"Mal's in hospital." His voice is shaky when he tells me. I struggle to hear him, he's that quiet. His face is void of any emotion whatsoever.
"What do you mean in hospital? When? How?" I struggle to understand what he's just told me. Mal can't be in hospital. He's one of the fittest people I know. "What's happened to him?" I wait for Max to answer me, but he seems to be in complete and utter shock. I need to find out what has happened to him.
"Daisy called. I couldn't understand much of what she was saying apart form Mal being taken to the hospital as they were waiting for their luggage,"
"They're here?" I say more to myself. "Did you know they were flying out?"
"No. As far as I was aware they were going to call when they had rebooked their flights. Fuck this is all my fault."
Max doesn't speak for the rest of the journey to Gold Coast hospital. He doesn't speak when we enter the hospital, in fact I don't even think he has looked at me once since he came crashing into my office. If I'm honest, it's allowed me to try and get my head around this. I still don't know what has happened, but by the way Max has been acting, it can't be good.
It feels like forever when we have to wait for reception to tell us where to go. I don't like hospitals, they scare the shit out of me, and that hospital smell, it knocks me sick. I see Daisy first, her red eyes filling me with dread. She greets me with a warm hug but she can't bring herself to speak. Max squeezes her shoulder and then sits in the waiting room with his head in his hands. I want to comfort him, let him know that I am here for him and that I also kind of need him too, but that's me being selfish. I have had the privilege of working for Mal and being welcomed into their family, but Max is Mals family.
I try to make myself useful in some way. There is nothing worse than standing around and waiting. Waiting when you know you can't help the situation is a right pain in the arse. I head off in search of the cafeteria, anything to keep my mind from thinking the worst case scenarios all the time. We're still none the wiser as to what has happened to Mal. All I could get from Daisy was that he complained of feeling faint after leaving the plane and then collapsed at the luggage bay not long after. The doctors have been with him since and the rest is just a painful waiting game while they run all of the necessary tests.
I contemplate calling Jen, to hear a familiar voice, but it's only six-thirty back home and she'd kill me as soon as she saw me if I disturbed her sleep. The coffee is nothing special, in actual fact it's just the same as back home. It tastes like tar and it’s as watery as hell but it will give us something to do to keep us busy while we wait. At first when I arrive back to the clean, white waiting room, it looks as though nothing has changed. Max and Daisy remain seated where I left them. Max doesn't look up as I pass out the drinks; he just sits motionless, elbows resting on his knees with his head in his hands. I want to comfort him, but I just don't know how. His body language is telling me to leave him be and my heart aches at seeing this man, so strong, confident and powerful break before me. I have never felt so useless. I place his cup down beside him so that it's in reaching distance if he wants it. As I turn to pass Daisy her cup I notice that Melissa is now here, sat beside Daisy talking in hushed voices.
"Sorry." I say to Melissa when she looks up at me. "I didn't know you were here otherwise I would have grabbed you one too. Do you want this one?"
"No, seriously don't worry about it. I hate that stuff at the best of times. Plays havoc with my skin. How are you holding up?"
"Still in shock really. I didn't even know he was due to fly out. How's Max?" I ask looking over to his direction. Maybe he has spoken to his sister while I have been gone. Melissa stands and takes me by the arm pulling me away from the seating area.
"He'll be alright sweetie. As soon as he hears that Mal's going to be okay he'll snap out of it." She says, sounding unconvinced. I really hope she's right, after all she knows her brother better than most.
We continue to sit here in silence for another hour at least before a doctor finally makes an appearance.
"Mrs Stanton?" A young female doctor approaches and stands in front of our little group. Daisy stands up first and turns to the doctor.
"Yes. That's me, how is he?" She asks, her voice shaking with such raw emotion that I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. Why Mal, I think.
"You might like to sit down." Oh fuck this can't be good, I think. I stay in my chair as I wait for the inevitable to come. Daisy however stands where she is, god bless her. Max however stands suddenly.
“Just tell us what’s happened, god dammit.” He yells.
"Very well." The doctor remains calm at Max's outburst. I'm sure she's had to deal with much worse. "It would seem that Mr Stanton has developed deep vein thrombosis on the flight over. Following on from this, the build up of the clots have put added pressure on his heart which has resulted in him having a heart attack."
Voices around me seem to echo in the distance as my mind tries to digest what she has just said. A heart attack. How can Mal, one of the healthiest people that I know end up in hospital, because of a heart attack of all things?
"Is he going to be okay?" Melissa asks quietly.
"At the moment he is being prepped for theatre. He will need to have a coronary angiogram before we know anything further. As soon as I have any more information I will be sure to let you know." She gives us a small friendly smile as she turns to leave. Max turns and leaves at her final words, his shoulders set and his head down with the most thunderous look on his face. He doesn't say a word to any of us and all I can do is watch him walk away, knowing deep down that nothing I say to him will make him turn around.
MAX
History is repeating itself again and there's not a fucking thing I can do about it. It's all my fucking fault. It always is, so why the fuck did I do this? If I had of left everything as it was none of this would have happened. My fist connects to the wall as anger, frustration and hurt course through me like wildfire. I need air. I cannot bring myself to stand in that mother fucking place when I am unable to do anything for my family. Shit. If I hadn't pushed Mal out here then none of this would be happening. When will I realise that I need to stop being such a selfish bastard and leave everyone to enjoy their own lives?
Every goddamn thing I touch is cursed. First my mum, then Melissa and now Mal. I've put the only man, the only father figure in my life, who has been with me through thick and thin, good and bad in fucking hospital. He could have died. Shit, he still could. What would that make me then? It would make me no better than a murderer that's what. All because of my selfish goddamn ways.
My mind is numb and I'm finding it hard to breathe. I need to get out of here... Now. I don't know where and I really don't give a toss where I might end up. All I know is that I need to get out of here.
Before I know it, I'm already in the car and speeding down the roads. Reckless I know, but I need to escape the past, the memories that come flooding back into my mind. I'm vaguely aware of my phone ringing on the passenger where I tossed it to the side when I set off. I have no desire to answer it; in fact I have no desire to speak to anyone. What I need is a drink, a very stiff fucking drink.
I find myself pulling into my drive, my subconscious sending me to one of my safe places. The driveway is empty, Martha must have left already. Perfect. Now I don't need to worry about anyone bothering me. At least until they come looking for me and realise I am here.
JESS
"He's not answering. I've tried a few times and it's still ringing out and going to his voicemail." God I must sound so desperate. I watch my phone, expecting it to jump to life in my hands with Max's name dancing across the screen.
"He'll call when he's ready. He gets like this sometimes. Truthfully he's an absolute dick for leaving you stranded here like this though and I’ll be telling him how I feel about it, that’s for sure."
"It's okay. It seems to have hit him pretty hard, so I can understand him rushing off like that." I'm more ups
et that he is refusing to talk to me or take my calls.
"Max has always been close to Mal, ever since... Well, ever since we were young. Did you know we used to live with him? I don't know how much Max has told you, but uncle Mal has always been there for us, more than anyone else ever was and at a time when we so desperately needed him. It's no good you watching the door. Max won't come back until he knows Mal is out of the woods and has been given the all clear. Come on, you can stay at mine."
I'm blown away by her kindness. She doesn't know me from Adam and she is offering me a place to stay. "Thanks." It's the only words that get passed my lips as my throat contracts tightly shut against my will.
"Hey, if Max is happy for you to stay at his then I have no problem with you crashing at mine. I wish I could say this on happier terms Jess really I do. I don't know what you have done to my brother but he has never been like this before. So thank you, thank you for finally making him happy." If I thought my throat was tight before, it had shit on what it feels like now. How do you respond to something like that anyway?
Melissa's house is just as beautiful as Max's, if only a lot smaller.
"Max is excessive and bold. He likes his possessions to stand out. I prefer small and cosy. Nothing beats coming home to a comfortable home; it's good for the soul. Or so I am told.
"Are you sure you don't mind me staying. I am happy to book a hotel room."
"Nonsense." The look on her face is serious as she continues, "You'll be staying here. Plus, it will be nice to finally have a female other than myself around the house. I’m fed up of being surrounded by males all the time."
I've tried to call Max a couple of more times but he isn't answering. I've had to hide it from Melissa, scared that she'll shout at me for not listening to her earlier. Instead I try Jen, not expecting her to answer.
"Baby girl. How's the highlife?" I can hear music playing in the background. Never a quiet moment with Jen around.
"Not too good actually." I don't see any point in holding back from her. "Mal's in hospital. He flew in with Daisy earlier. None of us knew about it and he's had a pissing heart attack." I have to take a deep breath to stop my voice from cracking. Even saying it aloud doesn't seem to make it real.
"Shit. You're joking right? This is some kind of wind up to make me feel bad for being a jealous cow while you're over there isn’t it?"
"I wish it was Jen, really I do. When I left they were running some more tests to see what the damage was. I've not had an update just yet but I guess no news is good news and all that."
"Oh babe. Why didn't you call me sooner?" Her voice is laced with concern and I suddenly wonder why I have decided to bother her with this. She's my best friend that's why and all I have wanted all day is to hear a familiar voice, one that will make me feel warm and safe inside.
"You probably would have been asleep and I didn't want to bother you."
"Jess, if it's something major like this, you call me okay? That's what I'm here for. If you need me to do anything, although I'm not sure how much use I would be, just bloody call me; no matter what time it is, do you understand?"
"I know. Daisy's still at hospital. There's no way that she's going to leave his side until he is out of there in one piece." I really hope he comes out in one piece.
"He's a tough cookie. He'll pull through this, you know he will. Don't worry unless they give you a reason to doll, okay? Do you want me to call into the office to let them know?"
"Thanks, but I should really do it. I'll have to arrange some cover on some of the outstanding projects and things."
"Okay. If you need me, call me. Got it? I love you."
"Love you too, Jen."
After calling Tim and making sure Stanton’s is still running smoothly, I decide to settle in for the night. It's been one hell of a day and I can feel my bones melting from mental and emotional exhaustion. Melissa checks in on me from time to time and I assure her that I am fine. All I need is sleep. Everything will look better once I have had some sleep. Amelia is still off sick, which I find strange. She'd still come to work with her leg hanging off that one. Something strange is going on there, but I'll come back to that when my head is a little more clearer.
Before I allow my overly drained and exhausted body the rest it so desperately needs, I try Max one more time. It doesn't surprise me when he doesn't answer. For whatever reason he clearly doesn't want to speak to me and needs his space. I try and hold back my anger but I'm out here on my own in a country that I am not familiar with at all and I have no bloody idea how I am supposed to get to the office in the morning. I type out a quick message to him. He will have to read it eventually.
Max, I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now and I completely understand. I just want to make sure that you are okay. I'm staying at Melissa's if you need me.
I know I won't get a response from him, at least not until he is ready anyway. His face is the last thing I see before I completely crash into a deep sleep.
The weather is a lot milder than it has been over the past couple of days. I welcome the breeze that surrounds me as I drive out to the hospital. Melissa was kind enough to loan me one of her cars for the day. Not only that but she also programmed in the places that I need to go into the tom tom so that I didn't get lost in a ditch somewhere. As much I am grateful for Melissa's kindness, I just needed to get out of the house and feel some kind of normality in my life again. At least this way I can make sure I'm not falling behind on the development either. However, with Max AWOL I'm not sure how much I can actually get done. I suppose a little is better than nothing. Fortunately the accounts back at Stanton's are mostly up to date so I shouldn’t need to bother with them too much.
"How's he doing?" Daisy is propped up by Mal's beside. I can bet my life that she hasn't moved since he came back to this room yesterday. She looks like she hasn't had an ounce of sleep.
"Still the same dear. They have to run some more tests, but it's better than him getting worse at least." I can't even begin to comprehend what she is going through right now. To set off on a trip of a lifetime and the prospect of retirement on the horizon, only to be rushed into hospital when you arrive.
"Here. I thought you might like some breakfast." I sit down next to her as we both watch Mal in silence. His chest moves up and down in a perfect rhythm aided by the ventilator that he is strapped up to. Melissa told me this morning that his angiogram didn't go to plan yesterday as Mal's body had responded quite badly and was rushed to intensive care straight from theatre.
"Where's Max? Did he not come with you?" Daisy asks, her hand gently squeezing mine making me pull my eyes away from the tubes that cover Mal and to look at her directly. Why did I not prepare for this? This question was bound to come up at some point.
"I've not seen him since yesterday. I've tried to call him but he just isn't answering." I tell her, truthfully. I miss out the fact that I'm missing him like crazy. Right here, right now isn't the time and place for that conversation.
"I expected as much dear. I wouldn't worry about him too much. He'll come around soon. Deep down, underneath all of that bravado that he displays is still a young boy who is hurting and too scared to trust people. Mal has been like a father to him and Melissa. So to me, knowing him as I do, it's an understandable reaction. Just promise me one thing Jess? Just take it easy on him when you do see him okay?"
JESS
I'm surprised to see the fifteenth floor empty as I exit the lift. A huge part of me expected Max to be busy in his office, looking deliciously perfect sat as his desk making important phone calls. My heart sinks a little when I realise that I probably won't see or hear from him today either.
The reception desk is vacant too. Jeez, do any of these people that supposedly work here know what work is? It doesn't bloody look like it to me. It's too quiet in this office. I'm used to a vibrant and fun work places, not one where no one shows up. I walk into my office and turn the radio on, something to make it feel a littl
e livelier.
I wait patiently for my computer to fire up so that I can check my calendar to see if I have any important meetings scheduled in today. It all looks pretty clear. It looks like the meetings all start from next week. This is good. This makes me happy as it gives me more than enough time to settle in and make myself comfortable with my new surroundings. As I try and get familiar with the systems that I will be using an email catches my eye. Butterflies instantly knot in my stomach as his name flashes across the monitor. I have wanted nothing more than for him to contact me and now I can't help the panic that sets in. Holding my breath I click on the mail icon and read with one eye closed before I back out.
Jess, I hope you have settled in okay. I wish I could be with you on your first official day but its best that I am not around you at the moment. I need to clear my head and get a hold on things. I'll call you when I can.
Click. Click. Click.
I'd recognise that sound anywhere. Does anyone else want to make my life hell today? Obviously they do. I look up from my computer screen when the sound of moving heels stop and glare at the queen bitch stood in front of me. I wondered how long it would take until she would be sharpening her claws and clicking her stilettos around my office. Not long enough by the looks of things. It would seem she has made it her sole purpose in life to taunt me at every possible opportunity. I don't even give her the pleasure of a response and resume playing around with the computer. I sense her eyes burning into me some more so I briefly look up once again. She doesn't look like she is about to go anywhere so I give in.
Escape down under Page 19