Her Lover (Belle de Seigneur)

by Albert Cohen

  Back inside the room, he lay down on the bed, inhaled the eau-de-Cologne while Schumann's Scenes from Childhood wafted up from the drawing-room below. 'Play on, my lovely, play, you have no idea of what lies in store for you,' he murmured, then suddenly he stood up. Quickly now, the disguise.

  He slipped on the old faded greatcoat, which was so long that it reached down to his ankles and drooped over his boots. Next he put the moth-eaten fur hat on his head, pulling it down to hide his hair, which hung down in thin black snakes. Standing in front of the swing-mirror, he looked approvingly at his shabby accoutrement. But the most important part had still to be done. He smeared his noble cheeks with some sort of shiny gum, laid the white beard on it, then cut two strips of black tape, which he stuck over his front teeth, except for one on the right and one on the left, so that his mouth looked like an empty space flanked by two gleaming canines.

  In the semi-darkness, he gave a greeting in Hebrew to his image in the mirror. He was an old Jew now, poor and ugly, though not without dignity. After all, this is how he would be one day. Even if he wasn't already dead and rotting, there'd be no handsome Solal in twenty years. Suddenly he froze and listened. Footfalls on the stairs, then Cherubino's aria. 'Voi che sapete che cosa è amor.' 'Yes, my darling, I know what love is,' he said. He reached for the case, bounded across the room, and hid behind the heavy plush curtains.

  CHAPTER 2

  She entered the room humming the Mozart aria, made straight for the swing-mirror, kissed the image of her lips in the glass, and stared at her reflection. She gave a sigh and then stretched out on the bed, opened the book by Bergson, and riffled through it while she helped herself to chocolate fondants. After a while, she stood up and headed towards the bathroom which adjoined her sanctum.

  There was a roar of running water, divers little peals of laughter, an incomprehensible girlish twittering and then a silence which was followed by the splash of a body decisively immersed, and then came a voice that was inflected gold. Parting the curtains, he approached the half-open door of the bathroom and listened.

  'I adore water that's too hot, wait darling, no wait, we'll leave the tap trickling so it gets really boiling without our noticing, when I'm embarrassed they say I squint a bit, just for a second or two but the effect is charming, the Mona Lisa's got a face like a cleaning-lady, I can't think why everyone makes such a fuss about her, am I disturbing you Madame? not at all sir, but do turn round, I'm not fit to be seen just now, who have I the honour of addressing? my name is Amundsen Madame, that means you are Norwegian I imagine? yes Madame, how very, very nice, I love Norway, do you know Norway Madame? no but I simply adore your country, the fjords the aurora borealis those sweet seals and then I always used to take cod-liver oil when I was a girl it came from the Lofoten Islands I loved the label on the bottle, and your Christian name sir is what? Eric Madame, mine is Ariane, are you married sir? yes Madame I've got six children one of them is black, how very nice please tell your wife she's very clever but tell me sir do you like animals? of course Madame, I see that we shall get along swimmingly sir, have you read that book by Grey Owl? he's a Canadian half-breed an admirable man who dedicated his life to the beaver I shall send you a copy I'm sure you'll like it, but I can't stand white Canadians on account of that song of theirs you know 'alouette gentille alouette alouette je te plumerai', I mean saying 'gentille alouette' one minute and the next I shall pluck the feathers off you it's disgusting, and anyway they pronounce it 'ploume-rai' which is ghastly, they are so proud of their awful song it's virtually their national anthem, I shall ask the King of England to ban it, oh yes the King does anything I want he's very sweet to me, and I shall also ask him to set up a great big reserve for beavers, do you belong to the RSPCA? Alas no Madame, that's very bad you know I shall send you an application form, I have been a subscribing member since I was a little girl I insisted on being in it, and I've left a lot of money to the RSPCA in my will, since you insist I shall call you Eric but keep your back turned please, first names yes but familiarity no, I must be careful not to knock the scab off because it will bleed afterwards, I fell down the other day and grazed my knee and it's left a little scab of dried blood and I really must remember not to knock it off, I love picking the crust off but it only bleeds afterwards and then it reforms and I pull it off again, when I was little I used to pick the scabs off all the time picking them off was lovely but nowadays picking's not allowed! oh it's not disfiguring it's just a teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy scab and it doesn't make my knee look awful, when I'm dressed I'll show you, anyway do you like cats? yes Madame I'm very fond of them, I knew it Eric, nice people cannot help liking them, I'll show you a photo of my little cat and you shall see what a splendid creature she was, she was called Fluffy, a nice name don't you think? it was me that thought it up, it just came to me the instant they gave her to me, she was two months old angelic blue eyes a mossy little ball of fluff and good as gold, she looked up at me and I was won over at once, alas no Eric she is no longer in the land of the living, she had to have an operation and the poor little thing couldn't take the anaesthetic because she had a weak heart, as she died in my arms she looked up at me one last look with those beautiful blue eyes, yes she was in her prime, she was only two, never knew the joys of motherhood, and incidentally it was because she could not have children that after much heart-searching I allowed her to be operated on, I still blame myself even now, it's only recently that I've been able to bring myself to look at photos of her, it's dreadful isn't it how with time we come to feel less and less the hurt of losing someone we have loved deeply, to me she was a friend like no one else I ever knew, an exceptional soul with such delicacy of feeling and so terribly well-behaved, for instance when she was hungry she would rush off to the fridge in the kitchen to tell me it was her dinner-time and then she'd run back to where I was in the drawing-room and ask me to feed her so sweetly so nicely heavens she would make up to me with such good manners, opening and closing her little pink mouth soundlessly she never miaowed such delicate, polite entreaties, yes a lovable companion an incomparable friend, when I was in the bath she would come and sit on the edge of the tub for company, sometimes we'd play I'd stick my foot out and she would try to catch hold of it, I don't want to talk about her any more it's too painful, tomorrow Eric if you want we'll go and see my squirrel, I'm worried about him he looked so sad yesterday, he's so sweet when he brings his little bits of bedding out to air in the sun or when he's taking the skin off his hazel nuts, I always give them to him without shells so that he doesn't break his teeth, Eric do you want me to tell you my ideal? oh yes Madame that would give me the greatest pleasure Madame, well my ideal would be to have a large estate where I could keep all sorts of animals, starting with a baby lion with great big paws, paws like fluffy-luffy-duffy balls of wool I'd touch them all the time and when he got big he'd never harm me, the secret is to love them, and then I'd have an elephant, a lovely old grandfather jumbo, if I had an elephant I wouldn't mind having to do the shopping I'd even go and buy vegetables in the market he would carry me on his back and pass me up the vegetables with his trunk and I'd put money in his trunk so he could pay the lady, and I'd also have beavers on my estate I'd have a river put in just for them and they could build their house in peace, it's terrible to think they are becoming extinct it makes me sad to think of it every night when I go to bed, don't you agree that women who wear beaver coats deserve to be put in jail? oh yes Madame absolutely, it's very nice talking to you Eric we agree about everything, and koalas, I'd have koalas too, they've got such sweet little noses, unfortunately they can only live in Australia because all they eat is the leaves of a special kind of eucalyptus tree, otherwise I'd have already had a couple brought over, that's me though, I love all animals even the ones people think are ugly, when I was little at my aunt's I had a tame very affectionate sparrow-owl quite a charming little person, she would wake at sunset and spit-spot would come and perch on my shoulder, if she wanted to look at me she swivelled her
head without having to bodily move, though that ought to be to move bodily I think, she would stare without blinking her beautiful golden eyes and then suddenly she'd come even nearer and give me a kiss with her turned-down beak which looked like the nose of some old lawyer, one night when I couldn't sleep I thought I would go and talk to her for a while and she wasn't in the little house I had made for her in the loft, I spent a terrible night in the garden calling her name, Magali! Magali! alas I never found her, I'm sure she didn't leave me of her own accord because she was very attached to me, I'm convinced some bird of prey took her from me, anyway all her sufferings are over now, as long as they don't bury me alive, that scares me, I hear the sound of footsteps above my grave getting closer I scream in my coffin I call out for help I try to smash the lid, then the footsteps fade the living have not heard me and I can't breathe, but no I can breathe I'm in the bath, oh yes I love all animals, toads for instance, they make me feel sad, the croaking of toads in the night when everything is quiet is a noble kind of melancholy, true solitude, when I hear one in the night I feel a pang of nostalgia, the other day I found one with a broken leg poor thing he was dragging himself along the road, I put iodine on his leg, when I put a bandage on it he didn't struggle a bit because he knew I was caring for him, though his poor little heart was racing and he didn't even open his eyes he was so worn out, speak to me toad, come on smile for Mummy, he didn't move though he opened one eye and gave me such a beautiful look as if to say I know you're my friend, afterwards I put him in a cardboard box on some pink cotton wool so he would feel at home, and then I hid him in the cellar so that old Madame Deume wouldn't know, he's getting better thank God and he'll make it all right, I feel closer and closer to him, when I go down to the cellar to reset his bandage, he has this wonderful look of gratitude, oh and the old pavilion in the garden that nobody uses, I intend to transform it I shall make it my own private place where I can go to think, I'll put my toad there until he's well again, that way he can convalesce in nicer surroundings, perhaps he'll get so fond of me that he won't want to leave me ever, now I'm thinking a rude word but I shan't say it out loud, I'm cold run some more hot water please, that's enough thank you, it's a good thing I had these thick curtains put up in my room, makes it easier to believe the stories you tell yourself, my hermit-man is more believable in the dark, it was a mistake to have my wardrobe put here in the bathroom my dresses will be ruined, tomorrow get it put back in my bedroom that's settled then, yes become a famous novelist people will beg me to go and sign my books at charity sales but I shall refuse it's not my style, my legs are really beautiful other women's are all hairy a bit like a monkey's but me, oh no, I'm as smooth as a statue yes, darling me, you are very beautiful, and what about my teeth, would you believe Eric that my dentist thinks I've got marvellous teeth, each time I go he says Madame it's incredible there's never anything that needs doing on your teeth they are quite perfect, so you do realize how lucky you are dear man? only the truth is I'm not happy, fortunately we sleep in separate bedrooms, but in the mornings I hear him getting up he whistles the Belgian national anthem, the Aubles are old Genevan aristocracy and here I am now married into a lower-middle-class family, yes Eric you are absolutely right I've got a very good figure, my eyes are flecked with gold have you noticed? all the rest is unblemished, cheeks matt with warm tones, attractive voice, brow definitely not low nose a little on the large side but decidedly very fine, an honest unmade-up face and overall frightfully elegant, it's a terrible strain being a grown-up, presently I shall get my animals out it'll do me good, when we know each other better I shall let you see them, there are sheep ducklings a kitten made of green velvet but he's not at all well he's losing his sawdust polar bears wooden cows bears that aren't polar spun-glass dogs little bowl things made of corrugated paper you know the ones fancy cakes come in they're for bathing my bears in, sixty-seven animals all told I've counted them, the big bear is the king but I can tell you that the real king the secret king is the little elephant with one leg missing, his wife is the duck, the heir apparent is my little bulldog pencil-sharpener who sleeps in the scallop shell and looks for all the world like an English detective, but that's all silly little-girl stuff, now go away please because I'm about to get out of the bath and I don't want to be seen, bye-bye Eric, just between ourselves you are a bit of a fool all you can say is yes Madame, so go away, you're a silly young man, I am going to dress gorgeously for my very own, my private pleasure.'

  Hidden once more behind the curtains, he watched admiringly as she reappeared, tall, with that marvellous face and that incredible figure, in a noble evening gown. Shadowed by her undulating train, she walked proudly round the room and from time to time darted furtive glances at the mirror.

  'The most beautiful woman in the world,' she declared, and she approached the mirror, made a tender, pouting face and stood for some time gazing at herself with her mouth half open, which made her look surprised, even slightly crazed. 'Yes awfully beautiful in every department,' she concluded. 'Though that nose is a shade large, perhaps? Not at all. It's just right. Now for the Himalayas. On with the secret Tibetan headgear.'

  Returning from the bathroom, wearing a Scots tam which did not go at all with the evening gown, she strode around her bedroom with the deliberate, heavy tread of the experienced climber.

  'Well, here we are on the lovely old maternal mountains of the Himalayas, I'm scaling the heights of the land of night. It's empty of humans and here the last gods live on mountain-tops buffeted by awesome winds. Yes, the Himalayas are my motherland. Om mani padme houm! O jewel in the lotus! That's the set form of worship which we Tibetan Buddhists use. But here's Lake Yamirok or Yamrok, the biggest lake in Tibet! May the Gods be victorious! Lhai gyalo! Ah! prayer-flags: let us bow our head in reverence before them! Oh dear, I'm quite out of breath, a six-hour trek in this thin air, I can't go another step! Mind you, the ghastly side to being a Tibetan woman is that you're required to have several husbands. I've got four, which means four sets of gargling before bed, four sets of snores during the night and four times the Tibetan national anthem in the morning. One of these days I shall divorce all of my husbands. Oh, but I don't feel right, not right at all.'

  She walked to and fro, arms crossed and hands on shoulders, crooning a lugubrious lullaby to herself, delighting in exaggerating its inaner flights, trying out a silly walk with her toes turned inwards. She halted in front of the mirror and pretended to be old and senile: eyes big and round, mouth wide open, tongue hanging out and toes still turned in. Having paid herself back, she smiled, became beautiful once more, put her Scots tam away, stretched out on the bed, closed her eyes, and began to day-dream.

  'That's it! I'll settle myself with my old trick, here goes I'm knocking my head against the wall, crash, bash, that's good, and again ... harder, faster, head against the wall, like a cannon-ball, bang, that's the stuff, head's a bit cracked, but it's doing me good, very relaxing, ah that's better, great! nobody in the house but me, I'm free till this evening, I wonder if my toad will be better soon, he wasn't up to much this morning, that's it I'll put some more iodine on him, poor little thing so sweet so patient, he never complains but it must sting it can't be helped, when Mummy puts that nasty iodine on your leg it's for your own good, he's still so weak, I'll give him something to eat to build him up, I'll take him out into the garden with me when I've had my rest after lunch, you'll like that see if you don't, we'll have tea together, we'll have a picnic on the grass, or perhaps I'll become a fierce lion-tamer, I step into the cage wearing boots an intimidating crack of the whip my masterful eyes flashing fire and the twelve petrified lions back away like stags at bay oops make that beasts of prey and then the fantastic burst of applause, or better still a conductor standing sublimely in front of an orchestra and everyone claps and I barely acknowledge the applause I just stand there a bit disdainfully and then walk off looking very blasé, only it's not true, when I was ten or eleven I had to get up at seven o'clock so that I'd be at schoo
l at eight but I would set the alarm for six so that I'd have time for the heroic soldier I used to imagine I was nursing, I'll take a couple of aspireens, the two e's are to ease, they'll make me sleep, right? right, darling girl, but you are my little sweetie yes you is, don't need no old aspireens I'm sleepy enough, oh lovely it's dark, I can hardly see a thing, I love the dark, I feel closer to myself when it's almost pitch black, it's very nice in bed, by stretching my legs out right and left in my own bed I can feel what it's like to be by myself without lovey-dovey hubby, I have a feeling I shall go to sleep tonight in my evening dress, can't be helped, the thing is to get off to sleep, when you're asleep you aren't unhappy, poor Didi's sweet though, the other day he was all smiles when he brought me that diamond bracelet, but I was nice too I didn't tell him I don't like diamonds, very sweet but he keeps touching me all the time it's very irritating, I can move my arms and legs now but later on I'll be trapped in a coffin and there's earth above me can't breathe start choking, can't see how anyone can believe in the immortality of the soul, what's the use of having all those ministers of religion in the family? let's pretend there are ten pretty little koalas here in my room fast asleep in their cots with their little paws crossed over their chests and their lovely big noses looking so nice, I gave them all their eucalyptus leaves for supper before I put them to bed, I can't keep my eyes open it's the veronal I took last night still in my system I took too much, I ought at least to take off my pretty white satin slippers, but it can't be helped, too tired too sleepy, I can keep them on they won't bother me, that's enough talk now, good-night darling me, sweet dreams.'