“Hey, cowboy,” she said as he took the carrier out of her hands. “Do you think I’m too weak to carry that?”
He smiled. She thought she was Mighty Mouse. “Nope, just don’t want you carrying it while I’m around. Did you get any sleep? You look good.” He was rewarded with a pretty blush.
“As a matter of fact, I did. When he woke the first time I cheated and gave him a little baby rice with his formula like Esther Mae told me to do. He loved it. He slept the rest of the night. I think the poor boy was starving. Of course, when I woke up this morning I was scared to death that something was wrong. But he was just as happy as a clam when I charged into his room.”
“Well, that sounds promising.”
Lilly beamed, her eyes brighter with the extra rest. “Now, I just hope the doctor doesn’t get mad at me.”
Cort clicked Joshua into the backseat. When he turned and closed the door Lilly was standing beside him. He had to fight the urge to hug her. She smelled so good, like fresh soap and baby powder. He opened the passenger’s door and forced himself to merely hold out his hand for hers. She looked at his hand, then back at his face.
When she lifted her hand and placed it in his, their eyes met and held for the briefest moment. In that second he wished…but it could never be right, so he pressed the wish away.
“You know,” she said, looking away and climbing into the cab, “your cooking for me last night was a first. And all this helping me into the truck—I wonder if any of my grannies ever had a man do this sort of thing for them?”
Cort shrugged. “My mother taught me to open doors for ladies. She would have skinned me alive if I hadn’t.”
A tiny smile quirked the corners of her mouth. Cort closed the door, jogged around to his side of the truck and climbed in. Lilly was an unusual woman brought up by unusual women. Her story intrigued him as much as she did. He couldn’t imagine how a man could walk out on a woman carrying his child, how he could marry her and not treat her right. How he could do any of those things when that woman was Lilly was especially bizarre.
“You have everything you need?” he asked, determined more than ever to show Lilly she was special and deserved to be treated that way. Friends could do that.
“I’m wonderful. Thanks. Oh, Cort, look!” she exclaimed, pointing toward the road. Samantha was moseying up the drive with Loser trailing right behind her. They had the slow rhythm of lumbering elephants. It was pathetic.
“Loser has come to visit!” Lilly exclaimed, opening the truck door. She hopped out and jogged over to the dejected animals, giving each of them a hug.
Cort laughed, watching Loser wiggle like crazy. Why, the tangled heap of depression practically had his tongue hanging out. No, he did have his tongue hanging out lapping at Lilly’s face, making her laugh out loud while dodging his wet kiss. When he tried to put his paws on her, Cort decided it was time he corralled his pet.
By the time he made it to her side Loser had knocked her to the ground.
“What do you feed this animal?” she squealed, pushing at the dog, laughing so hard she was making little progress at keeping the excited mutt at bay.
“Obviously not the right thing, according to his manners. Loser! No.”
Reaching down, he took Lilly’s hand and pulled her off the ground. Her eyes were twinkling and she didn’t seem upset by the dust that clung to her. Instead she slapped her hands on her pant legs as dust rose in a plume about her.
“Loser sure knows how to mess a girl up.”
He wanted to tell her that nothing could mess her up, but he couldn’t say that. “He’s a goofball,” he said instead, then reached to pluck a piece of grass off her forehead. “Missed a piece.” His fingers found their way back to the curl that dangled over her eye. She swallowed hard, looked away and took a step back.
Cort’s survival instinct held him firmly to the ground she’d retreated from, and he stuffed his fingertips into the edge of his jeans pockets. “We’d better hit the road or we’ll be late.”
She nodded. “My grannies would be shamed by my struggles to be on time lately. But I had to say hi to Loser. He’s my buddy and I haven’t seen him much. Unlike Samantha, he doesn’t come visiting. I smile every time I remember how nervous he was on the wild ride to town to deliver Joshua. I think he was worse than an expectant father.”
Cort led the way back to the truck, remembering not only Loser but the entire night. “He was pretty bad. But at least he didn’t faint.”
That got him a huge grin. “Ah, don’t beat yourself up about that. It was cute and terrifying at the same time. I doubt anyone had more excitement during a delivery than me. My gosh. What a night.”
“Yeah, what a night.”
They stood there grinning at each other, sharing a moment that connected them forever. Cort was the first to clear his throat and move back toward the truck. “I guess we better go.”
“Yeah. Can’t have the baby being late for his appointment.”
Determined to stay focused, he loaded up and headed toward Ranger. Despite the friction bouncing between them, a shallow ease nestled about them as the miles ticked by. Cort liked the straightforward way that Lilly had of talking to him. She was funny and smart. They were about halfway to Ranger when he asked her how she supported herself. He knew the small operation she had going on at her farm wouldn’t be able to do it. He was being nosy, but at this point he didn’t care. His curiosity was getting the better of him.
“Besides leasing some of my land to my neighbor on the far side of me, and my pitifully small cattle operation, I keep the books for some of the ranchers around here and put together cattle sales catalogs for a man out of Ranger and another fella out of San Angelo. It keeps me busy.”
“Sounds like it. Do you enjoy what you do?”
She smiled, looking toward Joshua, who was wide awake and infatuated with the ceiling of the truck. “Most of the time.”
“I know what you mean.”
She turned toward him and Cort glanced her way. She had a curious expectant expression.
“I figured you loved what you do,” she said. “I mean those are beautiful horses you have at your ranch. And you go to all those competitions. You see all those exciting places.”
Cort glanced at her again. Did he hear longing in her voice? “Going to all those places alone isn’t what it’s cut out to be.”
He studied the road, thinking. “I enjoy the training. But…I don’t know. I guess I’m getting older. I’d rather stay home and let someone else hit the circuit rather than spend another night in a hotel room by myself.”
Lilly probably thought he was some bleeding heart now. He realized it was true, though. After Ramona left him, he’d thrown himself into his work. But being on the road reminded him of everything he’d lost. Not that Ramona had enjoyed going with him. She hadn’t, and when she did go, it was because of who she was going to get to rub elbows with. Famous people sank huge amounts of money into the horse industry. Ramona had loved the social aspect. She’d never really gone just to spend time with him.
He should have taken that as a hint that all was not right in his supposedly happy home.
“I’d love to go,” Lilly said, surprising him. “I mean, not with you. I mean…well, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been on the farm all my life. Being raised out there with my grannies was a very secluded upbringing. Granny Bunches used to always tell me that I should sell the farm when they were all dead and gone and head out to see the country. Of course, Mule Hollow is all I’ve ever known. And I love it….”
Her voice trailed off and Cort found himself studying her again. She was looking out the window, a frown creasing her face.
He wondered what it would be like to show her his world. To see his life through new eyes. Lilly’s eyes.
It was a dangerous thing to wonder about.
“He weighs eleven pounds, and the doctor said it was all right for me to mix a bit of cereal in with his formula if he’s been that s
leepless.” Lilly hadn’t stopped talking since she’d come out of the doctor’s office. “Thank goodness he’s an older man, because I don’t think the younger doctors would ever agree to such a thing.” She was so excited to think about getting some sleep and to realize that her giving Joshua the cereal early wasn’t bad. She couldn’t contain her excitement.
Not to mention the fact that she was enjoying spending time with Cort.
They were sitting at a restaurant near the doctor’s office. Lilly hadn’t been out to eat in a real restaurant in ages. Cort had insisted on taking her to this nice steak house when she’d suggested a hamburger place out on the highway on their way home.
Cort seemed to get joy from making her feel special. He’d opened every door for her, carried Joshua and even held her elbow as she sat in the chair he’d pulled out for her. What a man. Not that there weren’t men out there who did those things. There just had never been one who did them for her. Of course, she’d dated all of three people in her life.
Not that this was a date…oh, no, she knew better than that. Cort was just her neighbor. No matter how nice he’d been last night and today she couldn’t forget that he’d made himself quite clear at the church on not being the right man for her. He wasn’t interested in dating her. He was just being a nice neighbor.
She was on dangerous ground letting herself acknowledge everything about Cort that made her heart go thump.
Last night as she watched him drive away she’d wondered about his past. His wife had hurt him. He must have loved her very much to close himself off now and hide behind that grim expression—which had been fading more and more. Why, he actually cooed at Joshua as he’d taken him out of the car earlier. She wondered about that, too. The way he appeared to want to play with Joshua, to open up to the baby, but instead seemed to fight letting himself have free rein. It hit Lilly that Joshua would be very good for Cort. The plan she’d been toying with didn’t seem quite so far-fetched anymore. Actually, it might be the best thing for Cort. And she did want to help him. He had been so good to her and her child. Even if he didn’t think he was the right man for her…
She smiled, turning the plan over in her mind. Yes, her son needed a father figure, and Cort had been there for them during the delivery and lived right down the road. It was as if God had placed him there—not to help them as she’d first thought, but for them to help him.
Yes, that just might be it. God worked in very mysterious ways.
Cort ordered a steak, medium rare, and balked when she ordered hers well-done with a bottle of ketchup on the side.
“I know,” she said, laughing. “I’m a Texas girl, so what am I doing eating a well-done steak?”
“You live in cattle country. You know you can’t get the true taste of the meat when you burn it up like that,” he teased.
“Can’t help it. I eat ketchup on everything. You put it in my eggs the other night, so I know you like it, too. And I want my steak cooked. That’s the flavor I like.”
“The flavor of shoe leather.”
“That’s a matter of opinion. It’s all about the texture.”
“Yeah, but…okay, we’ll agree to disagree about the texture of our steaks. What do you say?”
Lilly chuckled. “I say sounds like a plan to me.”
When the waiter brought their plates twenty minutes later Lilly and Cort had laughed and disagreed on all manner of food preparation. Cort liked cold spinach out of the can, Lilly didn’t touch the green stuff—despite the never-ending effort on the part of the grannies to stuff the nasty plant into all manner of food. Cort liked peanut butter on an apple, Lilly liked banana and peanut butter squashed together in a sandwich. Cort said he couldn’t look at the stuff because it looked nasty all squashed together, much less eat it. To each his own, Lilly thought. She knew he was missing out on one of life’s premier foods.
They agreed on one thing: banana Laffy Taffy.
“If I had to choose one food to have on a deserted island with me it would be banana taffy,” Lilly commented as the waiter set her steak down in front of her.
Cort laughed. “I love the stuff, but I might have to choose something else in that situation.”
“Have it your way, but we only live once.”
Cort just shook his head and began preparing his steak.
“Why, you sneak,” she said as he opened the ketchup and bathed his steak in it. Looking up through a loose strand of black hair, he grinned sheepishly.
“I said nothin’ about the ketchup. We were talking about the texture.”
Lilly laughed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun. Cort was a great guy.
Yep, she was certain the grannies would have changed their view of men if they’d known Cort.
At this point, Lilly really didn’t care what the grannies thought.
Chapter Nineteen
Lilly sat beside the window and gazed out across the lawn and into the pasture that stretched as far as she could see. Samantha was ambling about munching stalks of grass peeking up through the cold earth. The little dear had stuck close to the house for the past few days, always coming to the living-room window and looking in at her as she and Joshua sat in the rocking chair.
Lilly enjoyed rocking Joshua and staring out the window. As she sang lullabies to him she imagined spending time with him there in the yard, seeing the seasons pass as she held her child. It was a wonderful feeling…this feeling of not being alone anymore. Of having someone to love, to watch over. She’d also taken up reading her Bible to him. With Joshua’s birth, a new sense of meaning had taken over when she realized she was responsible to God to raise her baby in a manner that God would approve.
Joshua was sleeping contentedly, and Lilly had risen early to have quiet time with the Lord. Her Bible lay open in her lap. The verses she’d read filled her with hope.
Oh, there was so much to learn. Sure, her grandmothers—at least, Granny Bunches—had taken her to church and shown her that God loved her. But she had realized long ago that Granny Shu-Shu and Granny Gab had had a tilted view of the world in general, including God.
It wasn’t as if they hadn’t known the Lord, but they hadn’t walked with Him. Granny Bunches, in her soft sweet way, had never condemned the views of her mother and sister, but she had tried to show Lilly another way. A loving way. Lilly had prayed this morning that God would help her to focus on the teachings in the Bible and the loving things Granny Bunches had shown her, instead of the negative thoughts and ways that the grannies Shu-Shu and Gab had drilled into her day after day.
Just like the traditions she wanted to start setting in place in Joshua’s life, she had come to the understanding that bringing him up in the knowledge and love of God was most important of all.
Sitting there in her quiet living room, with the soft rays of sunshine filtering through lace curtains that were ages old, Lilly felt something change in her heart.
Instead of the grannies’ way, Lilly understood that it was time for her to find her own way.
And she wanted that to be God’s way.
The air was brisk as Cort urged Ringo into a slow trot. The big horse was feeling frisky today. Beneath him Cort could feel the animal straining to move more quickly, anxious to feel the freedom that came with the release of pent-up energy. Cort gave the familiar cluck with his mouth, and the big horse expanded into a lope around the round pen. Cort tried to concentrate on the exercise at hand, but his mind was not on the horse.
It was on Lilly.
For days he’d let his guard down, tried to pretend that she could remain just a friend. But he was fooling himself. He had been from the first moment he’d looked at her. Lilly was a woman with whom a man could build a future. She was outspoken, but tender. She’d had her heart broken and her dreams dismissed, but she’d managed to hold on to her optimism.
She was a wonderful mother. Every time she and Joshua were near him, he had to fight the want that filled him. He loved—no, he wouldn’
t go there. He couldn’t allow himself to acknowledge the feelings that had set up camp in his soul.
They’d sat together at church again. Her sitting next to him, as Pastor Lewis talked about God’s plan for the family, seemed almost like a cruel joke. But he knew the messages were meant for the single men in the congregation who were vested in finding a wife and growing a family. Pastor Lewis was laying the groundwork for Christian men to become Christian husbands and fathers. Mule Hollow wanted to grow and become a thriving small community, and the majority of those wanting this plan to succeed were men seeking God’s will for their lives.
Lilly would one day belong with one of them.
And Cort would just have to pray for grace to be able to watch her find the love she deserved.
“Hey, Loser,” Lilly called, hating the name. The sulking dog saw her coming up the drive, lifted his scraggly head, then hopped from the porch and wiggled all the way to meet her.
“We’ve got to give you a new name.” He lapped up the attention with every fiber of his hairy body. Cort had told her more than once that Loser had started living after he’d met her and Samantha.
The idea gave Lilly a warm fuzzy feeling. But it was time to do what she’d come to do, so she sucked in a fortifying breath and said another prayer, then looked around.
“Where’s Cort?” she asked, supporting the sling that held Joshua against her as she scratched Loser between the eyes. He looked up at her with a big foolish grin on his face, but didn’t answer. So she had to rely on her ears and the clanking noise coming from the barn.
She found Cort on the ground under a tractor. His long legs stuck out from beneath the large machine.
“Hey, neighbor, got a problem?” she asked, stooping so that she could peer under at what he was doing.
His hands were covered in grease, and when he looked at her she could see there was a streak of black running across one cheek. His eyes brightened when he saw her. And Lilly’s heart faltered, then picked up a quicker pace. Even the two mile walk from her house hadn’t caused her heart to pound as it was doing now. This erratic beating was a feeling she’d come to understand only Cort’s presence could produce.
And Baby Makes Five Page 16