"So you're saying I should just go find some random stranger to train me, just so I know what to expect?" She wasn't sure she'd ever be with another man that way. She did know she damn sure wouldn't trust another man to lead her into the stuff she and Rhett had shared.
"No, not a total stranger Scarlett, that definitely isn't what I'm suggesting." She wasn't even really sure what she was saying except for this. "Rhett has proven that he's no good for you honey, and I just don't want you to do this to yourself again."
"I know you're right Janie, it's just hard as hell to think of never talking to him again," hard didn't even begin to describe the overwhelming sense of agony that thought sent through her heart. Tears filled her eyes, and she blinked them away rapidly. "I really can't talk about this right now."
Janie saw her pain and wanted to crush Rhett's skull. "I'm sorry honey, I wish I could take it all away, but I can't." She had no idea how to help her friend and it was frustrating to watch her suffer like this.
"I know you can't Janie, seriously I just need some time and to focus my mind on something else until I can breathe without thinking about him." That was a close to the truth as she could get and she had to wonder if that day would ever come. It didn't seem likely at the moment.
"Well we could take another vacation?" Janie waggled her eyebrows trying to lighten the situation.
"I'm still recovering from the last one, but I'm thinking a job hunt might be a great idea." She noted Janie rolling her eyes and shook her head. "Come on Janie, we should actually find something useful to do with our degrees.
"I'll help you look Scarlett, but I have no intention of jumping on that until the summer is over."
"Well I'll definitely take the help," finding a job in Chicago wasn't exactly easy these days.
"We should probably get back in before David thinks I've abandoned him and demands I serve us dinner in the nude or something." Janie laughed and rolled her eyes.
"He would do that?" She didn't know David that well so what he would or wouldn't do wasn't known to her.
Janie busted out in laughter. "No, but hmm maybe I should talk to him about that one day. That could actually be a fun little fantasy to play out."
Scarlett fought to keep the hurt look from her face as she thought there would be no fantasies for her any longer. "Let's go inside, wouldn't want to be the reason you become the hired help." It took everything she had in her to keep up the pretense for her friend.
David's Mushroom Ravioli was delicious and they enjoyed the meal together in companionable silence. When they had eaten, Scarlett asked to be driven back to the house so she could start getting things organized and Janie remembered that they were supposed to have a delivery today, it was well after four in the afternoon already.
"Don't worry baby, I took care of it," David grinned and shook his head. "I sent Jackson over early this morning to wait, couldn't have you two girls living there without something to sit on the next time I visit." Jackson was his newest employee and he'd hired him as a favor to his cook, since she was his son and didn't have a job. He really wasn't sure what capacity he would use him in yet, so he gave him small tasks.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me," Janie walked over and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.
"Can I ask you guys something without offending you?" Scarlett was really floored by how casual they acted around each other.
"Absolutely Scarlett, what's on your mind?" David asked keeping an arm wrapped around Janie's waist.
"Well, why doesn't she call you Sir all the time?"
David chuckled. "I don't live this all the time, Scarlett. I enjoy playing in the dungeon occasionally, and so does Janie, but I just consider it fun not really a 24/7 lifestyle."
"So Janie can pretty much do what she wants?" She was really confused, especially to his reference earlier about taking it out on her tonight.
"Janie and I came to an agreement about what we wanted from each other, I believe she showed you the contract?" At her nod, he smiled and continued. "Outside of the boundaries we agreed on, she can do whatever she wants. And even those boundaries are up for negotiation. The entire thing about our relationship, Scarlett is it's a conscious choice for her and I that we agreed on together."
"I guess I'm really shocked that you two seem to really have a lot of fun together, but there's still a Master sub relationship in the dungeon."
"Well honestly Scarlett, Rhett hasn't shown you much else. There are so many different ways that people choose to live this out. Every one of them will tell you the other persons view is wrong. The truth is, if it works for the couple then it really doesn't matter what anyone outside that relationship believes." Janie winked and looked up at David with adoring eyes.
"Thanks for being so open about your relationship, I know it's none of my business." She wasn't usually so vocal about issues concerning relationships, but the differences between what they had and how she and Rhett had related, really was interesting.
"Seriously feel free to ask me anything Scarlett, I would love for you to consider me and Janie your mentors." David smiled down at Janie lovingly.
"I really appreciate that David," she was beginning to like him more and more. "For now I'd better get home and get ready to start hitting the pavement tomorrow for a job."
"I'll have my driver take you girl’s home, I need to do a few hours’ work before I lose some clients," he leaned down and kissed Janie deeply. "Call me later babe," he let her go and walked them out to the car.
chapter Twenty-two
Tempted
When they walked into the condo the transformation was amazing. They now had an incredible new living room set up and Scarlett was floored at how everything was arranged neatly. "Um, someone has been busy?"
Janie shook her head, "Apparently Jackson decided to arrange everything for us." The big screened television was already on the wall and Janie saw the remote on the glass coffee table and clicked the power button, not surprised when it powered up. "David should give him a raise."
They walked back to their bedrooms and those had been perfectly arranged as well. "He definitely is thorough," Scarlett grinned, and decided she could finally unpack her clothes. "I'm going to get my clothes out of the boxes."
"I need to do the same, not being able to find underwear is a situation I'd like to resolve as soon as possible."
They spent the next hour getting all their clothes arranged and Scarlett allowed that task to take over her thoughts. The doorbell ringing had her heart slamming in her chest and she stood as still as a statue until she heard Janie thank someone. She'd been worried and excited at the same time that it might be Rhett. Obviously it hadn't been or Janie would have been a little more vocal, she thought with a grin.
"Scarlett, you have a package," she had thought for a moment about refusing to sign for it, but decided that was her decision to make.
Walking out into the room, she nibbled her lip not sure if she wanted to open it. No one but Rhett would be sending her anything and she wasn't sure if she had the strength to deal with whatever he might have given her at the moment.
"Just put it on the counter Janie," she didn't have to decide to open it just yet, she told herself.
"We really need to make a trip to go get some food for this place," she knew that Scarlett was having a hard time and hoped that shopping might take her mind off of things.
"I know I brought a few dishes with me, but we could definitely use some more pots and pans too." It was idle talk but it seemed safer to think about this than Rhett at the moment.
Janie grabbed her keys and they headed off to the store. The next few hours were saved by a shopping spree. Scarlett knew that they couldn't keep doing this. Sooner or later she'd have to face the realization that she had to deal with his memory.
When they made it back home, she waited for Janie to go take a bath before she opened her package. As she pulled the beautiful figurine of a belly dancer out and sat in on
the counter, she felt the tears fill her eyes. Opening the card, they fell down her cheeks as she read his note.
"The first night you danced for me my heart came alive for the very first time. I'm sorry I hurt you Scarlett. RH"
The beginning of their ten nights together, it felt like a hundred years ago at the moment she thought wiping her cheeks. It would be so easy to call him up, she thought. Placing the beautiful dance back in the box, she carried it to her room and put it in the top of her closet. She knew if she looked at it, then she would be constantly reminded of him.
Her iPhone message alert went off, and she had forgotten she left it home last night. Reading over the dozens of messages he left, she felt her heart break with every text. From I'm sorry, to I know you hate me, I was such a fool, Please forgive me, and on and on it went until her eyes blurred from the tears. Turning off the phone she put it on the dresser and walked away. This was killing her, she thought.
She walked into the kitchen and put together a Caesar salad for her and Janie. Just don't think about him, her mind demanded as she focused all her concentration on the food. When Janie walked in, she was feeling a little more composed.
"So what would you like to do tonight? Movie, or maybe go hit some new club?" She knew that Scarlett needed to keep her mind busy.
"Seriously Janie, why don't you and David do something? I need to work on my resume."
"I really don't want to leave you alone right now honey," the thought of hanging out with David was tempting, but she knew her friend needed her more.
"I promise I'll be fine Janie, I really want to get that resume done, then research some companies online and hopefully find some great job leads." She appreciated what her friend was doing, but she needed some alone time.
"If you're absolutely sure you don't need me?" There was a new club that David wanted to take her too, and she knew that Scarlett probably wasn't ready to be around the lifestyle stuff again yet.
"I promise I will be just fine," smiling at her friends worrying she shooed her with her hands. "Go have fun with your man, we can hang out tomorrow."
"Okay, well you have my cell phone number, so if anything changes, or you just get freaked out, you call me immediately!" Reaching over impulsively she hugged her tightly. "I mean it Scarlett, call me if you break a fingernail even."
"You are starting to freak me out mommy dear," giggling she shook her head, "please go have fun with David before you drive me nuts!"
"I'm going to get dressed then,” running back to her room she quickly slid on one of the new dresses David bought her and fixed her hair and makeup. Before leaving she asked Scarlett several more times if she was going to be okay and felt safe leaving her alone.
She was exhausted when Janie finally made it out the door. Knowing her friend was worried about her was sweet, but it was driving her nuts. Hovering over her was so not the norm for Janie and she needed a little normalcy at the moment. She took a long hot bath by candlelight, one of her favorite things to do that she'd neglected for the last few weeks. By the time she got out and slipped into her most comfortable pajamas she felt human almost.
After she'd devoured half a carton of her favorite rocky road ice-cream she felt invincible, if a little nauseated from overindulging. Setting up her laptop in the living room she worked on her resume until she felt like it was perfect enough to land the job of her dreams. With that task complete she searched up internships for business majors in the Chicago area. There were a few decent companies listed, and she decided to send in a resume to each of them.
She found a few employment agencies that sounded like they had decent leads as well, and marked them down on her to do list to contact in the morning. All in all she felt pretty productive. Turning off her laptop she decided to watch some television until she got tired. Sleeping in late today was really going to mess with her schedule she thought with a sigh.
Flipping on the TV she groaned when she saw Rhett's law firm commercial. This is really helping me not think about him, she thought as his beautiful face was plastered across her screen. Turning the channel quickly she demanded that her heart stop racing but it didn't listen well.
Allowing her mind to dwell on last night she decided it was just time to get this over with. She couldn't avoid thinking about him forever and now, here alone, seemed liked the best time to come to grips with what happened last night. Turning the television off she replayed the scene last night in her mind without all the emotional baggage she'd dealt with at the time.
Did some submissive's actually enjoy rape scenes, she wondered. It honestly had never crossed her mind before, but then again her fantasies only really focused on straight sex before Rhett because that was enough of a stretch. Maybe women really did like that kind of thing and she was just too naive to know it?
Pulling her laptop out again she searched up rape fantasies and was flabbergasted that it wasn't that uncommon of a fantasy. In fact it was talked about on several different entries. She was amazed that women would want to fantasize about something that was so completely degrading. Laughing at her own thought, she guessed it was probably pretty degrading for most women to get off on having a guy spank them as well.
She read through other fantasies that woman had and gasped at the scenarios Rhett had given her. Her heart lurched as she noted that everything he had done with her had been one of the fantasies that most women dreamed about doing and never have the nerve to ask for. What had she done? He had given her the same thing that other women were wishing for, it was right in front of her face as she stared at her computer.
Okay so the rape fantasy had completely freaked her out and been way above what she'd ever been willing to experience. But how would he have known that? If he'd been with women that knew what they wanted in the bedroom, and had obviously enjoyed living out fantasies, then that fantasy might have even turned them on.
She read on through the other women's ideas of what they dreamed of a lover doing to them. It was more than a little obvious that she had lived out the desires that many women only got to dream about. Each woman's admission made her feel a little worse about how she had ended things with Rhett.
He wasn't an angel by any means, she remembered his caveman complex with clarity, but he obviously wasn't an unfeeling bastard either, she surmised. She walked into the bedroom and picked up her phone. Nibbling on her lip nervously, she dialed his number.
"Scarlett, I'm so glad you called me back sweetheart, can you ever forgive me?" her number showing up on the caller ID had filled him with relief. He had worried she'd never want to talk to him again and that thought destroyed him.
"I think we need to talk," she spoke the words softly, her heart aching at just hearing the sound of his voice.
Breathing a sigh of relief he felt like he wasn't on the verge of a heart attack for the first time since she ran out on him. "I would like that very much, where would you like to meet?" He was willing to do this on her terms.
"Could we do it at your house, tomorrow night?" She wanted to see him right then, but she had to get herself together and think about what she needed to say first.
"Would nine o'clock work for you?" He was so worried that he'd say something wrong and she'd refuse to talk with him that he was on his best behavior.
"That would be fine," she didn't know what to say to him. She hated that it had come down to this. It made her heart ache to know before last night she had worshipped the ground he walked on and now she was at a loss for words.
He didn't want the conversation to end, he was afraid she would change her mind if she hung up and had time to think. "I'm really sorry Scarlett, I wish I could take back last night."
"I'm sorry too," she hated that they both seemed on edge it was killing her. "I should get some sleep." She was about to break down and didn't want to be on the phone with him when it happened.
"I don't want to keep you up if you're tired," he didn't want to hang up the phone, he wanted to demand she come home to him.
>
"Goodnight Rhett," she whispered softly.
Goodnight Scarlett," he refused to hang up, and waited until the line went dead before disconnecting. At least she'd agreed to meet with him, he thought. He had one last chance, and he hoped that their last night together might change everything.
It took hours after their conversation for her to finally fall asleep. She had no idea what would happen tomorrow night and even wondered if she was crazy to meet with him at all. The truth was that as freaked out as she had been the other night, she couldn't stand the thought of never being in his arms again.
He had pushed her beyond everything she was comfortable with, but at the same time she hadn't truly been alive before she met him. Everything about him confused, excited, terrified, and pushed all the right and wrong buttons. It might be insanity to need anyone this much, but at least with him she could feel something. She couldn't even remember the person she was before he came into her life anymore.
As sleep finally pulled her into its embrace he consumed her dreams. Standing on a sandy white beach he waited for her, his arms outstretched. Streaks of lightening painted the sky with each step she took forward. Closing the distance between them he held her against his chest and she thought in her dream world that their relationship was like a summer storm, filled with heat and emotions that were so volatile it might consume them both in the end.
chapter Twenty-three
Full Circle
"You know this is insanity, right?" Janie was furious that she was willing to put herself back in a situation that was only going to hurt her again. She sat down at their island bar looking at her best friend like she needed mental help. Short of tying her to the chair she could tell by Scarlett's look that her opinion wasn't going to budge her decision.
"Scarlett I know it seems that way to you but I'm going to drive myself nuts if I don't talk to him." Her nerves were strung tight as hell as it was, and she didn't need to deal with Janie's feelings on the subject to compile on top of what was already a monumental decision for her.
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