The Iron Queen if-3

by Julie Kagawa

  In the silence, I gazed out over the mass of kneeling fey and raised my voice. I don’t know why I said it, but deep down, I knew it was right. My words echoed over the crowd, sealing my fate. It would be a hard road, and I had a lot of work ahead of me, but in the end, this was the only possible outcome.

  “My name is Meghan Chase, and I am the Iron Queen.”

  EPILOGUE

  MIDNIGHT AT 14202 CEDAR DRIVE, LOUISIANA

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Glitch asked me, his spines glowing electric-blue in the darkness. We stood at the edge of the trees, looking out over an overgrown front yard and gravel driveway, a battered Ford at the top.

  I nodded wearily. The night was warm, humid, and no breeze stirred the branches of the tupelo trees around us. I wore jeans and a white top and it felt strange, being back in normal clothes. “They deserve to know the truth. I owe them that much. They need to understand why I can’t come home.”

  “You can visit,” Glitch said encouragingly. “No one’s going to stop you. No reason you can’t go back from time to time.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed softly, but I wasn’t convinced. Time flowed differently in Faery, in the Iron Kingdom I now found myself ruling over. The first few days had been hectic, as I frantically did everything I could to keep Mab and Oberon from declaring another war on the Iron fey, now that Ferrum was gone. Several meetings had been called, new treaties drawn up and signed, and strict rules had been placed on the boundaries between our kingdoms, before the rulers of Summer and Winter were appeased. I had the sneaking suspicion that Oberon was slightly more lenient because we were related, and I had no problem with that.

  Puck had been at these meetings, gregarious and unchangeable as always. He made it clear that he would not be treating me any differently just because I was a queen now, and proved it by kissing me on the cheek in front of a squad of angry Iron knights, whom I had to yell at to stand down before they tried skewering him. Puck had flounced off, laughing. Around me, he was cheerful and flippant, but overly so, as if he wasn’t quite sure who I was anymore. There was a wariness to him now, an uncertainty that went beyond our easy friendship, making us awkward and uncomfortable with each other. Perhaps it was his very nature, as the incorrigible Robin Goodfellow, to defy kings and queens and make a mockery of those in authority. I didn’t know. Eventually, Puck would come around, but I had a feeling it would be some time before I got my old best friend back.

  I did not see Ash, ever.

  I shook myself, trying to put him from my mind as I had done these past few days. Ash was gone. I’d made sure of that. Even if I hadn’t used his True Name, there was no way he could venture into the Iron Kingdom, no way he could survive there. It was better this way.

  Now, if I could only convince my heart of that.

  “Sure you’ll be all right?” Glitch asked, breaking through my thoughts. “I could come with you, if you’d like. They won’t even see me.”

  I shook my head. “Better if I do this alone. Besides, there’s one member of that household who can see you. And he’s seen enough scary monsters to last him a lifetime.”

  “Begging your pardon, your highness,” Glitch smirked, “but who are you calling a scary monster?”

  I swatted at him. My first lieutenant grinned, a constant shadow since the day I’d taken over the Iron Kingdom. The Iron fey looked up to him, listened to him, when I couldn’t be there. The Iron knights had accepted his position easily, almost relieved to be back under his command, and I didn’t question it. “I’ll be back before dawn,” I said, glancing up at the moon through the trees. “I trust you can handle things until then?”

  “Yes, your majesty,” Glitch replied, no longer smirking, and I winced, still getting used to the idea of being called “your majesty,” by everyone. “Princess” had been bad enough. “Mag Tuiredh will be safe and secure until your return. And your…father…will be well looked after, do not worry.”

  I nodded, thankful that Glitch understood. After I became queen and set Mag Tuiredh as the site of the new Iron Court, I kept the promise to myself and returned to Leanansidhe’s cabin for Paul. My human father was almost recovered, clear-minded most of the time, his memories fully intact. He knew me, and he remembered what had happened to him, all those years ago. And now that his mind was finally his own, he was going to do everything in his power to keep it that way. I made it clear that he was free to leave the faery world at any time, that I wasn’t about to keep him here if he wanted to go. For the moment, Paul refused. He wasn’t ready to brave the human world, not yet. Too much had changed in the time he’d been away, too much had happened, and he’d been left behind. One day he might rejoin the real world, but for now, he wanted to know his daughter again.

  He’d refused to come with me tonight. “Tonight is for you,” he’d told me before I left. “You don’t need any distractions. One day, I’d like your mother to know what happened, but I hope to explain it myself. If she even wants to see me again.” He sighed, looking out the window of his room. The sun was setting behind the distant clock tower, casting his face in a reddish light. “Just tell me this. Is she happy?”

  I hesitated, a lump forming in my throat. “I think so.”

  Paul nodded, smiling sadly. “Then she doesn’t need to know about me. Not yet, anyway. Or not ever. No, you go and see your family again. I really don’t have any business being there.”

  “Majesty?” Glitch’s voice interrupted my musings. He’d been doing that a lot lately, bringing me back to the present when I drifted off. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine.” I faced the dark house again, pushing my hair back. “Well, here I go. Wish me luck.” And before I lost my nerve, I stepped onto the gravel driveway and forced my steps in the direction of the house.

  For as long as I could remember, the middle step of the porch had creaked when trod upon, no matter where you put your foot or how lightly you stepped on it. It didn’t creak now, not even a squeak, as I glided up the steps and came to a halt at the screen door. The windows were dark, and moths fluttered around the porch light, flicking shadows over the faded wooden steps.

  I could have easily opened the locked door. Doors and locks were no barrier to me now. A few whispered words, a push of glamour, and the door would swing open on its own. I could’ve entered the living room unhindered, invisible as the breeze.

  I didn’t glamour the door. Tonight, at least for a little while, I wanted to be human. Raising my fist, I knocked loudly on the faded wood.

  There was no response at first. The house remained still and dark. A dog barked, somewhere in the night.

  A light flicked on inside, footsteps thumping over the floor. A silhouette against the curtains, and then Luke’s face appeared in the window, peering out suspiciously.

  At first, my stepfather didn’t appear to see me, though I was staring right at him. His brow furrowed and he dropped the curtains, stepping back. I blew out a sigh and pounded the door again.

  It swung open this time, quickly, as if whoever was on the other side expected to catch the prankster banging on his door at 12 a.m.

  Luke peered at me. He looked older, I thought, his brown eyes wearier than before, his face grizzled. He regarded me with a puzzled look, one hand still on the doorknob. “Yes?” he prompted when I didn’t say anything. “Can I help you?”

  He still didn’t recognize me. I wasn’t surprised, or even angry really. I wasn’t the same girl who vanished into Faery a year ago. But before I could say anything, the door was yanked open all the way, and Mom appeared in the frame.

  We stared at each other. My heart pounded, half-fearful that Mom would turn that blank, puzzled gaze on me, not recognizing the strange girl on the porch. But a second later, Mom let out a small cry and flew through the door.

  Another moment and I was in her arms, hugging her tightly as she sobbed and laughed and asked me a thousand questions all at once. I closed my eyes and let this moment swirl around me, holding on to it
for as long as I could. I wanted to remember, for just a few heartbeats, what it was like to be, not a faery or a pawn or a queen, but just a daughter.

  “Meggie?” I pulled back a bit and, through the open door, I saw Ethan standing at the foot of the stairs. Taller now, older. He must’ve grown at least three inches while I was gone. But his eyes were the same: bright blue and as solemn as the grave.

  He didn’t run to me as I entered the living room, didn’t smile. Calmly, as if he knew I’d be back all along, he walked across the floor until he was standing a foot away. I knelt, and he watched me, holding my gaze with an expression far too old for his face.

  “I knew you’d come back.” His voice was different, too. Clearer now, more sure of himself. My half brother was no longer a toddler. “I didn’t forget.”

  “No,” I whispered. “You didn’t forget.”

  I opened my arms, and he finally stepped into them, fisting his hands in my hair. I hugged him to me as I stood, wondering if this was the last time I would hold him like this. He might be a teenager when I saw him next.

  “Meghan.” Mom’s voice made me turn. She stood at the edge of the living room with Luke behind her, watching me with a strange, sad expression. As if she’d just figured something out. “You’re…not staying, are you?”

  I closed my eyes, feeling Ethan’s arms around my neck squeeze tight. “No,” I told her, shaking my head. “I can’t. I have…responsibilities now, people who need me. I just wanted to say goodbye and…” My breath hitched, and I swallowed hard to clear my throat. “And try to explain what happened to me the night I went back.” I sighed and cast a glance at Luke, still standing by the door in confusion, his brow furrowed as he looked from me to Mom and back again. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me,” I continued, “but you should hear the truth. Before…before I have to leave.”

  Mom walked across the floor as if sleepwalking, sinking on the couch in a daze. But her eyes were clear and determined when she looked at me and patted the cushion beside her. “Tell me everything,” was all she said.

  AND SO I DID.

  Starting from the very beginning. The day I walked into Faery to get Ethan back. I told them about the faery courts, about Oberon and Mab and Puck. I told them about Machina and the Iron fey, about Glitch and the rebels and the false king. I glossed over a few small, terrifying details, parts of the story where I almost died, or that were too scary for Ethan to hear. I left out the parts with Paul, knowing it wasn’t my place to tell his story. By the time I reached the end, where I defeated Ferrum and became the Iron Queen, Ethan was asleep on my lap, and Luke’s eyes were glazed over in utter disbelief. I knew he wouldn’t remember much of the story, if any, that it would slip and fade from his mind, becoming something he heard in a fairy tale.

  Mom was silent for several heartbeats when I finished. “So, you’re…a queen now.” She said the words like she was testing them, seeing how they felt. “A…faery queen.”

  “Yes.”

  “And…there’s no way for you to stay in the real world. With us. With your family.”

  I shook my head. “The land is calling me. I’m tied to it now. I have to go back.”

  Mom bit her lip, and her eyes finally filled with tears. I was surprised when Luke spoke, his deep, calm voice echoing through the room. “Will we see you again?”

  “I don’t know,” I said truthfully. “Maybe.”

  “Will you be all right?” Luke continued. “Alone with these…things?” As if speaking the word faery would make it more real, and he wasn’t about to start believing yet.

  “I’ll be fine.” I thought of Paul and wished he could be here tonight. “I won’t be alone.”

  The sky through the windows was lightening. We had talked through the night, and dawn was on its way.

  Gently, I kissed Ethan’s forehead and eased him onto the couch without waking him, then stood to face Mom and Luke. “I have to go,” I said softly. “They’re waiting for me.”

  Mom hugged me again, and Luke enfolded us both in his thick arms. “Be sure to write,” Mom sniffed, as if I was going on a long trip, or away to college. Maybe it was easier for her to think that. “Call us if you have the chance, and try to come home for holidays.”

  “I’ll try,” I murmured, stepping away. For a moment, I gazed around the farmhouse, reliving old memories, letting them warm me inside and out. No longer home, but it was a part of me that would always be there, a place that would never fade away. I turned to Mom and Luke and smiled through the tears I hadn’t realized were falling until now.

  “Meghan.” Mom stepped forward, pleading. “Are you sure you have to do this? Can’t you stay, just a few days?”

  I shook my head. “I love you, Mom.” Drawing on my glamour, I swirled it around me like a cloak. “Tell Ethan I won’t forget.”

  “Meghan!”

  “Goodbye,” I whispered, and faded from sight. Both Mom and Luke jumped, looking around frantically, then Mom buried her face in Luke’s shoulder and sobbed.

  Ethan woke up, blinked at his parents, then looked right at me, still invisible by the front door. His eyebrows rose, and I put my finger to my lips, praying he wouldn’t cause a fuss.

  Ethan smiled. One small hand rose in a brief wave, then he hopped off the couch and padded up to Mom, still being consoled by Luke. I watched my family, felt their love and grief and support, and smiled proudly.

  You’ll be fine, I told them, swallowing the lump in my throat. You’ll be fine without me.

  Blinking back tears, I gave my family one last look and swept through the front door into the waiting dawn.

  I WAS HALFWAY ACROSS the front lawn, forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other and not turn back, when a bark caught my attention, and I looked up.

  Something was bounding toward me over the grass, a shadow in the predawn light. Something large and furry and vaguely familiar. A wolf? No, a dog! A big, shaggy…no, that couldn’t be right…

  “Beau?” I gasped, as the huge German shepherd slammed into me with the force of a freight train, nearly knocking me down. It was Beau. I laughed as his big paws muddied my shirt and his enormous tongue slapped the side of my face.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, rubbing his neck as he panted and wagged his whole body in joy. I hadn’t seen our old farm dog since the day Luke had unjustly taken him to the pound, thinking he’d bitten Ethan. “Did Mom decide to bring you home? How—”

  I stopped, my fingers brushing something thin and metallic looped around his neck, under his shaggy fur. Wondering if it was a collar with tags, I calmed Beau long enough to pull it free, drawing it over his ears and holding it up for a closer look.

  It was a familiar silver chain, on which hung the remains of a shattered amulet, glinting in the predawn light.

  My heart skipped a beat. With Beau still dancing at my feet, I looked around, scanning the front yard and the edge of the trees. He couldn’t be here. I’d sent him away, released him from his vows. He should hate me.

  And yet…here it was.

  For a few heart-pounding moments, I waited. Waited for his dark form to slip out of the shadows, for those bright silver eyes to find me. I thought I could feel him nearby, watching. I could almost imagine I sensed his heartbeat, felt his emotions—or maybe that was my own longing. My own sense of loss and grief and regret, and the love I knew could never be.

  A weight pressed against my chest, and I smiled sadly. Deep down, I knew he wasn’t coming. We were from different worlds, now. Ash couldn’t survive in the Iron Realm, and I could not—would not—abandon it. I had responsibilities, to the Iron Realm, to my subjects, to myself. Ash couldn’t be a part of that. Better a clean break than to drag it out, wishing for the impossible. He knew that. This was just his final gift; his last farewell.

  Still, I hesitated, my stomach in knots, hoping against hope that he would find me, change his mind, and come back. But several silent minutes passed, and Ash did not appear. Finally, as t
he last of the stars faded from the heavens, I put the chain in my pocket and knelt to scratch Beau behind the ears.

  “He’s something, isn’t he?” I asked the dog, who blinked and thumped his tail solemnly. “I don’t know where he found you, or how he brought you here, but I’m glad he did. I wish I could see him one more time…” A lump rose to my throat, and I swallowed it down. “You’ll like it in your new home, boy,” I went on, trying to be cheerful. “Plenty of room, lots of gremlins to chase, and I think you’ll really like Paul.” The dog whined, cocking his head. I kissed his long muzzle and stood. “Come on,” I said, wiping my eyes, “I’ll introduce you.”

  The sky was now a soft pink. Birds twittered in the branches around me, and a faint wind rustled the leaves. Everywhere, life was stirring, moving on. I took a deep breath and looked to the sky, letting the breeze dry my tears. Ash was gone, but I still had people who needed me, who were waiting for me. I could wallow in my loss, or I could trust my knight and move on. I could wait. Time was on my side, after all. In the meantime, I had a kingdom to run.

  “Majesty!”

  Glitch’s voice shattered the calm of the morning, and my first lieutenant came striding through the trees. Beau growled, flattening his ears, until I touched his neck and he calmed down.

  “All you all right?” Glitch asked anxiously, violet eyes wide as he stared at Beau. “What is that…thing? It looks dangerous. Did it hurt you?”

  “Beau, this is Glitch,” I introduced, and the dog gave a tentative tail wag. “Glitch, this is Beau. Be nice, the both of you. You’ll be seeing a lot of each other, I expect.”

  “Wait. It’s coming with us?”

  I laughed at his horrified expression. Beau barked happily and wagged his tail, leaning close. I slipped my arm through Glitch’s and smiled at the dog pressed against my leg. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was as perfect as it could be at the moment. I had a place in the world. I wasn’t alone.