, please.”
Alexi finished off her wine in two large gulps. She put it down next to Lucy’s and went into the kitchen. She returned to the lounge with the bottle and replenished both glasses. She handed one to Lucy and motioned for her to sit. Once Lucy sat, Alexi joined her.
“Well you certainly know how to make a statement.”
“I’m sorry, love, I didn’t mean it to come out like that, but I think it was the only way.”
“A bit like ripping off a plaster in one go?”
“Exactly like that,” Lucy said, and grinned. She took a drink of her wine, but it was only a sip this time as she felt much calmer than before she’d come out to Alexi.
Alexi grinned as well and took her hand in hers.
“I think you’d better tell me what led up to this. It can’t be the water in Whitby.”
“No it wasn’t the water. I think it’s what I’ve always been.”
“But how could you not know before now?”
“I honestly don’t know,” Lucy said. “It’s a complete mystery, and one I’d like a solution to as well. All I can say is confusion reigns strong in my mind.” Lucy proceeded to tell the story of what had happened from the time she arrived in Whitby to now. She left out everything relating to what happened after Jamie and she’d had dinner the previous evening.
“So you like this Jamie woman and have had sexual thoughts about her, it doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian.”
“No, I’m afraid that’s not strictly true.”
“What isn’t?”
“The sexual thoughts about Jamie.”
“There you are, then. It’s just a crush or a mid-life crisis thing. It will all be fine.”
“I have had sexual thoughts about Jamie—”
“But you just said that wasn’t strictly true.”
“What I meant was it wasn’t only thoughts.”
“You mean—oh my god, Mum, are you telling me—are you telling me—”
Lucy decided to put Alexi out of her misery.
“I slept with her.”
Alexi sat looking at her, mouth open and eyes wide with disbelief. Finally she pulled herself together enough to get a coherent sentence out.
“Wow, that changes things a bit, doesn’t it?”
“It does indeed, a whole different ball game.”
“Except there are no balls,” Alexi said, and burst out laughing.
The tension was suddenly diffused. It was just what they both needed, as Lucy joined in until they were both crying with laughter.
“Oh, that was so bad, even if it is true,” Lucy said, calming down and taking a sip of wine.
They were quiet, mother and daughter, thinking about what had been revealed.
“What was it like?” Alexi asked.
“My dearest daughter, I will never kiss and tell, but what I will say is, it was absolutely amazing.” Lucy blushed vividly.
“Okay, I’m so glad you’re not going to kiss and tell. Children don’t like to think of their parents as sexual beings.”
“Why is that I wonder?”
“I don’t know. Did you think of Gramm and Pops as sexual beings?”
“Yuck no, I did not, so I do understand what you’re saying.”
They sat quietly again, each with their own thoughts.
“Will David be home soon?”
“No, he goes out straight from work, it’s easier to meet everyone that way. I think they’re off to see a show tonight followed by dinner.
David had a small group of close friends, and they went out together once a month or so. Sometimes they just went to the pub and other times, like tonight, they did something special.
“Good. I don’t think I could face telling him, knowing what men usually think of two women having sex.”
“Don’t worry, Mum. I’ll tell him when the time is right.”
“Thanks, love.”
“So what now, Mum? What are you going to do? Will you see Jamie again? What’s she like?” The questions came out like bullets from a gun.
“Slow down. I don’t know what to do, that’s why I came to see you.”
“I can’t tell you what to do. I’ve no idea what you should do. What do you want to do?”
“I need to know how you feel about all of this. Surely you have an opinion?” Lucy asked, hoping Alexi was going to accept her and still love her.
Once again Alexi took hold of Lucy’s hand and looked straight into her eyes.
Lucy could see Alexi turning the momentous announcement over in her head, and she hoped she wasn’t too overwhelmed by it. Everything had been turned upside down and she needed to know Alexi would be accepting and not judge her. Lucy knew how she would have reacted had the positions been reversed, and fervently prayed Alexi would react the same way.
“Mum, I have absolutely no problem with you being a lesbian. I have to tell you it was a shock when you first hit me with it. But I’m sure it was worse for you. I want you to be happy, and if being with a woman, whether it’s this Jamie or not, is what will make you happy, then you have my full support and blessing.” Alexi leant in to kiss her cheek.
Lucy hugged her tightly feeling a weight lifted. She released Alexi and stroked her face, pushing her hair behind her ears just the way she used to when she was little.
“You have no idea how worried I was about your reaction, especially when you didn’t answer straight away. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d disowned me.”
“Would you have done that to me if the positions had been reversed?”
“Of course I wouldn’t, but not everyone is like us. I’m sure you’ve heard stories of families disowning their gay children.”
“Yes, and I think it’s despicable. That’s not something that’s going to happen to us. You’re my Mum, and I love you no matter what.”
Lucy was relieved at Alexi’s reaction and began to relax.
“So, to answer your question, I want to see where this thing with Jamie will go. You’d like her, she’s great and down to earth.” Lucy described Jamie and told Alexi all about her and how she’d lost her partner Rachel to cancer.
“Mum, that’s so sad. She must have been devastated.”
“She was, and I think it’s only now that she’s started to move forward. Oh god and I left her high and dry,” Lucy said without thinking, forgetting she was talking to her daughter.
“Mum, you didn’t, that is so bad.”
“And what do you know about it?”
“I went through an experimental phase with my sexuality when I was at uni. It wasn’t for me, but I never left my partner unsatisfied.”
“What should I do?” Lucy’s question referred not only to the act of making love to a woman, but her whole situation. “I mean, I’m not sure I know what to do, if you get my drift.�
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“I know what you mean and don’t worry. Just go with the flow, do to her what you liked Jamie doing to you.”
“Sex education from my own daughter, what is the world coming to?”
“The invoice is in the post.”
“And so is the cheque.”
They both laughed, as the tension was finally replaced by a relaxed understanding.
“I’m starving,” Lucy said. “Shall we a get a take-away, my treat?” As if on cue her tummy rumbled, causing more laughter.
“That sounds good and I’ve made up the spare room to save you going home. You don’t want to give your neighbours a reason to gossip.”
“Thanks, love, you’re my favourite daughter.”
“If it wasn’t for the fact I’m your only daughter, I’d be flattered.”
She got some take-away menus from the kitchen and they discussed what they would order.
SELENA ARRIVED AT the gallery at her normal time. “Morning, JJ,” Selena said, as she walked in.
“Hi, Sel. I’m just making coffee, do you want some?”
“Yes, please. Thanks for dinner last night, I was glad you changed your mind.”
“Yeah, I had a really great time.”
“Me too, even though you beat me at darts.”
“I’ll give you a few points start next time.”
“Ooh, I can’t wait. I picked up some cakes on my way in.”
“You’re a lifesaver. I missed breakfast this morning.”
“That’s not like you, did you oversleep?”
“No. I realised I didn’t need to get the letting agency to send on a letter as Lucy hasn’t left. So I popped to the card shop and got a nice card with a cute puppy on it.”
“Ah JJ, you really are an old softie.”
“Anyway, I sat at home with the card for ages before I was able to write anything that didn’t sound soppy or needy. Then I walked over and put it through her letter box. If she doesn’t come to the gallery, at least I know I’ve given it a shot. So you see I didn’t have chance for even a coffee, let alone breakfast.”
“Well let’s get that remedied,” Selena said, as she put the cakes on a plate while Jamie finished making the coffee.
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