On his way back to the fort, Brian was ready to start singing to the top of his lungs. He wanted to share his feelings with the rest of the world. The night sky was full of stars, and the dawn was standing just around the corner. But it didn’t matter to him. I would prefer spending a million nights sleepless with her, than one night sleeping in that fort. So, when the heavy doors appeared in front of him, the only thing he could do was grin and wait for the next day to come.
Before getting in, he turned back and located the dark saloon in the distance. I’m coming back Jane. Wait for me...and remember my name.
*****
A Simple Question of Duty
Brian wasn’t able to have even a minute of sleep that night. After returning to the fort, he headed straight for his room, and lay down on his bed. From that time to when the other privates waking up, he thought about Jane. How her soft hand was caressing his own, or how her eyes looked deep into his. Those sentiments, those deep and powerful emotions, gave him energy and succor through the day.
He knew that he would not be able to ask Corporal Jones for another night out, but that didn’t matter to him at all. Some time apart will be a small price to pay if it means we’ll be together forever when I finally meet her again. The other privates that had visited the saloon with him last night dragged their feet around the fort, trying to complete their chores. They were looking at Brian like he was an alien, and probably wondered how he kept going on.
Corporal Jones, and Sergeant Daniels, appeared out of nowhere behind him. They were standing side by side, all serious and tense. Something is wrong.
Brian quickly straightened up his back and saluted the two officers. The officers, for a change, saluted him back. “At ease, soldier. We have to talk.” Sergeant Daniels was the one that started talking first. “You see, Jones is always talking about your feats on the battlefield, son. He also told me that you’re his most loyal man in the company, and also one with very high morals. So...for some time now, we’ve been talking about giving you a promotion.”
Brian was still standing uptight, unable to show any real signs of excitement, or disappointment. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel. He said, “Thank you, sir. It’s an honor, sir.”
“However, if you decide to take it, you’ll have to leave by tomorrow morning for the front. There, a company is expecting you. I know that we’re asking you a lot, since you just got here, but we are at a time of war son, and there is no time for us to lose. While we’re talking, families and innocent people are being uprooted from their homes and being driven away from their lands. We need good men like you, Private Campbell, to help our soldiers achieve greatness. What do you think, then? Will you accept the promotion?”
The music from inside the building was the same as the night before. A joyous song accompanied by a cacophony of loud voices laughing out loud. Brian wasn’t sure if the whole environment suited him, not in his current state of mind that is. Even so, it was high time he passed through the swinging doors and into the heavy atmosphere of the stuffed saloon.
After getting inside, he saw many familiar faces. Having spent the last couple nights in there, it only seemed natural to recognize more than a couple men. Even so, he headed straight for an empty stool on the far side of the bar, away from the lights and the music. He just wanted to have his drink undisturbed. The female bartender approached him, wiping a glass clean in her hands.
“What would you like me to get you, soldier?” she tried being seductive, but she was well past the age for doing that.
“Whiskey. And stay close. I’ll need more, soon.”
The woman poured some of the dark liquid for Brian, and then lingered. For some reason, she had taken an interest to this young man. “So, what’s troubling you dear? Love, war…?”
“Both.”
“Both? So, that’s a new one. I always say that love is a war that happens inside people minds, but I didn’t expect someone to get it literally.”
Brian was starting to get mad, but he knew that his irritation didn’t come from that woman’s words. “Yeah, you’re probably right. But, it’s not that.”
“What it is then? Did you lose someone important on the battlefield?”
“No, no. Thank God, no. I just have fallen for the right girl, in the wrong time. You see, I have a big decision to make and I don’t know what to do yet. On the one hand, I want to stay and spend my life with that girl, but on the other hand, duty calls me and there is no way I can’t answer a call as great as this. So tell me, what would you do in my position?”
The woman had grabbed another glass now, and was wiping that clean too. “You see, handsome, there is a pretty great difference between women, and men. War is a man’s invention, and women are not allowed to take part. And for a good reason. Women fall in love more easily, and we also follow our instincts more than most men. In your place, I would stay here and live my life peacefully, starting a big family with my lover. But, that’s just me. A man would choose honor, and duty, not because you don’t actually love women, but because you’re a man. And that’s reason enough.”
As soon as she completed her sentence, the bartender drew away and took the order from another customer. I don’t know. Maybe she’s right, maybe she’s not. However, what would happen if I actually chose to stay behind? Would war stop and wait for me? Or, would less people die? I don’t know. He took another generous sip of whiskey, and started searching for her—seeing Jane will probably help me make a decision. Or, the other way around. I don’t know.
When he found her she was on top that small stage, entertaining the men of the room with her seductive dance. Their stage number was almost over—Brian knew that since he had already seen this act twice—but that made his matters even more pressing. What if she doesn’t remember my name? What if she forgot about last night at all? What should I do then? He sighed before hearing a colder, rationalized version of his voice inside his mind. Then, you leave and let this dream behind. Because, that’s what it was in the end—a beautiful dream.
The crowd cheered after the dancers bowed on top of the stage. It was the final act of the day. Now, the dancers would make their rounds around the tables and try to get clients for the night. Jane, however, looked pretty anxious. She had spotted Brian from on top the stage, and quickly rushed to his side. The sight of her long, brown hair waving behind her made him forget everything about his worries. From now on he only had to worry spending time with her.
“There you are then. My own, Private hero,” she giggled on the little pun she accidentally made. “Well, how about a dance to thank you properly?”
Brian wasn’t in the mood for a dance, but he also wasn’t able to let her down. He nodded, and the small girl suddenly pulled him close to the wooden stage. A bunch of men were being pulled on the stage by the other dancers. Soon, it was crowded enough up there that nothing could stay secret between the tenants.
“So, where have you been, soldier? I’ve been looking for you for ages.”
Brian smiled at her. “I just got inside. Why you were looking for me? Did something bad happen to you?”
“No, not at all. I just wanted to see you. I never had the chance to thank you properly back there. I was exhausted last night and just fell asleep. By the time I woke up, you were gone.”
“Well, I can’t abandon my duties back in the fort. I had to go back.”
“Yeah, of course. I just wanted to see you sooner, that’s all. Also, I hope I didn’t cause you any trouble.”
“No, not at all.”
After Brian said that, Jane seemed to feel bad that she kept him by her side for so long last night. But Brian hadn’t finished talking yet. “But, don’t worry. My friends were in worse position than me. I had something to think about during the whole day, someone that kept me going on, and they didn’t.”
“Who was that?”
“You. The fact I’d probably see you tonight. That’s all I wanted. It made the day so light.”
They were looking each other in the eyes, their faces ever getting closer. Soon, Brian could feel her breathing in his thick mustache, and their noses were touching each other.
“Will it be rude if I kiss you right now?”
“You will be rude if you don’t kiss me right now,” Jane said and suddenly pulled him closer to her, their lips pressing. Their kiss felt so natural, like the next step of a dance. When their lips parted, Brian was left breathless. He was hungry for more, but Jane stopped him.
“Let’s get outside. I don’t want the rest dancers seeing me kissing with you. It’s kind of...unprofessional.”
They walked for hours, talking about many things. Jane shared more details of her life—her early years with her ex-husband, and how she dreamed of being a singer. She was always a good dancer, and her voice was good enough for people to ask her sing for them, but after marrying, her husband wanted to start a family.
But, on their way to her husband’s hometown, her husband saw the fort of this town, and got swept up in dreams of greatness. That’s why one morning, Jane woke up to an empty bed. Her husband had left her behind, trapped in strange town, far from her home.
Brian, on the other hand, was a simple man, one that felt the need to protect his country. He was still unmarried, and his parents were long dead. He had spent his whole life to a small village in the north, and after a particularly harsh winter, his parents didn’t survive. So, he was pretty used to staying alone with his thoughts, even before war started. But, after seeing all the problems a war can cause to humanity, he started being even more shut in himself.
Well, until he met her the other day. Since then, he seemed never to get enough of her talking.
“That’s so sweet, and you’re a sweet man. But, we can’t be together. I’m a dancer and you’re a soldier. What will people say?”
“I don’t care about people. I only care about you. Until yesterday you didn’t even remember my name, not even after sharing it with you only hours before that incident, but today it seems like it’s the sweetest thing that comes out of your mouth.”
Her eyes gleamed in his sayings, feeling really emotional towards him. However, Brian was not over yet.
“I haven’t shared everything with you yet. My commanding officers asked me to return to the front, this time as a corporal. They want me to guide a company of privates there, train them and prepare them for battle. I’m thinking of accepting. It’s a great honor for me, and I can’t turn it down. But, if you asked me, if you want me to stay here, then I would be willing to sacrifice my will and my wishes and follow you.”
She was standing with her hand clenching her mouth. “You...you’re asking for too much Brian. I can’t decide your fate, not after knowing you for just a couple days. After all, a soldier’s honor it’s his best trait. I can’t take that away from you. But also, I can’t love you if you’re gone. Why do you have to leave again? Can’t you stay here and just be a private? You’ll also be safe and you won’t have to risk your life every day.”
“You’re right, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to return to the battlefield, but by refusing now it’s like I’m accepting a fate worse than defeat. People will call me a coward, and even as I remain a soldier of the union army, I won’t have any future here. But, I won’t care as long you’re by my side. Maybe it is too soon, but I just wanted to let you know before anyone else.”
Jane sighed. She wasn’t sure how to reply to him. “How long before you let them know of your decision?”
“Hours. Just hours. And if I accept, I have to leave at first light.”
“It’s not fair! I just met you!”
Her emotions swirling, she suddenly slapped him. The sound of her hand hurting his face echoed around. Without saying another thing, she just ran back into the saloon.
*****
When Two Hearts Meet
The next morning, Brian was waiting in front of the heavy gate of the fort with a big bag of things on his back. Prepared for a long journey ahead, he was standing with his back straight and tense. It seemed like ages ago that I first passed through this gate to get here. Now, so soon after, I leave again.
Corporal Jones and Sergeant Daniels were waiting for him there. “I’m really glad you decided to accept our proposition Corporal. I can’t think of a better man to undertake this job than you.” Jones and Brian were now of the same rank, so the latter didn’t have to salute him every time they talked.
“Thank you sir. Your words truly honor me. I hope I do them justice.”
“I’m sure you will. Be careful though, and be sure to come back safe from the front lines.” The man saluted him, a sign of honor between two same ranked officers. Brian saluted him back.
Sergeant Daniels started talking now. “I don’t know you well, Corporal Campbell, but from what I’ve seen, I’m sure you’ll do a damn fine job there. Go on now, I don’t want to keep you from your journey.” They saluted each other and then Brian turned his back and started his journey.
He knew that he was a long way from the front lines, but this time he was prepared for what lay ahead. In fact, he was almost prepared from what lay ahead.
Walking towards town, Brian was thinking of what happened last night. After Jane slapped him, Brian thought of following her back inside. However, while they were talking to each other, Brian figured that he had already decided what he had to do, even before meeting with Jane.
He didn’t have any choice at all. Either he stayed with her and condemned her to live a life on the move, going from town to town while trying to find a job and start a family; or fulfill his duty and try to return back home alive, with his honor intact.
Walking away from the fort, it was time for him to head towards the town. It was still too early for people to wander on the streets, but you could spot a couple of men already rushing to their jobs. It seems life will goes on without me. At times like this, Brian couldn’t help but feel the sting of jealousy inside his heart. After all, he was the one who had chosen to leave everything behind for honor. But right now he wasn’t so sure if that was the right choice.
At war, conviction can be a lethal weapon, but also a mighty shield, and Brian wasn’t feeling that conviction inside him anymore. Especially while he was passing in front of the saloon. His gut wrenched after seeing the shady building for the last time. Without even realizing it, he was standing right in front of it, not able to make another step.
What would happen if I went in and asked her to come with me? We could run away, and no one would chase us. Probably they’d think that I died on my way there, in an ambush of some sort. Things like that happen all the time. What then?
He sighed, trying to calm down and think it out clearly. Brian was barely holding back from taking one step closer to the saloon, but he knew that if he did that, then it would be no turning back. It was either moving forward, or side-tracking to the saloon and away from his duties. But, at the same time, he couldn’t move.
You have to decide. It’s now or never. Either you stay with her and run away together, or you run away from her and don’t ever turn back. It’s simple as that.
“Brian...”
He heard a woman’s voice coming from behind him. Usually, he wouldn’t fuss about it, but this particular voice had something special.
He turned and saw her, standing there with black circles below a pair of slightly red eyes. She must have spent her night crying. Brian threw down his bag and quickly rushed to her side. He hugged her like never before, his hands embracing not only his body, but also her soul.
“Jane, what are you doing here?”
Her voice was shattered, weak. “I...I didn’t want to let you go without a proper goodbye.”
Brian felt a warm feeling on his chest. “Are you...crying? Is everything okay? Did something happen?”
“Everything happened. Everything and nothing. You came here and made me fall for you, and now you leave so soon, never to return. I can’t say a thing to y
ou, I can’t make you change your mind, but do you realize what have you done to me? My job is to entertain men like you, to seduce them and ask them for money to buy my affection. But, how can I keep doing that if I’m in love with a man on the front lines? Can you answer me that Brian?”
Jane started hitting him in the chest, slowly making him feel bad. “I don’t have an answer to give you Jane, I only have a promise. I promise that I’ll stay alive, and one day come back to you and free you from this prison. I promise that I’ll keep thinking of you every day while I’m away, on the battlefield. I’ll count the days until we meet each other again.
“I know that what I give you is not too much. And I know that a promise is only words and words are easily forgotten. But for me it is more than that. It’s like our hearts met each other yesterday, and when two hearts meet, they both leave scars on each other, scars that are simple signs of love. I’ll keep those signs deep into my heart and come back to you. That, I promise.”
Jane had stopped crying. She was just looking him in the eyes, until she suddenly pulled him closer to her and started kissing him. Like the night before, their kiss was full with emotions and sentiments of love and passion. But this time, Brian could also taste the saltiness of her tears in their kiss. When they stopped, she looked at him and smiled.
“I hope I will see you again.”
She also smiled at him and replied: “You’d better, since if you don’t, I’ll come and find you.”
After half a day’s walk, he arrived at the same place they had camped last time. He couldn’t keep his tears from running, but this time he clearly knew that things were different. He wasn’t crying because he was heading to the battlefield, but because he had found his conviction once again. The conviction to fight, the conviction to protect and love. That was his weapon and his shield this time, and he knew that because of it, he would return to his Jane alive.
Right then, Brian realized that the last time he was there, he felt so fond of his other home, the one he had to leave when he enlisted in the army. But this time things were different. This time, he also realized that he had found a new home, one in the middle of nowhere, in a thriving city behind a strong fort. Brian finally realized that his new home was next to Jane, protecting her and cherishing her.
Sunlight and Shadows Page 9