"Max, baby. I can't wait to get you back." A shrill high pitched voice breathes breathlessly down the phone at me.
"Hi, erm... Max isn't here right now but I can take a message?" I offer in my calmest voice, yet that's the farthest from how I feel. Adrenaline begins to pump in my body. I know we're not an item; it would be crazy to even think such a thing. We both said only a few days ago that we don't share, so who the hell is this calling him?
"Who is this and what are you doing with Max's phone?" If I thought she was high pitched before, there are no words for how wrong I was. I think all the dogs in London can hear her.
"He left his phone at mine; do you want me to pass a message on when I see him?" Shit. I'm speaking to his girlfriend, or even worse his wife. I knew it would be to fucking good to be true. What's worse is that I have just basically as good as told her that I have been shagging her husband. I'm saved from further interrogation as the line goes silent and disconnects.
Fun or no fun, all I ask is for a little bit of honesty.
JESS
"He's got a fucking wife!" I say, practically hyperventilating. It's two in the afternoon and I'm already on my second glass of wine. To be honest though I don't think I actually care. "After everything that I went through with Josh, there is no way that I would have gone there if I had known he was involved.
"How do you know it was his wife? It could have been anyone." Jen soothes, looking to George for assistance in calming me down. "What did she actually say to you?"
"Does it matter? The damage is done. I'm nothing but a home wrecking slutbag." I throw my head in my hands as the guilt ripples through my body.
That poor woman.
I am willing to bet my life that I'm not the first and I most definitely won't be the last. What an animal. He clearly knows what I have been through, seeing how he said as much to Josh earlier this morning. "They're all the fucking same, why do they only think with their dicks?"
"You're not a slut princess. God, I'd pay to see you try and be a slut. It'd be pretty entertaining. Listen, there's probably a perfect explanation as to who this over friendly woman is." George says as he nudges elbows with me trying to make light of the situation. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed by my actions that all I can do is top up my glass... again.
"Why don't you just ask him?" I pause, mid sip and fix my eyes on Jen, my friend, the person who is supposed to have my back through everything. Obviously that rule fell out of her best friend handbook today.
"Are you for real?" My voice comes out slightly high pitched showing my shock. "What do you suppose I say Jen? Oh hey Max. So I know we have been currently rocking each other's sex lives but I kind of accidentally spoke to your wife earlier? Or how about when were you going to mention your wife and happy home? Neither sounds good to me Jen. You may not have a conscience, but I pissing do." I snap unintentionally at her and I know I have just slapped the chief of all low blows at her but I'm so fucking hurt and angry I don't really care what comes out of my mouth. "Next time you two advise me to have a bit of fun, remind me to buy a shit load of cats or a new vibrator or something.
"Oh princess, if it's meant to work out it will do. If she is his wife or girlfriend then he's a full on bell end and you have learnt the hard way to stay away, but if there's a reasonable explanation and he is in actual fact single, then please god, stop holding back and allow yourself to feel again."
"I'm bloody going to miss you two." I choke out, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to break free.
I stay with Jen and George for as long as possible. Who knows how long I will be on the Gold Coast for. I might not make it back in one piece if Max's wife/girlfriend gets her hands on me. I will not be responsible for a break-up. No fucking way. I stop to wonder if Mike or whatever that bitch’s real name is feels the same guilt that I am feeling right now. We say a teary goodbye and I tell them that I will send a sneaky picture of the wife in case I go missing. At least that way they will have a face to put to my attacker.
By the time I have made it home I have made the decision that it stops. Right this second. There will be no calls, no texts, no nothing. Everything between us from this moment on has to be strictly professional. My heart aches at the thought of having to break all contact with Max, but I can't let this continue. As much as I try to prevent them, images of a perfectly flawless blonde crop into my mind. The thought of him bring intimate with someone else makes me feel physically sick. I'm just thankful that I have found out now before we are over there and I end up being the shamed woman in front of a bunch of strangers.
Oh my god.
What if she pays him cute little visits to the development site? The prospect of having to bump into this woman from time to time fills me with dread and I can stop the jealousy that begins to set in. Needing to clear my head, I decide to go for a run. I make quick dash to my bedroom to change into my workout clothes. I don't know why I'm surprised to find Josh lurking around the corner. Stalking me seems to be his new favourite hobby.
"This is getting ridiculous Josh. I don't want to talk to you, I have nothing to say. Was I not clear enough this morning?" No matter what I do, I can't seem to get away from the drama that these men bring to my life. I think these cats maybe a good idea after all.
"All I am asking is that you hear me out, you owe me that much."
"Owe?" I shout, cutting up him off. "I owe you fuck all Josh. It's over, when are you going to get that into your head?"
"Fair enough. Listen, please. I know I messed up really royally Jess. I was in a bad place, and I know it's not an excuse. Fucking nothing really excuses what I have done to you, to us."
"What's your point Josh?" I can feel myself getting angry. I don't want to hear all of this. I have already tortured myself with enough visuals of what happened to last me a life time, I really don't need a step by step recap.
"Give me another chance. I promise I will never let you down again. Please Jess. Remember how good we were?" Maybe if he had of said this to me last week I might have agreed that yes, we were good together. That's before Max came into my life and made me feel, showed me what affection and desire actually feels like.
"I think the best way to describe us was comfortable Josh, nothing more, nothing less. We fell into a rut where we stayed together for the convenience of it. It was what we knew, what we we're content with and you opened my eyes to it. I don't want that Josh. I want to be smiling for a reason and not out of habit or to be polite. I want to make the person that I am with happy because they make me happy. Do you understand Josh? We may care about each other; we're just not in love anymore." It surprisingly feels good to get this all out after keeping it bottled in for so long. "What you did, was probably the shittiest thing you could have ever done to me, but it opened my eyes to the fact that our relationship had overran its course a long time ago." I don't realise that my tears have fallen until I wipe my face. There not tears of sadness, but tears of the truth and acceptance finally braking free. Josh walks away from me, this time without putting up a fight and for the first time in what feels like forever, I think I have finally made it clear that we are done.
MAX
"We're flying out in the morning." I say to Heath for the tenth time in as many minutes. "What the fuck are you doing that's taking up all of your attention man?"
"Sorry mate, it's my phone it's been playing up for a while. So it will be good to have you back, hey?"
"I can't tell you how much I have been desperate to get in those waves. I'm telling you it feels like I have been away for much longer than a week." I swear as soon as I am back on my home turf and Jess is settled in, I'm heading out into the surf to de-stress. Then me and Jess are not moving for a few days. It will be our little hideaway, just the two of us until the jet lag resides.
"Hey, how's Liss? She still got that bitchy attitude with me? She been staying out of trouble?" I'm not sure how much I want to know the answer to those questions. I know there will be some kind of mess that
I'll have to clean up at some point.
"She's good. Keeping everyone on their toes that's for sure."
"Yeh that sounds about right. Thanks for keeping an eye out for her, I really appreciate it. I'll give you a call we get back, plus there's someone that I want you to meet."
"Shit that sounds a bit ominous. What kind of crap have you landed yourself in now?"
"Hey, it's nothing like that." I laugh. "My new work colleague." It sounds pretty weird when I refer to Jess as my colleague.
"Ah, your new employee for the development right?"
"No, Jess isn't an employee. She will have just as much a say in the development as me. She's very skilled at what she does and it's a pleasure to have her on board." I can tell Heath is taken aback from the silence down the line."
"Oooo..kay, whatever you want man. You're the boss. I'm slightly confused though. You've never brought anyone into the business as an equal to you." Tell me about it, I think to myself. That's just the thing, she's not just your average someone - she's my perfect fucking angel.
I check in on Mal and Daisy before I head back to Luke's, after leaving Stanton's. As soon as I enter the house, Daisy grabs me into a big old squeeze, just like she used to when I was a kid. God I have missed that woman. I feel pretty shitty that I haven't spent more time with her since I have been here. Hopefully I will be able to catch up with her properly when she comes over to Australia. Daisy is the only woman that I have ever trusted, really let into my life other than Mal. She was there for me whenever I needed her, no matter what, even when I was a complete bastard and threw the love she gave me right back in her face. I'd like to say all hormonal teenagers do it, but I was pretty much a bastard all of the time. Sometimes I would do it purely to get a reaction out of her just to make sure she still paid me attention. I guess a lot hasn't changed, I'm still a bastard - It's in my genes.
I glance at the time and notice it's just past dinner. My mind instantly goes to Jess as I wonder what she is doing and if she has managed to get everything ready for tomorrow. I contemplate calling her but hold of as she's most likely still out with her friends. Should I text her just to check she is ok? She frustrates the hell out of me. This isn't me. I don't chase after women, yet I can't stop thinking about her, needing to know she is ok, been what she is doing. I decide to send her a quick text otherwise the thought of the unknown will drive me insane. I search my pockets a few times until I come to the conclusion that I must have left my phone at hers this morning, I didn't notice earlier as I called Heath from the office.
"Hey Mal, can I use your phone? I need to give Jess a quick call before we leave tomorrow."
"Sure' it's on the side. Daisy asked if you’re staying for dinner? You know how she likes to take care of you." Yes I definitely do, if I had stayed here any longer I would have turned into a fatty for sure. Daisy's food is amazing and it's hard to say no. Deciding to give Jess a call, I make my way outside before pressing down on the green icon. She answers on the first ring.
"Hey Mal, is everything okay?" Of course she thinks it's Mal, it's his phone I'm using.
"Hey, it's me, Max." Why do I suddenly feel about twelve years old asking a girl out? I'm nervous as fuck.
"Oh hi. I thought it was Mal. What's up?" The tone in her voice is different. Something has happened and she sounds royally pissed right now.
"Is everything okay?" I ask, concern evident in my voice. Something is wrong. Maybe she is worried about going to a country that she doesn't know. Maybe she has had enough of me for a while and wants to stay with her friends; however that wasn't the impression I was getting this morning before I left.
"Everything is fine Max. I'm just tired. It's been a long day and I just want to go to bed. What did you want?"
"How are you getting to the airport tomorrow? I'll pick you up."
"It's fine Max. You don't need to do that; I can make my own way there. I'll see you in the morning." The line goes quiet and just like that she's gone. There's no fucking way I'll let her try and run away from me again. Things have been going great this weekend, so what's with the sudden change? This is why I don't bother with feelings or commitment. Women, they're a fucking head fuck.
I breathe out a sigh of despair before entering the house. If Mal sees me like this he'll know for sure something is wrong, and I don't feel like sitting there answering his questions. Right now I need to see Jess. Usually if a girl wanted to play hard to get then they would be playing for a long fucking time, because I sure as hell wouldn't bother with them again. Jess on the other hand, drives me fucking insane.
The more she pulls away, the more I want her in my life. Talk about fucked up.
I pull up outside Jess' house ten minutes later. At first it looks like she is asleep as no lights seem to be on in the house. Then I notice the curtain move slightly in the living room. She obviously heard the engine. If I didn't know any better I'd say she was avoiding me. Anger and frustration simmer away and the thoughts as to why she is acting like this begin to take over my mind. Before I know it, I'm up the drive and hammering away on her door.
"JESS!" I shout. "I know you're in there." I wait and there is nothing. "I swear if you don't open this door, I'll kick it the fuck down." Still there is nothing, just silence consuming me on this quiet street. I've probably disturbed the neighbours already, but I don't give a shit. I'm about to hammer away at the door again when I hear the click of the lock on the door before it opens.
Fuck me. This woman never fails to knock the wind right out of me. I'd love nothing more than to feel her next to me right now.
"Why are you here? We have to be up early for the flight tomorrow?" She sighs, her hair a tumbling mass of golden waves floating down onto her shoulders, those perfect pick lips desperate to be kissed and that fucking body. All tight and perfect with every curve and edge that she has. It's hypnotic, she's fucking hypnotic. Yes. I am definitely a pussy whipped bastard when it comes to Jess Townsend.
Tension rolls off of her in waves. What the hell could have happened in the space of eight hours to get her back up? I step a little bit closer to her, but she pulls back quite quickly as if my touch would hurt her.
"Hey what's happened?" I ask, a sudden need to care for her and make sure that she is okay fills me, stuns me and renders me fucking speechless.
"I'm just tired, I told you. Have you come for your phone?"
"Yes, I suppose so. You sounded off on the phone so I thought I would check on you." The honesty that rolls from my tongue is automatic and it shocks me a little.
"Well I'm fine. Do you not have something better that you should be doing with your time Max?"
"What are you talking about? What's with the bitchy attitude?" I'm getting really fucking pissed right now. The fact that she is acting like a dick and won't tell me why makes me want to punch the fucking wall or something. She goes hot to mother fucking cold in an instant. If she didn't make my dick so fucking hard and I didn't ache to be inside her constantly, there's no pissing way I would be standing here right now. Or at least that's what my manly ego is trying to think anyway.
It takes everything I have for me to stand here and patiently wait for her to let me in or at least reply to me, but she just stands there fidgeting with her vest top.
"So are you going to actually talk to me or am I gonna have to stand here all night freezing my balls off?"
"We can't do this Max. It stops now, it has too." Her voice is barely a whisper. It's so low that I can't be sure if I heard her right. She's still fidgeting with her top and refuses to meet my eyes with hers.
"This is bullshit!" I yell, loud enough to make her jump. "You call this past week nothing?" I run my hands through my hair to keep them busy. There is no way that I can lose my control around her. Not now, not ever.
"Max, will you listen to me please? It's not going to work. I need to take a step back before it's too late. Girls like me don't get to be with guys like you..."
"...Guys like me?" I cut in. "Guys
like me? What the hell are you talking about?" Damn she's fucking crazy. What does she mean? That I'm too good for her? Shit, if only she knew the real me, the real fucked up Max Wild then she would probably run a mile and realise she's the one who is too good for me. If she could see how damaged I was before she crashed into my life and thawed a little bit of that ice away. There's no way she would believe me if I told her that she was too good for me. That fucking prick who she was with made sure of that when he broke all of her trust.
"I have already caused too much damage. I feel pretty shit right now and I would appreciate it if you could just leave me alone."
She's talking in riddles and making no sense whatsoever. "Jess, seriously, everything you are saying isn't making sense right now."
"Just let this week stay in our minds and our minds only. There is no way that I am going to let someone suffer the way I have Max. I will not become a home wrecking slag like that whore who Josh was shagging. I don't condone cheating Max. I never have and I never will.
I break out laughing. I try to stop but I can't. "That's all this is?" I ask, my heart somewhat lighter. "You're worried that you're going to break up a happy home?"
"You laughing in my face right now proves you’re a complete bell end Max, just like the rest of them. If you want to get your end away and hurt the people who obviously care about you, then fine, do it. Just know that it won't be with me. I wouldn't wish the hurt and betrayal that I felt on anyone."
"You're fucking mental. There is no happy family Jess."
"Let me guess... There's trouble in paradise, your marriage is failing and you're sleeping in separate beds so it makes it okay? That might be okay with you, but I couldn't give a shit. I'm all for a bit of fun but not when it comes to a married man."
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