by John Burdett
"I don't know if I'm going to stay awake, Sonchai."
"You're not supposed to. If you don't nod off, the masseuse isn't doing her job."
It's a relief to step out of the crowded soz' into the air-conditioning. The girl at reception asks if we want traditional Thai or oil massage, I say "Traditional Thai" without consulting Kimberley. I order two hours each. Two hours of pure mental emptiness: at three hundred baht I see it as a bargain.
As many as thirty masseuses are sitting around reading magazines or gossiping in low voices, which causes the FBI to turn to me. "These girls, some of them could be… are they straight or on the Game?"
Ah! The simple mind of a farang. "When they work the second floor, they are totally straight. When they work the third floor, they are on the Game at the client's option."
"Are we talking morality by altitude, or am I missing something?"
"The second floor is traditional Thai massage, the third is oil. It is very difficult for a young woman to oil a man all over without arousing him, and we are a compassionate people."
"Compassion pays better too, huh?"
"Three times the price of a straight massage, but the expense is all in the tip. The girls love the third floor, but we are on the second."
"Got it" from the FBI.
Before we are allowed to climb the stairs to heaven, however, we must have our feet washed. The FBI is ill at ease when her girl tells her to take off her shoes and come sit down in front of a bowl of warm rose-water. No one to arrest, shoot, or interrogate here; Kimberley sees no outlet for her talents, and her forehead is a mass of stress wrinkles. She is afraid that having her feet washed in this way might be anti-American, like cricket and Communism. Five minutes later she turns to me with a clear brow. "Amazing what a lift a simple little thing like that can give you." Her eyes are sparkling.
I tell the two masseuses that the FBI and I will have adjoining mattresses. Actually, the whole of the second floor consists of mattresses divided one from the other by thin curtains, so we can talk in low voices while the masseuses work on us. We change into thin cotton pants and shirts. A grunt of satisfaction from Kimberley next door as she hits the mattress.
My girl has already begun working my feet, untangling knots of nerves and muscles with their mysterious connections all through the body. A sudden gasp comes from the FBI side. "Wow, it's like something popped. This is reflexology, right? Isn't the theory that every organ has a connection to the soles of the feet?"
"And every emotion arises from an organ." I realize that in some way I am echoing the words of Damrong's brother. I think of him alone in his cell with the corpse. I could never do it myself, but I understand enough to see how it might work: the disintegration of the cadaver was the liberation of his spirit. It's a radical technique, though, frowned upon by orthodoxy these days, because the Sangha doesn't want to be responsible for the cases that go wrong. No such qualms in Cambodia, apparently. How wrong did Phra Titanaka go?
"Yeah, I know that theory. Love is all chemical reactions."
"Not only love. What the blind call life is virtual reality for those who see."
Another grunt. "You're losing me. I'm a nuts-and-bolts farang, remember. Want to know what I found out?"
"Of course.
"The masked man, the monster in the black gimp mask, we know who he is. His name is Stanislaus Kowlovski, Stan for short. Both parents were second-generation Polish immigrants." She groans suddenly. "My god, I don't know what organ that corresponded to, but a vivid clip of childhood memory just passed across my eyes. Where was I?"
"So we have the killer?"
"Not yet, but we have his Social Security number, fingerprints, everything. That isometric hardware you've got at the airport works fine. All I had to do was give the nerds the challenge of using the DVD to get a still of his irises. Took them less than five minutes."
"How did they react to the DVD?"
A pause, then softly: "Same as me, Sonchai. Except maybe for a man it's even worse, to see a beautiful young woman, full of life, do a thing like that. When I told them it wasn't just a sick fantasy, she really died like that, they couldn't take it. Hardened agents had to hold back the tears. Amazing."
"So you're hunting for him?"
"Sure. Everyone's excited. International sex offenders are the flavor of the month all over the West. We'll have him for sure in a few days, unless he has strong connections in another country, which I doubt. He might hail from Kansas, but he's a California boy through and through."
"Any rap sheet?"
"No form at all, but plenty of reputation. The LAPD know about him as a male porn star. There are dozens of low-rent movies with his dong in a supporting role."
"All heterosexual?"
"Yes."
"All sadistic?"
"No. Not a single one. He was a mainstream stud-you know, the obliging, smiling, baby-oiled, irresistible jock who fades into the background early in the flick while the camera homes in on the girl's body. They showed me a few pix of him without the mask. A handsome male animal, strong jaw, toothpaste smile. If I didn't know better, I would have categorized him as harmless beach-bum type-you know, the kind of Ivy League iron-pumper who makes a point of nor kicking sand in other guys' faces because it's uncool and blue collar."
We both take a break from the investigation while the girls go deeper into the torture. Mostly these are country girls from Isaan who were tough enough even before they took up massage and are built like miniature brown tanks. I'm getting the elbow in the liver and trying to think of the next question.
"So, it must have been money that made him do it?"
"What else? It fits in a kind of way. Male porn stars fade as quickly as their female colleagues. He is forty-three, broke, technically bankrupt, and when that happens, you can bet loan sharks are making circles somewhere under the surface. We're liaising with the LAPD. Ouch! Is it healthy to get an elbow in the gut like that?"
"Helps with digestion. Did any childhood clip come up when she did that?"
"Ten years of car sickness. We lived in Florida, but both sets of grandparents lived in New York. Reunions four times a year. We drove every time."
A pause while my feet are bent inward and pressed. "So, what we really want is a lead to the paymasters?"
"I'm optimistic. Porn stars of either sex tend not to rate so high in IQ tests. A couple days of interrogation should give us everything."
We both fall silent under the power of the Wat Po massage technique. There comes a point where the masseuse must confront the sex organ if her client is male. Usually one is totally relaxed and the girl delicately shifts your dormant member from one side of your groin to the other. Often there is humor in the moment, especially if the client has been finding the massage stimulating and the girl gives a why-are-you-so-big? twist to her lips. This time, though, in my relaxed and vulnerable state, the sudden erotic connection triggers off the nightmare I've avoided replaying all week. I block it, though, somehow, and now that the massage has reached the relaxing stage, I start to nod off.
I wake in a state of total disorientation. Despite what I told the FBI, I myself do not normally fall asleep during massage. Why has Kimberley opened her curtain? Why is she kneeling next to me, stroking my cheek?
"You started screaming, honey. You were scaring the staff." Her face is the very picture of compassion when she says, "You're a passionate man, Sonchai. Anyone can see a part of you kept on loving her, bad as she was."
After we have dressed and paid, standing together in the narrow soi at something of a loss, I finally have the courage to say, "Kimberley, I have a favor to ask. Can you guess?"
"Sure. You need to watch the video again, and you need me to hold your hand."
I touch her shoulder. "Thanks, Kimberley."
24
The video and Stanislaus Kowlovski's performance in it weigh on my mind all the way home. Knowing I'm going to have to put myself through it all over again is a little like t
he second parachute jump. I've never done it, but I've heard people talk: the first jump is tolerable because you don't know what to expect. On the second something deep in the mind rebels, a feeling like, Why am I driving myself through this terminal horror? After all, Vikorn wouldn't bat an eye if I gave up investigating the Damrong video altogether. In fact, he would prefer it. I'm asking myself this question as I reach home, kiss Chanya, pat the Lump, and eat the food she puts before me with love and devotion in her eyes. She catches my gaze with hers for a moment, then swallows hard. I think, Oh Buddha, she has seen into my heart. Then a lover's intuition kicks in, and I grab her and kiss her. The darling was feeling threatened because I had a massage with my farang friend. Chanya would never be challenged by a Thai girl, but she is overawed by Kimberley, whom she believes to represent the Western side of my mind: much as she loves me, Chanya can never forget I am a leuk kreung, a half-caste, and must surely have farang tendencies and farang preferences lurking somewhere.
It is almost comic, how accurate the heart can be and at the same time how mistaken. Of course I spend most of my time thinking about another woman, but it isn't the FBI. My vow-which I make with a mixture of tears and giggles, to the effect that I volunteer to be reborn a hungry ghost if I ever have so much as thought of sleeping with Kimberley-is so forceful, so convincing, that Chanya now is ashamed of herself and wants to compensate for doubting me. She promises to cook my favorite, pla neung menau, steamed fish in lemon sauce.
We make love as best we can in her condition. She is anxious to please me, needing comfort and reassurance. She uses some of her old tricks from her days on the Game, which causes us to share a smile or two. I make her feel how much I love her, force that certainty upon her, and there is no hypocrisy here, only a haunting. Afterward, perhaps from subtle signals she has interpreted, whole packets of information transmitted by the subtlest alteration of pressure in the touch or intonation of voice, now processed properly through her encyclopedic experience of men, gives the right answer: "It's her, isn't it?"
I grab her to hug her, but she turns away.
"I have to see the video again, my love. It's quite a chore for me. Kimberley is going to be with me."
"Why not me?"
A long silence full of the anguish of separation: "Because of what you would see."
"You think I can't handle a video like that?"
"Of course you can. I can't handle you watching me watch it."
Neither of us wants an argument, and Chanya has grown too used to serenity to squander it on something trivial like a snuff movie. I watch while the kind of divine sleepiness which is the privilege of the pure takes over.
I take the opportunity to caress the Lump, full of wonder, fear, and anticipation. Vipassana meditation affects everyone in different ways. Although I was never any kind of master, I penetrated to that part of the psyche where memories of the womb lurk. These have returned to me since I've known that I will soon be a father. I can easily relive the fear of birth that afflicts us in that transient security: that first agonizing acid-breath of oxygen, air burning your skin like napalm, hanging upside down like a bat while someone in a white coat smacks your ass, then-and here's the first taste of the police state-if you've seen enough already and decide to turn back because corporeal existence is not for you, it's the oxygen mask: It ain't optional, bud-you're here to be processed. Who would fardels bear? Pichai seems still to be quite merry in his shrinking domain, though. According to the ultrasound, he is kicking and flapping his arms about and showing commendable faith in the future. In my less confident moments I fear a sports-obsessed brute. I reluctantly decide to pay a visit to Lek's moordu, when I have the time.
"Want a painkiller?" Kimberley asks the minute I've settled on the sofa in her suite at the Grand Britannia. "I don't have any coke, but I guess you could get that if you wanted it. How about a single-malt Scotch? They have miniatures in the minibar."
She goes to the minibar and hands me a tiny bottle, keeping one for herself. We unscrew the tops and clink. "Good luck," the FBI says. I take the video out of my jacket pocket and hand it to her.
At first I think I've cracked my inner resistance, that I've got my objectivity back. I am able to watch the prolonged foreplay with a certain distance and professional eye. I have to admit, Damrong pulls out all the stops. With her, fellatio is developed into an art form, complete with elegance, romance, humor, drama, tension, and an attention to the visual side of the thrill which is nothing less than masterful; a sorceress at the top of her game. The masked man, too, is no amateur. He understands that he is the foil to this extraordinary performance and does not permit ego to intrude. Kowlovski is particularly courtly on his knees during the cunnilingus scene. Advanced camera techniques allow us to participate in the versatility of his tongue, the anguish of her pleasure. Kimberley pauses the disk for a moment, freezing Damrong with the tip of her tongue just touching her upper lip with her eyes half closed, to say in a philosophical tone, "I've been thinking about it, and the way I see her, she's a kind of Madonna phenomenon. A basically plain face, nothing special at all, which somehow highlights the sexual charisma. A paradox, really. But you can see how it works." The FBI presses the button that makes Damrong come to life again. "Look, she's actually enjoying it. She's not faking. She's excited."
Which is very hard to take; her excitement, I mean. Accepting how real her enjoyment is ten minutes or so before she dies does something to my head. She isn't even slightly frightened; she is in a state of ecstasy. I tell Kimberley to turn it off, but she refuses.
"Tough love, kid," she growls. "You're going to suck it up this time."
"At least give me another shot."
She pauses the video to get four more miniature bottles from the minibar. With the action frozen, it is possible to take in a little of the scenery. Just as I recalled, a shelf with priceless objets d'art is visible: the jade reclining Buddha. Now that I know what I'm looking for, it is easy to identify the decor of Tanakan's room at the Parthenon Club. We swallow the miniatures quickly, and she unleashes the rest of the flick.
"Wait," I say. She pauses again, using the remote, with a what-now look on her face.
"I'm not going to be able to look at it again, after the ending, so let's rerun the story so far. I need to know more about Kowlovski, but that damned mask is in the way."
"Watch his hands," Kimberley says. "They're all we have of the human in him."
We replay the foreplay in slo-mo. The FBI is right-the only clue to the psychology of the masked man lies in the way he uses his hands.
"There," Kimberley says. She freezes at a point where he is attending to Damrong's left breast.
I say, "What?"
"The shaking. You can't see it when I freeze. There."
It's true — her female eye saw it probably from the start. I myself was too transfixed by Damrong. "It doesn't prove anything," I say.
"No, but it's all we've got. Virginia sent me some porn stuff he did not long before. In the narrow confines of mainstream porn, he was something of a master."
"No shaking in the hands?"
"No."
The FBI backs up a few frames and freezes again. Now we are looking at three fingers lightly supporting Damrong's left breast, while bearing in mind that those fingers are actually shaking rather wildly. Indeed, we must bear in mind that the whole hand is shuddering from the wrist. I exchange a glance with Kimberley, and she presses play.
Now that the FBI has shared her wisdom, it is not difficult to pick up on other clues. When their foreplay is almost over, he lays her on her back to begin the first of five intercourse intervals before the final countdown (on her back; doggy style; with her on top; plus a couple of rather complicated maneuvers that have him penetrating her from behind while she twists around for him to thrust his tongue down her throat).
The FBI takes us through the first penetration scene again in slo-mo. Now that I'm focused, I see that the hands that dramatically part her unresis
ting thighs are hardly under his control at all. At one point Damrong herself reaches down to grasp a bunch of his fingers in a comforting way: one professional to another. She also whispers something in his ear.
"STOP!" I yell. This time Kimberley obeys. She goes to the mini-bar and brings all the miniatures she can find, about ten in all, a mixture of brandy, whiskey, vodka, gin; necessity is the mother of anesthesia. I gulp two; my hands are the ones shaking in this scene. I have no choice but to let Kimberley see my pathetic, tearstained face.
"Stay with it, trooper," she says, which only makes things worse. She has to hold my head in her arms, as she would comfort a child.
"She's giving him moral support," I say, hardly able to get the words out.
Even the FBI is having trouble with self-control. "Say what you like about her, that is one amazing woman."
"It's almost as if she loves him."
"Why not? He definitely loves her, though he might not know it."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Why else would he be suffering like that?"
"If he's having so much trouble with his head, how can he still perform at all?"
"Viagra is the lifeblood of the porn industry, Sonchai."
She presses play again. We are deep into intercourse territory now, with the camera somehow zooming in on private bits that, at this level of magnification, could be any part of the body at all; could even be the genitalia of some other anthropoid species; at one point the shading of flesh from deep crimson to light pink reminds me of carnivorous vegetation, say the pitcher plant.
"Look!" He is taking her from behind again, but with such trembling in his knees that he is unable to maintain intimacy. Three times in this scene her small, elegant brown hand reaches down to reinsert his member.
"Sonchai, for god's sake!"
"I bought her that ring," I sob. I have just remembered. Our affair was so short, there was hardly any time for presents, and I recall how cheap I felt, buying her a silver ring from an antique stall at Wat Po for a few thousand baht, knowing she had slept with billionaires. It strikes me that it might not be a coincidence that this is the only jewelry she is wearing; that at this moment, exactly three minutes twenty-five seconds before her death according to the counter on the DVD player, she is perfectly aware that I would one day be watching this hand of hers, with my ring on it, giving comfort and aid to her executioner.