Summer Daze

by Renee Porter

  I moved to the accessory department while keeping my eyes open for El. I figure she’d be working one of the department’s cash registers so I moved from department to department, enjoying my break while still looking for my friend.

  I finally found her, in an area where they kept the acoustic guitars. She was with a pair of customers, two women who were obviously together. El strummed a chord on the guitar and the couple nodded as she spoke about how spruce allowed for the tone to be sharp yet mellow at the same time. I was enthralled. I was also ready to buy the guitar right then and there.

  El looked over the couple’s shoulder and finally noticed me. I gave her a smile and she gave one right back, along with a finger to let me know she was almost done. Within a few minutes she was ringing up the couple and we had the area to ourselves.

  “You’re pretty good at that,” I was talking about the guitar playing but I think she thought I was talking about sales.

  “Thanks, it’s easy when you’re selling something you love.” She shrugged her shoulder and for a moment the new, confident, El was back to the one I met last summer. Vulnerable, sweet… “Do you want to learn something?”

  I watched as El picked up a very expensive guitar and started strumming. My heart stammered in my chest watching her. I think I found a new trait that was extremely attractive to me.

  “No, it’s okay,” I cleared my throat. “I just came by to say ‘hi’. I had a break.” El smiled and she handed me the guitar.

  “Sit.”

  She didn’t have to ask twice.

  “Aren’t you going to get in trouble?” I asked as El sat next to me.

  “Lucky for me, I get to actually talk to the customers. How is Now or Never, anyway?” I laughed and shook my head at the gist. “Put your hand on the neck,” I heard her say. For a moment, I envisioned my hands on El’s neck and zoned out. It was only for a second, but El caught me. “Stop thinking about my sister and place your hand here.” El took my hand and placed it where it should be. Would it be wrong of me to correct her? “Now put your fingers here, here and here. Good, now strum.”

  I awkwardly strummed and the notes were muffled and sounded out of tune. “Great!” El beamed and I rolled my eyes.

  “You’re just saying that because you want me to buy the guitar.” El chuckled as she took the guitar from me and started to play.

  “You’re a natural, Jayce. You just don’t see it yet.”

  “I’m sure,” I was entranced by what she was playing. “What are you doing tonight?” I asked. I don’t know where it came from but El smiled none the less.

  “Didn’t have anything planned. Why? Do you want me to pick out clothes for your date with my sister?” I swallowed hard. What did she just say? El chuckled. “She told me - you know, that she’s interested.” El continued to play and I wasn’t exactly sure how to feel. Excited, elated, scared?

  “She what?”

  El stood as she placed the guitar where it originally laid. “Summer is looking to expand her experience, her words, not mine.” She looked over her shoulder and then back at the wall. “She’s interested. She knows you are too.”

  “I…wait…what?” I was at a loss for words. Was El really saying that Summer was actually interested in something with me? “Exactly how does she know I’m interested?”

  El shrugged her shoulders. “You’re not that transparent, Jayce. I could see it even. Summer’s known you’ve been crushing on her for a while.”

  “She does?” My voice was small.

  “Yep. And you know…I’m just saying this as a friend here. I love my sister, but be careful, okay?” I nodded at El, still not sure what to do with this conversation. “She’s going to ask you out tonight. Just the two of you. She told me earlier.”

  “Okay…” I breathed out.

  “But I’ve already told her, if she breaks her heart, I’ll break her legs.” El winked at me before she exited to help a new customer. She had my back. But the warning was still clear in my ears. I didn’t mind though. Because Summer Bloom was going to ask me out.

  Chapter

  Just breathe. In. Out. In. Out. I looked at the caller ID on my phone and finally pressed the ‘accept’ button. “Hello?” It came out like a croak.

  “Jay? Is that you?” Summer asked carefully and I cleared my throat. Breathe in. Breathe out.

  “Hey, Summer, yeah. It’s me.”

  “Hey, so what’s up?” She asked. I thought for a moment and just told her the truth.

  “Just reading a little bit. What’s up with you?”

  Summer chuckled. “No, I mean, El told me that you wanted to talk to me about something. So I called you.”

  For a second I tried to determine exactly what Summer was saying. And then it dawned on me. El totally set me up.

  “She did?” I placed my fingers on the bridge of my nose. Why did El do this to me? Didn’t she know how horrible I was at these things?

  “Yeah. She said it was something that you wanted to…I don’t know ask?” Did Summer just sound hopeful? A little nervous? Did she know?

  “Oh, well, yeah. I was wondering,” Okay I could do this. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out, this week sometime? You know, as in…”

  “A date.” Summer finished that for me. I breathed in waiting. “When?”

  I fist pumped. I legitimately fist pumped. After dancing around my room for a few seconds I composed myself. “How about Friday night?”

  Summer hummed, “Friday night I’m going out with Bryce. How about Sunday? Lunch?” My heart lurched a second. But I decided to still take it.

  “Okay, Sunday lunch sounds great. I’ll pick you up?”

  “I’ll meet you at Joanie’s at one.” It wasn’t a question but again, I’ll take it. Summer hung up before I could say ‘bye’ but I didn’t mind.

  I had a date with Summer Bloom.

  Chapter 7

  “One second. Let me get this right. You have a date with Summer? Summer Bloom. Our Summer?”

  I smirked at Justin, unknown how he would take the news. I was sure Justin already knew that I liked girls but, this was in a league all on its own. Not only was I confirming that I was a lesbian but I was also kind of outing Summer as well. Maybe I should have thought this through a little more.

  “Okay, so that’s happening.” Justin leaned back in the chair, still a little confused.

  “I’ve liked her for a long time.”

  Finally, Justin smiled. “I’m happy for you, Jay. But does she know it’s a date?” His concern was growing and my own defense was growing along with it.

  “Of course, she knows. It was her idea.”

  “Really? It’s just, her and Bryce have sort of…”

  I didn’t want to go down that line of thought.

  “I didn’t say we were in a relationship. She’s allowed to date whomever she wants.” My throat tightened. I nodded my head like I believed what I was saying was true.

  “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

  I shrugged and groaned with frustration. “Why does everyone think I’m some china doll? I’m not going to get hurt. In fact, right now, I feel the furthest thing from hurt.” I held out my hands like I had full Italian in me.

  “Well then I’ll be excited with you. Who else knows? Can I tell my mom? We’ve already kind of talked about it…”

  “No. No. No. You can’t. I haven’t told my parents yet. You’re the only one that knows. And Summer now I guess. Oh, and El.”

  “El knows?” Justin went wide eyed.

  “Yeah. She’s the one that set it up, sort of.”

  “Really?” Again, Justin sounded astonished. Was this really that much of a difficult topic to understand.

  “Yeah. Really. She told me Summer was interested and next thing I know, we’re going out on a date.” I released a squeal. Just one. I couldn’t contain myself.

  “You know El has a girlfriend?”

  “What? No, she doesn’t. She has a boyfriend.” I didn
’t get it now. What was Justin saying. That El was gay?

  “No. She has a girlfriend. The guy, well, she broke up with him a few weeks ago.”

  “I thought you said she has a girlfriend.” My nose scrunched up. I really wasn’t understanding this.

  “You’re so narrow minded sometimes.” Justin chuckled as he stood. His shirt was stained with some type of barbeque sauce and his gym shorts had seen better days. Did he ever shower? “She’s bi. Or whatever. She likes both. Which is cool with me.”

  “El likes girls?” Suddenly El’s teasing the first night I saw her this summer came to my mind. Another flutter of something came about but I killed it internally. I had a date with Summer. That was all that mattered right now.

  “Yeah. She really likes them. She brought her over the other night. Totally not my type but, you know. Love and let love, and all that.”

  “What do you mean not your type?”

  “Why are you so interested?”

  “You guys hung out without me?” Suddenly the thought of El bringing her girlfriend over while everyone hung out and had fun was more crushing than if Summer had rejected me.

  “You were working. Chill out. But she did ask a lot about you.”

  “Who? Summer?”

  Justin gave me a ‘look’. “No, stupid. El. Which is why I was surprised about you and Summer. I thought it would be you and El.”

  “El?” I chuckled uncomfortably. “Me and El? I don’t think so.” Because there was no way El would be interested in me.

  “Yeah. You know, Summer says she always asks about you. I just thought…well whatever. El’s new girl is not so feminine. So, I don’t know if she’s really bi.”

  “Now who’s the narrow minded one.”

  “Oh, hey Jay. What’s up?” My aunt came in from the garage, holding a bag of groceries.

  “Hi Auntie. Can I help with anything?”

  “No dear. I’ve got it all. Justin? Can you set the table? Jay, you want to stay for dinner?”

  I looked at Justin who shrugged his shoulders. “Mom, Jay is gay.” I looked at him wide eyed, absolutely stunned. “You owe me a few bucks.” Justin snickered and my aunt just smiled. Okay, I guess I was out. Officially. Now, I guess I needed to tell my parents.

  Fuck.

  Chapter 8

  I perused the racks at my store, trying to see if anything new caught my eye. My date with Summer was only two days away. That meant it was Friday night and she was out with Bryce.

  Was she going to kiss him? Were they holding hands right now? Were they going to…

  “Woah. A bomb could go off in here and you’d still be dreaming about a blonde.”

  I looked up to a grinning El. I rolled my eyes and smiled. “Hello to you to, El. How’s your girlfriend?” I looked at her dead in the eye, very proud of myself for being able to hold my own.

  El clucked her tongue. “She’s good. She has a show tonight, so I’m bored, looking to cause trouble.” El lifted a medium blouse from the rack and placed it on another, here eye contact never leaving me.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her mini ‘rebellion’.

  “So, who told?”

  “Justin.”

  El nodded. “You came out. Finally.” She breathed out a sigh. “Thought you were always going to be stuck in that closet.”

  I nodded. “My parents are still getting used to it I think. But they’re supportive.” El’s look softened.

  “They will be fine eventually. My mom had a hard time too.”

  “How long?” I paused what I was doing, now curious to when El actually found she was different from the rest. El thought for a moment, took the blouse she had put on the different rack and placed it to where it belonged.

  “I told my mom I liked girls when I was thirteen, but Janet is my first girlfriend. How about you?” I caught Lacey’s eye, as I pretended to look for a cute shirt for El. I held up an obnoxious green shirt and held it up to her torso.

  “Always, I guess.” El chuckled, took the tee and placed it back down with a shake of her head.

  “You’re not really that transparent by the way. I was just trying to get you out of your shell.” She picked up an equally obnoxious orange shirt and placed it on her body. I pretended to consider it for a moment and nodded ‘yes’. She rolled her eyes.

  “Oh yes, I forgot to thank you by the way. For throwing me under the bus with Summer. So, noble of you.” My sarcasm was thick. Of course, I wasn’t really mad at El for pushing me to ask Summer out. If it weren’t for her, I don’t think I would ever have asked Summer anything along the lines of dating or hanging out alone.

  “Well, you’re very welcome. You know, she is interested. I wasn’t lying about that. Obviously, since you two are going out Sunday.” El pulled a dark blue blouse out and put it up to her torso. I pretended to consider again, but then I really looked. The blue complimented her eyes. Her dark blonde hair fell effortlessly in those pool waves and those butterflies I had previously killed came back from the dead.

  “That’s cute, actually.” El, looked at me and then down at the blouse. She kept it on her arm without putting it back.

  “Maybe we can double date. You know, you and Summer, me and Janet.”

  The thought made me want to run a football length in the other direction.

  “Sounds fun.” I smiled tightly and El softened slightly.

  “Doesn’t it bother you?” She asked. I cocked an eyebrow up.

  “What?”

  “That she is dating Bryce and you at the same time?” El’s demeanor had changed in an instant. Again, I saw the girl not knowing how to swim, standing by the pool ready to jump in.

  “Honestly, El. I don’t know. I’m just happy that I get a chance to go out with her once. You know?”

  El’s fingers fidgeted and I saw her nod. “Yeah I get it.” And then, the new El was back. “So, do you want me to give you pointers or…”

  I watched as El chuckled, placed the blouse back down in its proper place and wave a ‘goodbye’. I shook my head, looking at the blouse. Picking it up, I decided that it would be a good gift, for her maybe, in the future. Friend did that for friends. Didn’t they?

  +

  Sunday approached way too slowly and I hoped that the end of summer would take just as long. The California sun was more beautiful today than ever before. I wasn’t sure if it was because the temperature was just as I liked it, or if because I was going out on a date with the girl I have had a crush on for as long as I could remember.

  My mom knocked on my door as I fiddled with my blouse. I had decided casual, yet dressy, even though Joanie’s was just a café on the outskirts of our little city. I smiled in the mirror as my mom’s eyes filled with tears.

  My mom had been having a little trouble with my ‘new’ found sexuality. I know dad took it a little easier but mom, she always had questions for me. Like, if I was going to cut my hair short or if I was aware that HIV and AIDs was predominate in the gay community.

  I understood where she was coming from. She grew up where homosexuality was widely looked down upon. The only thing I could do was assure her that I would never change being me.

  “You look beautiful.” Again, the tears started to fall.

  “Oh mom,” I hugged her, knowing that she would need just as much support as I needed.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just, I thought…” she shook her head, deciding against it. I already knew what she was going to say. She though my first date would be with a boy. That maybe she would see me down the alter with him and have his babies. It’s not that uncommon for a mom to think that her girl’s dreams are washed when she comes out.

  But I was going to show my mom that there was nothing different. I could still get married. I could still have children. The only difference would be that the person I share those moments with is a girl. And maybe that girl is the one I am about to be late meeting.

  Again, I hugged my mom and kissed her cheek. She wished me a good time and I
thanked her for trying in her own way. One day, it wouldn’t be so hard. I vowed that to her.

  I hitched a ride from Justin who wouldn’t stop talking about how he had finally gone all the way with Madison.

  I thought it was good for him. Not.

  I didn’t need to think about my cousin boning a girl that was just using him until she left town. I didn’t tell him that of course. I just smiled and congratulated him. Honestly, I was thankful for the distraction.

  But finally, Justin pulled into the parking lot and slowed to let me out. He gave me his goofy grin and told me to wear a condom. I, in turn, flipped him the bird and told him I loved him.

  We had an interesting relationship.

  I was a little early so I got us a table in the back. A nice quiet, corner so the two of us could talk. I ran through topics in my head in case there was a lull in conversation. It was the usual, ‘what are you doing after summer’ type questions. I was useless but I didn’t mind.

  After three cokes, two baskets of bread and forty-five minutes passed one, I decided to give Summer a call. Maybe she had gotten lost, or maybe her car broke down, or maybe she had forgotten.

  God, I hope it wasn’t the latter.

  The phone rang a few times and went to voicemail. I ended it before leaving a message and then sent her a text. A few minutes later, I still hadn’t received a message back.

  “Oh, Jesus. You stayed this whole time.” I looked up to El, the sincerity showing in her face.

  “What are you doing here?” I wasn’t that shocked really. I had a feeling that Summer was blowing me off, and El is the type of person who wouldn’t leave a friend hanging.

  “Summer had to do some things. I’m the stand in.” It was her way of nicely letting me down.

  “I’m such an idiot, huh?” El considered that question for a minute. I wanted her to answer truthfully and I expected her to give me a tease.

  “You have to give it time. Some people aren’t as comfortable with themselves as others. She’ll come around.” She smiled sweetly but I knew she was lying.