by Kami Kinard
“I’ve already caught that fish.”
(!)
Isn’t that a totally rude thing for him to say about a person whose name he used to wear on his hand?
Then he said, “You’re more interesting than Tabbi.”
“So why didn’t you just ask me out in the first place?” The question just popped out of my mouth.
“You were too quiet back then.”
I have to admit that when I used to drag Tabbi with me to seek out Evan, I let her do most of the talking. I was afraid I’d say something stupid. Once he was off-limits, I didn’t really care what I said. I guess there is some small comfort knowing that he likes me better now that I’m acting more like myself. Not that it matters as far as Evan is concerned. It’s okay, though. I wouldn’t want to end up being just another fish to him anyway.
Here come Tabbi and James. Time to close this journal and open my lunch!
After school
I expected things to change after Mrs. Hill read that descriptive paragraph that Chip wrote about me. I mean, if he said all that nice stuff (and I know he did), then that must mean he likes me, right? Plus, it wasn’t that long ago that I overheard him tell Jonah Nate that I was out of Jonah Nate’s league. That’s good, right? He even kind of broke up with The Vine because of me, right?
But Chip talks to me less now than ever. He never sits near me during lunch anymore and it’s been weeks since he’s come up with any new funny fake names to share.
Today I decided I might as well try being proactive again. After all, Bebe’s tip for the week is “be confident.” So I sat right down behind him before Mrs. Hill’s class started. He said “Hi, Kara” friendly enough, but then he got up to go sharpen his pencil and left me sitting there. (!) It was way awkward. My confidence zoomed back to my assigned seat and I followed it.
Talk about frustrating. I finally think I have a chance to do some real research (of the holding-hands-and-kissing variety) on someone who actually likes me, and now this.
It’s pointless to ask Tabs for advice because she’ll just tell me to raise my standards. Plus, she didn’t exactly ask for my opinion before she started dating James! (And yes, I would have told her to raise her standards.)
Still, feeling the need to talk to someone, I finally turned to Julie. At least it looks like she’s been successful in the boyfriend search. I told her the story, starting with the descriptive paragraph.
“Chip obviously likes you,” said Julie, “but surely you realize he’s mortified that his feelings were read aloud.”
“Well, it seems like he’d at least talk to me, then.”
“Sometimes when people start crushing on each other, it’s actually harder to talk than before,” Julie explained. I think she’s right about that. I remember how I ran out of A&F that time.
“But why don’t I have issues talking to Chip, since I think I have a crush on him, too?”
Julie heaved a big ol’ sigh to show what she thought of my question. I hate when she does that. “Because you already know your crush likes you back. Meanwhile, he’s putting himself out there to be crushed by his crush.”
“So how do I let him know I like him?”
“Tell him.”
“Julie! I can’t do that!”
“Well,” said Julie. “Be Extreme Kara.”
“Huh?”
“Figure out what attracted Chip to you in the first place and emphasize those qualities. That’s how I got Lyle to notice me.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Lyle’s athletic and into biking, so I thought I’d have a better chance with him if he knew I was athletic, too.”
Hey! I knew she was trying to get Lyle to notice her when we took those many laps down Hobby Lane, but I didn’t realize she was trying to get him to notice a particular quality about her: her athleticism. If it worked for Julie, I may as well try it. If only I could figure out which of my many good qualities to take to the extreme level. HA!
Friday, March 2
Before school
Evan wasted no time in casting his net again. He’s already asked Monique Bishop to the spring dance. A sixth grader!
Poor Tabbi. Her eyes are that post-crying watery-red color. Yet she said it doesn’t bother her “one bit.” In fact, she’s said “I don’t care” so many times this morning that it’s obvious she does care. When someone says “I don’t care” once, you can pretty much take it at face value. But if you multiply that by ten or twenty, it’s like the double-negative thing. Which is why I’m positive that Tabbi is crushed.
Lunch
It was the best lunch period EVER! That’s because two brand-new subjects walked into the cafeteria and both were more delicious-looking than anything that’s ever been served in the place. Apparently, Jake and Josh Baxter just enrolled in my school.
When they walked through the doors, all conversation stopped, then turned to the cute new twins. (And to whom the cute new twins will take to the dance.) Unfortunately, it’s hard to get close enough to them to make a really decent observation with all of the queen bees swarming around.
The Vine is working hard to put down roots next to one of them, and The Sponge is stuck to them like a stamp to an envelope. You can just see those tiny wheels in her head turning. She must be dying to get Josh and Jake to take her on the double date of her dreams. In her world, what could be more perfect than a date who’s absolutely identical to Maybelline’s? I doubt that Maybelline is interested, since she has an older man, but you never know. Those Baxter twins sure are cute.
Saturday, March 3
Bedtime
Fourteen days. That’s how long we have until the dance. It seems like the perfect opportunity for Chip to ask me out, if he really does like me. But apparently Chip is not an opportunity seizer. And being “Extreme Kara” isn’t working.
I’ve been over the qualities about me that Chip seemed to like (according to his descriptive paragraph) and I’ve tried to emphasize the ones that I could. They are:
Pretty (If he really thinks that, he’s the only one.)
Beautiful curls (I’ve abandoned my hair dryer and have been wearing my hair loose!)
Nice (That comes naturally. Ha.)
Likes to read (Just to show how much I like to read, I’ve been lugging around Princess Academy, which is a book about a girl who has a chance to fall in love with a prince but discovers that she loves someone she grew up with. Sigh.)
Funny (This one’s hard to force. I mean I can’t exactly walk up to someone who hasn’t spoken to me in days and say, “Knock knock . . .”)
Fantastic smile (I’ve been grinning till my teeth hurt.)
Creative — can make anything out of duct tape (I made a new belt to go with my bag, but Chip hasn’t seemed to notice. What am I supposed to do . . . cover myself in duct tape?)
I’m starting to feel defeated. Maybe it wasn’t even Chip who wrote that paragraph. Maybe, for some reason, I’d just hoped it was.
Sunday, March 4
Morning
I was in no mood to read Bebe’s latest e-mail when I woke up today, but it ended up putting me in a good mood.
To: Kara M
From: BebeTruelove
Subject: Tip #9
Dear Soul Mate Seeker,
A guy likes a girl who shows she’s one of a kind. Do you like big bags? Silky scarves? Bright lipstick? Don’t be afraid to show the world who you are!
Tip #9: Show your style!
Good Luck in Love,
Bebe
Try Hi! Style Jewelry!
Show your individual style with jewelry from our Hi! Style jewelry line. Everyone is wearing it!
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♥ Hi! Style ♥
; (Must be 18 years of age to order.)
See why this gives me hope? If carrying a bag made from a giant diaper and duct tape isn’t style, I don’t know what is!
Afternoon
Question: If Chip actually likes me, and I kinda like him back, that’s pretty close to having a boyfriend, isn’t it?
It was a quiet afternoon, so I had a lot of time to ponder this question. It seemed that I’d traveled to the brink of boyfriendhood but that was as far, apparently, as I was going to get. Let me tell you, the brink of what is sure to be an awesome experience is not an ideal destination. Especially when you’ve dedicated your life, or at least the last two months, to the science of researching boys.
There must be something that I’m missing. I sat down at my dresser and took a good long look in the mirror at the girl who, according to that descriptive paragraph Mrs. Hill read, is pretty and has a fantastic smile and beautiful curls.
Truthfully, I don’t think I look that bad. Sure, any time I look in the mirror I see some things I don’t like. Most days, I wish I had Julie’s hair, or that I didn’t have a zit on my cheek or something.
But I’m wondering about that part of myself that I can’t see in the mirror. That part that Bebe Truelove calls the soul. See, I’ve always kind of assumed that part of me was great, and that if I could get everyone to see how great that part is, I’d have a boyfriend for sure. But what if my invisible self isn’t so perfect? What if there is something about me that needs to change before I get into a relationship?
While I was thinking about this, I realized I had the perfect source of information under my very own roof: Julie! Ms. Sabatino would call her a “primary source.”
Even though I’ve talked to my sister about boys before, I’ve never done it officially. You know — as a scientist. So I decided to conduct an interview with her for my Hidden Agenda Boyfriend Research Project.
I grabbed a pen and notebook and went to her room, and, unlike her, stood in the hall and waited instead of barging in.
Julie answered the door with her cell phone clamped between her shoulder and her chin. She was talking to someone else on the phone, but her eyes talked to me. They said go away. I wasn’t about to let a cell phone conversation stand in the way of scientific research, however. Luckily, I knew just what to say to get her to agree to answer my questions. Here is a transcript of the interview.
JULIE McALLISTER INTERVIEW
Date: Sunday, March 4
Time: 3:37 p.m.
Location: Julie’s Room
Persons Present: Kara McAllister (Interviewer) Julie McAllister (Respondent)
Interviewer: Can I interview you for a research project?
Respondent: No.
Interviewer: I’ll tell Mom you made me stop running with you so you could be with Lyle.
Respondent (Into the phone that was still in chin-shoulder clutch): Call you back in a minute, okay? (To interviewer. Eyes still saying go away but mouth now participating in interview.) Fine. First question?
Interviewer: How old are you?
Respondent: Kara! Stop wasting time!
Interviewer: Just being professional. Second question. Approximately how many boyfriends have you had?
Respondent: (Says nothing. Shrugs. Shrugs!!! Which is universal language for these two phrases: too many to count AND I’m too important to be bothered with such trivial details! That shrug is proof of something I’ve been suspecting for a long time. My sister is officially one of the luckiest people on Earth.)
Respondent: Well?
Interviewer: Well what? (Zoning back in after the shrug.)
Respondent: Please tell me this interview is over. (Note: When respondent said “interview,” she used air quotes. Grrrrrr.)
Interviewer: No. In your experience, what is the best way to get a guy to notice you?
Respondent: (Shrugs)
Interviewer: Aaack! Stop with the shrugging! Answer me!
Respondent: I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.
Interviewer: Think about it.
Respondent: Hmmm. I guess the first step is to find a way to be alone with your crush.
Interviewer: (Scribbling notes) Why is that important?
Respondent: Because guys act differently when they’re around other people. They might be afraid to give you attention if they think their buds are watching.
Interviewer: Hey! Wait a minute! That’s why you outran me when we went jogging. You wanted to be alone with Lyle.
Respondent: (Laughs) I did. And I’d do it again. Any more questions?
Interviewer: Not right now. Thanks, Julie!
END TRANSCRIPT
I couldn’t keep interviewing Julie after that because I was too excited. See, I think she was onto something. Something that might be the key to the whole reason I can’t seem to get a boyfriend.
Look at how Tabbi got Evan. She sat with him when I wasn’t there and she was alone. And look how Chicken Girl got Justin. She pulled him into a dressing room so she could be alone with him. And The Vine . . . she’s found a way to be alone with a guy in a room full of people just by cuddling up to him and sitting too close for anyone to get between them. As further evidence, I offer up the one time I have ever been kissed. I was alone (unfortunately, in the boys’ bathroom) with Evan. So maybe I just need to find a way to be alone with Chip! Only not in the boys’ bathroom.
Monday, March 5
First period
I had the perfect opportunity to be alone with Chip today! When I walked into the lunchroom, he was at a table by himself. So I walked right over there and sat down with him! But he didn’t ask me to the dance like I thought he might once we were alone. Still, what he did ask wasn’t all that bad.
He wants me to make four duct tape wallets for him to give as gifts. When I asked him what colors, he said, “I’ll leave it up to you. Everything you do turns out really cool.” Then, suddenly, I couldn’t think of anything to say.
Lunch
My predictions were true. The Sponge did have her eye on one of the twins. She actually asked Jake to the spring dance. Jake is the one with a slightly thinner face and slightly longer hair and he’s slightly less cute than Josh. (But he’s still as hot as Tabasco, believe me.) It’s like The Sponge knew that if she wanted to date one of the twins while Maybelline dated the other, she’d have to take Jake because Maybelline would, of course, get the cuter one.
But get this: Jake said he was bringing his girlfriend from his old school to the dance. Then Josh, who was standing right there, said he’d be glad to go with The Sponge. You could almost hear The Sponge’s brain whirring, trying to figure out if she should take the cuter one or leave him for Maybelline. In then end she came to her senses. She said “Great!” and walked away giggling.
After school
It’s like everyone else is connected by some invisible network on Planet Boyfriend and I’m out in space. A moon connected to no one. Orbiting alone.
I mean, how can someone with no personality get two decent dates and I can’t even get one? (Evan no longer qualifies as decent.) I ask this because while we were sitting in science waiting for the bell, Alex Langford knelt down beside Tiffany’s desk and said, “Don’t go to the dance with that twin. Go with me.” (!)
Then The Sponge said, “Oh, Alex.” She got tears in her eyes, and she and Alex started hugging right behind Ms. Sabatino’s back. But it wasn’t the kinda hug that says Gee, it’s great to see you, Uncle Mel. The hug between The Sponge and Alex said something more like Don’t get on that plane! Don’t do it! I can’t live without you! Then Ms. Sabatino turned around and they were suddenly hugging right in front of her face. Ms. S is cool and all, but she still wrote them up and sent them to the office, referral slips in hands.
Yet Alex L and Tiffany didn’t look like two kids in t
rouble when they walked out of the room. They looked really happy. In fact, I’ve never seen happier faces on kids holding referral slips. And I have to wonder, if The Sponge really cared for Alex (and she had to after that mega hug), why didn’t she tell him a long time ago? Did she really break up with someone she liked just to be like Maybelline?
Oh well, no matter what the answers are, I think there might be more to The Sponge than I thought.
Tuesday, March 6
On the bus
I just gave Chip his wallets. I felt funny making him pay for them, so I tried to give him a two-for-one deal, but he wouldn’t take it. Which isn’t all bad — cha-ching — sixty bucks! I made two red ones, a green one, and a pink and black one (just to see what he’d say). I made about ten of them before I got four that I thought were perfect. It’s okay though. I uploaded pictures of the other six to my new blog. I’ve gotten great comments!
Anyway, Chip opened all of the wallets and turned them over carefully in his hands. He really got into examining them and he asked a lot of questions about how they were constructed. He laughed when he saw the pink and black one. He said he knew just who to give that one to. He thought it was cool. He thought they were all cool. The boy seems to like anything made out of duct tape.
Homework time
That’s it! I will cover myself with duct tape to get Chip to notice me. Not literally, of course. Well, almost literally. I had the idea when I was thinking about how to dress for the dance. I tried to get Mom to take me to the mall to get me a new outfit, but she refused. She said, “Last time you begged for something new from the mall, you only wore them ten times before pushing them to the back of your closet. Don’t think I didn’t notice.”