Hold On, Pain Ends

by Shyla Colt

  Her toes curled in her shoes, and internally she melted into a puddle of goo. Unable to hide her response, she swayed toward him. His fire, possession, and conviction set her aflame.

  “This is what you want, isn’t it? For me to take control and leave no doubts?” he asked. His voice was raw and raspy.

  His words were a sacrament she wanted to live by. She broke free of the bonds of the past holding her captive and admitted defeat. “Yes.”

  He closed his eyes and their lips came together. Tongues touched and tangled.

  Her body went up in flames and her heart embraced its new co-owner. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he skimmed her body, resting his hands on her hips. “I love you,” she whispered against his lips.

  He pulled back and blinked.

  “No more secrets. I’m yours, and you’re mine.”

  “I love you too, Birdie. I know it’s fast—”

  She held a finger up to his lips. “The way I feel when I’m with you. Is the way I want to feel for the rest of my life. That won’t change in minutes, hours, or years,” she stated, not about to let him back off when he’d so thoroughly convinced her.

  He shuddered. “You’re making it really hard for me not to take you right here and now.”

  “So don’t.”

  He pulled away. “Our first time isn’t going to be in your sister’s house rushed because we have somewhere to be. You trust me?”

  She nodded, drunk on the love she could now fully indulge in. He was the expensive box of chocolates she’d only allow herself on special occasions, and she wanted to bask in the euphoria only he caused.

  “When you look at me like that, nothing else matters.”

  “How do I look at you?” she asked.

  “Like I’m a good man.”

  “Because you are, Nigel.”

  “No, I’m a man with a lot of blood and crimes on his hands. You can’t be in this lifestyle and not be tarnished. But you don’t see him. You see the person beneath all that.”

  “He’s the only one who matters. You’re more than what you do, or the club you dedicated your life to.”

  He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. “I fucking love you. Let’s go to the clubhouse and celebrate. I want everyone to know you belong to me.”

  “Okay,” she whispered, completely overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events. She hadn’t anticipated telling him anything. Let alone profess her love.

  A white feather floated by. She blinked, and the object remained. A slow smile spread across her lips. There was no doubt in her mind her ladies were with her. She would like to think that Ms. Lynne and Madilyn were watching over her. It helped her deal with their passing. Madilyn had been tough enough, but having Ms. Lynne follow two weeks later had slayed her. Every now and then, she felt their presence so strongly, she knew they were around.

  They separated, and Clue took her hand, lacing their fingers. They walked to the door and she couldn’t help but feel like a phoenix being reborn from the ashes. She was trusting again, and letting go of the things that held her back. Tearing down the wall she’d erected was terrifying and exhilarating.

  CLUE

  He guided Birdie to the bar where Ardy and Demon sat shooting the shit with Lefty, Gia and Chase.

  “Hey P, can I talk to you for a minute?” Clue asked.

  “Yeah. My office?”

  Clue nodded. “Stay here with the girls.” He squeezed Birdie’s shoulder and followed Demon through the crowded club. They stepped inside the office, and the music and carousing faded.

  “What’s up, brother?”

  “I asked Birdie to be my Old Lady and she said yes.”

  “Wait…what?” Demon blinked in shock.

  “She’s my Old Lady.”

  “How the fuck did you make that leap in the past hour?”

  “Life’s too short to wait when you’re sure about something,” Clue defended, willing him to understand.

  “You know I have to ask. Are you sure you aren’t jumping the gun because of Dana? Because when it’s all said and done, you can’t take this shit back.”

  His jaw ticked. He balled his fists and forced himself to keep a straight head. This was his President, not some brother he could start shit with. “I’m not going to want to take it back.” He breathed through his nose.

  “Chill out Clue. Damn, I’ve never seen you so wound up. It’s not a good look brother. Shit, you don’t have to convince me, but Ardy and her family might be another story. Her Pops is already pissed I took one of them, and here you come, scooping up his next in line.”

  “I’ll handle him,” Clue replied. The thought of anyone trying to take her away made him see red.

  “I have no doubt you will. You want to announce it now?”

  “Fuck, yes. I need everyone to know she belongs to me.”

  “Thatta boy. Let’s go give you a reason to really celebrate.”

  “Wait. I need to do something else first,” he interjected remembering his promise to his mother.

  “Right now?”

  “Yeah, Ma should be here for this. To be a part of this. Seeing me settled down was on her bucket list.”

  A somber mood crept into the room.

  “Alright. Do what you need to do brother. You need a cage?” Demon asked.

  “She’d protest but I’m going to go with yes.”

  “You know where the keys are.”

  Clue grabbed a set of keys and walked out to the black SUV. The conversation he’d had with his mother was still fresh. They’d spend the past month tackling some of her more taxing items. Each one felt like a step closer to the grave. He hit the unlock button on the key FOB. It fucked with his head daily. He kept busy to keep from thinking about the finality of the situation. But that only lasted for so long. As he pulled out of the parking lot, he questioned his loyalty. Was he doing the right thing going along with her decision to only treat the pain?

  Her second wind was waning. Dark circles were creeping back beneath her eyes. The weight she put on was slipping away, and she was sleeping more and more.

  What am I going to do without my mother?

  Most boys were closer to their father, but his had been too busy to be that central figure. So, he and his mother had muddled their way through adolescence, girls, the club, and everything else that came up.

  His hands shook. Here in the car with no one but himself he couldn’t shake the wave of pain and anger that overcame him. He clutched the steering wheel. His vision blurred. He was saying goodbye to her one day at a time. She appeared okay on the outside, but he still worried every time the phone rang or an ambulance went by, sirens blaring. It was a constant state of waiting for the bottom to drop out of his world, and it was taking its toll. He didn’t sleep well, and his body ached. He felt much older than his twenty-nine years. The guilt didn’t help either.

  Accepting her decision to stop Chemo ate at him. He fought down the slow panic inside him, steeling his face into a normal expression. This was his burden. He wouldn’t let it spill over to his mom. It wasn’t fair to her. He pulled into the parking lot of her condo and cut the engine. Right now, he and Birdie checked on her a bare minimum of twice a day, administering medicine, seeing to her needs, and keeping her company. It worked for now, but he knew the time would come when Birdie would need to move into the room he considered his.

  Clearing his head, he walked to her door and let himself in. “Mom?”

  “Nigel? What are you doing here?” She came from the bathroom.

  The sight of her Sponge Bob pajama pants and a matching tank top almost made him smile. “I need you to come with me to the club.”

  “Why? I’m not dressed at all.”

  “So, get dressed. You said you wanted to be there when I made things with Birdie official.”

  She placed a hand over her mouth. “You’re asking her to be your Old Lady?”

  “Already did, she said yes, but we haven’t announced it yet.”


  “Give me ten minutes,” she gushed handing him her mug of hot chocolate.

  Clue laughed and took it sipping the foamy mixture. “I’ll just take care of this for you.”

  “I bet you will,” she said laughing as she rushed from the room.

  He watched her go with a bittersweet smile. He cherished every moment he got with her. Adding them to a snap shot collection in his mind. He’d always have these memories to look back on. Nothing could take that away from him.

  She returned in a pair of jeans, a Dueling Devils t-shirt and a pair of riding boots. This was the woman he’d grown up knowing. It’d been so long since he saw her at her best, the makeup jarred him slightly.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Nothing, good to be getting you out and about.”

  “There’s something I want to give you before we go,” she said, digging a box out of her pocket. “This belonged to my mother, and her grandmother. My family has a long history of happiness with it.”

  He swallowed as he reached out and accepted the dark blue velvet box. “Is this what I think it is?” He opened the case and swore the light reflecting off the surface of the kite diamond blinded him. The rock was a substantial size with its gold band.

  “Now, I don’t want you to feel rushed or pressured. But I know if you’re making her your Old Lady, you’re in it for the long run. I wanted to give you this while I was still all here.”

  “And you approve?”

  “I’ll kick your ass and haunt you if you don’t marry that girl,” she stated with a mean glare.

  He snickered. “Well, when you put it that way.” He closed the case. “I have no choice but to accept this.” He moved forward and kissed her cheek. “Thank you Mom. I know this means a lot to you.”

  “So do you, baby,” she said.

  His throat swelled with emotion and he nodded his head while he tried to get the lump blocking his words under control.

  “Let’s get this show on the road. It’s way past my bedtime, and I want to visit with my friends for as long as I can.”

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and brought her close to his side. Wishing he could lend her his strength as they made their way outside and back to the club.

  ~* * *~

  A cheer rose up through the crowd as he entered with his mother in tow. He stepped away from her allowing her to mingle as he tracked down Birdie. He found her hanging out with the old ladies and paused.

  She looked like she belonged. Her head was thrown back in laughter, and she had a bottle of beer in her right hand.

  While her connection to Ardy was a given, the bond she appeared to have with Chase and Gia put him at ease. He worried that she wouldn’t fit in. This wasn’t her world, or her people. She was a virgin for Christ’s sake. He probably should’ve left her alone and allowed her to go back to her small town in North Carolina where she could find some nine-to-five who’d give her the white picket fence life. But it was never an option. The minute he saw her, he wanted her and once he knew her, he needed her. He was a succubus, inhaling her goodness and peace as fast as she could produce. But he gave her back just as much. They were strong together, because their weaknesses were yin and yang. She’s got me all philosophical and shit.

  Birdie turned, as if she felt his gaze.

  He continued toward her, pulling her back to his front as he gripped her hips.

  “Where’d you go?” she asked, leaning back to meet his gaze.

  “To get mom.”

  “She’s here?” she asked excited.

  “Yeah, you can’t see her because she’s being mobbed right now. She’ll make her way over her eventually.”

  “I’m glad she came.”

  “She’d kill us both, if she wasn’t here for this.” He looked at the girls watching them intently. “Ladies.”

  “Clue,” they chimed.

  “You got something you want to tell me?” Ardy asked.

  “In a few.”

  “Are you pregnant?” Ardy whispered.

  They both burst into laughter.

  “Really? Ard?” Birdie exclaimed.

  “What? It’s an honest question,” Ardy defended.

  “I’m not pregnant, I promise. And we’re not telling you, so stop digging for info. You’ll find out with everyone else.”

  “I’ll be back in a bit, I’m going to find Demon,” Clue said.

  “He’s playing pool with Lefty.”

  “Thanks.” Clue nodded happy to leave the estrogen fest.

  “There he is. Your mom good?” Demon asked.

  “Yeah, excited.”

  “So, you’re ready to do this?” Demon cocked his head to the side.

  “Been ready.”

  “Alright.” Demon narrowed his eyes and made the shot. The eight ball sank in the to the left corner pocket he’d pointed to with his stick. “And that’s game.”

  “Lucky fuck,” Lefty grumbled.

  “Luck ain’t got nothing to do with…its skill,” Demon said.

  “You’d like to think so,” Lefty mumbled.

  Clue laughed.

  The two were funny as hell together. It was the way they related to each other, more like actual brothers, than Vice President and President.

  In his opinion, it was part of why the club did so well.

  They left the game room and walked back to the main floor.

  Demon pulled a chair in front of the bar, climbed onto it, and cupped his hands around his mouth.

  Clue snaked an arm around Birdie and lead her over to stand near Demon.

  “All you motherfuckers quiet down and listen up,” he barked.

  The music was turned down and everyone faced him. Whispers spread through the crowd.

  “It seems our baby brother is growing up. Clue here got himself an Old Lady.”

  Whistles and hoots went up through the crowd.

  “You two come on up here.” Demon waved them over.

  They stood in front of the room.

  “Congratulate these two, and remember from now on, Birdie belongs to him, which means she’s one of us.”

  The roar of approval that swept through the crowd made him grin. She’d become a go to nurse for a lot of them who didn’t want to spend the money on hospital visits. Sometimes, he thought her phone rang with more calls from his brothers than his did.

  “Welcome to the family Birdie…again,” Demon stated.

  They gathered around them congratulating and patting their backs.

  “Damn man, how are you beating us to settling down?” someone asked.

  “Cause I found the right woman and knew I wasn’t going to let her get away,” Clue replied.

  “Damn, baby boy is growing up,” Lefty said as the others roared with laughter.

  “Fuck you guys,” Clue muttered.

  “I think it’s time to get the drinks flowing!” Demon hopped off the bar and motioned them forward.

  The alcohol began to flow and Clue basked in the rightness of the moment. For now, they were all together and celebrating. His mother was with her people where she belonged, his woman was officially his, and the club was having one of its rare times of peace and tranquility.

  It doesn’t get much better than this.

  Chapter Seven

  BIRDIE

  She carried the last box to the black SUV and glanced at the house that she’d called home for the past five months.

  “Is that the last one?” Clue asked. Anxiety leapt from him in waves.

  The move was a sad one. It was time for her to take on around the clock care for Dana. While she’d fought the good fight, her time was coming to an end. Her fatigue had become extreme. Her last visit, the doctor had assigned her Epogen to help produce more red blood cells. It had helped somewhat, but she was so far away from the energetic woman who’d shown up just after she ended Chemo.

  Birdie placed a hand on the small of his back.

  His muscles flexed.

  Their relationship had
taken a real beating. Most of their time was spent caring for Dana, and what little she had left over was dedicated to herself and then Clue. His was even more scarce, due to the club. She never complained, because she understood the love there. It was more than a job. The equipment, drugs and doctor bills they’d paid for without batting an eyelash had been humbling. They took care of their own in a way, she had never seen before.

  It wasn’t the easiest of lives. He had to go when he was called. Women were always throwing themselves at him, and she wasn’t privy to his work. She’d asked herself more than once, if she’d made a mistake agreeing to be his Old Lady when the loneliness hit. But life without him was already unimaginable.

  He sighed.

  She saw the anger release from him as he slumped. They were hovering between the anger and the depression stage of grief. The sadness that crept into him at times…worried her. Though she knew it was normal, and people grieved at their own pace. She’d never been this closely involved. It was a difficult place to be as caretaker of someone she too, had come to love. “It’s the last one. I’ll tell everyone bye, and we can be on our way.”

  He moved to come inside with her and she shook her head. “No, take a minute for you, okay?”

  He ground his teeth. “I’m not a fucking baby, Birdie.”

  “Never said you were. But this is hard, and while I may put up with your bullshit because I understand you’re hurting and I love you. But I guarantee you, Demon won’t.”

  His face fell. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being an asshole. I’m taking this out on the wrong person.”

  “There is no right person. No one caused it, and you need to watch how you talk to me,” she said softly.

  He nodded his head and pulled away.

  Taking a deep breath, she went back inside. Lord give me strength, so I don’t kill the man with my bare hands. “We’re all packed up,” she announced.

  “I hate to see you go, but I understand why you’re doing it,” Ardy said hugging her.