by Jaye Wells
“I am starved. I haven’t eaten since I grabbed a candy bar at the museum for lunch,” she said. “Did Jorge leave us any pizza?”
Logan nodded as he pulled the box from the fridge. Syd grabbed some plates and headed to the table. He made sure she had enough and then spoke.
“I need to go take care of something. Will you be all right for a few minutes?”
Syd looked up. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, I, uh, have to go . . . check on something,” he said evasively. He didn’t want to admit he hadn’t fed in hours. He felt drained and weakened from the day and needed to go grab a couple of bags of blood. Being near Syd when he was this hungry was dangerous. He had already caught himself staring at her neck more than once. He must have been doing it again because she reached up a hand and self-consciously rubbed her neck.
“Logan, it’s okay if you need to go feed. I understand,” she said.
“You do? I didn’t want to upset you,” he said.
“Well, if it’s a choice between you drinking a bag of blood or biting me, I’d prefer the former,” she said with a shaky laugh.
“Syd, even if I was dying from lack of blood, I would never bite you,” he said.
She nodded. “I know. You just kept staring at my neck.”
He felt himself blush. “Sorry. It’s an instinctive response. I’ll go take care of it now.”
He sent her a reassuring smile and left.
Syd drew a shaky breath after he left. She had tried to put on a brave front while he was there, but honestly, the whole feeding thing freaked her out. Logically, she understood he needed blood to survive, and he didn’t feed off mortals. But when she saw his gaze return to her neck repeatedly, she got a serious case of the willies.
She took a bite of pizza, hoping the food would calm her. As she ate, she wondered why every time she managed to forget that Logan was a vampire, something happened to make her face the truth again. How could she date a man who drank blood? Could she handle seeing his fangs every time they were intimate? She wasn’t sure. She did know that the idea didn’t bother her as much as it did when she had first learned he was immortal. But she still wasn’t sure.
A few moments later Logan walked in. When she saw him, she couldn’t believe the change. When he left the kitchen, he’d looked pale and a little weak. But now he seemed to glow with vitality.
“Feeling better?” she asked.
“Much. How about you?” he asked as he took a seat next to her.
“The pizza hit the spot,” she said. She pushed back a bit from the table.
“Do you want to go to bed?” he asked.
She paused, staring at him. Tension hung in the air for a moment before he spoke again.
“I meant are you tired?” he asked, a slight flush staining his cheeks.
“I’m too wired to sleep,” she said, hoping he’d take the hint.
“Okay, what do you want to do then?” he asked.
Make love to you.
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” she asked instead.
His gaze turned molten as he took her hand and held it. “Syd, I want to make love to you more than just about anything in the world right now,” he replied. Struck mute by his honesty, she merely nodded.
“But,” he said, regret clear in his voice. “I think we need to talk.”
Syd let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Talk about a let down. Here she was ready to throw herself at him, and he wanted to talk? She really didn’t like the sound of that.
“Can’t we talk later?” she purred, caressing his hand with her thumb.
He took a deep breath. “Sydney, I know that you have been through a lot. And maybe this is the wrong time to have this discussion. But I can’t in good conscience take you to my bed again without clearing things up between us.”
Damn him for being logical, she thought.
“Oookay, shoot,” she said, dreading the conversation to come. She didn’t know exactly what he planned to say. However, if he turned down sex to say it, she figured she wouldn’t like it.
“I need to know where we stand,” he said.
“What do you mean?” she asked, stalling for time.
“I need to know if what is happening between us is more than just sex to you. The last time I asked you, you practically ran out of the room before answering,” he said, staring into her eyes.
She took a deep breath. So much for easing into the conversation. “Logan, I was upset and confused then.”
“Yes, but your nonanswer spoke volumes. I don’t know if you were protecting yourself or if it is true. And I noticed you didn’t answer again just now. So I’ll ask one last time: Do you think there is a future for us or not?”
She took her hand back and stood. She stalled by going to the fridge to grab a drink. Her mind worked furiously to come up with an answer. When she came back to the table, she had worked up a good amount of anger at him for putting her on the spot, causing her to lash out at him.
“What does that mean, Logan?” she demanded as she put her soda down with a thud.
He rubbed his hands over his face. “I need to know if you can accept the fact I am a vampire.”
She stared at him, dumbfounded by the vulnerability she saw on his face. She was so wrapped up in her own concerns she forgot he had a stake, pardon the pun, in all this too. Logan wasn’t at all like the monsters portrayed by Hollywood. He wasn’t the eccentric creature of the night Raven aspired to be. Instead, he was a brilliant man who loved his family. She asked herself: Was it the vampirism that held her back? No.
“Logan, I think I could get used to the vampire stuff . . .” she began. He leapt out of his seat and hugged her before she could continue.
“God, I am so relieved,” he said and kissed her hard. Syd gently disentangled herself from him and held up a hand.
“Logan, wait. There’s more.” His smile faded, and he sat back down.
“I might be able to get used to the things that make you a vampire, but there are a few things you neglected to mention the other night,” she said.
His brow furrowed. “Such as?”
“Why can’t you read my mind?” she demanded.
His jaw dropped. When he recovered he said, “What do you mean?”
“Raven seemed to think you couldn’t read my mind because we are soul mates. Did you know that?”
He couldn’t meet her eyes. “Yes,” he admitted.
“Hmm, that’s interesting. Didn’t you tell me you had no idea why you couldn’t read my mind?”
She didn’t wait for him to respond. “You lied to me! Again. First, you lied about the painting, then you lied about being a vampire, and now you lie to me about this soul mate thing. How can I trust you Logan?”
His head whipped up. Every trace of remorse fled his expression. “We’ve already covered the first two, so let’s not drag them into this discussion. As for us being soul mates, I thought it might be a little too much for you to take right after you found out you had slept with a vampire. Besides, at that time I wasn’t sure I believed it myself.”
“You weren’t sure of what?” she asked.
“For years I have heard old wives’ tales about soul mates. But I chalked it up to superstitious nonsense. Then when I met you and couldn’t read your mind, I was nervous. As a scientist, the very idea of a mystical connection between two people seemed ludicrous.”
“And now?”
He walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. “Now it doesn’t matter. Fate or not, I believe we should be together. I don’t know how it happened or why, but I believe in it. In us. I love you, Sydney.”
His words hit like an electric shock. The last thing she expected was for him to say . . . what he’d said. She looked in his eyes and saw his emotions bared for her view. She believed he meant . . . what he’d said. But she battled with her own feelings.
If they were really soul mates, then fate had decided their match long befo
re they were born—they had no choice. Sydney’s whole adult life was built on the idea that she decided her destiny. Isn’t that what she had done when she walked away from her family to pursue her dreams?
If it wasn’t fate, then she had to decide if she believed they had enough going for them to make a leap of faith. A leap that involved more sacrifice for her than it did for him.
She turned and walked a few feet away as she struggled with her thoughts. She hugged her arms to herself, and when she spoke, she heard the pain in her own voice.
“What would the future hold for us, Logan?”
He seemed crestfallen that her words were not the ones he wanted to hear. But he recovered enough to say, “Whatever we want.”
“Is that true, though? Wouldn’t I have to agree to give up my life and become a vampire if I wanted to be with you? Or could you handle being with me for a few decades and watching me grow older each day until I died?”
“You could take some time to get used to the idea of turning. You’re still young. There’s no hurry,” he said reasonably.
“So you wouldn’t want to be with me if I didn’t become a vampire?”
“Of course I would, but why would you chose that over immortality? You wouldn’t have to worry about being sick or injured. You wouldn’t even have to work anymore. I have enough money to keep us happy for many centuries,” he said.
“So, let me get this straight. You want me to give up my life—the life I have worked so hard to build—to be with you? To lose my identity? What do you lose Logan? What do you have to give up? Nothing. Yet you ask everything of me,” her voice rose and pain ate at her insides like acid.
“Sydney, that’s not true. You would be gaining a partner, a family. You would live forever. Why are you fighting this? Can’t you even admit that you love me too?”
Syd clenched her teeth as tears spilled down her cheeks. She felt torn in two as her mind warred with her heart. In the end, her sense of preservation, honed by her hard-learned lessons in life, won out.
“No,” she whispered. “I can’t tell you that.”
Logan flinched at her words. “Syd, don’t do this to us. Just talk to me. We can work it out,” he pleaded.
She shook her head. “I need to go.”
Reaching for her, he said, “No, we’re not done.”
Syd backed away, shaking her head. “Don’t. Can’t you see? It will never work.” She turned to go, needing to escape.
“Syd, I love you. Don’t run away. We can work through whatever is worrying you,” he pleaded again.
She stopped and turned to look at him one last time. “Good-bye, Logan.”
Stifling a sob, she ran through the house, not realizing she could never escape the pain she felt because it was inside her. A part of her very being. She didn’t stop running until she got to her car. Within seconds she was speeding away from the house. Away from Logan.
A few minutes later she pulled the car over, unable to drive as tears clouded her vision and sobs wracked her body. Minutes felt like hours as she cried herself dry. Finally, she calmed enough to swipe at her eyes and nose with a crumpled tissue from her glove box and a let out a deep, shuddering breath. Feeling calmer, she glanced at the rearview mirror. Part of her was disappointed she didn’t see Logan’s car bearing down on her. Then she remembered the Porsche was probably still at the museum.
She convinced herself she felt relieved he couldn’t follow her. The last thing she wanted was another confrontation with him. Her bruised heart would surely break in two if she had to face him again. When she remembered the devastated expression on Logan’s face when she’d said good-bye, more tears threatened to fall. Another swipe with the tissue and a deep breath dammed the flow. Pulling her car back onto the road, she thought the more distance between them right now, the better. Now if she could just convince her heart it was true.
As Logan watched her run away, he fought the urge to chase her and make her see that he loved her. See they were made for each other. See that he had not truly lived until she was in his life. But she was past seeing reason. He would not make her stay, so he had to let her go.
How had this happened? He berated himself for trying to talk to her in the first place. Talk about horrible timing. The woman just gotten home from being kidnapped by a lunatic vampire, and he had tried to have a relationship talk with her?
I’m a fool.
But he couldn’t blame everything she said on stress. If she loved him, wouldn’t she at least be open to talking about a future together? Wouldn’t she try to listen to him? But no, she just spouted nonsense about giving up her life.
Obviously, the vampire issue was the real reason for her refusal. After all, she never said she loved him. She only said she wouldn’t become a vampire.
He punched the counter, not noticing the pain. He had done it again, ignored his instincts and had his heart pulverized. How could he have believed a mortal woman could love a man like him anyway? He was a freak of nature. He would be better off finding a female vampire who understood him. His bravado failed when his mind reminded him that he didn’t want a female vampire, or any other female for that matter—except Sydney.
She doesn’t want you, his merciless brain reminded him.
His anger turned into defeat as the truth sunk into his bones. Syd was gone. She didn’t love him. He had never minded being a loner until she came into his life. Now he was going to spend eternity tormented by the memory of her—her smile, her bravery, her passion for life.
He felt a tear fall down his cheek. The last time he’d cried was the day his father died. Now he cried because his hopes for a happy future had died.
The phone rang. Racing to answer, he prayed Sydney had come to her senses.
“Sydney,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.
“No, dear, it’s your mother. What’s wrong?”
Logan’s shoulders dropped as disappointment crashed down on him.
“I can’t talk right now,” he said, not caring if he was rude.
“Royce Logan Murdoch, you tell me what is happening right now, or I am coming over,” she commanded.
Logan groaned. The last thing he needed was his mommy coming over to fuss over him.
“Let’s just say the whole soul mate theory is a load of bullshit,” he said.
“Oh my. Darling, what happened? Are you okay?”
“No, I am not okay. I told her I loved her and she ran. I told you from the beginning it wouldn’t work. I’m a fool,” he said.
“No, you’re not. I don’t know what happened, but I know that girl loves you as much as you love her. You can’t give up,” his mother said.
“I already did,” he said.
She tsked. “I did not raise my son to be a quitter. Now, did you find the envelope I left for you?”
“What envelope?” he asked suspiciously.
“You’ll see. You can thank me later.”
Logan sighed and banged his head against the wall next to the phone. What had she done now?
“Good-bye,” he said and hung up.
He knew he’d get hell from her later for his rudeness, but right now it was for the best. If he stayed on the phone, he probably would have just taken his anger and frustration out on her.
He just wanted to go to his lab and lose himself in his work. It was all he had left. But first, he had had an envelope to find. Part of him knew exactly what he would find in it. If he was right, his mother might have given him the perfect way to give himself some closure with Sydney.
Syd groggily opened one eye as pounding came from somewhere in her apartment. She glanced around with bleary eyes, realizing she had fallen asleep on her couch. Her head ached, and her neck felt stiff. Then she remembered crying on her couch all night until she had finally passed out. She pulled herself up off the couch. Stumbling, she immediately tripped over an empty tissue box and knocked over two empty pints of Ben and Jerry’s New York Super-Fudge Chunk.
“Well, that ex
plains the nausea,” she said aloud as she righted the dripping ice cream containers. She looked up when the pounding resumed and realized someone was at the door.
She immediately worried Logan had come to talk but threw out the idea. Why would he bother? She had put the last nail in that coffin the night before.
When she looked through the peephole and saw Kira staring hard at the door, she groaned and considered pretending she wasn’t home.
“Sydney, I know you’re standing there. Open up,” Kira demanded.
Shit! She knew Kira well enough to know the woman would not take lightly to anyone hurting her sons.
“Go away,” Syd said, trying to sound brave.
Kira rolled her eyes. “Sydney, dear, please try to focus here. If I wanted to, I could rip the door from its hinges. Or I could just control your mind to get you to open it. However, I am trying to be civil. Open. The. Door.”
“Do you promise you aren’t here to bite me as punishment for breaking up with Logan?” she asked inanely.
“Don’t be ridiculous, dear,” came the response.
Syd thought for a moment. Kira didn’t look especially angry this morning. In fact, with her pink Chanel suit she looked downright perky.
Syd threw the deadbolt and slowly opened the door.
Kira wrinkled her nose. “Sydney, we really must discuss the concept of a shower. Is that chocolate on your face?”
“Well, excuse me. I was asleep when you started banging on my door. What time is it anyway?” she asked, using the arm of her T-shirt to swipe next to her mouth.
“There’s some on your forehead too, dear. It’s seven in the morning,” Kira said brightly and brushed past Syd.
“Please, come in,” Syd said to the woman’s back. When she was ignored, she sighed and closed the door.
She trudged into her living room and flinched at the scene she beheld. In addition to the empty ice cream and candybar wrappers, used tissues littered the floor and the couch. Her green chenille throw lay wadded up in the corner of the couch, and the cushions were in total disarray. A discarded jewel case next to the couch indicated she would find her Air Supply CD in the stereo. She flinched as she remembered belting out “I’m All Out of Love” at one point in the wee hours of the morning.