by Andria Large
“He seemed pretty shocked, but he wasn’t infuriated like your brother,” Duke replies.
I glance over at Dennis, who is sitting silently staring out the window. I place my hand on his knee. Without looking at me, he slips his hand over mine. I have no idea what’s going on in his head right now. He’s completely shut down. There is no emotion coming off him. It’s kind of freaking me out. Even Duke keeps glancing into the rearview mirror at him.
Back at the condo, Dennis immediately goes into our bedroom and shuts the door. I sigh heavily. This is the worst day of my life. Not only has my mother been buried in the ground, but my brother knows about Dennis and me and fucking hates me.
“Everything will work out, Tuck,” Duke says reassuringly.
I shake my head. “I’m not so sure about that.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
DUKE
I WAS so tempted to punch Rhys right in his goddamn bigoted mouth yesterday, and I’m still fuming over it today. I go with Tucker to the gym because I really need to work off this aggression. When I finish a dumbbell workout, I look around for Tucker. I don’t know where he went off to. I make my way upstairs to where the cardio equipment is, assuming he wandered up here.
I find him at the treadmills. He’s pounding away at a fairly quick pace, completely zoned out, his eyes staring off at nothing in particular. He has earbuds in, which are attached to his phone that’s strapped to his bicep. I can’t even begin to imagine all of the things going through his mind right now.
It’s obviously not the decent-looking chick next to him who keeps sneaking glances at him. I smirk. He’s so oblivious right now. I walk up to the side of the machine and lean on the handrail. Tucker glances at me, then yanks out his earbuds.
“Hey, man,” he pants.
“Hey, how much more you got?” I ask.
“Two more miles,” he replies breathlessly.
“How many have you done already?” I frown.
“Six.”
“What are you running from?” I ask, knowing his normal run is only five miles.
For a second, I don’t think he’s going to answer me. His eyes are trained straight ahead, and his mouth is set in a thin, grim line.
“My fucking life,” he answers.
I sigh. “Tucker, why don’t you stop so we can talk about this?”
By the set of his jaw, I can tell he’s just about ready to lose his shit. I reach across the machine and slow down the pace so he can cool down. He doesn’t say anything or move to hit it back up, so I’m assuming he does need to talk about this. After a two-minute cooldown, Tucker stops the machine and wipes it down.
We make our way to the locker room in silence; we grab our shit and go out to my car. I don’t even bother turning it on. I sit there, looking over at him, waiting for him to speak. Tucker swipes his gym towel over his face and neck, then sighs heavily. His tortured blue eyes lift to meet mine.
“Selene sent me a text saying they’re heading back to Philly and my dad is going with them.”
“Okay.”
“I need to go and talk to them. I have to see if I can get them to understand.”
“Again, okay. Why do I feel like there’s something more you’re dancing around saying?” I frown.
“I need to go to Philly… alone,” he murmurs, dropping his gaze to his lap. “I don’t know how long I’m going to be gone for.”
“So? I’m sure Dennis will understand,” I reply, not completely getting where he’s going with this.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen when I talk to them, Duke. I don’t know what’s going to become of my relationship with Dennis when this is over,” he says quietly.
I sit there, stunned. I blink at him, not sure of who I’m looking at right now.
“Tucker, what the fuck do you mean by that? Are you going to break up with Dennis if your brother and dad won’t accept your relationship?” I ask in disbelief.
Tucker makes a pained sound. “Fuck! I don’t know! I love Dennis. He means everything to me. But I love my family too.”
“After all you and Dennis have been through together, you’re going to just leave him because your family doesn’t like that you’re fucking a man?” I sputter, my anger rising.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen—”
“No! Fuck them, Tucker! I know they’re your family and you love them. I get that you just lost your mom and don’t wanna lose the rest of your family too. But this is Dennis we’re talking about here. The man you’re in love with. The man you told me is your forever. How can you walk away from him because of what your family thinks?”
“It’s not like I want to leave Dennis! I’d rather cut off my right arm than leave him. I just need some time and space to work this shit out with my family,” Tucker snaps.
“Which I get, Tuck. But what if they say they’ll never accept you being with a man?”
“I… I just don’t know the answer to that right now, Duke.” He sighs.
I shake my head and turn away from him. I can’t even look at him right now. He’s got me so pissed off. I start the car and pull out of the parking lot to head back to the condo.
I pull into Dennis’s parking spot, since he doesn’t have a car right now, and turn off my car. Keeping my grip on the wheel, I turn to give Tucker a hard glare.
“If you leave Dennis, you’re going to destroy him. He’s already lost his wife. I don’t think he could survive losing you.”
“I don’t want to leave him, Duke. I fucking love him,” Tucker grits out.
“But you’re saying you don’t know what you’ll do if your family doesn’t accept that you’re with a man. To me, that sounds like you’re thinking about breaking things off with Dennis.”
Tucker shoves his hands into his hair. “My mind is so fucked-up right now, Duke. I don’t know which way is up and which way is down.”
“Don’t walk away from Dennis. Don’t do it,” I warn. “You’re my best friend, and I love you, but he’s become my best friend too, and I will have to kick your fucking ass if you hurt him.”
“Hurting him is the last thing I want to do.”
“Then don’t. Fuck what your family thinks. Love your man and leave it at that.”
“Duke, put yourself in my shoes, man. You’re close with your family. What the hell would you do if you were in my position?”
“Listen, I learned a long time ago that I have to live my life for myself, not anyone else. So if my family doesn’t like someone I’m dating and chooses to disown me or whatever, that’s on them. I might have given up on love, but I know what you and Dennis have is something special. I mean like once-in-a-lifetime special. What’s the point of making your family happy when you’re going to be miserable for the rest of your life? You’re a grown man. You need to do what makes you happy, and everyone else can go suck a giant cock.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
DENNIS
THE LAST couple of days have been filled with tension. Tucker has become increasingly distant from me. He’s been very quiet and withdrawn and has spent a lot of time at the gym. I’ve tried a few times to talk to him, but he doesn’t want to talk. He’s barely said two words to me. And Duke too, now that I think about it. He’s all up in his head, and that worries me. It doesn’t bode well.
Lizette drops me off at the condo. I had a therapy session this morning, and she was kind enough to drive me. I really need to look for a new car. I can’t keep having her drive me places. I know once Duke moves out, he’s going to start working again, and he won’t be able to lend me his car.
I unlock the door and walk in to see Tucker dropping a large duffel bag next to the couch. I frown hard. Why the hell does he have a bag packed? Dread fills me.
“Tuck?” I ask quietly. My heart has decided to try to pound its way out of my chest.
Duke is in the kitchen, seeming frozen in place, also staring at the bag on the floor. I glance at Tucker. He looks guilty and upset.
&n
bsp; No! No! This is my worst nightmare come true.
“Tucker,” I croak. Oh God, I feel sick.
He shakes his head. “I just need some time to figure everything out, Dennis.”
I can’t breathe. I blink rapidly as my mind races. Is this his way of saying it’s over?
“What does that mean?” I ask, panicked.
“I don’t know! I just need to try to talk to my family, try to get them to understand. I don’t want to lose them,” he says, his voice pained.
I drop the fucking crutches and walk on my cast over to him. I grip his face, compelling him to look at me. “And if they refuse to understand? Then what?” I ask hoarsely.
His eyes well up with tears, and he closes them, forcing the tears to run down his cheeks. “I don’t have an answer to that right now, Dennis.”
My heart stops. This is it. This is the end of our relationship. He doesn’t want to say it, but I know it is. His family is more important to him than I am. I drop my forehead to his and close my eyes.
“Please, Tucker, please don’t leave me. I need you, I love you, please,” I beg, my voice breaking from all of the emotion bubbling up inside me as tears run down my cheeks.
Tucker clutches my arms and gently pushes me back. “Just… just give me some time, baby. You know I love you too.”
Fuck! My life is falling apart all over again. This can’t be happening! My heart is shattering into a million pieces, making my chest ache. Tucker picks up his bag and starts for the door. I can’t watch him leave.
“I told you this was going to happen. I told you that you would leave me,” I rasp.
“I never said I wasn’t coming back, Dennis.” Tucker sighs.
“You never said you were either.”
Tucker sighs again but doesn’t reply. I flinch when the door opens and closes with a soft click. A part of me instantly dies. I lean forward and brace one hand on the arm of the couch because I’m pretty sure my legs are very close to giving out. I clap my other hand over my mouth to muffle the ragged sob that escapes me. This feels worse than when I lost Zara, because Tucker is still alive and choosing to walk away from me.
“That fucking dick!” Duke bellows from the kitchen.
A minute later, his strong hands are helping me sit down on the couch.
“It’s over,” I whisper. “He’s gone. I can’t… I can’t….”
Duke pulls me into his arms, hugging my head to his chest. “It’s all right, Denny. Just breathe. You don’t know that for sure. He just needs to get shit straightened out with his family, and then he’ll come back.”
“It’s over,” I cry again and again, knowing in my heart that Tucker isn’t coming back.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
TUCKER
MY PHONE chimes with yet another text message from Duke. I glance at it. This time he’s threatening to chop my balls off, cook them in a stew, and then make me eat it—the stew, that is—if I don’t call him. I’m lying on the bed in the hotel room I rented in Philly. I’m meeting with my dad in a couple of hours to talk about everything that happened at my mother’s funeral. My brother, on the other hand, hasn’t returned my calls.
It’s been a couple of days since I left New York, and I haven’t answered calls or text messages since leaving, which has Duke royally pissed off. I needed some more time alone to think about everything, which helped me make some really tough decisions before I contacted my dad and brother. I know Dennis is probably thinking the worst right now, and I completely fucked up with the way I left, but my mind was so screwed-up from what happened with my brother. I just couldn’t make any promises I wasn’t absolutely positive I could keep.
I scroll through my favorite contacts list and hit Duke’s name. It rings once before he picks up and starts calling me every horrible name in the book. “You bitch-ass motherfucking cocksucker! You piece of shit bastard! How the fuck could you? I told you not to leave! I’m barely keeping your man together here, you fucking asshole dickhead!” Duke hisses.
“I’m sorry….”
“Fuck you! ‘I’m sorry,’ he says, like that’s going to make a fucking difference,” he grunts mockingly. “Fuck you, Tucker! Fuck you and your stupid-ass face!”
“Did you want me to call just so you can rant at me, or did you have something else to say?” I mutter dryly.
“You deserve this shit! You went silent for two days. Two days! Not only does Dennis think you’re not coming back, but now he thinks you’re fucking dead because you didn’t answer the goddamn phone!”
“I needed time to think—”
“You needed time to think?” Duke squawks. “You could have at least sent me a text saying you were alive, you selfish prick!”
I sigh and rub my face roughly. “I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
“You better figure this shit out soon, Tucker. Dennis is on a downward spiral into another severe depression. He’s barely eating and refuses to leave your room other than to use the bathroom. I don’t like this at all. He’s making me nervous. I haven’t even moved into my apartment yet because I’m afraid he’ll hurt himself if I leave,” he says more calmly this time, but very seriously.
The thought of Dennis hurting himself makes my stomach roll sickeningly.
“I’m meeting my dad today, and I think I’m going to have to just show up at my brother’s because he won’t answer my calls.”
“Gee, I wonder where he gets that from,” Duke scoffs. “And by the way, fuck your brother. He’s a douchebag.”
I roll my eyes. “Thanks, Duke, that’s so helpful.”
“Just stating the obvious.”
“I’m going to send you Lizette’s number. Get her to help with Dennis.”
“Good, I need reinforcements.”
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Why don’t you call Dennis and tell him that?” Duke asks softly.
“I’ll try, but I know he won’t believe me. His mind is set and can’t be changed until I show up.” I sigh. “We talked about this before the whole fallout with my brother. He was certain then that I was going to leave him.”
“And you fucking did,” Duke bites out.
“But not in the way he thinks. I didn’t break up with him. I just needed some time to get my shit together.”
“Why didn’t you say that, then?”
“Because I wasn’t 100 percent sure at the time, and I didn’t want to make any promises I wasn’t positive I could keep. Having the time alone to think, I was able to make solid decisions. I know what I’m going to do now if my dad and brother reject me.”
“And that will be?”
“I’m choosing Dennis, no matter what,” I say firmly so he knows I’m for real.
“Good,” he replies quietly. “I’ll stay with Denny until you get back, but you owe him and me something fierce for putting us through this.”
“I know. Love you, bud.”
“Whatever,” he huffs. “Love you too.”
He hangs up and I check the time. My dad is meeting me here at the hotel’s restaurant. I pray that he understands. It’s not like he doesn’t know Dennis. And it’s not like he doesn’t like him. I mean, Dennis was great with my mother when he first met her and took her for a walk when she got agitated. And then when she wandered out of the house, it was his smart thinking that found her. That’s got to mean something to my father, right?
Time drags while I’m waiting to meet up with my dad. I have to build up some courage before I give Dennis a call. I’ll try to do that after I talk to my dad. I watch some TV, play some games on my phone, and scroll through Facebook. I head down to the lobby at around 2:50 p.m. We’re meeting at 3:00 p.m. I want to be waiting for him when he walks in.
I pace as I wait. I’m nervous as hell. I have no idea what my dad thinks since he disappeared without a word the day of my mother’s funeral.
“Tucker,” he says from behind me.
Whirling around, I see him standing there, hands shoved in his poc
kets, seeming slightly uncomfortable.
“Dad, hey.” I sigh in relief. I was afraid he wasn’t going to show.
“Should we get some lunch?” he asks with a tight smile.
He looks ragged. His blue eyes are bloodshot and have dark circles under them still. His white hair is slightly messed up, as if he’s been running his fingers through it a lot. He’s thinner than I’ve ever seen him. I wonder if he’s even been eating.
“Yes, definitely,” I reply and let him lead the way to the hotel’s restaurant.
After we’re seated and our drink orders are in, I ask, “How are you holding up?”
He sighs heavily. “Like shit. I miss her so badly.”
I swallow back the knot of emotion in my throat. “Me too.”
“And then, all this”—he struggles, waving his hand in my direction—“hasn’t helped either.”
I frown and drop my gaze to the table. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you more pain.”
“You didn’t cause me more pain, son. I’m just shocked and confused, and I don’t understand it.”
I lift my eyes to his. His gaze softens some as he looks at me from across the table.
“I want to understand,” he says quietly.
Hope shoots through me, and my eyes widen. “You do?”
“I know I didn’t react the best the other day, but you are my son, and I love you no matter who you’re with,” he replies with a tender smile.
The tears well up so fast I don’t even have a chance to blink them back before they roll down my cheeks. He frowns.
“Tucker, come on now, none of that,” he scolds softly.
I quickly brush the tears away. “I’m sorry.” I sniff. “I really thought you weren’t going to be okay with this.”
“Did I ever tell you how my dad didn’t approve of me marrying your mother?” he asks with a smirk.
I shake my head. “No,” I answer, a little bewildered and shocked.
“Well, back when your mother and I first got together, we snuck around, didn’t want anyone to know, especially our parents. See, back then, it was frowned upon to marry someone of a different religion and heritage. I was raised as a devout Irish Catholic. Your mother was Jewish with some Italian mixed in somewhere.” He grins.