Becoming Mrs. Right

by Sherri L. Lewis

  Shauntae laughed. “They’re diabetic cookies, silly girl. I got a special recipe to make special cookies that were safe for my special girl. I promise I’ll never make you sick again.”

  Shauntae held out the Tupperware container to Devon. “I put the recipe on top. And the carb counts are there, too. She can have two at a time and it’s about the same carb count as fruit juice.”

  Cassandra took the container. Shauntae could tell by the looks on both their faces that they were impressed.

  “Thanks, Mama.” She grabbed Shauntae’s hand and started pulling her off the couch. “You wanna see my room? I have a princess room. Come see it.”

  Shauntae stood so Brianna wouldn’t pull her arm off. She looked at Devon. He nodded that it was okay and she followed Brianna toward the hallway. As she was passing by, Shauntae mouthed the words “thank you” to Devon and Cassandra. Devon nodded and Cassandra smiled.

  Shauntae spent the next few hours playing dolls with Brianna and then Brianna showed her some of her dances and songs from Cassandra’s art class. Shauntae spent the whole time laughing and enjoying her. She even let Brianna teach her one of the dances. She had a late afternoon snack with Brianna and finally Devon said it was time for her to take a nap. Brianna started crying.

  Shauntae told her, “Your daddy said it’s time for a nap. You’re crying ’cause you’re tired, so I’m pretty sure you need one. How about I tuck you in?”

  “Will you stay with me while I fall asleep?”

  “If your daddy says it’s okay. But you can’t talk to me or you won’t fall asleep.”

  “Will you sing to me?”

  Shauntae laughed. “Your mama singing won’t put you to sleep. It’ll make you go screaming and running to get away from my voice.”

  Brianna giggled. “Okay. Can you tell me a story?”

  Shauntae didn’t know any bedtime stories but she figured she could try. She watched Brianna’s long lashes get heavier and heavier while she rambled on and on about a little girl with magic powers who could wave a magic wand and make bad people good. The magic wand had love dust in it that could change even the meanest, baddest person. When Brianna’s breathing got slow and heavy, Shauntae gave her a soft kiss on the cheek and tiptoed out of the room.

  Devon and Cassandra were sitting in the living room, but stood when she came out.

  “Thanks again for letting me see her. That meant the world to me.”

  Devon and Cassandra were both looking at her kind of funny.

  “What’s wrong?” Shauntae asked.

  “Nothing’s wrong,” Devon said. “It was good seeing you with Brianna today. I’m glad you came.”

  “Me too.” Shauntae felt weird and uncomfortable so she shook both of their hands. “I hope I’ll get to see her again soon? And regular?” She was moving toward the front door.

  Devon nodded. “We’ll work out a schedule.”

  Shauntae practically skipped out to her minivan. She had a happy feeling in her heart until she got home. When she pulled into the garage, a heavy, sad feeling sat down in her chest. She didn’t feel like going into that big, empty house alone and sleeping in that big, lonely bed.

  She pulled out her cell phone and called Candy. “Girl, what you doin’?”

  “Trying to figure out how to go run some errands. Bobby drove down to Florida for a hair show. Can you come get me?”

  “Can I bring some clothes and stay?”

  “Yeah, girl. We can practice cooking some stuff for next weekend.”

  “I’ll be there real soon.”

  Forty-one

  For the next few weeks, Shauntae kept herself busy. Candy’s first catering job turned out real good. They passed out business cards and Candy got a bunch of calls to cater other stuff. Everybody said her food was gourmet, but her prices were lower than most people who served food so good. Candy laughed and told them all to enjoy her introductory prices. She intended to get them hooked to the point where they’d pay whatever she asked.

  After a couple of gigs, Candy got Bobby’s graphic artist to design her a logo. Shauntae almost cried when she saw it. Candy’s business card read TWO SISTAS IN THE KITCHEN and had two brown female stick figures with an arm around each other wearing chef’s hats and aprons. Candy told her, “I know you gonna have to support yourself real soon, so we gon’ make this bidness work.”

  Candy paid her well for all the gigs they did and they planned to sit down with Bobby to talk about how to make it a real partnership. Shauntae planned to work real hard and save everything she could so she could have a few weeks off after the baby was born. Then she’d bring him with her to Candy’s and keep working hard.

  She had seen Brianna every Saturday for the past three weeks. Last Saturday, Devon let her take Brianna out to lunch and to the movies. He said they could talk about her spending the night soon.

  Dr. Murray kept talking to her and praying with her on every doctor’s visit and after class. At her thirty-week visit, Dr. Murray asked her if she had heard from Gary.

  “Not a word. I don’t expect to. I have to start making plans to move out and find a way to get a lawyer. I can’t lose my baby.” The baby gave her a big kick right under her ribs and Shauntae smiled and rubbed her belly. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but God is gonna take care of me.”

  Dr. Murray finished jotting a note. “I wanted to talk to you about that. My mother lives by herself not too far from here. My father passed away a year and a half ago and she’s all by herself. I get over there as often as I can but I would feel a lot better if there was someone there more consistently. The house has a really cute basement apartment. Would you like to take a look at it and consider moving in? She also has a car that she can’t really drive much anymore. You could use it and maybe take her out a few times a week.”

  Shauntae almost fell off the exam table. “Really? But I can’t afford to pay her rent yet.”

  Dr. Murray shook her head. “No rent in exchange for you shopping and cooking for her and checking in on her twice a day. She’s a diabetic though, so you’d have to make diabetic meals and maybe help keep track of her sugars.”

  Shauntae smiled. “I can do that.”

  Shauntae thanked God all the way home. He had her back and was really looking out for her. She had a place to stay and a way to earn money so she could take care of herself and her baby. She would have something to drive and she’d have somewhere nice to bring Brianna when Devon was ready for her to spend the night. God had worked things out for her and she was gonna make it.

  When she got home, she sent Gary a text.

  Doctor’s visit went well today. The baby is growing well and everything looks fine. Thanks for letting me stay here but I’ve found my own place. It’s nice so you don’t have to worry about the baby. He’ll be well taken care of. Thanks for everything you’ve done for me. Knowing you has changed everything about my life and I’m grateful. Sorry things didn’t work out between us but I’m glad to be the person I am now and more than anything, I’m glad to know God. Hope you and the girls are okay.

  She wanted to add “I miss you and I love you” at the end, but she knew it would probably make him mad.

  Instead she put, Take care, and pushed send. She went straight upstairs and pulled her suitcases out to start packing. The sooner she got out of this big, lonely house that reminded her of everything she had done wrong, the better. Dr. Murray had talked to her mom and she was ready for Shauntae to move in as soon as possible. Shauntae figured she’d start taking things over in the morning.

  She felt bad packing up all the stuff Gary had bought her. She wanted to leave it and the van and everything of his behind so he didn’t think she had done everything she did to use him.

  But she was pregnant and her maternity clothes were tight, so she surely couldn’t wear her regular clothes. She’d either bring the clothes back after she had the baby or sell them and send him the money. She knew they had special shops that took pregnant women’s clothes.r />
  She had been in the closet packing and crying for almost an hour when she decided to take a break. She walked out into the bedroom and almost jumped out her skin. Gary was sitting on the bed.

  She put her hand over her chest like she could slow her heart down. “You scared me.”

  “Sorry about that.”

  “What are you doing here? Oh, I guess you got my text. I guess I should have told you, I’m leaving tomorrow. If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay here one more night. I can sleep in the guest room.”

  “You don’t have to stay in the guest room.”

  “Oh. Okay. So you came to get more stuff?” His closet was only half empty. “You don’t need to take anything else. I’ll be out tomorrow.”

  “I came to talk.” Shauntae noticed that the anger and hate she saw in Gary’s eyes the last time he was there had disappeared.

  “Oh. Okay.” She stood there and waited.

  “Can you sit down?”

  Shauntae walked over to the couch in the sitting room.

  “You can come over here. I promise I won’t bite.”

  Shauntae slowly walked over to the bed and sat a safe distance from Gary.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot since I left here. And praying. And talking to my men’s pastor. I’m sorry for what I said when we last talked. That was harsh and mean and uncalled for.”

  “Gary, you don’t have to apologize to me. After everything I did, you had every right to be mad at me.”

  Gary nodded. “Yeah, but still, you were right. I can’t talk to you or treat you in any way that God wouldn’t treat you or talk to. And like you said, He forgives you so . . . I forgive you too.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that.” Shauntae’s eyes were already red and puffy from crying in the closet and she knew if he kept talking, she would start crying again. “I appreciate you apologizing to me.”

  They sat there quiet for a minute until he said, “Can I ask you a question?”

  Shauntae nodded.

  “Was any of that real? Did you ever really . . . love me?”

  The tears started falling. “Gary, I ain’t never loved anybody until I met you. You taught me everything I know about love. I loved you so bad it hurt.”

  Gary nodded.

  Shauntae wiped the tears from her face. “I wish I had gotten saved and learned how to be a good person sooner so . . . Well, anyway. I’m sorry for everything.” Shauntae got up to walk back into the closet, but Gary grabbed her arm.

  “Wait, I’m not finished.”

  Shauntae sat back down on the bed.

  “We both made a lot of mistakes and did everything wrong. I can’t lay all the blame on you. I didn’t take the time to get to know you and we rushed into things. I’m sorry too.”

  “Thanks for saying that.” Shauntae was ready for this conversation to end. She wanted to sleep her last night in this house and then wake up and start her new life that was unfolding. She wished he would leave. He had apologized, so what else was there to talk about?

  “Morgan told me you saw your daughter.”

  Shauntae looked up at him. “She did?”

  Gary nodded. “You’re all she talks about now. She’s very happy to have you back in her life. I didn’t tell Morgan it was you. She says now they both have to figure out what to call their first mommies and second mommies.”

  “You didn’t tell Morgan that she doesn’t have a second mommy anymore?”

  Gary shook his head. “I couldn’t tell her. You know everything they’ve been through the last year or so.”

  “You’re going to have to tell her eventually. You might as well get it over with. I’m sure Daphne will be happy. Maybe you and Darla will make things work.”

  “I couldn’t marry Darla again. I’m comfortable with the way things are and I’m glad we’re getting along because of the girls but . . .” He shook his head. “That season of my life is over.”

  Shauntae was tired. “Well, thanks for apologizing. I need to finish packing up my stuff.” She stood up and started toward the closet.

  Gary grabbed her arm again. “Wait, I’m not finished.”

  Shauntae threw her arms up. “What is it? What do you want?” Didn’t he know it was painful to be in this same room with him, knowing she might never experience love again like she had experienced here with him?

  “Where are you going and what are you going to do?”

  “Gary, I told you I’m staying someplace safe. The baby will be safe and well cared for. I’ll call you when I go into labor and you can be there.”

  “But how will you take care of yourself?”

  Funny how Gary’s need to save a damsel in distress was once her ticket to the life she thought she wanted. Now it was getting on her nerves. She figured she’d help him rest his mind. Shauntae told him about Dr. Murray’s mom’s house and the car she’d have access to. She pulled one of her and Candy’s business cards out of her wallet and told him about the business.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going to be an irresponsible mother with this child like I was with Brianna. I’ve made plans to take care of him. And God is taking real good care of both of us. You don’t have to worry.”

  “Wow. That’s really good. I’m happy for you and your business partner. Proud of you. I know how much you love cooking so . . . it’s good to do something you love.”

  Shauntae got up again to go to the closet. Gary grabbed her arm again. “Please wait. Please let me finish talking.”

  Shauntae looked up at the ceiling. “Gary, this is painful enough. What do you want?”

  He let go of her wrist and clasped his hands together. “This is all so messy. Two divorces and three children. I never thought my life would look like this.”

  Shauntae understood that he was looking at his life and trying to figure everything out because she had been doing the same thing. She wished he would do that with his men’s pastor instead of her.

  “Do you think we should try to make this work?”

  Shauntae frowned. Did he just say what she thought he said? “Make what work?”

  “This marriage. I mean, I rushed into this so quick because I wanted to do things God’s way. Getting a divorce isn’t God’s way, either. So I’ve been thinking—”

  Shauntae interrupted him. “You know, I never thought I would say nothing like this. All my life, I wanted a man to marry me and take care of me. And you’ve done that. This was exactly what I always thought I wanted.”

  Shauntae let out a deep breath. “But that’s not what I want anymore. I don’t want to stay married because it’s God’s way or because you don’t want another divorce or because you don’t want to have children by different women all over the place. You asked me if I ever loved you and I should ask you the same. Did you ever love me? Because if you’re real about it, you’d have to admit you only married me because I was pregnant and because it was the right thing to do. Because you love family and you didn’t want to have a bunch of baby mamas and no wife. But like you said, we didn’t take the time to get to know each other.” She held up a hand to keep him from interrupting. “I know it was hard to get to know me when I was pretending to be something I wasn’t but now, this is me. The real me. And you’re talking about making it work because you don’t want your life to be messy.”

  Shauntae rubbed her belly. “I’ve learned a lot about marriage and relationships and being a mom. We both know a marriage won’t work because you’re trying to do the right thing or because you want your life to look a certain way. If there’s not real love, then it won’t work.”

  Shauntae walked back into the closet. She started to pick up the one suitcase she had already packed to move it out of the way and then she heard Gary behind her. “Let me get that.”

  Gary took the suitcase out into the bedroom while Shauntae opened the second one to start putting her clothes in it. She heard Gary’s voice behind her.

  “You’re right that I rushed into it for all the wrong reasons, but that
doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. I did love you. Or I loved who I thought you were. The person you were pretending to be. I don’t know who you really are.”

  Shauntae folded up a pair of maternity jeans. “That’s because I’m figuring it out myself.” She stood and pulled a bunch of clothes off the hangers and sat down on the floor beside her suitcase with them. “I’ve learned a lot about myself these last few months. And I’m learning more every day.”

  “What have you learned?” Gary pulled another bunch of clothes off the hangers and sat on the closet floor near Shauntae.

  She smiled a little sad smile as she accepted the clothes he was folding and handing to her. “I’ve learned that I really love God and every day I realize more and more how much He really loves me.”

  Shauntae rubbed her stomach where the baby’s foot was kicking her right by her belly button. “I’ve learned that there’s nothing more special in life than being able to be somebody’s mama. It’s precious and important and a gift from God and I want every day to grow more and more into a better mom. I want my kids to grow up knowing they’re loved and they’re special.”

  Shauntae folded up the maternity suit she had gotten married in. She laid it in the suitcase and rubbed her hands over the silk fabric. Maybe she wouldn’t sell that. Maybe she would keep it as a reminder of what love felt like. She looked up at Gary. “I learned about love. That love is the best feeling in the world. That I want to love for real and be loved for real. By my friends, by my kids, by God, and maybe, if God gives me another chance, maybe one day by a very special man.”

  Gary frowned, but kept folding clothes and handing them to her.

  “I learned that I love to cook and that I’m really good at it. And that I can make money at it. I’m a partner in a business now. Shauntae Randall is a businesswoman. I can’t hardly believe it. And soon, I’ll be able to take care of myself. For the first time in my life, I’ll be taking care of me and not depending on anybody else. I learned that that’s a real good feeling.”