199 Steps to Love

by Pauline George

  “What did you write, then, that took so long you missed breakfast?”

  “That’s between me and Lucy, so don’t try and get it out of me.”

  “Mmm we’ll see. I have all day you know.”

  “I hope we get plenty of customers then.”

  “Don’t worry, I have my methods of extracting information.”

  “Oh yeah, and what would they be then?”

  “If I told you I’d have to kill you.”

  “Then you’d get nothing,” Jamie said. She picked up a cream bun and took a large bite.

  LUCY WOKE LATE the following morning feeling rejuvenated. Her talk yesterday had gone better than she’d hoped. Alexi’s upbringing had a lot to do with that. Both she and Brian had instilled in their daughter good moral values, which also included being non-judgemental.

  While Lucy got dressed after her shower, she heard voices downstairs. She wondered if Alexi was telling David about her news. It didn’t worry her. At least it would save her some embarrassment. Although to be fair Lucy didn’t really feel that way. She was doing what gay people referred to as coming out, albeit only to her daughter and son-in-law.

  She made her way downstairs not worrying about being quiet. Everyone was up and she didn’t want to surprise David, although she’d probably done enough of that already.

  She walked into the kitchen and they both looked up at her. Lucy could tell David had indeed been told, so she decided to behave as normally as she could.

  “Good morning, children.”

  “Morning, Mum,” Alexi replied. “I’m about to do a big breakfast, if you’re in the mood for one.”

  “I am indeed. The bigger the better.”

  Lucy noticed that David had the Sun newspaper and was reading the racing supplement.

  “There’s a horse running called, Lucy’s Girl, I think I’ll put a fiver on that,” he said, and marked the paper.

  “Put a fiver on for me as well,” Lucy said. She grabbed her purse from her handbag and took a five pound note from it. She sat next to David at the table and handed him the note, while Alexi prepared breakfast.

  “Sure thing.”

  “Need any help, love?”

  “No I’m good, Mum, although you could get the table ready please.”

  Once Lucy had set the table with all the accoutrements for breakfast, she sat back next to David and they checked the runners and riders for the day’s meetings.

  “So how’s Whitby, then? Alexi tells me you’re having fun.”

  “I am. I’ve never felt better in all my life. I feel like a new woman—”

  “I’ve been told you’ve already got one,” David said, and deftly avoided Lucy’s elbow in the ribs.

  “That’s enough you two, breakfast is served.”

  Alexi placed the plates on the table and they all tucked in.

  “So, Lucy, in all seriousness, are you happy with your recent discovery?”

  “Yes I am. I won’t say it wasn’t a shock at the time, and I’m amazed I haven’t thrown a wobbly yet. But it all seems so right somehow.”

  “I want you to know you have my full support. If I were single we could go out on the pull together.”

  “David, that’s my mother you’re talking to,” Alexi said, aghast that David had actually said what he had.

  “It’s okay, love. He’s only teasing, and I’m glad. It means he’s okay with it and we can all laugh about it. I don’t have to walk about on eggshells because my future son-in-law has a problem with his lezzie mother-in-law.”

  “Oh god, Mum, you’re both incorrigible, but I still love you.”

  “And I love both of you very much. I can’t wait to dance at your wedding.”

  “Maybe we’ll be dancing at your wedding now it’s legal,” David said.

  They finished their breakfast and sat drinking coffee and chatting.

  “What time are you going back to Whitby? I’m not trying to get rid of you, but you don’t want to waste your holiday.”

  “I don’t want to either. I have some unfinished business to sort out.”

  Lucy looked at the kitchen clock and saw it was nearly midday.

  “I didn’t realise it was that late. I’ll finish my coffee, get my bag and be on my way.”

  Chapter Eight

  SATURDAY AT THE gallery was busy, which was fine by Jamie. She didn’t want time to think. But when she went out to get some lunch, her mind started to wander and she ended up thinking about Lucy. Jamie hoped that when Lucy came back they could meet up before she went back south forever. Perhaps it would only be a holiday fling for both of them. Jamie hoped not, but who could tell?

  Jamie marvelled at how quickly she had let Lucy into her—she stopped dead when she realised what she’d been about to say.

  “Was I going to say heart?”

  Ignoring the question she climbed the one hundred and ninety-nine steps. And as she did so she was reminded of how it had all started with Lucy. Jamie made her way to her favourite bench. It was right by the fence at the cliff edge. Jamie liked to sit here. The view was stunning and the quiet was what she loved. She came here often, when the weather was good enough, to eat her lunch. It helped her think and relax. After Rachel died she’d been up here in all weathers, not caring how cold or wet she’d get. Jamie knew Selena had worried about the state she’d return to the gallery in. Sometimes she’d get so wet she had to go home to shower and change into warm clothes. It was a bad time, but being up at the cliffs eased her grief, and helped her to come to terms with her loss. And here she was again sitting in the cold, thinking about her love life.

  Love, that’s a big word. Maybe it’s a bit soon for me to be thinking that way.

  Jamie looked at the sea and imagined sitting there with Lucy, which made her smile. Jamie wanted to be with Lucy more than she was willing to admit. The thought that maybe it wasn’t going to happen, hurt. Jamie wondered if this was only a holiday fling, and in a few days Lucy would be travelling back to her own home.

  How can someone get under my skin so quickly?

  But deep down Jamie knew the answer. She knew it was time for her to move on, and felt Rachel was looking down and giving her blessing. Five years was a long time to grieve and she knew Rachel wouldn’t have wanted that. So why was she doing the opposite of what she was sure Rachel would have condemned? Jamie couldn’t answer that question either. Well, maybe she could. Maybe she’d got so into the habit of grieving, of being alone, that it took something like the blind faith of Lucy to pull her out of it. Jamie thought Lucy would have run a mile once she realised she’d actually been made love to by a woman. At sixty-one Lucy was quite old to be realising her sexuality wasn’t what she thought it was. Rachel would have counselled Jamie that age doesn’t matter, feelings are what count. And age can give us the ability to accept things more easily and to realise maturity brings with it more wisdom.

  “You always knew the right thing to say. I still love you, but I need someone in my life and Lucy is, well—” Jamie looked around, she was grateful no one was close enough to hear her talking to herself. She made her way back to the gallery.

  “I still don’t understand how you can sit up there in the cold,” Selena said when Jamie returned from lunch.

  “It wasn’t that bad,” Jamie said. “There’s no wind, the sun’s shining, and I had my warm jacket on, Mum.”

  “I heard that. I’m only looking out for you. I know it’s not for me.”

  “Selena, be fair. You get the shivers just thinking about going out in the cold.”

  “Can I help it if I prefer a roaring log fire and a good book?”

  Jamie laughed. “I think it’s more a case of being lazy, than disliking the cold.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t mind it provided I’m wrapped up warm and moving about, not sitting still like you do.”

  “I love it up there. It’s peaceful, and it helps me relax.”

  “I must admit you do seem to be in a much better frame of
mind than you were this morning.”

  “There you are, job done, and cheaper than a therapist.”

  “Do you fancy going to the pub for a drink tonight, or are you going round to Lucy’s to see if she’s back?”

  “Yeah, that’s sounds good. I’ve decided what will be, will be, so I’m not going to push it. Lucy knows where I live—”

  “Oh, you put your address on the card, very clever.”

  “Well it means she can either come to the gallery, or my house if she wants to talk. Although I’m not sure why I’m so bothered, she goes back home in a week. I may never see her again anyway.”

  “True, but the reason you’re so bothered, as you put it, is because you care about her and she’s the first woman you’ve actually spent proper time with.”

  “Well, I’ll let the cards fall where they will. Let’s go out for the evening and have a few drinks.”

  “I’m not going to have to carry you home am I?

  “No. But I may need an arm to lean on. And before you ask, you can stay in the spare room if you need to.”

  “Great, because I think I’m going to be the worse for wear.”

  “Yeah, me too, and I remember the last time we did this.”

  “Yeah,” Selena said. “What a good night that was.”

  They’d had a busy afternoon and were both glad when five o’clock came.

  “I’m certainly ready for a drink,” Selena said. “It’s been a long time since we’ve been that busy.”

  “It’s amazing how much we’ve taken, especially as it’s almost the end of the holiday season.”

  “That’s great news for our Christmas bonus, then.”

  Jamie raised an eyebrow. “What Christmas bonus?”

  “The one you’re going to start this year, you know as we’re doing so well.”

  “Oh I see your thinking here, but one good day a Christmas bonus does not make,” Jamie said, and took in Selena's crestfallen look. “But, and it’s a big but, if we have a good run up to Christmas, I’ll review it.”

  “That’s all I’m asking, but if you can’t do a bonus, I think we should have a work’s do,” Selena said, trying to keep from laughing.

  “You bugger, you had me going there.”

  “I know. You’re so easy to get sometimes, Jamie.”

  “Very funny. Let’s see if you’ll feel so chipper when I get you cleaning out the storeroom.”

  Selena fell on her knees in front of Jamie with her hands clasped in prayer. “No, please, not the storeroom, anything but that.”

  LUCY HAD PLENTY of time to think while she drove back to Whitby. She was unsure of how she would play things when she returned. Maybe Jamie wouldn’t want to know her after the way she’d behaved.

  She’d treated her badly. Not only did she probably leave her frustrated, she compounded it by running out on her. Who does that in their own place?

  Lucy laughed at the absurdity of the situation. In all of the romances she’d read, it was usually the person who’d been taken home who ran out before the other person awoke.

  How exactly would she make love to Jamie, if and when they slept together? She knew what Alexi told her, but could it really be that easy?

  Lucy knew it couldn’t be that difficult. She was very familiar with her own body, having been alone for two years. So was it as obvious as doing to Jamie what she liked doing to herself? Well that she could certainly do.

  However Lucy also knew she would be more than a little nervous. Perhaps a couple of drinks would give her the courage she’d need.

  The traffic on the M1 was very busy, which wasn’t really surprising, it was a Saturday and a sunny one at that. Lucy thought the world and his wife must be out for a drive. It certainly made her journey longer and more annoying. Finally, irritated beyond words, she got within twenty miles of Whitby and could stand it no longer. She decided to stop and relax before getting back to the cottage. Lucy looked at the car clock and saw there was no way she would be able to see Jamie at the gallery anyway. It was already five o’clock, and even without this stop, she wouldn’t make it back before Jamie locked up for the day.

  At least the gallery was open on Sundays, so she could go round tomorrow. To say Lucy was nervous about seeing Jamie again after leaving so abruptly after—was an understatement. Having to wait until Sunday morning was going to test her nerves to the limit. Still, it would give her more time to work out what she was going to give Jamie, by way of an apology.

  The truth usually works, so she decided to go with that.

  Lucy got back in the car after her pit stop, and made it back to the cottage by six o’clock. She threw her overnight bag on the sofa, went into the kitchen and pan fried a piece of sea bass, which she had with new potatoes and a side salad. She poured a glass of wine and sat at the table to eat.

  Her journal lay on the table and she idly opened it. She saw the last entry had been the day before she bought the painting.

  Well so much for trying to write about her holiday.

  She closed it back up and finished her meal. After she washed her dishes she sat back at the table and stared at the journal, wondering if she should continue writing in it or not. She certainly couldn’t write about sleeping with Jamie the other night, so she thought she’d give it up as a bad job. Proving the fact that writing about the daily doings of her life wasn’t for her. It wouldn’t be any great loss if she didn’t carry on with it.

  With that she tossed the book in her overnight bag.

  Lucy sat on the sofa with her wine, listening to music. She thought about the morning and what she was going to do. She finally decided to go to the gallery and see if she could either talk to Jamie alone, or maybe meet up with her after she’d finished work. Lucy would explain everything in the hope that Jamie was the forgiving type. Although she was only here on holiday, Lucy felt it was worth exploring what was happening between them. But holiday romances were exactly that. Lucy did know they could and had worked in the long term. However, her knowledge was purely based on heterosexual romances. She had no reference for gay ones. Except now she supposed she did as it was something she was experiencing. But was it a romance? Her feelings for Jamie felt romantic as well as sexual. Every time Lucy thought about her she got butterflies in her stomach and couldn’t wait to see her again. It was as if she’d regressed to a hormonal teenager experiencing her first full crush. Well she had a week to see if it was worth making a return trip to Whitby, and especially the gallery. She wanted a chance to see where things would go between her and Jamie, and was prepared to travel the three hundred miles to do that.

  Lucy was tired after her long drive, so she checked the doors and windows were secure, before retiring to bed. When she got to the front door, she saw there was an envelope on the doormat. She’d missed it as she’d come in the back door.

  Lucy bent down to pick it up, instinctively knowing who it was from. She ripped open the envelope to reveal a card with a puppy on it and neat handwriting inside.

  11 Ripon Gardens

  Whitby

  Saturday

  Dear Lucy I’m sorry you left before we could talk about what happened on Thursday evening.

  I’m guessing you were overwhelmed by it, and I can’t blame you for that. I would like a chance to talk with you when you get back. I feel there’s something between us and I think it’s worth seeing where it takes us.

  You’ll notice I’ve put my address at the top, so if you want to come round please do. The ball’s in your court now and I very much hope you won’t drop it.

  Jamie

  Lucy read and re-read the note, once again feeling bad at the way she’d behaved. Jamie was offering her a chance to talk about their night together, and it would appear without strings. Lucy was pleased at being given the opportunity to explain why she left the way she did. She also wanted to be able to see where this connection they had would lead them. She was glad to see Jamie was thinking along the same lines. She just hoped she could be brave
enough to go and see Jamie. It was a no brainer really. She owed Jamie an explanation, and she owed herself a chance to explore this.

  Her mind made up Lucy went to bed more tired than she had been in a long while.

  “COME ON, JJ, walk, baby, walk.” Selena coaxed a very drunk Jamie along the pavement, they were nearly at her house where Selena could dump her on the sofa.

  They’d had a great time at the Anchor but Jamie had drunk more than she could really handle. Which meant Selena, who wasn’t as bad, had the task of getting them both back home, well to Jamie's place at least.

  “I’m walking, Shelena, I’m walking,” Jamie slurred and managed a few more staggering steps before stopping yet again. “Gonna be shick, Shelena.”

  “No you’re not, not until we get you home you’re not,” Selena said, hoping Jamie would be all right. They only had a short way to go now. They turned the final corner onto Jamie's road and her house came into sight, for which Selena was extremely grateful. She fished the key out of Jamie's pocket, just as Jamie slumped to the ground.

  Selena got the front door open and virtually dragged Jamie over the threshold into the lounge, then went back to shut and lock the front door.

  Jamie was half on the sofa and half on the floor, with her head on the cushions and kneeling on the carpet. It was almost as if she was praying. Selena went over after resisting the urge to take a photo with her phone. She grabbed Jamie under the arms and managed to get her standing.

  “JJ, I need help here. I can’t do this on my own.”

  Selena felt Jamie take the weight and together they negotiated the stairs. They got to Jamie's bedroom, and Jamie dropped down on the bed.

  “God, JJ, you’re not making this easy for me are your?”