"Stella, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I'm trying here, really I am. My jaw is clenching tighter and tighter but I still keep my calm. Much to one’s surprise. I will not let this super psycho bitch get to me. Nope, not one little bit. Truthfully it's only my pride and sheer fear of being someone's bitch that stops me from ramming her delectable jimmy choos down her throat. The thought however is very pleasing to my imagination.
"Oh Jess. You're so naive, and for a focused successful business woman? I would have expected a little more dignity from you."
As her eyebrows try to shoot upwards I can't help but feel smug inside and thank all things Botox. I was at a point in my life where I was quite happy with my appearance, however if I ever considered Botox I would think back on this day and be reminded that constipation isn't a look I want to aim for.
"Do you really think now he's had you that he'll stick around? He doesn't do relationships. He never has and he never will sweetheart. Trust me." she purrs. "I have been around long enough to know him and I know he doesn't do commitment. Obviously if he did, do you really think he would be flashing his puppy dog eyes at the likes of you. Especially when there are clearly better options available for him?"
"By that, I'm guessing you mean you? Forgive me Stella, but if he wanted you would he not be with you? Or are you sad enough to wait around in the hope that one day he might actually look at you and really see you?"
"You don't know what you're talking about. You’re just something new for him, his recent plaything. He'll get tired Jess. By the looks of his absence I'm guessing that time has come already. How awkward it must be for you having to work with someone who has binned you off so soon."
"Not as desperate as you are love. Not that it's any of your business but if you need to know where he is so badly then why don't you just call him instead of wasting you're precious time bothering me?" She looks at me with a narrowed expression, pure hatred seeping out of her every pore. Oh, the feeling is very much mutual love, believe me. She doesn't bother to give me a response; instead she clicks her way out of my office and out of sight. Good riddance to bad shit I say. Why the hell does he even have someone like that working for him?
Keep calm Jess. She's really not worth my increase in blood pressure. I've got enough shit on my plate without letting the likes of her work me up. The thought of replying to Max plays on my mind for some time. Should I even bother him when he has told me he needs some space? Maybe he sent me the email so that I would stop hounding him with calls. One thing is for certain, he is definitely a man that I will never understand, no matter how much I try. All of this with Mal has really affected him. Both Daisy and Melissa have commented on how close they are. I don't know what it is but this goes much, much deeper than I originally thought.
"Get this down you, and I want no arguments." Melissa is hovering in my doorway, coffee cup in one hand and a deli bag in the other. "Don't think I didn't notice you leaving without having breakfast this morning. You need to eat sweetie." As she sits opposite me, her face shows a sympathetic grin.
"Melissa, honestly I'm fine. I'm not much of a morning eater. I eat like a beast all day if I have breakfast. Not that I don't appreciate it, but how come you're here? Have you not got other things that you should be doing?"
"Max called." She watches my reaction before she continues. "He wanted me to check in on you and to make sure you're okay." Is he for real? How hard is it for him to contact me himself or even better, come to work and see me face to face.
"How nice of him." I say sarcastically.
"At least the dragons gone. What did she want anyway?"
"Stella? To wish me well and tell me how excited she is to have me on board. We're going to have so much fun and I can’t bloody wait." I shouldn't really be slagging a work colleague off to Melissa but that woman really makes my blood boil.
"Ignore her. She's nothing but a nasty bitch. As soon as my brother gets rid of her the better." Yes, I think to myself, me and Melissa are going to get along just fine.
"So do you have any idea what I need to do to get started around here? There's nothing in my calendar until next week." I'm in the deep end here. Understandably everyone is worried about Mal, myself included and I don't want to bother anyone with the stuff I am unsure of. Melissa doesn't seem to mind though.
"For now, I'd just start setting everything up like your mailing lists, contacts and stuff like that. That way you know where everything is when you need it next week. I'm gonna be going to the hospital later if you fancy coming with me?"
"I'm okay. I saw Daisy this morning before heading here. I'll probably just go back to yours if that's okay? You guys go and spend time with your family." I don't want to intrude, plus I can go and see them tomorrow. "Where's Daisy staying? Surely she's not going to stay at the hospital another night is she?"
"No, they've got their own place. Max arranged it as a surprise for when they came over. Getting Daisy out of that hospital is going to be a problem. I don't blame her though; she won't leave him until she knows he's stable."
"I don't want to get in the way, but if there is anything I can do just let me know." It's not much but at least the offer is there.
"How about I treat us to lunch later? There's not much going on around here and I'd love to see you eat something, seeing as that bagel is going to waste."
"Okay. Deal, but I'm paying as a thanks for letting me stay. No arguments." I throw her threat back at her.
JESS
I watch Melissa type away on her phone as I slowly sip my water. Her mannerisms are so similar to Jens it's frightening. Her brow furrows as she stumbles across something on her phone, then in a full Jen like fashion she drastically switches it off and dumps it into her Marc Jacobs bag. With a clap of her hands she shouts gleefully "let’s get cocktails."
"As much as I would love to, I can't drink cocktails while I'm working. It's not exactly professional is it? I'll end up getting sacked."
"Sacked by who, Max? He isn't here so what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Plus I highly doubt he'd sack you Jess." I wouldn't be so sure. It would be much easier for him to sack me than to avoid me for as long as I'm over here. Melissa eyes me warily, unsure if she has said the wrong thing.
"Hey listen. I don't know what's going on with you and my brother, but give him time. He's an arsehole, he always has been. I guess he's finding it hard dealing with these new emotions that have suddenly taken over his life. I'm not saying what he is doing is right, but I know he is trying. For you. I can tell by the way he is around you. You're special to him Jess, don't give up on him."
I silently listen to Melissa's words, willing them to be true. Yes he likes me, that much is true. Willing to change how he has lived his life is much more challenging. He wants space, well that's what I'm going to give him.
"Fuck it, I'll have a mojito."
"That's my girl."
A handful of cocktails, an extra hour’s lunch and a slightly fuzzy head later, we make our way back to the office. It still amazes me how people actually live in this beautiful place. There is absolutely no way that you could have a cocktail lunch on the beach in the centre of London. I welcome the feel of the sand between my toes as I walk along, like a warm soft blanket against my skin. I bloody wish I could wake up to this every day.
"You're so lucky to live here you know. I love London, I really do, but this is paradise."
"I know. You don't know how lucky I am. I owe it all to Mal and Max. Everything they have done, they have done for me..."
"What do you mean?" Now she has me curious and I'm eager to find out more. She hesitates, a little unsure if she should continue.
"Listen to me going on with myself. You don't need to hear all of that. Why don't you tell me more about you?"
"Where do I start?" What do I tell her, the truth? I don't think I know her well enough to explain how I have failed at everything in my life except my career. Does she really want to know how I struggled to get by day to day knowing t
hat I was the biggest regret of my mother’s life? Does she really want to know how the one person who was supposed to love me more than life itself dropped his pants to the first slag, that I know of any way, who gave him some attention? No, I don't think she wants to hear any of that at all.
"Shoot." She encourages me to open up to her.
"Well, there's not much to tell really. I'm pretty easy going, hardworking and down for a bloody good time. In my spare time when I'm not working, you'll most likely find me propped up at our local bar having drinks with my two partners in crime, Jen and George."
"I bet you miss them hey?"
"Seriously, like you wouldn't believe." What I would give to have them here with me now. When all else fails I know those two are always there to pick me up. "This will be the longest I have been away from them both in years."
Melissa links her arm in mine as we near the edge of the beach. "You'll be home before you know it sweetie and this will all be some kind of awesome dream, or nightmare depending on how you feel."
Her words hit me hard. Yes, soon I will be at home, on the other side of the world to Max and I'm not sure I am ready to face that reality just yet. The thought of being that far away from him leaves a sickening feeling in my mouth.
I leave Melissa with much more enthusiasm than I had this morning. This afternoon is going to be much more productive, I've decided. I want to use this free time to catch up on the drafts that I have already started and get them finalised as soon as possible. I don't see why it can't be done with the office as quiet as it has been. Who knows, I might even manage to go a few hours without checking my phone to see if Max has called. Melissa's right, he'll call me when he is good and ready. I'll just have to be patient and wait it out.
The hotel is bursting at the seams with guests as I pass through the foyer and make my way to the lifts. I need to remember to take myself on a little tour soon. Everyone seems friendly and polite as they smile and say "hello" every now and again. It's a lovely sight, not one that you see often anymore. Most people are usually too busy to glance in your direction.
As I wait for the lift to arrive, I get a sudden sense of unease in my stomach. Maybe it's the cocktails that I have devoured over lunch. I try to push the thoughts out of my mind as I ride up to the fifteenth floor. Thoughts of Mal fighting for his life in hospital, poor Daisy all alone by his bedside with only god knows what running through her mind and then there is Max...
The doors open as I rummage in my bag and step out into reception. Right there, right in front of me is my fucking worst nightmare. Glossy auburn hair flows in waves before me. She has her back to me, so I can't make out what she is doing. I try to move forward to get a better look of what she is doing in Max's office when a shard of ice pierces my heart. I'm frozen in place as I take in the gut wrenching sight before me. Max, my Max, is sat in front of her. He looks completely broken. Why would he go to her and not me? Do I mean that little to him? Surly he must have known I would be coming back to the office after lunch.
No wonder she has her back to me, she's positioned comfortably on top of his desk. Her hands wrap around him giving him the comfort that he obviously needs, the comfort he won’t allow me to give him. Slowly her hands trail up into his hair as she soothes him towards her and then everything stops, even my heartbeat stills as she leans in as kisses him with such a passion that I can't look away. My adrenaline then kicks in and sparks throughout my body.
How the fuck can this be happening? There's no way I'm going to be treated as a pushover for any man again, no matter how involved I am with them. No. Fucking. Way. I manage to move my feet backwards and step into the lift behind me. Thankfully no one has called it back down. Being stranded on this floor with these two while I wait for the lift to travel back up would be pure torture. Space my fucking arse. What an absolute twat. I knew it was too good to be true. The doors start to close just as Max and Stella separate their embrace. Max, as if suddenly sensing my presence, looks directly at me. His eyes wide with shock at being caught and Stella stands and looks directly at me with a smug, satisfied expression on her face. I can't stop the ugly tears that travel down my face. Hurt and anger pulsing through my veins and it takes everything I have to keep myself standing.
Of course it was going to happen. It was inevitable. I should have just read the signs and stopped acting like a desperate bloody school girl.
"No one will ever love you Jess. When will you get that into your pathetic little head?" My mother’s voice rings through my head to remind me that no matter what I do, who I meet, I will never be good enough. I don't deserve to be happy.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Wow, what an amazing journey this has been. I have met so many amazing people, authors, bloggers and readers alike - you all rock. I can't thank you enough for your continued support. The support and love you show to the Indie world is outstanding.
A special thanks to my sinful ladies, you sure know how to make a girl feel special. Nothing is ever too much for you guys to share or pimp me out and for that I am extremely grateful.
Clarise, you are a lady full of talent. I fell in love with my book cover the moment it came through my email and I cannot wait to see what you come up with for book two.
Charisse, you have been an absolute diamond throughout of all of this. Our face times and daily chats have kept me sane. The help and support you have given me is second to none, all while writing your book too. I am extremely privileged to call you my friend and I cannot wait for our adventures when they start. Here's to the next couple of months in the writing cave.
Lastly and most importantly I would like to thank my boys, my big man and my little man. For the past six months or so they have happily allowed me time out to work on this book, always spurring me on when I have needed it. I love you both with all my heart.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Welcome to the crazy and hectic life that is me... A fun, loving mum of one special little boy, girlfriend (I'm sure it should be wife by now!!) and an overall crazy, happy go lucky girl from Manchester, England.
I have always had a passion for reading and writing. Wherever I am, my book reader is never far behind along with a mug of coffee.
I found myself wanting to write from a young age, I have quite a few hidden stories on my computer somewhere; maybe I will have to dig them out and play around with them at some point.
I decided to make the very exciting but also very nerve wracking decision to release my debut 'Escape down under' at the end of 2013 when the ideas in my head got too strong and just wouldn't leave me alone.
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Escape down under Page 20