Lucy sat thinking for a moment, and then looked at her watch. “I’m going to be late back if I don’t go now.” Lucy called the waitress over for the bill and paid for both her and Alexi.
“I’ll let you off for now,” Alexi said. “But this is not finished, not by a long shot.”
“I know. Can I come over tonight, after work?”
“Of course. Shall we get a take away?”
“Yes, that sounds great. I’ll bring an Indian, unless you’d prefer Chinese?”
“Definitely Indian, we haven’t had one for ages so that’ll be a nice treat. We’ll see you at eight, ’bye, Mum.”
Alexi and Lucy hugged and made their way back to their respective offices.
DAVID LET LUCY in.
“It’s only the three of us tonight. I guess that’s okay with you eh, Lucy?”
She looked at Alexi, as David led her into the kitchen.
“You didn’t say to keep it quiet, and you know I never keep anything from David.”
“No you’re right I didn’t, maybe I should have.” Lucy gave him a withering stare which would have had most men cringing, but not David. He laughed and helped sort out the take away and wine Lucy had brought.
Most of the evening was spent in trivial chit-chat about their respective jobs, the weather, and where Alexi and David were going to go next year on their holiday. Which was fine by Lucy, she was all talked out regarding in depth conversations. Unfortunately she
didn’t get away with it completely.
“Right, Mum, let’s get to the reason you’re here tonight.”
“I’m here enjoying a meal with my family.”
“You don’t get off that easily, so forget it.” Alexi got up and cleared the table and David went to put the coffee on.
Lucy left them to it and went into the lounge and sat with her own thoughts. Did she love Jamie? Was it as simple as Vanessa said, retire and go to Whitby? What if Jamie had found someone else? She didn’t know how she’d feel about that.
Lucy had a lot of unanswered questions flitting around in her head.
“Coffee’s ready, do you want a cup?” David put the tray on the coffee table.
“Yes, please, I need the lift to help me answer these questions running around in my mind.”
David poured three cups and handed one to Lucy, he sat down with his own.
“What questions?”
“Do I love Jamie is one of them.”
“Only you can answer that.”
“I know she was the first woman I slept with, but it wasn’t just that. It was the connection I felt from the first time I set eyes on her. She was the woman who made me question my sexuality in the first place. Sleeping with her was as inevitable as night following day. So yes, I think I must be in love with her.”
“Then maybe you should do something about it, Lucy.”
“It’s not that easy, David.”
“Why not, what have you got to lose?”
“That’s what I said.” Alexi grabbed her cup of coffee and joined David on the sofa.
“It’s pretty much what Vanessa said as well.”
“Well then, answer the question.” Alexi said.
“I’ve got nothing to lose, I suppose.”
“That’s very true, and unless you do something, you could lose the chance of a long and happy relationship,” David said, and finally the penny dropped for Lucy.
“I could retire now and go up to Whitby on an extended holiday and see what happens. How would you feel about me living so far away, if things did work out?” Lucy looked first at Alexi then David.
“From my point of view, Alexi and I would have free walking holidays.”
“David you’re such a pig. Mum, your happiness is more important to me.”
“There’s the Internet with video calls, the landline, mobile phones, plus it’s only three hundred miles. It’s not like you’ll be on the other side of the world,” David said, laying out the positives.
“I might not see you for Christmas, which will be the first time that’s happened.”
“Stop putting obstacles in the way, Mum, just do it.”
“Will you tell Jamie about your—er—extra curricula activities?” David asked.
“I suppose I should. If we’re going to make a go of it I need to be honest.”
Lucy knew it would be a hard conversation. But she couldn’t keep it to herself. It would end up driving a wedge between them.
“Alexi told me she was more worried that you’d let yourself be talked into something you maybe didn’t want.”
“I didn’t want to at first, and no one forced me. I just got swept away by what I was feeling.”
“Then that’s what you tell Jamie. I’m sure she’ll understand,” David said. “I bet she has a story or two she could tell that’s she’s not very proud of.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Lucy sounded despondent.
“Don’t worry, Mum, you’re doing the right thing. A partnership needs to be based on honesty. You can’t start your life together on a lie.”
“Strictly speaking she doesn’t have to say anything at all as they weren’t together as such,” David said.
“No, David, I think I do. It will only eat away at me.”
“I suppose you’re right,” he said. “I’ll never understand you women.”
“Maybe we won’t have a life together after my revelation.”
“Then Jamie would be a fool,” Alexi said, “and from what you’ve told me, she’s definitely not.”
“No she isn’t but—”
“You’ll end up laughing about it, so stop worrying.”
“I hope you’re right.” Lucy wanted to believe Alexi. All of a sudden she realised how much she wanted it to work with Jamie.
AS LUCY DROVE home after her evening with Alexi and David, she thought about what they’d all discussed. She could retire before Christmas, she’d saved enough money. She’d be able to afford to go up to Yorkshire for at least a month. That would give her enough time to explore whatever was going on between her and Jamie.
The more she thought about it, the more she came to the same conclusion as Alexi and David. She had nothing to lose and such a lot to gain. Jamie was a beautiful woman, and they had really clicked from the first time they met. They got on easily, and even talking about Rachel hadn’t put Lucy off. She didn’t want Jamie to forget Rachel when they get together, which sounded a bit presumptuous. Jamie may have found someone else and forgotten all about her.
Deep down, Lucy prayed that wouldn’t be the case when she made the trip back to Yorkshire. Once she got home she’d check out the cost of getting a month long let on a cottage in Whitby. As it was late in the season she thought it wouldn’t be a problem. Trouble was the month she would choose included Christmas, which could be a sticking point. Lucy decided that if she could get one she’d go ahead and book it. She’d then go into work and hand in her notice.
As soon as Lucy got in she switched on her laptop and within ten minutes she’d found what she wanted and paid for it. Lucy was amazed at the whole situation and the adventure she was about to embark on. She then started a list of what she had to do.
Inside less than a month she’d discovered she was gay, slept with three women. Had an amazing time with more adventurous sex than she’d ever had, including a threesome. And now she was contemplating retiring to follow a dream.
“And they say life begins at forty, just wait until they get to sixty-two.”
Chapter Fourteen
LUCY FINISHED UNLOADING the car and shut the door on what was to be her home for the next month. She’d managed to get the same cottage as last time and a feeling of déjà vu came over her. Even though she’d be there for the Christmas week she got another good deal.
“Hello cottage it’s me back again, and I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing. Except realising that talking to myself is only a habit I have when I’m in Yorkshire.”
Lucy unpacked her clothes and th
e other things she would need for a month in Whitby.
She’d driven up on the Sunday rather than the Saturday, as she’d been nursing a hangover from her retirement do on Friday. She didn’t want to try driving five or six hours feeling under the weather.
Alexi and David had got up to see her off, even though it was six o’clock on a Sunday morning.
“THIS IS A big thing for me, Lucy, giving up my Sunday morning lie-in to see you off.”
“David I shall treasure the sacrifice, really, I will,” Lucy said, tongue in cheek and gave him a big hug. “Look after Alexi, she’s going to need you even more now,” she whispered in his ear. As they broke away he nodded.
“I’m going to miss you, Mum, so make sure you keep in touch, I’m probably going to end up calling you every five minutes,” Alexi said, through the tears now streaking down her cheeks.
“Of course I will, love, you know that. It may not work out and I could be back in a few days.” Lucy’s tears were now falling too, as they gave each other a fierce hug.
“It will work out. I can feel it in my bones.”
Lucy pulled away and looked into her daughter’s eyes. “Do you know what? Right now is the first time I’ve actually realised that I do want this to work. I love Jamie and I owe it to the both of us to at least give it a try.”
“That’s all right then. It would be a shame to go all that way for nothing,” David said, lightening the mood.
“Okay time for me to set off, I’ll call to let you know I arrived safely.”
ONCE LUCY HAD unpacked, she put everything away and called Alexi. As it was Sunday and the off season, Lucy knew the gallery would be closed. So now all she needed to do was decide how she would play things.
Lucy made a pot of tea and sat at the table. She’d brought the infamous holiday journal with her and she opened it up. It did make for interesting reading, especially as it had started out as holiday writings, but ended up a personal journey of discovery.
Sunday 2nd December
Here I am again having a holiday, although now it’s a permanent one. I no longer have a job to go to. I’m officially a lady who lunches. That sounds good doesn’t it? I’m glad I did it though, and that I saved hard. Retirement without money wouldn’t be easy. At least my company pension is a good one, so I won’t starve. The reason I’ve come back is to explore the possibility of a relationship with Jamie. But I need to find out whether she’s moved on and found someone new.
Selena! She’ll know. Lucy would go to the gallery on Thursday and talk to Selena.
Lucy didn’t want to go to the gallery and risk bumping into Jamie. If her situation had changed and she wasn’t free, it would be too embarrassing. She knew Jamie had the afternoon off on Thursdays, so she could find out about Jamie from Selena.
Great, now she had to wait four days before she could find out what’s going on. She’d go mad in the meantime.
Lucy got her books out and planned trips for the next three days to keep her occupied. She wanted to go back to Scarborough to get a proper look at the castle. Lucy also wanted to go to York, so that was two days taken care of. She had to find something to do for one more day.
She decided to do the Robin Hood’s Bay walk that Jamie took her on.
Now all her days were taken care of. Lucy was happy and she relaxed by the fire with a glass of wine and one of her newly acquired lesbian romances.
THURSDAY FINALLY ARRIVED and Lucy was excited and nervous in equal parts. She knew roughly what she was going to say to Selena, so why was she so jittery? All she wanted to know was if Jamie was still available. Lucy pulled herself up as she realised her thoughts sounded like Jamie was a commodity or something. What she hoped was that Jamie was free and single.
Lucy didn’t know what she was going to do if she wasn’t. Maybe she should have booked the cottage for a week, not a whole month.
Still what was done was done and she wasn’t going to change it now. Lucy knew Jamie left the gallery at twelve for her afternoon off, so Lucy decided to time her visit for one o’clock. That way she wouldn’t bump into her. And there would be no awkwardness if her single status had changed.
Lucy had forgone lunch as she didn’t think she could eat before she spoke with Selena. She thought she’d wait until after, and then either celebrate or drown her sorrows. With her heart thumping painfully against her ribs, Lucy walked to the gallery, her steps slowing as she got closer. She stood on the other side of the road looking at the gallery windows and saw a beautiful painting. Oh no, history repeating itself. This was where she came in a couple of months ago.
She wandered over to take a closer look at the painting. It was of Whitby harbour with the Abbey seemingly standing guard. The price tag stated it was a hundred and seventy-five pounds. Was this a sign? If it was she couldn’t ignore it, could she?
It was painted by the same artist as the one she had at home.
Suddenly the gallery door burst open, and a very excited Selena grabbed her arm, practically dragging her inside.
“My god, Lucy, you’re a sight for sore eyes and the answer to my prayers.”
“What on earth do you mean?”
“JJ has been moping around here since you left. I know she’s missing you but won’t admit it, even to me let alone herself.”
This was the news Lucy wanted to hear, but not the part about her moping. She didn’t like to think of Jamie being sad.
“So Jamie hasn’t found anyone then, she’s still single?”
“Are you kidding? No she hasn’t. Ever since she met you she’s been talking about you non-stop.”
“Then why did she run off like that?”
“As she explained it to me, she wanted you to find yourself and to be happy with your sexuality. She didn’t want the two of you to embark on a relationship that may not last because you wanted to sow your wild oats. Metaphorically speaking of course.”
“Surely she must have realised I was totally into her right from the off?”
“Yes, but she wanted to be sure it wasn’t a case of hero worship, especially as she was your first. Coming out is hard when you’re young, so discovering your sexuality at your age, well it could have spelt disaster for you both. JJ didn’t want you running from her at a later stage, realising being gay wasn’t for you.”
“I didn’t give her a reason to trust me either, when I ran off that first time.”
“You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” Selena paused for a moment. “But why are you here, and why when JJ’s got the afternoon off?” Selena asked the two most important questions Lucy would have to answer, and not only to Selena but to herself.
“I didn’t want to see Jamie in case she’d moved on. I thought if I come on her day off I could find out from you. Don’t say it, I know I’m a coward.”
“I don’t think you’re a coward. I’m really glad you’re here. I’ll get some tea for us.” Selena went into the back room.
Lucy wandered the gallery looking at the paintings, but she kept coming back to the one in the window. For her it captured the essence of Whitby, and she knew she was going to buy it. But only if she climbed the steps in one go. She wanted to keep up the tradition.
She laughed at the way her thoughts were travelling and what happened the last time.
“What’s so funny?” Selena asked, as she put two mugs of tea on the counter.
“I was looking at the picture in the window, and thinking about the last time I bought a painting from here. Maybe I could—”
“Do you want me to put it aside for you?”
“Yes please, but will it tip Jamie off?”
“When will you come for it?”
“I’ll do the steps tomorrow morning, so probably about eleven o’clock.”
“Great, I can’t wait to see Jamie's face.” They clinked tea mugs, pleased with themselves.
“Where are you staying and how long are you here for?”
“I’ve managed to get the same cottage for a m
onth, after that it’s up to Jamie.”
“I don’t think you’ll be staying there very long after tomorrow, not if I’m any judge.”
“Well I don’t want to count my chickens or rush things, for either of us.” Lucy was worried in case Jamie, despite Selena's assurance, didn’t want to take a chance on them.
“It’ll be fine, you’ll see.”
LUCY BARELY SLEPT and was up at six o’clock feeling decidedly nervous. She managed to eat some scrambled eggs on toast, but wasn’t sure she’d keep them down.
“Stop it Lucy, it’s going to be fine and if not, well at least you tried.”
Lucy pottered around in the cottage, washing-up and tidying things that didn’t need tidying, but it filled the time. She sat and tried reading, but only stared at the same page for at least half an hour.
Finally, she could get herself ready for the steps and she knew this time she wouldn’t need a second go at it. Lucy didn’t have to go up the steps at all, but it was like a talisman for her. Especially with what happened the last time, she couldn’t risk putting a hex on it by not doing the steps in one go, too much was riding on it.
She laced up her walking shoes, put on an extra fleece, against the now bitter weather, plus her jacket and made sure she had a bottle of water in her backpack. Once all was checked, Lucy locked the cottage and made her way to the Abbey steps. She used the route that would avoid walking past the gallery. Lucy didn’t want Jamie seeing her until she came in to collect her painting. Even though she knew Jamie wouldn’t get there until ten o’clock she might come in early. Again Lucy wanted to do it the way she did it the last time.
SELENA ARRIVED AT the gallery slightly earlier than normal, which threw Jamie when she saw her walk in.
“You’re early. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I need some time off, so I thought I’d come in early to get on your good side.”
199 Steps to Love Page 18