The Alone Alternative

by Linda MacDonald

  ‘A commitment! You’ve made a commitment?’ More scowling at Edward. Then she turns back to Harriet. ‘Your dad and I are still married. She knows that.’

  ‘In name only. She’s had a dreadful time with her husband dying. It’s taken a lot to get her to take a chance with Dad. I know because I had to persuade her that he was worth it. That he really cares about her, that he wouldn’t let her down.’

  ‘This is news to me,’ says Edward, shrugging.

  ‘She believed she was living in Mum’s shadow. That she couldn’t match up. Ha! Ironic! Olivia the witch tried to convince her that she wasn’t good enough for Dad because she isn’t like you. Such a joke.’

  Harriet pauses and Felicity is silenced. Edward is amazed by his daughter’s passion. So often he finds her reserved and distant, but in times of crisis, she demonstrates her love in overt and powerful ways.

  When Harriet has gone to bed, Edward says to Felicity, ‘You will have to go as soon as possible.’

  ‘Where, exactly? We are joint owners of this property.’

  Edward wishes he had sought legal advice when Felicity left. He takes a chance. ‘If we go the legal route, it will cost a lot of money and even if our assets are split in half, it wouldn’t amount to significantly more for either of us than if we each stick to our original agreement. Except if I remember, it wasn’t an agreement. You went, and told me I could have the house. In a court of law, I am the wronged party. You chose to leave. I doubt there would be much sympathy for you.’

  ‘This Marianne must be something special,’ says Felicity. ‘But I suppose now her husband’s dead, she wants company.’

  ‘Wrap it however you want, Flick, but we are going to make a new life together.’

  ‘If she comes to live here, she will regret it.’

  ‘Bloody hell, Flick. Is that a threat?’

  ‘I still have many friends in the village.’

  ‘Don’t be so sure. They weren’t too impressed when you absconded.’

  Felicity gives a harsh laugh. ‘Ever the dramatic choice of words.’

  *

  The following morning, Edward goes to pick up Marianne from the guest house to take her to the station. She looks tired and is edgy when he greets her. He detects anxiety and suspects she hasn’t slept very well. His heart reacts and he hugs her tightly.

  They drive to the station and he gives a censored version of the previous night’s events with Felicity.

  ‘It’s all in the open now,’ he says. ‘And I’m sorry you can’t stay longer as we planned.’

  ‘It has been a most magical time on Scilly,’ says Marianne, ‘and for that I thank you.’

  It is with heavy heart that he waves her off on the train. It wasn’t meant to be like this. They were supposed to enjoy a few more days and discuss plans with James and Kate and Harriet. The majestic balloon in which they soared above the islands of Scilly has crash-landed in a tree. And he knows Felicity will not give up easily.

  43

  New Beginnings

  To: Edward Harvey

  From: Marianne Hayward

  Date: 14th September 2012, 15.18

  Subject: Future

  Dear Edward,

  Today I watched a young woman cross the road in front of my car at the traffic lights near Waitrose. She was somebody’s daughter, somebody’s Harriet or Rachel or Holly. She was pretty, slim and petite, wearing a short black coat, tied against the cold; thick tights, black boots and a black hat; effortless autumn chic. Her brown hair was straight and glossy, blowing in the breeze as she hastened into the town, nose down and determined. She would be twenty-something and she seemed to have it all.

  In those few seconds I wondered at her life; imagined she was cohabiting and madly in love with a good-looking young man who adored her; that she was working for a large and important company in a job with prospects. She had two parents, both alive, living in the country but not too far away, and she had a wide circle of friends with whom to socialise. I envied her because I had given her the perfect life.

  But I was aware I didn’t want to go back to when I was young, because no matter how much fun, the future scared me. There were always decisions to be made and pressures to choose wisely. And I didn’t really want to be her now, because even though I had imagined her life full of treats and pleasures, I might have been wrong. And even if true, she had no idea of the challenges that lie in her future.

  We people of a certain age may recognise our possible future as one of retirement and slowing down; of losses of people who are dear to us; of increasing aches and pains and probabilities stacking up against health and general well-being. But we can still dream of something better or different; still hope for surprises.

  Meeting you for the third time has been such a joyous interlude after my few years of sorrows. It is as if you saved me yet again. I dared to dream while we were on Scilly. I dared to love you in the romantic sense, the girlish sense and the madly-deeply passionate sense. After Johnny died, I never believed I could feel that thrill again.

  But you must do what is right for you. You made no promises that cannot be undone. Do not feel any pressure from me when you decide. You are free and we can still be friends. I’d like that. To be friends was always what I wanted from the start. These past few weeks have been an unexpected bonus, a treat, a present which I will always treasure.

  I really do love you, Edward, and in loving you I set you free from any obligation.

  Marianne

  *

  To: Marianne Hayward

  From: Edward Harvey

  Date: 14th September 2012, 19.39

  Subject: Re: Future

  My dear Marianne,

  I thought to phone you – and I will later – but a letter such as yours deserves a considered response in kind, written from the heart.

  You are my life now. If I stay with Felicity, we will lead an unfulfilled future of disagreements and disillusionment. She no longer loves me and has said as much. She stopped loving me long before she left; long before I finally gave up on her. It is purely for practical reasons that she wants to come home, and what kind of life does that promise? We would never find our way back to physical intimacy. It would be as it was before she left: hostility with no compensation. Am hoping to have a few more years of health and enjoyment before the inevitable decline. Am hoping for some of the dreams of which you write.

  If you’ll have me, I want to try to make our relationship work. It has been so long since I loved and was loved back and on Scilly I came properly alive for the first time in years.

  Harriet approves. Indeed, she told me that she believes both Felicity and I will ultimately be happier if we lead our own lives – as we have been doing for long enough.

  I don’t want to be without you.

  All my love,

  Edward x

  To be happy for a while is as much as he dares hope and he resolves to grasp this new opportunity much as a burnished conker bursts from out of its prickly shell.

  Later, he calls her as promised, to reassure again and catch up further. ‘I’m beginning to enjoy our chats on the phone,’ he says. ‘I miss you more than ever. Now I know what it is to be with you properly. It’s difficult to find the words. If I were a songwriter, I would write you a song.’

  ‘I appreciate the thought,’ says Marianne. ‘I feel the same. It’s the dizzying stage. I expect it will pass.’

  He laughs and tells her he has had to go straight back to meetings at work and is incredibly busy ahead of the students arriving. ‘But the big news is that I’ve decided to resign with effect from the start of the Spring term. I know it’s an awkward time to leave, but with so much to organise on the home front and opportunities that may ensue from the documentary, it’s the only way. I will offer to fill gaps in a part-time capacity until the end of the academic year. But come January, I will be free to focus fully on all the changes we discussed on Scilly.’

  ‘Such good news,’ says Marianne, exc
itedly. ‘I can’t believe this is really going to happen.’

  ‘Felicity thinks I’m having a midlife crisis and it will pass. She says I’m acting out of character; taking risks.’

  ‘Not all midlife changes should be seen as crises,’ says Marianne. ‘Evolution and adaptation is good. Look at me and the writing. You’ve been unsettled in your job for a while. It’s time to move on.’

  ‘That’s what I tell her. But she always has to be right, always has to have the last word. Also, I am not taking a risk with you. I have known you nearly all my life.’

  *

  Not so happy with the news is Gemma. She is at her desk behind her computer when he tells her and she is visibly upset. She takes a tissue from her bag and dabs her eyes. ‘I hope you’ll come back and see us sometimes.’

  ‘You’ll probably see me often until the end of the year,’ says Edward.

  ‘I’ve enjoyed working for you,’ says Gemma. ‘It wasn’t the same when you were in London. I hope you’ll forgive me saying, but I’ve always had a soft spot for you. When your wife left, I hoped … I wished …’ But her voice trails away and she shakes her head as she appears to realise that whatever her wishes, they can never come to fruition.

  ‘Your hard work and zeal have made me look more efficient than I am and I thank you,’ says Edward, embarrassed.

  To: Marianne Hayward

  From: Edward Harvey

  Date: 19th September 2012, 22.39

  Subject: Re: Future

  Dear Mari,

  It appears that the untangling of our assets is going to be more complicated than envisaged, not least because Felicity’s plans to open a new restaurant mean she has vested interest in the produce from the Deer Orchard. With Kate’s ideas to expand the animal and vegetable production side over the next few years, Felicity doesn’t want to miss out on what she sees as her rightful share. She is also after some of the proceeds from the wind turbine and says she won’t leave the house until she has written agreement on all that she believes is her entitlement. I don’t want to bore you with details but I have decided that legal help will ensure I don’t lose out, arguing that Felicity’s restaurant profits might also be considered part of the joint pot if they are actualised as a result of free produce.

  The wrangling looks like it may go on for some time, but at least there are more immediate moves to sign over part of the Deer Orchard to James and Kate with view to releasing some capital for me.

  love,

  Edward x

  Then Rachel visits and despite being instrumental in the timing of her mother’s return, and against Edward’s expectations, sides with Harriet in her belief that it would be fruitless to try to repair the marriage. Not that he has any intention now he has recovered from the shock.

  Another piece of good news to share with Marianne and he reaches for the phone, not wanting to delay.

  ‘Rachel said Felicity was selfish and controlling. That she walked out on three kids who although not exactly children any more, still needed help and support while making their way in the world. Felicity was silenced until Harriet broke the news about Rick. Then World War Three began. She said I should have sacked him.’

  Marianne listens, sympathises, empathises and offers support should Harriet want to speak to her.

  Edward continues, ‘Kate said to me, “Don’t you dare sack Rick, at least not until we’ve developed a more self-managing system with less digging”. Then she and Felicity argued about who would be giving him orders now I was taking a back seat. Kate said, “This will be our home, Felicity. You and I can’t both be telling Rick what to do. I want greater focus on crop rotation and companion planting. I’ll seek your advice, but as I’ll be paying him, I’m the one who will give him instructions”. You have to admire her spirit. It’s what I should have done, a long time ago; stood up to Flick instead of opting for the quiet life.’

  ‘What’s done is done,’ says Marianne. ‘The future calls. We must look forward, not back. We could all do things differently with hindsight.’

  Later, Edward overhears Kate pacifying Felicity by suggesting she take charge of the added-value products for the markets.

  ‘You will have all the facilities at your new restaurant,’ says Kate. ‘And all the know-how. If we can agree on a price for the fresh produce, the profits on the added-value items will be all yours.’

  He continues to be impressed by the diplomacy of his virtual daughter-in-law.

  To: Marianne Hayward

  From: Edward Harvey

  Date: 21st September 2012, 23.04

  Subject: Re: Future

  Dear Mari,

  Felicity is now committed to buying the vacant premises she saw in the neighbouring village of Pinhoe and is busy planning the refurbishment of the kitchens, the dining area and the upstairs flat. Chris is apparently talking of returning to work as chef once she has the restaurant ready to run. At least she won’t be in Broadclyst.

  She’s also put a stop to Jessica visiting. I never did explain exactly what happened on the day we came back from Scilly. Felicity told her where to stick her pies in no uncertain terms. And she hit her. The latest news from Olivia is that Jessica has been re-arrested and charged with the murder of her second husband. There are also rumours about the first, but no details. At least that gets her out of the way. It’s like a bad dream.

  Harriet moves in with Rick tomorrow. Felicity keeps trying to deter her with warnings of his reputation. Strangely enough, I find myself siding with Harriet. Rick has changed and I’m optimistic. Indeed, since Kate began discussing her expansive plans for the Deer Orchard, Rick expects his employment prospects to increase and even extend to animal management when the livestock is re-introduced.

  The documentary is currently being edited and polished and is expected to air soon after Christmas, so there may be some midweek stopovers in London. I am almost ready to give you the latest draft of the book.

  I will visit soon and stay the weekend if that’s okay.

  I can’t wait to see you again.

  love,

  Edward x

  Meanwhile, Marianne is lost without the ritual of returning to work. She looks at her empty diary and sets about filling it, not wishing to brood endlessly on matters far away, over which she has no control. She phones Taryn to arrange a game of tennis before the winter sets in.

  ‘I knew you were meant for each other,’ says Taryn. ‘For each other’s second chance. Imagine that!’

  Then Marianne plans a couple of dinner dates with ex-colleagues to ensure they don’t lose touch, a pre-Christmas book signing in a local shop and a couple more library talks in Bromley. She still has a long way to go in spreading the word about Lydia. There is also much communication with Gillian Fylde about the Education Pack.

  Edward phones and asks if she heard the news report that the Arctic ice cap has shrunk this summer more than ever and that the glaciers are melting at an alarming rate.

  ‘The experts believe it is due to man-made global warming,’ he says. ‘Rising sea levels will potentially threaten existence of low lying islands. Those in the Pacific and Indian oceans are at risk, but what about our own Scillies?’

  It’s good to hear his voice, even if it is to tell her about a news report. While he elaborates, she checks out the story online and is similarly alarmed. ‘Your programme has the potential to turn outmoded attitudes towards environmentalism upside down. The new generations need to learn new ways of living.’

  ‘So much to do, so little time,’ he says. ‘As soon as Felicity moves out, you must come to stay again, but for now it’s probably best I come to you. As things stand, I can manage weekends on the fifth and twenty-sixth and possibly the odd weeknight between, when I’m meeting Flying Owl.’

  ‘That would be lovely,’ says Marianne. ‘And I have news too. My offer for the flat in Coppercone Lane has been accepted.’

  ‘Are you sure you want to be so close to Taryn?’

  ‘It’s a lovely street
and an easy walk to Beckenham Junction. Perfect for use when we’re in town and Taryn will keep an eye on it when we’re elsewhere.’

  ‘Have you considered any further where elsewhere might be?’ says Edward.

  For a moment she hesitates. Part of her would like a fresh start in somewhere new to both of them and far away from Felicity. But the most practical option is for Edward to be close to some of his children. Forging new friendships post-retirement is tricky and she will find it easier if there are already some contacts in their chosen area.

  ‘Would you still prefer to be in Broadclyst?’ she says. ‘I’d be perfectly happy there, despite Felicity.’

  He expresses delight. ‘And as soon as both of us have finance available, and you are able to visit down here, we will look for somewhere,’ says Edward.

  ‘Perhaps we should have a dog,’ says Marianne. ‘Someone for you to walk and to keep me company when you’re away.’

  ‘I’d like that,’ he says. ‘Another Border collie would be just the thing, if you agree. I appreciate the way they think. Kate and James intend to have one for when they get their sheep. They would look after ours when we’re in London.’

  ‘We could try to find siblings,’ suggests Marianne.

  ‘I expect Felicity to be moving out in December, so we could have our first Christmas together down here.’

  ‘Christmas in Broadclyst,’ says Marianne. ‘How delightful.’ And she imagines an old-fashioned village scene of carol singers, mince pies and neighbourliness; of trees decorated with tinsel, baubles and fairy lights; of frost-covered fields and open log fires in cosy pubs. It will be far removed from the previous year when she was so miserable and insular, she couldn’t wait for the holiday season to pass so she could get back to the normality of work.

  ‘I hope you haven’t changed your mind about marrying me,’ says Edward. ‘When my divorce comes through.’

  ‘Of course not, but I don’t want fuss,’ says Marianne. ‘We’ll leave the fuss for the children, if and when they want fuss.’

  Later in the evening, Holly calls and tells Marianne she is bringing Will to meet her. This can only mean one thing!