Having My Baby

by Theresa Ragan

He turned into the parking lot. “It’s only temporary. I’m hoping I can make Jill see that Ryan’s life will be better with me in it.”

  “Well, of course, it will be better with you in it. When are we going to be able to meet Jill and our grandson?”

  “I’m working on it, Mom. Until mediation next month, I’m going to do what I can to try and see if Jill and I can work something out on our own.”

  “I don’t understand. You were in the hospital room when your son was born, so why can’t she see that you’re a nice, trustworthy guy? I mean you’re not exactly Tom Hanks or Bob Barker, but you’ve got charisma. Maybe she’s wondering why you’re still single.”

  “I would take that as a compliment, Mom, if Bob Barker hadn’t been sued by six women from his daytime show.”

  “Ridiculous. Bob Barker was named the most popular game show host by a national poll.”

  Derrick chuckled as he pulled into an empty parking slot and slid the gear into Park. “I’ll take your word for it. I’ve gotta go.”

  “Tell Jake I found the rollerblades he was looking for, and tell the twins dinner will be ready at seven.”

  “Rollerblades?”

  “Jake has a date with Candy this weekend, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

  Derrick lifted his eyes heavenward. “You still cook for the twins? Didn’t they turn twenty-five recently?”

  “Everybody comes here for dinner on Wednesday. Everyone but you.”

  Damn. He’d forgotten again. “I’ll come next week, I promise.”

  “I’m going to hold you to that. Don’t forget to bring a picture of Ryan.”

  “I’ll do what I can. Talk to you later, Mom.” He quickly hit the Off button before she could think of another subject to broach. He climbed out of the car and shut the door.

  The layer of marine clouds had disappeared earlier than usual today. The sun warmed the air along with his stiff shoulders. Blue, cloudless skies, not a bit of Los Angeles smog or June gloom in sight. Closing his eyes, he put his face to the sun and inhaled while he stretched his leg - his knee got a little stiff whenever he sat for too long.

  A honk sounded as two trucks pulled into the parking lot: an old brown Ford and a newer Toyota model. Three of his brothers had arrived. The twins, Cliff and Brad, owned a construction business and they were in the new truck, while Jake followed behind in the truck he’d borrowed from Dad.

  Cliff was the first to find a parking spot and head Derrick’s way. At six foot five, Cliff was the tallest of all the brothers. On the basketball court Cliff made a two-handed dunk look easy. He was also the only fair-haired child in the family, which is why they liked to tease him about how much Mom had always liked the fair-haired mailman.

  Cliff gestured with his chin toward the apartment building. “So this is your new place, huh?”

  “This is it.”

  “A far cry from your house in Malibu.”

  “It’s only temporary. I’ve gotta do what I’ve gotta do.”

  “And what is it exactly that you have to do?”

  Jake and Brad joined them in time to hear his answer.

  “I plan to show Jill that I’m a decent guy, you know, make her see that I deserve to be in Ryan’s life.”

  “I never realized you were so eager to be a father,” Jake chimed in.

  “He didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, now did he?” Cliff argued.

  “I didn’t know how I would feel about it either,” Derrick said, “but once I held my son in my arms, I knew that not only did I need to be there for him, I want to be in his life. I want to see him take his first steps and hear his voice when he says his first words. I want to help him with his homework and throw him a ball at the park. I want to coach him if he decides to play sports and I want to get to know his friends. I want it all.”

  It was quiet for a long moment.

  He could tell by the look in his brothers’ eyes that he’d said too much, but he didn’t care. Something about being a father had brought out a mushy side to him he hadn’t known existed.

  “And if Jill sees that you’re a nice guy, then what?” Jake asked.

  “I have no idea.”

  Brad shook his head. “What kind of woman would keep a father from his son? So many deadbeat dads out there and then you come along, a guy who wants to be a part of his son’s life, and she turns her back on you. I don’t get it.”

  “She’s confused,” Derrick told them. “From what I’ve picked up on so far, an incident in her past has left her a little bitter toward men. She didn’t plan on having her donor show up at her doorstep, which is why I need to show her that Ryan needs me in his life. I have no intention of taking him away or making her life miserable.”

  “It’s a complicated situation,” Cliff agreed.

  “What does Jill look like?” Jake asked.

  Derrick thought about the first time he saw Jill. All he saw was her belly, at least until she kissed him. He hadn’t thought a whole lot about the kiss until now: sexy eyes, full lips, expressive face. “She’s cute. Nice, shiny hair; straight white teeth; doesn’t wear much makeup.”

  “Not your type, huh?” Cliff asked.

  “I don’t have a type,” Derrick said.

  All three of his brothers laughed at once.

  Jake snapped his fingers. “I know what you need to do.”

  Brad chuckled. “This ought to be good.”

  “Get her to like you,” Jake said. “You know, make her want you, flirt with her, give her compliments, and bring her flowers for no reason at all. Women love that.”

  Derrick grunted. “I don’t want to lead her on.”

  “Fine. Whatever,” Jake said with a shrug. “You can always use my idea as a backup plan.”

  “Nothing about this situation is going to be smooth sailing,” Brad said as Derrick and Cliff headed for the closest truck and began untying the ropes tied across the furniture.

  “What if Jill decides to let you into Ryan’s life? And then down the road you find out she wants him to go to an all boys’ school—”

  “Over Derrick’s dead body,” Cliff interjected.

  “What if she gives Ryan a little baby tattoo?” Jake went on, trying to stir up trouble.

  “Nobody gives a baby a tattoo,” Brad said.

  Cliff shook his head. “That’s not true. The nephew of a good friend of mine owns his own tattoo shop and he gave his baby a tattoo.”

  “Jill wouldn’t do that,” Derrick said, although nobody was listening.

  “What if she signs him up for dance lessons?”

  Jake looked appalled. “Do they allow boys to take ballet lessons?”

  “No nephew of mine is wearing tights,” Brad said.

  Derrick raised a hand. “You’re all getting yourselves worked up for nothing. Ryan isn’t even a week old. Besides, if the boy wants to dance, I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

  All three of them got another good laugh at that.

  Derrick felt a headache coming on.

  “Is she breastfeeding?” someone asked.

  Derrick had watched her feed Ryan from a bottle, and he recalled Lexi’s comment about Derrick not liking his mommy’s boobies. “I don’t think so.”

  “I overheard Grandma telling Mom that she hopes Jill is breastfeeding because otherwise the baby could turn out to be…not too bright.”

  “Ridiculous,” one of them said. “Sounds like an old wives’ tale.”

  “I’m just telling you what I heard.”

  “Sagging breasts would be the only downfall I can think of when it comes to a woman breastfeeding,” Brad stated matter-of-factly.

  “A definite downfall,” Jake agreed.

  “How about Maggie?” someone asked next. “I wonder if she plans to breastfeed?”

  “First comes marriage and then comes baby,” Derrick growled. “Could we all get to work now?”

  “Still a little sensitive when it comes to Maggie, I see.”

  Derrick
finished with the ropes and then headed for the back of his brothers’ truck and unlatched the tailgate. “Aaron had no business going after her and that’s all I have to say on the matter.”

  Brad shook his head. “You really do have it bad for Maggie, don’t you? I didn’t believe it, but now that we’re on the subject, what’s the deal? If you were in love with her, why didn’t you go after her a long time ago?”

  “Because I knew I wasn’t the only one who had feelings for her. We took a damn vow.”

  “That was nearly fifteen years ago,” they all said at once.

  “We were kids,” Cliff added for good measure.

  Jake shook his head as if Derrick was a lost cause.

  Derrick grabbed hold of one side of the couch and slid it halfway off the truck on his own before Jake hurried over and grabbed hold of the center while Brad jumped inside the bed of the truck to get the other end of the couch.

  “You’ve got to let go of your feelings for Maggie,” Jake said. “She and Aaron love each other and Aaron deserves to live a good full life with his brothers’ support.”

  “He’s not our brother.”

  Jake glared at Derrick. “That’s bullshit. Guess who taught me to swim?”

  “Aaron did,” Jake said, answering his own question. “Remember the car wreck in West LA, the accident people still talk about: the driver fell asleep and four boys were killed on their way home from Vegas? I never told anyone but I should have been in that car. Aaron caught wind of what I was up to and he wouldn’t let me go. He threatened to tell Mom. I was furious, hated him for stopping me. But I wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for Aaron. I don’t care what anyone says. He’s our brother. He’s yours too, but for some reason you’ve got your wires all twisted because if you stopped to think long and hard about the good ol’ days you’d see you’ve got it all wrong. Maggie never loved you or any of us like she loved Aaron. For some reason, though, everyone can see that but you.”

  “Can we get to work now?” Derrick asked.

  “Good idea,” one of the twins said.

  “By the way,” Derrick told Jake, “Mom wanted me to tell you she found the rollerblades you were looking for, the ones you need for your date with Candy this weekend.”

  Brad made a whooping sound. “Candy Baker? The mean one?”

  “The same Candy who ran off with your clothes when you were changing for P.E. when you were still in high school?” Cliff asked.

  “It’s no big deal,” Jake told them. “I happened to run into her the other day.”

  Cliff scratched his chin. “Rollerblading? Do people even do that anymore?”

  They all laughed, except for Jake, of course. And Derrick, because he was too busy trying to figure out why his brothers were so damned blind and forgetful when it came to him and Maggie and what they had shared. Hell, he and his brothers and Maggie had all hung out together twenty-four-seven back then. Derrick couldn’t recall one time when Aaron and Maggie had spent more than a few minutes together. The only reason Derrick hadn’t gone after Maggie was because of the vow—the vow he now realized nobody had taken seriously except for him.

  ~~~

  It took the four of them about an hour to fill his new two-bedroom apartment with a double bed, dresser, couch, coffee table and forty-inch flat-screen TV. The place had come with a refrigerator and a washer and dryer. Derrick opened the refrigerator and passed out canned iced teas.

  “What’s this?” Cliff asked. “No beer?”

  “Maybe next time,” Derrick said as he popped his can open.

  “He’s trying to set a good example while he’s living here,” Brad reminded his twin.

  “You need some pictures. I have an old poster of Pamela Anderson you can hang above the TV but I want it back when you move out of here.”

  Derrick ignored them all as he headed to his new bedroom, the one with his bed and dresser, but more importantly, the one with his painkillers stashed in his luggage in the closet. He didn’t like taking painkillers. In fact, he avoided them whenever possible. But after lifting couches and tables and walking up and down too many stairs, his right knee felt as if it was on fire. Last week his doctor had offered to shoot his injured knee with steroids to ease the pain, but Derrick figured he’d let the doctor save the needles for someone who needed them more than he did. He’d dealt with worse pain than this during his football career and a little ache once in a while wasn’t going to take him out of the game. Football was his life. Football had provided him with a comfortable house, paid off his parents’ mortgage, and unbeknownst to Jake, football would see his brother through college. No, he’d never let a few painkillers ruin everything he’d worked so hard for.

  “Hurting again?”

  Derrick swallowed the pill and took another swig of his iced tea before he turned to his brother Connor leaning against the doorframe watching him.

  “I’m fine,” Derrick said as he examined his older brother at closer view, surprised to see him, since Connor rarely came around these days. When he did show up he usually had on his scrubs and a white lab coat since he worked ridiculously long hours as a physician. Connor was the handsome one in the family and Derrick and his brothers liked to tease him about his good looks. Today Connor wore a dark-fitted suit and solid blue silk tie.

  “Glad you stopped by,” Derrick said. “Hot date?”

  Connor answered with a crooked half smile. “No date. I was at a conference not too far from here. Mom said you could use some help moving furniture, but it looks like it’s all taken care of.”

  “Thanks anyway. How are things?”

  “Fine,” Connor said. He nodded toward the luggage in the closet. “If you ever need help getting off those pills, let me know.”

  “I appreciate the offer,” Derrick said, “but I’m fine. The knee is doing much better. In fact, I’ll be as good as new before you can say ‘preseason.’” Derrick didn’t bother explaining that he’d had the same bottle of pills for so long they were nearly expired. He knew his brother had a tendency to think anyone taking anything stronger than an aspirin had a drug problem. Two years ago, Connor had lost his wife to drugs, and he hadn’t been the same since. Derrick didn’t see any purpose in trying to set him straight. What good would it do? Instead, he ushered his brother out of his bedroom and down the short hallway leading to the main room.

  “So, now that you’ve moved into an apartment the size of your master bedroom in Malibu,” Connor said, “what’s next?”

  “Now I take one day at a time and hope for the best.”

  “Wook, Mommy! It’s Howiewood.”

  Nobody had bothered shutting the front door. Derrick laughed at the little curly-haired head sticking inside his new apartment. “Hey, Lexi, what’s up?”

  “Who’s that?” Connor asked.

  “That’s Satan’s child,” Derrick said under his breath.

  Connor angled his head for a better look at the little girl. “She looks sweet enough.”

  Derrick chuckled. “Don’t get me wrong. The kid is great, it’s the mother—”

  Sandy caught up to her daughter and peered inside the apartment before he could finish his sentence.

  “She doesn’t look like Satan,” Connor said under his breath.

  “You can’t judge a book by its cover,” Derrick said. “Never forget that.”

  “Sorry,” Sandy said as she struggled with bags and packages and at the same time tried to get a hold of Lexi’s arm before her daughter could get inside Derrick’s apartment.

  Too late.

  Cliff was in the kitchen putting away plates and utensils while Brad fiddled with hooking up the television. Jake sat on the couch with his iced tea which left Connor to go to the door and free Sandy of her burden.

  “I’m fine,” she said.

  “Not a problem,” Connor said, taking her bags anyhow.

  Lexi pulled on Derrick’s pant leg. “Want to draw? I have new crayons.”

  Derrick bent down on his good knee
so the top of Lexi’s head came to his chest instead of his knees. “You’re in luck. My brother, Jake, loves to color.” Derrick pointed to the couch where Jake sat.

  Lexi didn’t waste any time taking the crayons and coloring book to him.

  Jake paled as the kid crawled onto his lap and got comfortable. Lexi opened her animal coloring book and stabbed a finger at the first picture she came to. “Wets do the wyon first. He says ‘roar.’” Lexi roared a couple of times and then smiled, proud of herself.

  Sandy stood just inside the doorway and shook her head. “I’m sorry, she’s too fast for me these days.”

  “Jake doesn’t mind,” Derrick said. “He was the coloring champion in his kindergarten days.”

  The look Jake gave him told Derrick that his brother would find a way to get him back later.

  “Ooooh,” Lexi said to Jake. “I wike you.”

  Jake forced a smile as he took the crayon Lexi stabbed into his hand and started coloring.

  Sandy looked around the apartment. “So which one of you lives here?” she asked Derrick.

  “Derrick’s renting the place for a few months,” Brad told her.

  “Really? Does Jill know?”

  “Not yet.” Derrick gestured toward Jake, hoping to change the subject. “Sandy, I’d like you to meet a few of my brothers. Jake is the one coloring. Cliff is in the kitchen unloading and Brad is the guy fiddling with the television.” All three brothers greeted her with either a wave or a hello. “The well-dressed one with your bags is Connor.”

  She smiled and made eye contact with everyone but Connor. Derrick couldn’t help but wonder if Sandy was being shy. He wouldn’t have guessed she had a timid bone in her body.

  “Did you say ‘a few of your brothers’?” she asked. “Are there more?”

  “Three more,” Connor said. “Garrett, Lucas, and Aaron—and two sisters: Rachel and Zoey.”

  “Your mother must be some woman. I have my hands full with one.”

  “She is,” all the brothers said at once.

  Sandy seemed like a different person today, Derrick thought. She seemed relaxed, as if her guard was down. Or maybe she’d come to terms with the fact that he was in the picture now and everybody would be best served to make the best of it.