by John Burdett
"What is it, Lek?"
Another cough. "That farang woman. You remember?"
"Lek, you could at least call her 'the FBI." It's more polite."
"Well, she took me to lunch yesterday while you were out." I push back my chair, not quite sure what expression to use. I see."
"She wants to marry me. On condition I don't go through with the surgery." He is staring directly into my eyes. Suddenly I am the outsider, the one with farang blood; perhaps I can explain? Nothing in his manner suggests that he has even considered the FBI's alarming offer; the cultural gap is far wider than that. He simply wants to know if I have a clue as to how an Earthling should behave in the presence of a particularly pushy Andromedan.
"If you married her, you would be entitled to half her income. I think the FBI at her level get about thirty-five thousand dollars a year gross."
Casually, Lek shifts the calculator on my desk toward him and punches in the numbers with one finger while he shoves the yaa dum stick up his right nostril, then blinks at the result. I think it is more than he expected. He raises his shoulders helplessly. "But then I wouldn't be able to be a woman, would I?" He walks away, shaking his head in despair at the level of education on Andromeda these days. At some level I'm furious with the FBI, but I have to leave her on hold while I focus on Damrong's brother.
The problem with an unknown and perhaps unknowable quantity is that your imagination will make anything of it. Fraud or madman? For once I share my self-doubt with Lek. "He had me fooled. For a moment I really thought he was the real thing."
"He is," Lek says with total confidence, now that he's sure the monk is not loony after all. "And you're crazy about him. He's what you were supposed to be, master." He adds the last word by way of cushioning the impact of his katoey truth-telling.
"But the Sangha have no knowledge of him."
Lek puts his aroma stick away to give me one of his rare frank looks. "You know as well as I do that he is a real monk who has spent years in a monastery. If he hadn't, he couldn't walk and talk like that. He's very advanced. He must have ordained in another country."
"Cambodia, where his parents came from? How could someone like him ever come out of Cambodia?"
I frown and get up to leave the station and go for a walk. For want of direction I follow a saleng as he slowly pedals his flatbed trishaw down the street, looking for trash. Saleng are our sorcerer-scavengers; in their hands beer cans turn into toys, plastic bottles become painted mobiles to hang in shopwindows, Coke cans are stitched into sun hats, and grilles from truck radiators transmute into garden gates. I watch him stop to dip into a garbage bin and triumphantly return to his trishaw with a broken umbrella. Without his sublime humility, I cannot prevent my thoughts from turning back to Damrong's brother.
I am afraid my identification with him is too great for objectivity. I don't need to read his biography-I can smell every detail. He had it tougher than me, but it's only a question of degree. We too were inches away from disaster, my mother and I. Nong took the relocation path, by deliberately cultivating clients who took us overseas, but Gamon stayed home while his sister sold her body. The price he paid for survival was the abuse of his sibling by armies of rampant men of every race and creed; on his own admission he was a sensitive child. How many nights did he spend in torment before someone told him about meth-amphetamine? It's expensive, though; if you're poor and need it, you more or less have to trade in it.
I pass over my intimate knowledge of his misery; no point playing those old tapes on his behalf; what has impressed me is the degree to which he rose above it all. I never scaled such heights. My late partner, Pichai, and I spent a year in a forest monastery as a deal to keep us out of jail. Apparently Gamon ordained voluntarily, for life. His supervisor must have been as ruthless as my own, probably even sterner. He could not have survived long as a novice monk without putting himself through that form of destructive testing called vipassana meditation. I know he must have started from some hell of frustration, with its complex trap of poverty, crime, drug abuse, and the selling of his sister: an authentically lost soul only a membrane away from despair and madness.
When I get back to the station, I find Lek standing at the window near my desk. "He went back to the Internet cafe for ten minutes, then crossed the road in the direction of the wat," he says in a dreamy voice. "That's a very holy brother."
My cell phone bleeps twice:
We could start small, just to test the mule. Or I could risk everything on one big consignment. I'm willing to die for my art. How sincere do I need to be? How desperate? Yammy.
22
"He told you, didn't he?" It is the FBI's voice, a tiny, nervous hiss in the cell phone.
"Yes."
"How pissed are you, on a scale of one to ten? Don't say eleven."
"Eleven."
"Okay, with you that means going back to biblical times. You think the Western mind is some Frankensteinian product of a botched religion and a bunch of ancient Greek pedophiles, the same unholy combination of schoolboy logic, lust for blood and glory, we-know-best, and destroy-to-save that slaughtered three million in Vietnam, most of them women and children, all in the name of freedom and democracy, before we ran away because it got too expensive. Right?"
"Right."
"Well, you're wrong, dead wrong. I had no idea I was going to say what I said to Lek. It wasn't in my head at all. I took him to a good Thai restaurant that even Thais respect and watched him using his fingers to eat the somtan salad with the sticky rice, and I saw that you were right: that is one totally innocent soul." I do not dignify the pleading tone with a reply. "But it didn't make any difference. I felt this flood of love, compassion, lust-the whole nine yards, totally overwhelming. I didn't know such emotions could happen to a woman like me. I adore him. Totally, helplessly, ridiculously. I'm head over heels in love, Sonchai. Isn't that what you once told me was the secret to understanding the Buddha: that he was head over heels in love with the whole universe?"
"Then you won't have any problem in loving him after he's had the surgery, will you?" I say testily, and close the phone.
Forget Wat Po and the Temple of the Emerald Buddha; most wats are ramshackle affairs where hungry cats, flea-tormented dogs, and dispossessed humans take advantage of the Buddha's compassion under bhodi trees, along with a motley crew of monks of varying degrees of commitment. (Some are hiding, some are weeping, some are frustrated, some are ambitious, some are gay, most are devout, and some are almost Buddhas.) It is above all a community where looksits in white pants and shirts clean and wash robes for their monk mentors in return for a fast track to enlightenment, chart na; handymen gain merit by repairing the roofs of monks' shacks; and there is always someone cooking and eating, except for monks who are not allowed to eat after noon. Kids whose parents cannot afford fancy schools where Mandarin and business English are taught are left to absorb whatever wisdom the monks offer; people who may or may not be passionate about Buddhism come and go.
You might think it medieval, but it's far more ancient than that. We are a deeply conservative people at heart. Our version of Buddhism, called Theravada, is two thousand five hundred years old, and we haven't changed a word of it. The robes our monks wear are stitched together from the same template Siddhartha himself used, and we follow the same Four Noble Truths the Greatest of Men expounded when he began his ministry, the first being: There is suffering. Only farang ever argue with that one.
I pass through dilapidated but majestic wooden gates onto consecrated ground, and it is as if he is waiting for me. A young novice, all bright and earnest, points him out where he is sitting on the balcony of an old wooden kuti. He is not surprised to see me.
"Welcome to my palace," Damrong's brother says with a smile, hitching his robes and waving a hand at the particularly tumbledown shack the abbot has loaned him in the name of hospitality. I wai him, as if he were a real monk. Now he's smiling modestly. "You checked with the Sangha? They've never hea
rd of me, right?" He laughs. "I ordained in Cambodia, brother. The Thai Sangha wouldn't have me. Something about a criminal conviction." He offers a shrug to lose the world.
"Oh," I say, as if I didn't know.
"Does that bother you?"
"I'm a cop."
"No," he says, all-knowing, "you're a monk, like me. You just signed the wrong form. You'll be in the robes, chart na."
I settle down in a semilotus with my back against a flimsy wooden wall, facing him. Down below a dog with almost no fur left on one leg is ferociously scratching. In the middle distance two senior monks are talking softly in the shade of the huge bodhi tree that forms a sort of center to the complex. "It's true we have a lot in common," I concede. "You lived off your sister's prostitution all your life before you ordained, I lived off my mother's. You traded yaa baa, I watched while my buddy Pichai murdered our dealer. I spent a year in Buddhist purgatory. For three months my abbot had Pichai and me breathing death."
Perhaps it is melodramatic of me to use this colloquial phrase. While I have been speaking, he has allowed a smile of affectionate amusement to flicker back and forth across his mouth, a master watching the clumsy gropings of one who has never passed intermediate level and likely never will.
"Breathing death is good practice," he says. I want him to say more and find myself fidgeting, wishing he would continue. It seems the perfect expression of compassion when he finally starts speaking again.
"In Cambodia it is still possible to use real corpses. I lived with one in my cell for a year, experiencing its dissolution from the flies-and-stench stage all the way to dry bones. While I watched I identified: every attachment, every aversion dropped away as the organ that created it disintegrated."
"A year? I would have gone mad."
A tolerant smile. "Of course I went mad. For a monk, what the world calls sanity is a whorish compromise."
"But something saved you. You seem okay now."
A curious expression. "Saved? There is nothing to save, my friend. You are talking like a Christian. You cannot cast yourself into the Unknowable in the hope that gesture will buy you salvation-you have to jump for the hell of it. In a nirvanic universe there can be no salvation because we are never really lost-or found. The choice is simply between nirvana and ignorance. That is the adult truth the Buddha urges upon us. We are the sum of our burning. No burning, no being."
I accept defeat in awe, a mere B-plus student effortlessly demolished by a true yogin. I decide I may as well give up testing him, since I am only making a fool of myself. I sneak back into forensics.
"If that is your enlightenment, why did you trouble to seek me out?"
"I told you, my sister's spirit is not at rest. As a monk, of course, I have nothing to do with her dharma at all anymore, but particles of my debt to her remain." For debt he uses a word which has no counterpart in English but invokes the most serious obligation known in my culture: gatdanyu, a kind of blood debt.
"But to a near-arhat like you, how can a cop help?"
Perhaps it is my imagination, or perhaps that really was a wince that distorted his features for a moment.
"Her spirit craves justice" is all he will say.
A few beats pass. He is the one who finally breaks the silence to prompt me: "Why don't you ask me questions that will push the case along? Isn't that what you're here for?"
A pause. "Okay, do you know about the video?"
More beats, no answer. I say, "Someone sent it to me anonymously. I think it must have been you." Still no answer. "I thought you wanted to help with the case. You do know about the video?"
A long pause before he says, "I am still in touch with my village. Monks are allowed e-mail." A very long pause, during which he seems to dwell in another universe, then: "The function of the West is to turn bodies and minds into products. It cannot understand that the rest of the world holds this to be an obscenity, a corruption of our nirvanic nature." He follows this statement with a scowl.
I find I am cast into doubt about him all over again, perhaps by a twitch or gesture, a subtle alteration in his diction, which turned vulgar.
I cough apologetically. "Phra Titanaka, may I be permitted one very personal question?"
"For a monk there are no personal questions."
"Then for the sake of forensic inquiry, would you tell me how close you and your sister were?"
His eyes dart, but he says nothing. Instead he stands up abruptly- inexplicably-and leaves me on his balcony to cross the compound to the bot. I remain in a semilotus, watching that elegant, measured walk in the flowing saffron robes until he enters the temple. I think he expects me to leave, and I'm half tempted to do so. I wait, though, feeling foolish and distracting myself by watching the muted but incessant life of the wat until he returns about an hour later. He makes no sign of surprise to see me still here, slips down into a semilotus a couple of yards from me, and says with that peculiar abruptness that I suppose is a consequence of his mental discipline:
"We were closest when she was in her early twenties and I was a teenager. She always said she was sorry for using me as a pillow to cry on, but it was the only way she could cope. She said maybe if she paid for my education, I would be able to figure it all out better than she."
"She used to talk about her customers?"
I stare in fascination while his serenity morphs into hatred. It is as though he has peeled off a rubber mask to reveal an alien monster from a denser planet. "Every sweaty, pink, brown, black, overweight, desperate, lovelorn, emotionally crippled, fucked-up, shit-eating one of them. It took all she had to pretend enthusiasm. She even had to pretend to love them sometimes-that's the kind of assholes they were." A scowl at me: "That was before she became a numb professional."
I am struck dumb not only by the sudden change in personality but also by the way he seems quite unaware of it. Something else, too, has made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. He sounded exactly like Damrong; same voice, same tricks of speech.
Thoroughly unnerved, I say, "I see." He is still scowling and turns his head away, perhaps aware that he has said something inappropriate but is not sure what. He has lost his serenity and fidgets with his robe. He clearly wants to get rid of me.
Now it is my turn to stand up, wai him, and leave, telling myself that the man who pronounced those bitter words in a growl of the most vulgar slang was not the monk Phra Titanaka; it was someone else.
In a state of shock I wander across the compound, past the great white chedi, which is the oldest part of the temple complex, and ask a senior monk where I might find the abbot. The monk replies that he is in the same hot from which Damrong's brother just emerged.
The abbot sitting in semilotus under the dais is fat, almost the perfect image of a laughing Buddha, and acknowledges my high wai with a nod. I use the most polite form of address from a hierarchy of dozens as I sit, careful to keep my head lower than his. In the jolly face shrewd eyes examine me. I explain I am a detective investigating the death of the monk's sister. The abbot confirms that he is extending hospitality to the Khmer monk, who arrived last week and seems very devout.
"Have you noticed anything strange about him?"
"Strange? We humans insist on inhabiting a charnel ground — isn't that strange enough for spiritual creatures without splitting hairs?"
"He seems to be two different men. His personality switches from moment to moment."
"Only two? Perhaps there is something wrong with your eyes. Look more closely and you will see he changes with every exhalation. So do I. So do you."
I wai once again, thank him for his wisdom, and take my leave.
23
The monk's sudden entry into the case has brought me to an emotional dead end. The intensity of my guilt over Nok's death is tempered by the great mountain of suffering this young man has climbed over; and anyway this afternoon has long massage written all over it. I use a fairly large, well-known establishment on a side soi which joins Sukhumvit and S
oi 45. A lot of people use the soi as a shortcut, and it has plenty of cooked-food stalls with specializations that can be known from the shape of the stall: braised pork with rice; boiled chicken with rice; som-tan salad with sticky rice; and mango and sticky rice plus a lot of kong wan, sweets. Don't miss the crispy pancakes with coconut cream fillings, farang. I'm watching a hawker prepare Thai coconut pudding in the old style, pouring the batter into tiny hollows of a large round pan, then pouring sweet coconut milk into them. You don't often see it done properly these days; sometimes I'm driven to steamed banana cakes, thanks to globalism and the fast-food fad.
I have brought the FBI by way of developing our kiss-and-make-up strategy. We had it all out yesterday in a hurricane of calls, text messages, and e-mails, only the most hurtful of which are really worth recording:
Me: It's just hormonal consumerism. You're no different from the middle-aged Johns roaming Nana Plaza.
The FBI: Oh, and what about you and Damrong, huh? When it happens to you, it's Cupid, it's Orion marching across the night sky, it's chakras and lotus petals in the head. When an American woman falls in love, it's hormonal consumerism.
Me (aware that I am about to make a serious tactical blunder): Exactly-that's the cultural difference.
The FBI: So you are a cultural chauvinist, exactly what you're always accusing the West of.
Having duly noted the magnificence of each other's claws, we found something else to talk about, and I invited her to the massage parlor so we could sign off on our peace treaty. Now the FBI, all bright, smiling, and looking professional (I know she took Lek out for a drink on Soi 4 Pat Pong last night, however; Lek called me afterward; she was a little fresh but took no for an answer after an aborted grope), tells me she has good news which she will share during the massage.