Moth Girls

by Anne Cassidy

  Mandy noticed her nails then. They were silver and long and rested on the woman’s shoulder, delicately curved like beads that Mandy might use to make a bangle. She glanced at her own nails, bitten down. She folded her arms, hiding her hands. The woman had stopped speaking and was looking at Mandy in a poisonous way. Then she turned and headed for the stairs. Petra waited until she’d gone up before she spoke.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she said. ‘How did you know where I was?’

  ‘Hello, Petra,’ Mandy said, ignoring the question.

  Petra looked suspiciously at her, as if something had just come into her head. She stepped out onto the doorstep and looked up and down the street.

  ‘You’ve not brought anyone with you,’ she said.

  ‘Brought who?’

  ‘Policja,’ Petra said. ‘The police?’

  ‘You said not to tell anyone and I didn’t. You said you would contact me and you didn’t. I haven’t brought anyone but unless you tell me what happened I will walk straight away from here and ring the police now,’ Mandy said.

  Petra’s eyes were scanning the road behind Mandy.

  ‘I’m not lying. I’ve been the truthful one so far here. You’re the one who lied.’

  Petra slumped against the side of the porch. All the tension seemed to run off her.

  ‘I was going to get in touch. If you hadn’t turned up today I would have written to you, care of the school. It’s been very busy. I’ve had a lot of work on.’

  ‘Where’ve you been, Petra?’ Mandy said, her voice a hiss. ‘The whole country was looking for you. Your dad …’

  ‘You need some kind of explanation. It’s just that the house is full of people …’

  Just then, as if on cue, the kitchen door opened and a young man poked his head out and called out a name. Petra said something to him but Mandy couldn’t understand what it was. The door closed.

  ‘You’ve changed your name.’

  ‘Of course.’

  There it was. The old disdain. Petra’s eyes flicking to the side as if illustrating to someone else how stupid Mandy was. She might as well have added ‘Duh!’ Mandy looked sharply at her, her jaw tensed, her features pointed angrily. Petra immediately closed her eyes and whispered, ‘Przepraszam.’ Then she said, ‘Sorry,’ and put her hand out and touched Mandy’s coat sleeve.

  ‘I will tell you but not here. There’s a park down the road. You go ahead and I’ll come in five minutes.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

  Petra stood very still but there were things going on inside her head; Mandy could tell by the twitches of her mouth and the movement of her eyes.

  ‘I haven’t been fair to you,’ she finally said, pulling herself together. ‘I’ll get my coat and we’ll both go down to the park. We can talk there.’

  She went back into the house, up the stairs where the woman had gone. There was hurried talk; Mandy could hear voices scissoring across each other. Then she came back down wearing the green puffa jacket. It was unzipped and the front was flying apart as Petra came towards her.

  Mandy followed her along the street, Petra a couple of paces ahead. It was surreal that this girl could be here; as though she had risen from the dead. When she got to the park she headed for a bench. Mandy joined her.

  ‘Where’ve you been?’ she said, as soon as she sat down, determined to get straight to the point.

  The park looked damp and brown and there were piles of leaves drifting up to the bench. Some of the trees were bare and the flower beds had been replanted with winter pansies. The children’s play area was empty except for a young girl with a pushchair. A woman on a mobility scooter went past, a dog running alongside her.

  ‘I will explain,’ Petra said. ‘But first, have you seen my father?’

  Mandy nodded, remembering Jason Armstrong at the demolition of the house.

  ‘How is he?’

  ‘Not so good.’

  Mandy was holding the edge of the seat. She could feel the wood splintering at her fingers. Why couldn’t Petra just speak?

  ‘What happened, Petra? On that night? When you went into the house?’

  ‘It’s a simple explanation. Tina and I went in. You knew that. You were there. We hid in the kitchen. It was dark there and the door was ajar so we could see into the living room. Mr Merchant – the old man – was in his chair. Tina was jittery. She hadn’t really wanted to go in. She just did it out of loyalty to me.’

  This was true.

  ‘Anyway we were only in there for a few moments and Tina was jumpy. I felt her arm and it was rigid, like she’d seized up with fright at what we were doing. She said, “I’ve got to go.” So I let go of her and gave her a little push towards the door. It was like she needed my permission to leave so I gave it to her. And she went. She left me there. I was a bit miffed and once she’d gone there seemed no point in me staying. I waited a few more minutes; I suppose I thought I might have a look around but I didn’t. It was dark and because I was on my own I was scared. I left as well. Tina was nowhere to be seen so I went home.’

  ‘The old man was murdered.’

  ‘I know. I read about all this on the internet. Mr Merchant …’ she said, pausing, ‘… was alive when I left.’

  ‘And Tina …’

  ‘I thought Tina had gone home or probably round your house.’

  Could it be as simple as that? They both left the house separately?

  ‘I’ve been blaming myself for not telling anyone that the two of you went into that house for the last five years. And now you’re saying that neither of you stayed in there?’

  ‘None of it was your fault.’

  ‘But if I’d said, as soon the police came round …’

  ‘If you had told the police straight away it wouldn’t have made any difference. Tina had left the house and so had I. Whatever happened to Tina happened outside, on the street, on the way home or on the way to your house. In fact that’s where the police started looking, on the streets. You have nothing to feel guilty about.’

  Mandy felt herself shift about uncomfortably. This was something that had never occurred to her. That whatever she had done that night wouldn’t have made one bit of difference either way.

  ‘You never met my father, did you? Back then?’ Petra said.

  ‘I saw him a couple of times.’

  ‘He had a problem with anger. Whenever he got down or unhappy he hit out at someone. My gran, his girlfriends and me, maybe even my mum when she was alive. Social services knew about it. They kept a close eye on his drinking. It wasn’t hard for me to live with him. I wanted to live with him. The aggression usually only came out when he was drunk. He always said sorry afterwards. Social services had a kind of contract with him. He went to counselling, he kept control of his drinking and he promised not to lay a finger on me. Mostly he managed it. And if he did hurt me then I covered it up and didn’t tell anyone. How could I tell? The alternative was foster care and I didn’t want that. I managed it. I was happy enough. After I lost my gran nothing much mattered to me. Well, except for Tina. Tina was like my sister. That day, that Thursday, my dad had been drinking from the night before and continued during the day. He got really angry with me in the morning and he hit out at me. I had bruises all down one arm and on my ribs. You didn’t see them because I covered them up.’

  Mandy didn’t speak. There had always been something hidden about Petra.

  ‘Tina didn’t see them either, but she knew I was having a bad time. That night, after I left Mr Merchant’s house, I went home. My dad was asleep on the settee and he had a line of beer cans on the floor in front of him and half a bottle of vodka in the kitchen. I was pretty miserable and I couldn’t face a night waiting for him to wake up and start throwing his weight around again. So I went and stayed with his ex-girlfriend. I told her that he said it was OK and we watched DVDs and went to bed and woke up late. Then we saw the news and realised what had happened.’

  ‘Why didn’t you co
me forward?’

  ‘Because I knew that that was the end. I was covered in bruises and I’d been missing all night. I’d get sent into foster care.’

  ‘You stayed away for five years to avoid that?’

  ‘I didn’t intend to stay away for ever. I – we – took it day by day. I thought the bruises might heal. I had this mad idea that I could go to the police after a couple of days and say I’d lost my memory.’

  ‘What about the girlfriend? Surely she would have made you go to the police.’

  ‘She knew what my dad was like. She cared about me and in any case she had plans to go back to Poland so she wouldn’t be a part of it. I was also worried sick about Tina. I thought if I went to the police then the story would get confused. It would be about me when it needed to be about her. I had no idea what had happened to her and I kept thinking about all these horrible things. It was a terrible few days.’

  ‘But you didn’t go back …’

  Petra shook her head.

  ‘You went with your dad’s ex-girlfriend back to Poland.’

  Petra lips pursed. ‘I can’t say any more. I don’t want to get anyone else in trouble. She cared about me. I made the decision that I wanted to be with her and not my dad. As the days went by and there was no explanation about what happened to Tina I realised that if I went back my life was either going to be with my dad or in care and either way I wasn’t going to have Tina any more. So it seemed to me that my old life was finished. Petra Armstrong was finished, so I made a new start.’

  Mandy didn’t know what to say. People didn’t just make decisions about leaving their old lives behind. They just didn’t.

  ‘It doesn’t sound plausible.’

  ‘I can’t help that. It’s the truth. I’ve had a good life. I live with someone who loves me. We are like sisters.’

  ‘But you’ve come back.’

  ‘Just for a short period for work. We needed some work. The money’s good.’

  ‘Weren’t you afraid you might be recognised?’

  ‘I’ve grown up. It’s five years now. In any case there are eight million people in London. I was hardly likely to bump into my father.’

  ‘You went to the house. You bumped into me.’

  ‘I did. I didn’t expect to see someone there at five o’clock in the morning.’

  Mandy felt embarrassed. It was an odd time for someone to be out. She couldn’t explain why she’d gone there.

  ‘I was shocked to see the house wasn’t there any more. Stunned when I saw you walk out of the shadows.’

  A car beep sounded. Mandy looked towards the entrance of the park. There was a car idling by the gates. Standing next to it was the woman who had answered the front door earlier. She was wearing a long coat and she had her arms folded in a belligerent way. Petra stood up and began to fiddle with the zip at the bottom of her jacket, trying to fasten it. She walked a couple of steps. Mandy got up and followed her, taking her arm to stop her going any further.

  ‘You’re leaving?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Right now? This minute?’

  ‘I can’t take the chance …’

  ‘You think I’ll tell the police?’

  ‘Would you?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Mandy, I just can’t take that chance.’

  Mandy stared at the woman and the car. She imagined hastily packed suitcases in the back of it. That must have been what Petra had said to her in Polish. ‘Pack everything and we’ll leave,’ because Mandy couldn’t be trusted.

  ‘You never liked me, did you?’ she said.

  Petra sighed. ‘Not much. I might have got to like you …’

  ‘I was lonely. I needed a friend.’

  ‘So you pushed your way between me and my friend,’ Petra said, an edge of anger to her voice. ‘Tina was everything to me and you prised her away.’

  ‘You were always her number one.’

  ‘Maybe,’ she said, softening. ‘You spent a lot of time with her during those weeks. She talked about you. I knew she liked you.’

  The car beeped again. The woman shouted something towards her.

  ‘What do you think happened to Tina?’ Mandy said.

  ‘She must have been taken by someone. I don’t think she’s alive any more.’

  Petra’s eyes had glassed over. Mandy pulled Petra towards her. She gave her a clumsy hug and then released her, stepping away.

  ‘I have to go. Goodbye, Mandy. Please don’t tell anyone about me.’

  Mandy watched Petra walk towards the woman and the car. The woman stood on tiptoes and gave her a hug. They got into the car and moments later it drove off.

  Mandy pulled the postcard out of her pocket and thought of The Red Roses. Mandy would have made a good member of the group. Petra had been wrong about that.

  PART FOUR: The Past

  Petra

  Twenty-Five

  When Petra shut the side gate of number fifty-three Princess Street her heart was racing. Tina was standing beside her, centimetres away, rubbing her hands together with the cold. Petra turned and faced the overgrown path round the side of the house. In the dark it seemed to go on a long way, like a tunnel. She walked on, trying not to show any hesitation. Something scuttled across the path in front and Tina reached out and grabbed her arm.

  ‘It’s just a mouse,’ Petra said.

  It had sounded bigger though – maybe a rat? She moved her feet about, hoping to scare it off.

  ‘What you doing?’ Tina said.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘This is horrible.’

  ‘I know. We can’t go back now though. Not after telling Mandy we were going in.’

  In the daylight the garden had looked wild but vibrant. Now the bushes appeared to have merged into one solid shape that loomed up against them. It was silent too, the noises from the street cut off by the side gate. It felt like they were in the middle of a wood. Petra reached the corner of the building. Tina was close behind. The back garden spread out before them, deep and indistinct. The big trees that Petra remembered arced over the rest. Somewhere, in the middle of the garden, hung the old swing, but Petra couldn’t make it out.

  They went towards the back door, Tina sticking close to the wall.

  ‘I’ve got to find the key,’ Petra said.

  She began to feel the wall to the right of the door. The ivy was thick and tightly wound. She tried to visualise the exact spot that she’d seen it the time they’d come into the garden. Her hand sunk into the bristly foliage, feeling an unpleasant sharpness. Seconds later she felt the hook. The key was there. She slipped it off and felt around for the lock. As quietly as she could she opened the back door of the house.

  ‘Come on!’ she whispered.

  ‘I don’t think I want to go in there. There might be a ghost,’ Tina said.

  Petra sighed. She turned and stood close to Tina, putting her mouth to her ear.