“So, I heard from one of the dancers in the saloon that there is a big dance going on today. Do you think that Corporal Jones would let us go?”
A man just walked in to the bathroom. “A dance? What dance?” Brian quickly replied.
“I don’t know any more details. One of the girls there invited us, but that’s all I know. We had yesterday off.”
So what? We can still sneak out of here, Brian thought, but his mouth went on and started talking, on its own. “Maybe, if I talk to him, he would be able to let some of us go. After all, most of the men of our company are already sleeping by now.” It was only after hearing himself talking that he actually heard what he said. I will do what? His limbs started shaking.
Standing outside the saloon, a small bunch of soldiers kept laughing out loud. “You should have seen yourself Campbell. You were white as a sheet.”
Another burst of laughter came from all the men. “Yeah, to be honest, I wasn’t sure if Corporal Jones would let us go, but it seems that he was satisfied with our work today.”
The closer they moved to the saloon, the louder the music got. The privates started humming to the rhythm of the music—everyone except Brian. He was unusually quiet, trying to collect the courage to face the dancer.
“What’s wrong Campbell?” said another soldier.
He snapped out his thoughts abruptly. “Just a bit tired, that’s all.”
“Come on now soldier. You’re the reason we’re here. Don’t bail out on us.”
“No, no. I’m okay. Let’s get inside.”
They walked right past the swinging doors into the cacophony of a loud piano accompanied by the voices of many men. The dancers on the stage were doing their part, lifting those heavy dresses high, making them seem quite light under that intense movement.
The warm light of the lamps made everything around them seem like made of gold; gray columns of smoke filled the air with a sweet, tobacco aroma, making the atmosphere inside the room feel heavy. This was a usual dance in this small-town saloon, but in the eyes of the soldiers, it was like the biggest feast of the ages.
As soon as they’d found a small table on the back, the soldiers quickly started getting more comfortable. After removing their hats, one of the guys decided to move to the bar. The others swept the room with their glimmering eyes. Brian in particular, was looking for a certain person inside this crowd.
“What’s wrong with you?” one of the soldiers asked him; the second time in a few minutes.
“Who...me? Nothing is wrong with me. Everything is fine. I...I just want to have a drink. That’s all.”
Immediately, Brian stood on his feet and hastily followed the other private. However, while getting closer to the bar, a loud cackling noise came from the dancers’ area. What is going on? He moved closer to the small stage to have a better look. At that time, the dancers started surging at every direction.
They moved closer to the tables, and to the bar, grabbing the hands of unsuspecting tenants and pulling them on the stage. Since Brian was close to the stage, a delicate—and slightly cold—hand grabbed his big wrist and gently led him up there.
As soon as they stopped, Brian finally got a good look of the woman that had chosen him.
It was she.
His heart was racing, making him feel a bit light on his feet. She seemed to notice, and moved closer to him to try and break the ice between them.
“Come on soldier. We only have till morning!”
Her lips were moving fast, but Brian couldn’t hear a word she was saying. He got drunk from her touch, and the sweet sound of her voice would probably knock him out. “You must be a new one around here. I’m Jane.”
The song suddenly changed to a faster one. Every dancer on the floor started howling loudly, laughing with the rhythm. Even though Brian was considered one of the best dancers back home, right now his feet were like stubs. Only after he caught his breath, Brian was finally able to answer to her.
“I’m Private Brian! It’s an honor to meet you ma’am.” Nice one! She now believes you’re a fool. Way to go Brian.
“Nice to meet you too Private. So tell me, are we in trouble sir?” Jane kept her eyes half closed in a forced attempt to seduce him. “Trouble? Trouble of what nature?”
“I don’t know. You tell me. Did any of the ‘bad’ southerners follow you down here?”
Brian grinned, not being totally sure how to reply to her. “Well, I don’t think so. We’re many miles away from the front lines, and the fort here is strong enough to hold on for weeks. So, don’t worry.”
The petite dancer rolled her eyes, certainly making sure that Brian saw her dissatisfaction. However, she continued dancing with him.
Her hands moved with such grace that every time she touched him, Brian felt his heart melting a bit, and a hot pump of blood running in his veins. More than once he thought of kissing those hands, but it was still too soon for intimacies. Jane was, after all, working in this place, and Brian didn’t want to stain her reputation.
“You’re a quiet man,” she suddenly said.
Brian was once again caught in the middle of a long train of thoughts. He didn’t notice that most of his friends were up and dancing with other dancers.
“It’s a habit the war gave to me. There are two kinds of people in a battlefield: those who speak too much and get killed; and those who are silent and survive. I prefer to be the latter.”
She grinned at him, her eyes staring at the ground. The pianist had decided that it was time for a slower song, and so every couple in the room moved closer to one another.
“I imagine it’s bad out there.”
“Well, it’s quiet most of the time, but it can get too bad, too fast, if we’re not careful. Fortunately, my company hasn’t lost a single man until now, but I believe we belong to a small minority.”
She nodded. “I meet many soldiers, due to the fact that this place is located next to a fort. Not one of them spent his time talking to me about things like that. You’re kind, kinder than most out there. I really hope that this war will end and find you on the winning side...private.”
Without saying another word, she shifted around him and released his hand. Jane then moved away to dance with another man. Just then, Brian’s heart sunk further into despair. She called me ‘Private’. She didn’t even remember my name.
*****
A Damsel in Distress
Memories are a funny thing. They’re usually absent when you need them the most, but when you want to get rid of them, it’s almost impossible to do it without having a generous dose of alcohol in your blood. Even then, there are times that even alcohol get rid of a man’s painful memories.
It was getting increasingly difficult for Brian to remember things from the rest of the night. After Jane left him to dance with another man, the only thing that seemed natural was for him to keep drinking that dark devil, whiskey. Every generous sip was a step closer to oblivion, but no matter how hard he tried to erase that last glimpse of light, only a fade picture remained in his mind.
Jane.
She kept dancing with different men throughout the evening, every one of them touching her inappropriately, making Brian clench his fingers into a tight fist. I have to restrain myself. I’m a soldier, a private of the union army. I can’t go on creating trouble in a saloon just outside my fort. Even so, there were times that the only thing holding him back was the memory of that soft touch on his thick wrist.
The next thing he knew, time had flown by him. It was getting late and he didn’t want to displease Corporal Jones again tomorrow morning. He put in a good word for me. It’s maybe time for me to go. He swept the room searching for his companions, but none of them were present at the time. Brian shrugged, and stumbled drunkenly to their table. He wanted to pick up his hat, since it was time for him to go. Probably, it’s also time for me to let go. Jane will be a long lost dream before the morning comes.
Pushing the swinging doors was more of a tro
uble than he expected. They said that after getting drunk you feel like nothing is impossible, and everything seems at the reach of your hand. However, Brian wasn’t even able to move a wooden, swinging door without making a fuss about it.
“Come on you fool. You just have to push,” he muttered to himself, surprisingly confident.
After a long moment, he succeeded into passing through. On the outside, the sky seemed like it was spinning out of control. Brian had to lean on to the handrail outside before taking another step.
“God, why did I have to drink so much?” Oh Jane, why did I have to drink so much to forget you? He exclaimed inside his mind. But no answer, no divine power was able to help him with his question. He just had to continue troubling himself until he actually arrived at the fort.
Brian was still leaning against the handrail, unable to move. Out of nowhere, a man appeared in front of him, his face hidden by night shadow. With his sight still turning uncontrollably, it took Brian some time to see that he was with a woman. The closer they got to the saloon, the easier it was for him to see the face of that woman.
He was clutching a small, beautiful lady, one with brown hair curling all around her shoulders.
Jane.
That name suddenly appeared in his mind.
His heart wrenched after seeing her with another man. But something was wrong between them. He was holding her a bit too tight, a bit too close to him. And Jane seemed to struggle to walk, like he was pulling her with him. Only after getting really close to him, Brian was able to hear their muffled voices.
“Shut up! Don’t...do not...shut up!” The man was drunk, messing his words. He kept on shouting at her.
Quickly, Brian knew he had to act, but he wasn’t in a very good position himself. However, with adrenaline pumping into his veins, it was easy for him to sober up a bit, his mind now able to focus to that unusual couple.
They were just outside the saloon when Brian spoke up to him. “Excuse...excuse me, sir. I think you should let her go.”
The brawny man stopped on his track. He turned his head just enough to see who was the one talking to him. “What? Did you say something to me?”
“I said, let her go. This is no way to treat a lady.”
“She deserves it, this one. She...she tried to talk me into paying her for my spending the night with her. But, no. A man never pays for his woman. He just grabs her hand tightly and pulls her to a bedroom. That’s the way.”
With every word that came out of that drunkard’s mouth, Brian was getting all the more sober. Rage, mixed with alcohol, and a generous dose of chivalry, made him unable to control himself. Before he knew it, his fist was on its way to the man’s face. He managed to hit him in the chin, making the man feel dizzy.
He quickly released Jane. She ran behind Brian, trying to put some distance between them. On the other hand, even though Brian was a trained soldier, the brawny guy seemed a tougher nut to break. He was rubbed his chin and took a step back, reeling. But, soon he was ready to return Brian the favor.
“I’m gonna kill you. You won’t get away with this!” the big man growled, and got ready to dash towards. Right at that time, Brian’s companions got out of the saloon, searching for him. Most of them were drunk enough to just stagger around outside the building. However, some of them needed the help of their friends to walk.
Even so, help had arrived for Brian, and the man was greatly outnumbered. He wisely decided to stop, turn away and leave. “You’re lucky, soldier. But next time I see you, you won’t have your friends to protect you. As for you girl, you’re not even worth it.”
Brian and Jane went back into the saloon. The rest of Brian’s company decided to return to the fort. It was long past the time they were supposed to be asleep; they had to wake up soon and get ready to start their day. However, Brian decided to spend a little time with Jane, just to make sure everything was okay with her.
Jane seemed pretty rattled. Her hands were slightly shaking, and her back was constantly hunched—a sign she was still afraid. Brian had to hold off the urge to embrace her in his arms, and so he only indulged in caressing her back with his hand.
Most of her lady friends were either sleeping, or in their rooms ‘working’, thus it was perfectly clear that she normally had to cope with incidents like tonight’s one all by herself.
Brian wanted to say something to her, to start her talking and draw her mind away the things that happened. “This is a tough job you’re doing.” She just nodded, not even finding the courage to raise her head to look him in the eyes. “You’re probably tired, so I’d better leave you alone.”
Brian stood on his feet, ready to leave her side, when her hand snapped and grabbed his.
“Jane?”
She shook her head and whispered: “Don’t go. Not yet. Stay for a little while.”
To hear those words from her mouth was a dream that Brian never thought would come true. “Okay, I’ll stay for a little while. But, you’ll have to promise me one thing.”
Jane finally raised her head, with a questioning expression on her face. Brian said, “You have to promise you that you’ll never let anyone treat you like that again. Either call for help, or scream as loud as you can. Promise me that you’ll try to stay safe.”
The woman grinned, regaining a spark of life with that warm smile. She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but then she closed it again. For some reason, she just seemed content with Brian being there with her.
If it was his choice, he would stay on her side forever. But, he knew that their time together was running out, and that soon he would have to leave and return to the fort.
“Tell me about you,” she suddenly said.
“Okay. What do you want to know?”
“What’s your name? And...why did you decide to enlist?”
Brian was ready to mention to her that they had danced earlier tonight, and that he had shared his name with her again, but instead he decided to just play along. “That’s easy. I’m Private Brian Campbell, and I think that the answer to your question is duty. I just wanted to serve my country and fight for a just cause. Isn’t the only reason that someone agrees to risk his life a greater cause?”
A sad smile appeared on her face. “Unfortunately, no. You’re still so kind, even after taking part in this bloody war. There are also other things hiding in a soldier’s heart before taking the final decision. Even so, you’re still so kind. I don’t know how you manage it. Has anyone said that to you before?”
Brian couldn’t help but laugh with her comment. “Surprisingly enough, yes. Someone else also told me the same thing tonight. But I’m not sure I agree with you. What more would a man want than to fulfill his duty with honor?”
He kept searching for her eyes, but Jane was desperately trying to avoid his glance.
“I don’t know. Some of them just want to get away from their spouses, and run off to fight the ‘bad southerners’. But you never ask what happens to those you leave behind.” The gleaming of her eyes turned into a hot flame. Did she lose someone in the war? What’s going on with her?
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” said Brian. “We don’t usually ask, but that’s not because we don’t care, but because we don’t want to make it even more difficult. It’s our duty to protect our country and our families. That’s how I see it, and that’s how everyone sees it eventually.”
Jane looked him deep in the eyes. She didn’t know what to say, but she also didn’t want to agree with Brian’s opinion. So, she just remained silent.
After a long minute of neither of them talking, Brian decided to change the subject. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“How did you end up being a dancer in a saloon in the middle of nowhere? Are you from around here?”
“No, I’m not. Same as every other girl in here, I have my story. I was married once, you know. I was traveling with my husband, heading to his hometown somewhere far away from here, when we arriv
ed at this town. At that time, he was the one supporting me, giving me everything I needed so that I didn’t have to work to live. However, the day we arrived he heard that the army was recruiting men to head to the front lines in the south.
“Even though he was never a man of violence, right then I saw a fire burning in his eyes. No matter what I told him, he couldn’t hold back. So, one day, without even saying goodbye to me, he just abandoned me at this saloon, all alone, and left to chase glory, honor, or anything else. That’s the short version of my story.”
She shared her story with some degree of bile in her voice. That’s why her eyes are so sad. She’s still new to all this, and abandoned to a place she doesn’t know a thing about. Brian, again had to hold back an urge to hug her. However, this time it was Jane that made the first step. Her index finger started slowly exploring his hand. She started with his palm, running through every perplexed line on it, and then continued to his wrist.
Brian couldn’t help but savor that sensation, this time feeling drunk from a different kind of essence.
“I don’t know. It sounds to me that your husband was looking for a way out.”
Jane smiled at him and nodded. “You’re probably right. Since then, I’ve spent so much time thinking of what did I do wrong, and still I can’t get it right. Maybe he was like you, following his sense of duty, or maybe he just wanted a reason to leave away from me. Either way, I’m still here and he isn’t.”
At that time, Jane lay on her bed. She started yawning and curling into a small ball. All the while, she didn’t let him go. Her hand was now between her breasts, making Brian feel really uncomfortable. But, after a couple of minutes passed, the young lady was sleeping soundly. Gently, Brian released his hand from her soft grip, and stood on his feet.
He took a step towards the door, but before opening it, he thought of sharing one more thing with his sleeping beauty. He drew closer to her forehead, and gave her a kiss. When his lips touched her skin, Jane smiled even while asleep and turned to the other side. Until I see you again.
Sunlight and Shadows Page 8