“Nothing I can’t handle,” he said, scooting from beneath the tractor to face her.
They were only inches apart, and Lilly, without thinking, reached to pull a cobweb from just above Cort’s ear. Her fingers froze on contact with his silky hair.
Cort’s gaze locked with hers and she yanked her hand back, feeling at odds with their closeness. Wanting it, yet fearing it.
Only after she was stroking Joshua’s hair could she speak. “I came to ask you something.” Her voice wobbled.
With a power she didn’t know she possessed, she forced down the fear overcoming her from the inside out and looked at Cort. He hadn’t moved. He sat in exactly the same position as when she’d reached out and touched him. His eyes drilled into hers. The intensity threatened her willpower and almost loosened the unknown, unexplored feelings she was struggling frantically to file away until later.
Later, when she was alone, when it might be safe to really look inside her heart.
Not being able to take the proximity any longer, she crossed the room to sit on a hay bale.
The day was cold, but the sun had been shining during her brisk walk and had kept her warm. Now, in the shadow of the barn, the chill swept over her and she pulled the blanket more securely around Joshua. She knew the baby sling that strapped him to her surrounded him with her body heat. He was as cozy as a bug in a rug, as her Granny Gab would’ve said. But she needed something to occupy her hands, and fidgeting with the blanket fulfilled that need. When she looked up, Cort was on his feet wiping his hands and face with a rag. He had his back to her, giving her a moment to take a deep breath.
This was crazy!
Calm down, Lilly. This is what God has been leading you to do! “I’ve been thinking. And, well, you see…I was wondering. No, I was wanting to ask you—” As she faltered he turned toward her, his sweet face full of bewilderment.
This is right. Ask him. “I’ve been reading my Bible. And I was reading about when Hannah gave her baby Samuel back to the Lord, she actually said she lent him back to the Lord because the Lord had blessed her with him. I want to honor the Lord for blessing me with Joshua by promising the Lord that I’ll raise him up in a godly home.”
Cort raised an eyebrow, but didn’t smile. “I think that’s a great thing to do.”
He had finished wiping his hands, and he came to lean against the stall railing a few feet away from Lilly. He tucked his fingers inside the top of his pocket and studied her.
He looked so strong and handsome. Lilly tugged at the collar of her coat and tried not to think about how his arms felt around her, or how safe she felt in them.
“Parenthood is serious business. Raising children God’s way is the greatest, most rewarding thing a parent can do.”
Cort paused, and Lilly wondered at the sadness that flickered in his expressive eyes. Had he wanted to do the same thing for his children? Children he now understood he would never father? Lilly’s heart ached. Cort would have made a wonderful father. Of this she was certain. This gave her courage to continue. If he denied her request, then at least she’d asked.
“I want to make this promise to the Lord in the sanctuary and I also wanted to ask you something. I know this is a lot of responsibility…that maybe with your business and your life you might want to say no. And I would understand. Really.” Out with it, Lilly! “Would you be Joshua’s guardian, godparent…if something were to happen to me?”
Cort’s head swung up from where he’d been studying his boots. His expression was blank. His jaw dropped.
Good or bad, she couldn’t tell.
“I mean, you did rescue us both. You are the reason he’s okay.” The light that had flickered in his eyes died, and Lilly fought to get it back when he didn’t answer as he studied Joshua, a sad quirk turning the edge of his mouth down.
“And you would be such a good father to him…if, if something were to happen to me.” There, she’d said it all.
Cort met her gaze and for a long moment neither of them moved. Or breathed.
“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Lilly.”
“I don’t know that.” Now that she’d spoken the words she knew the importance of them. Knew she was right. Knew in her heart he was the one to fill the spot, should something go wrong and God called her home.
“Even if something did happen there are plenty of others who would be happy to raise Joshua. I’m sure Lacy and Clint would love to be his godparents. They’d be better than an old single guy like me.”
“They would be wonderful. I know that. But you have a bond with him. And you are not old.”
“Lacy has a bond. She delivered him.”
Lilly reached out and laid her hand on his forearm. His muscles tensed beneath her fingers. “But you got him there. You came through the night and carried us to safety. You’re the one God sent to take care of us.”
Cort thought for a long moment and Lilly’s heart sank. She knew he didn’t want her, but she’d hoped that he would want Joshua.
“I’ll be his godparent.”
Lilly didn’t know if she should be happy or sad at the tone of his voice. But then again, she’d known getting him to say yes would be like splitting logs with a rubber ax.
“I would be honored to take the responsibility that goes with the request.”
Okay, so that sounded better. A tremor raced up the base of her spine and Lilly stood on shaking legs. “Thank you.”
Tears of relief suddenly stung her eyes, and before she could help it, one slipped from the corner, trailing down her cheek. She dashed it away with her hand and turned to go. Her emotions seemed to be sitting on her shoulder these days. Thing was, she really didn’t understand what was wrong. She couldn’t blame her wobbly emotions on lack of sleep anymore.
Cort’s hand on her shoulder stopped her.
“Lilly, don’t cry. Nothing’s going to happen to you.” Cort gently turned her toward him and wrapped his arms around her, tenderly cupping Joshua between them. She melted.
Home.
The word swelled in her heart. Suddenly she knew the truth. She’d tried to deny it. Tried to overcome it. But in her heart of hearts she knew in the circle of Cort’s arms she’d found her place.
“And with the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man.”
The familiar verse from second Genesis sprang out at her, surrounded her and she knew…
She knew she’d found the man God had intended her for.
Cort tightened his arms around Lilly and cherished the feeling of her and her child next to him. Waves of regret washed over him for a lost past and a future he could never have. But he could give her what she asked, knowing that he would do anything needed to make her life and Joshua’s easier.
He didn’t want to see her cry. Looking down, he tilted her chin toward him and looked into the shining gold of her eyes. When her lip trembled and her eyes misted, he kissed her.
He’d meant only to hold her, to console her, but his heart got in the way, and the need to acknowledge his love for her overwhelmed him.
He did love her. He’d loved her from the first moment he’d seen her lying on the floor of his barn with that unbelievable bright smile spread across her lovely face. She had an undaunted spirit. One even a lasso couldn’t hinder.
But she can’t be yours.
The cruel truth hissed through him. It took everything he had to pull away from her. She had accepted the kiss with warmth and returned it with a sweetness that broke his heart.
“This,” he said as he rammed a hand through his hair and tried not to heed the questions in her eyes, “isn’t a good idea. It wouldn’t work.”
“Why not?” she asked. Her voice was soft. A whisper. Her eyes were dark with emotion. “I know I’m not your wife. But—”
“It hasn’t a thing to do with Ramona. That’s over. It’s about you. You and Joshua. You need more than I can give you. You deserve more.”
Lilly str
aightened. “I think you don’t give yourself enough credit. And I know you don’t give me enough.”
“It’s not about giving myself credit. It’s about you having the family that I know God has in store for you.”
Lilly’s eyes flashed. “How do you know what God has in store for me? Who are you to say it isn’t with you?” She stopped, and the silence stretched between.
Cort didn’t want to hurt her, but he knew this was for the best. Now he wasn’t certain if agreeing to be Joshua’s guardian had been the right choice. When she remarried, there would be a man in Josh’s life. They wouldn’t need him anymore.
“God has a husband out there for you and a father for Joshua. But it isn’t me, Lilly. I have nothing to offer you. So the best thing would be for us to forget this ever happened.”
The fire that flashed through Lilly’s eyes took him by surprise. And his mouth dropped when she stepped away from him, plopped her hand on her narrow hip, cupped Joshua with the other hand and glared sassily up at him. “Well, cowboy, you can forget it if you want to, but I don’t want to.”
And with that she turned and flounced away, curls bouncing. With Loser trailing behind her.
Chapter Twenty
The town was in an uproar. The ladies had gotten together and planned Lacy’s wedding down to the last pink imported Shasta daisy.
Bless her soon-to-be-husband’s big heart, Clint had given in to them plain and simply because he loved Lacy. Loved her with a love that Lilly could only wish to find. A love that she, in her own misguided way, had thought she’d found. But she’d been wrong.
Cort hadn’t come after her.
Today Adela was watching Joshua while Lilly had a day out with Lacy. Lilly wanted her son to know the love of Adela, Norma Sue and Esther Mae. She wanted to encourage their bonding. Because of this she had agreed to the plan to get her out of the house and help with the final stages of Lacy’s wedding.
Standing in the back of the church watching Lacy and Ashby Templeton discuss flowers, Lilly bowed her head and prayed that God would sustain her, that He would give her the strength she needed to do what He wanted her to do. It was a hard prayer to pray. Given the nature of her outspoken personality, she wanted to demand that Cort acknowledge that he loved her.
She needed Cort. Him and Joshua. And God. What a blessing that circle of love could be. But she didn’t allow herself to demand such a thing because she didn’t know if it was true.
Why would she even think that? Cort had never told her anything remotely close to admitting he loved her. Yes, he’d shown her care and friendship and kindness. But love? No. He’d flat-out told her that he wasn’t the man for her. They’d hardly had anything remotely close to a romantic relationship. Sure, they’d shared one kiss. One tender big kiss. And then he’d run for the hills! Really, Lilly didn’t understand why in the world she’d expected him to feel more. Who was she kidding?
Watching Lacy as she talked, Lilly smiled, despite the misery she felt inside. The crazy girl wouldn’t stop babbling. It was as if she knew something was wrong, but she hadn’t asked. She’d simply drawn Lilly into the final plans for her wedding with a great smile and a host of enthusiasm. Of course, this was Lacy, and she’d efficiently involved everyone. A Valentine’s Day wedding in Mule Hollow was appropriate.
Molly had been writing articles about Mule Hollow every so often in her column for the paper in Houston and there were a few other big papers that were picking up the stories. Why, even a New York paper had picked up on them. They were a big hit with Molly’s readership. The very first wedding for the town that had conducted a national “wives needed” ad campaign was big news…at least to the growing army of faithful readers. The fact that the campaign had actually produced a marriage within the first six months was huge. It made women realize that this wasn’t just a publicity stunt. It made them actually see that they could have a future in Mule Hollow.
“Lilly,” Lacy said, plopping down in the pew beside her. Ashby settled into the one in front of them. “What do you think about pink baby roses and pink—”
“Sounds like a scene from Steel Magnolias,” Lilly said, cringing.
“I loved that movie,” Lacy gushed. “Julia Roberts walking down the aisle with an ocean of pink around her—it was great. Why, the first time I saw that movie, I knew if I ever got married I wanted that same sea of flowers around me.” She was nodding her head and looking about the church. “Yep, yep, yep…I can just see it.”
Ashby’s gaze met Lilly’s and they both burst out laughing. If there was one thing Lacy Brown loved it was pink. She studied them both as they subsided into a fit of giggles.
“I’m telling you, it’ll be beautiful. Remember, it’s Valentine’s Day. Pink or red is the only way to go. And as you know, I’m a pink kinda girl.”
Lilly straightened her face, keeping her eyes off Ashby lest they start chuckling again. “Lacy, it’s your wedding, and if you want the walls pink, it would be fine with me. It’s going to be beautiful no matter what. And you’re right—pink on Valentine’s will be perfect. But please tell me you aren’t having Clint wear pink, are you?”
Lacy smiled. “He loves me, but that would be pushing things a bit. Gray and black mix quite nicely with pink. I’m not wearing pink, so I couldn’t ask him to.”
“You didn’t really think about asking him such a thing, did you?” Ashby asked, not certain when to take Lacy seriously and when not to.
“No. I didn’t even think about it. Clint’s a cowboy. Besides, he already wore pink once because of me. And he didn’t like it one bit.”
Lilly smiled, remembering the story of Clint getting an entire bucket of hot pink paint dumped on his head the day Lacy was painting her salon. The story was one she didn’t think he would ever live down. But he’d handled it good-naturedly. He’d said it didn’t matter what happened to him as long as he got Lacy in the end.
Lilly’s heart twisted, thinking about Cort. She felt the same way about him. Anything was worth it, if she could have his love at the end of the day.
If only she could figure a way.
Leave it in God’s hands, Lilly.
Sometimes it was easier to think something than to actually do it. She had to remind herself that God had big hands.
And that those big hands would take care of her no matter what.
After they’d finished at the church Ashby left them to take care of ordering the flowers. She had a contact in Hollywood—her former home—who was shipping the flowers out to Mule Hollow by Friday morning. Actually she was shipping herself out with them. And if Ashby had her way she was going to stay and run her Internet flower business from Mule Hollow. It was going to be one more opportunity for the little town. E-commerce was making possible several things that ten years ago wouldn’t have been imaginable. Ashby’s mail-order dress business was running as smoothly from Mule Hollow as it had from Hollywood. The dresses she’d helped everyone order for the wedding were gorgeous.
Lilly and Lacy then hopped into Lacy’s 1958 pink Cadillac convertible, with the top up and the heater on, and headed for the community center, where the reception was going to be held. With the wedding only a week away, the decorating was already in progress. Today they were going to help put up white and pink netting along with fairy lights.
The scenery was whizzing past the Caddy’s windows as Lilly relaxed in the deep seat.
“I just love to drive,” Lacy said, sitting up straight, watching the road as she maneuvered the huge car down the blacktop. “I especially like to ride with the top down. Do you mind if I put it down?”
Lilly shot an unbelieving glance at Lacy. “It’s forty-five degrees outside.”
“Have you ever ridden in a convertible with the top down on a forty-degree day?” She glanced at Lilly with an excited grin and a raised eyebrow.
“Well, no. But it’s cold.”
“Girl, you need to live a little. Before we go to the community center, we are going for a ride. Because y
ou need to tell me what ails you.”
Lacy slammed on the brakes and the Caddy skidded to a halt. Before Lilly could overcome the shock of the sudden stop she watched in horror as Lacy pressed a button and the Caddy’s top kicked into gear. The cold of the day whipped into the car just as Lacy stomped on the accelerator. Flattened to the seat from the speed, Lilly felt her curls rise and start dancing above her head as if they were alive. The brisk cold stung her cheeks and the chilly air sucked a laugh right out of her. Lacy was laughing, too.
Lacy turned up the heat, and suddenly Lilly had the best of both worlds. She was warm, her feet were toasty and her hands, too, but the cold air on her face, blowing through her hair, sent a thrill of joy pulsing through her.
“I told you it was great,” Lacy yelled over the wind as she whipped the car onto another farm road heading away from town.
“I love it. I could get used to this. Is this car for sale?” Lilly called out, knowing full well that Lacy would never part with her beloved car.
“Nope, nope, never. But I know where you could get one just like it.”
Lilly considered it. She did need a new car, but she needed a family car. One she could feel safe in on the road with Joshua. “I guess I’d better pass. But I’m going to be asking for a ride in this one more often. Now that you have me hooked.”
“That I can do.” Lacy slowed the Caddy and pulled the car over next to a deserted one-picnic-table rest area. “Okay, so now that I have you loosened up, tell me how things are going. God has really put you on my mind lately.”
Lilly could hear the sincerity in Lacy’s voice and she could see it in her eyes. In the short time she’d known Lacy her enthusiasm and love for God had inspired Lilly. She was bold for Christ and humble in her accomplishments for Him. Lilly knew she wanted to be like Lacy…in her own way. No one could be like Lacy—she was truly one of a kind. But Lilly could learn from her and she could trust her.
And Baby Makes Five Page 17