by E. N. Joy
“Calm down. Calm down.” Willie rested his hand on Doreen’s. He peeked over at her with a smile on his face, and then studied the road again. “Now you know I’ve told you that you’ve got the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard. As a matter of fact, heck, you’d be able to show their choir a thing or two. But they ain’t that good because they practice for only an hour once a week like you all did back at home. They practice twice a week for two hours. And you done started up with that pound-cake business again too. How you gon’ take care of home and your husband doing all that?”
Doreen thought for a moment. “Hmmm, I guess you are right about that. I mean, that’s a lot of practice. That’s a lot of time away from the house.”
“And a lot of time away from me,” Willie winked.
And there was no way Doreen was going to leave Willie unattended that much. Surely he’d find some drinking hole to start hanging out at with that much time on his hands. Things were good right now; too good for her to go messing it up. “Maybe joining the praise and worship team might not be such a good idea, but I still think we should consider joining the church. We need a church here in West VA. that we can call home. So will you at least think about that?”
“Sure,” Willie nodded. “I’ll think about it.”
And while Willie was thinking about that, Doreen should have been thinking about just how in the world Willie knew the rehearsal schedule of West VA. Jesus Is Lord Church of Christ Praise and Worship. But not to worry. She’d find out soon enough. And it wasn’t going to be good.
Chapter Eighteen
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound . . .” Doreen sang as she piled seven pound cakes into her car. Three had to go to one place, while the other four had to go to another. She was running a little bit behind schedule, but that little bit would make a big difference considering she had two different places she needed to be. Where was that Willie when she needed him? Had he come straight home from work this evening, he could have dropped off one order while she did the other. But he’d been having to work overtime a couple times a week here lately, so Doreen assumed that’s probably what had happened this evening. And if that was the case, she had no complaints about that. Overtime meant extra pay. Extra money was always a good thing.
“. . . who saved a wretch like me.” Doreen coughed after a failed attempt to hit that last note. “Oooh, maybe Willie is right,” she laughed. “Maybe I ain’t fit for praise and worship anymore. I got to get these pipes tuned up,” Doreen said before hitting the road.
Doreen made it to her first destination with absolutely no time to spare in getting to the next the one. She collected her money and was on her way to the second stop. Having earned an extra three-dollar tip, she was singing a more upbeat tune now. She was rocking her head and smiling. As she zoomed by a couple buildings only to have to screech her wheels at a stoplight, her smile soon faded. It wasn’t because she’d gotten caught by a stoplight with one more delivery that needed to be made. It was because of what she thought she might have seen while speeding past those buildings.
“Was that . . .” she said out loud, but then shook the thought away. Had she really just seen what she thought she’d seen? “No. No. No. No,” she told herself as she shook her head and forced a smile back on her face. “Oh, devil, I see what you’re up to now. You’re just mad things are going so good and that God is showing up and showing out in Willie’s and my marriage. I will not allow you to influence my mind or make me think I’m seeing things that are not there.” Doreen shook her head even harder.
As the light turned green, in spite of the little pep talk Doreen had given herself, everything in her wanted to turn that car around or at least look through the rearview mirror and double-check. But she didn’t. She had a delivery to make. She didn’t have time to risk or waste feeling like a fool when what she thought she’d seen she really hadn’t.
Pulling off from the stoplight, Doreen picked back up on the song where she’d left off. She wasn’t singing it as upbeat anymore, though. She might as well have gone back to singing “Amazing Grace.”
Arriving at her second drop-off, Doreen made the exchange of cakes for money and was on her way back home. She drove in silence this time. There was no singing, not even the humming of a note. She had a lot on her mind and decided to verbalize it to the Lord. “God, I know you ain’t gon’ let me go running around this town made to be no fool.” She swallowed hard. “I . . . I just can’t do it, God. Not this time. Not anymore. I’ll break, I swear I’ll break.” Doreen’s words trembled out of her mouth. “But God, you know exactly how much I can handle, so I trust you’d never put on me more than I can bear. So if there is something that needs to be revealed to me about my Willie, then God, I ask you to do it now so I can get it over with. In Jesus’ name.”
Doreen finished her prayer just as she drove past those same set of buildings she’d passed before. Driving a little slower this time, she looked over as she drove by. She scanned the parking lot. She let out a deep sigh and kept driving. She kept driving, but not for long. The next thing she knew, she’d made a U-turn and drove back to the buildings. The second building was a local motel. That’s the parking lot she pulled up into; right next to Willie’s car. “God, you are so faithful.” Doreen threw the car in park, turned it off, and jumped out of the vehicle. “My Willie may not be, but Lord in heaven, you sure are faithful.”
Now that Doreen was out of her car, she didn’t know what to do. There were several motel rooms before her. She didn’t know exactly which one, but she knew Willie had to be in one of them. Why else would his car be parked there?
“Lord, you brought me here, now show me what to do.” Doreen paced back and forth before three doors. “Show me what to do,” she yelled. Catching herself, she realized she had to do something besides stand out there looking like some deranged fool. She paused and looked around. Spotting the motel office, she made her way in there.
“Good evening, can I help you?” the clerk behind the desk asked Doreen.
“Uh, yes, well, uh, I hope so,” she stammered, looking down at the clerk’s badge to see the word “Manager” printed on it. “You see, it’s my husband’s and my anniversary. We got a room here under his name. He left to go to the store, and I done locked myself out of the room when I went to get some ice. I could wait for him to get back, but I was really hoping to decorate it up nice while he was gone. You know—to surprise him.”
The manager looked at Doreen suspiciously. “Oh yeah?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And Missy, just what is your husband’s name?”
“It’s Willie. It’s William Tucker. I’m Mrs. Tucker.” Still looking at Doreen suspiciously, the manager proceeded to examine his check-in log. He looked down at the log, and then looked up at her. He was looking at her like she was up to no good, and for good reason too. She was stammering and a sheet of sweat had formed across her forehead. She looked nervous about something. That didn’t sit too well with the manager. “What did you say your husband’s name was again?”
“It’s William—William Tucker.”
“Oh yeah, here it is, right here. William Tucker. Room 111.” He looked at Doreen almost apologetically, then thought for a minute. “And you say you’re his wife, huh?”
Doreen nodded, wiping the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand.
“Then you got some ID on ya you can show me?” he asked.
“Yeah, uh, sure. But I, uh, left my purse in the car.” Doreen hadn’t thought to grab it.
The manager stood there looking at Doreen as if waiting for her to say something else. She never did. She just looked at the clerk.
“I’ll wait,” the manager finally said, not picking up on the fact that there was no logical reason why Doreen’s purse should have been in her car. If anything, it should have been locked inside the motel room. And even then, hadn’t she just told him that her husband took the car to the store? Thank goodness this guy’s picnic basket was light
a sandwich or two.
“Excuse me?” Doreen had no idea what he was talking about.
“I’ll wait while you go to your car and get it.”
“Oh yeah, right.” Doreen smiled, and then headed out of the office.
“Uh, ma’am,” the manager called out, causing Doreen to pause and look back at him. “I thought you said your husband went to the store. Wouldn’t he have driven?” Guess he hadn’t missed that little slipup after all.
Doreen hadn’t thought about that herself. With only a few seconds to reply before she looked even more suspicious she said, “Yeah, but, uh, we drove separate cars. We met up here. Kind of like role-play; two teenagers sneaking around. You get it?” Doreen hoped he did—get it and believe it.
Still eyeballing her like she’d stole something he said, “You just go on and bring me that ID back, ya hear?”
“Yes, sir, right away.” Doreen scurried out of the motel office. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I repent right now in Jesus’ name for telling that man a bold-faced lie. I’m sorry.” Doreen opened her car door and pulled her purse out. She went back into the motel office while digging around in her purse.
The clerk watched her with a hawk eye as she scrambled through it. After a moment or so and Doreen coming up with nothing, he began tapping his finger on the counter impatiently.
“Just a minute, I know it’s in here,” Doreen said as she continued to fumble around. Stuff began to fall out of her purse onto the counter. Some items even rolled off the counter onto the floor. The manager sucked his teeth. “I’m sorry, sir. I’m trying to find it.” After still coming up with nothing and both the clerk and Doreen getting agitated, she finally just dumped the entire contents of her purse on the counter and began picking through it. “Voilà! Here it is.” She held up her ID as if she were carrying the torch in an opening ceremony for the Olympics. She handed the ID to the manager with a smile.
He eyeballed it while Doreen wiped another wave of sweat off of her forehead. “Hmm. Mrs. Doreen Tucker.” He looked at the ID, then looked at Doreen. He looked back down at the ID again. “That’s you, all right,” he sighed with defeat. Then without further delay, he turned around and grabbed the motel key for room 111. “Here you are, Mrs. Tucker.” He handed Doreen the key.
“Sorry about the delay. It’s just that we can’t go around letting any ol’ body into motel rooms. You could have been a murderer for all I know.”
Doreen accepted the key, having no idea that the manager’s last statement would contain such irony.
Chapter Nineteen
After nervously scooping up and shoveling all the contents from the counter and floor back into her purse, Doreen thanked the motel manager and headed for room 111. She walked out of that motel office a nervous wreck. Now that she had lied her way into entry into Willie’s room, she had no idea what to do next.
“Go into the dang room,” she told herself. She passed room 101. “Lord, you are an all-knowing God.” She passed room 102. “You already know what’s behind that motel room door I’m about to go to.” She passed room 103. “Do I want to know is the question?” She passed room 104. “Do I need to know?” She paused in front of room 105. Did she need to know?
She couldn’t help but really think about that answer. She knew Willie was a cheat. The circumstantial evidence had always been there. No, she’d never really caught him in the act except for the couple times women had made themselves comfortable in his lap or in his arms on the dance floor. That wasn’t nothing to go out and get a divorce about. Now going out and getting another woman pregnant, that would be grounds for divorce. But for all Doreen knew, Agnes was just jealous and full of lies. Agnes probably made that stuff up because she wanted Doreen to get mad and leave Willie so she could have him all to herself.
As quiet as it’s kept, Doreen never questioned Willie about it or dug around to find out whether it was the truth or not because deep down inside, she didn’t want the answer. Before leaving Kentucky she had, though, had a talk with Mrs. Tucker about what Agnes had insinuated.
“Okay, so let’s say it is all true,” Mrs. Tucker had said to Doreen. “What you going to do about it? I mean, for real, what you gon’ do?” She threw her arms up in the air.
Doreen really didn’t know what to say. She shrugged while saying, “I don’t know—I guess pray about it and see what God—”
“Look, honey child, I been there and prayed that, so take it from me; nothing is what you’re going to do. I mean, yeah, you gon’ be mad. You gon’ fuss and argue and might even try to come up into the juke joint and cut the fool again.” She chuckled, “Although your father-in-law swears to God he’s gon’ban you from the place if you do. And he ain’t too sweet on God, so whenever he brings His name up,” she nodded upward, “there just might be some truth to it. Anyway, gal, like I was saying, you ain’t gon’ do nothing but be mad for a spell, maybe hold out on the lovemaking for a week or two, but then you and Willie gon’ be as good as new.”
“No.” Doreen shook her head, but weakly, as if there was some truth to what her mother-in-law was saying.
“You say that now, but I done seen it happen a million times. A woman comes up in the joint and finds some other woman dangling all over her man or vice versa. She cuts the fool, threatens to leave him, tells him how he ain’t gon’ just treat her no any kind of way; then the very next week, he comes back into the joint now with that same woman who threatened to leave him dangling on his arm.”
Mrs. Tucker chuckled. “I don’t know why women do that to themselves. We compromise everything that we are and who God meant for us to be, and for what? Some man?” She looked far off as if she was looking into her past. As if she was wondering if she might have done some things differently, how her own life might have turned out to be. She then looked at Doreen seriously and rested her hand upon her shoulder. “Baby girl, don’t be like me, spending the first few years of your marriage all stressed out trying to sneak and creep around to see what your husband is up to. Don’t do it unless you know for certain what you find is going to change some things. If you just looking for answers in order to have something to fuss and complain about, then why bother? If you looking for answers because you gon’ walk away from the bull crap, know your worth and live your life; now that’s another story.”
Doreen allowed her mother-in-law’s words to sink in. “Mrs. Tucker—and I hope you don’t mind me saying this—but you sound like you’re speaking from experience.” Doreen waited for a response, which came a few seconds later.
“Could be, could be not. But look at me. I’m still with Mr. Tucker, who, let me just say this, is a mirror of your Willie. I just loved that man so much I was willing to fight for him. I was willing to show myself, the world, and most sadly, my son, that a woman’s worth ain’t more than a welcome mat at a saloon—’cause I just kept letting him walk all over me. My actions basically cosigned to my son that how his father was living was right.” She looked down at Doreen’s now-vacant womb. “You ever wonder if that’s why your God took away your baby? So the same thing wouldn’t be repeated.”
Doreen instantly grabbed her stomach as if a gush of wind had blown and was about to carry her insides away. She became teary eyed at just the thought that the reason why God had allowed her to lose her baby was because He knew she would be too weak to stand up for herself. She would be too weak, like her mother-in-law, to teach her child any different.
With her hands on her belly, still standing outside motel room 105, Doreen said, “God, give me strength. Give me strength to walk in the God-given authority I have inherited from the throne.” Doreen continued her trek past room 106. Her pace picked up as she passed room 107, then 108. She was at a full jog as she passed 109 and 110. Then finally, she stood outside room 111. Almost out of breath. She stood there for a moment before taking the key the clerk had given her, stuck it in the lock, and quickly opened the door.
Any question Doreen had about her Willie had just been answered. Like Mrs
. Tucker had inquired of her, now what was she going to do about it?
Chapter Twenty
Speechless, shocked, disgusted, hurt, pissed; no, none of those words could truly describe the emotions circling through Doreen’s head as she watched her husband thrusting, moaning, and groaning on top of a woman who was expressing the same sentiments in return. Everything was like HD. Although Doreen was quite a few feet away from the scene, it appeared to be so up close and personal. It was so in her face. It was as though her eyes were camera lenses and had zoomed in, capturing a close-up shot. The upper body of Willie was drenched in sweat as his lower half was covered with a motel sheet. The sweat droplets were magnified as they rolled down his back. The movements his lower body displayed were so gentle and choreographed. So tender.
Her mind couldn’t help but wander back to their own lovemaking sessions. For the life of her, Doreen couldn’t recall him ever being that gentle and tender with her.
“Oh, baby.”
The moan from the female up under Willie immediately brought Doreen’s thoughts back to the present. She stood there, longer than she could explain why, watching her husband make love to another woman. They hadn’t a clue she was even in the room. Perhaps they would have heard her enter had they not been so loud in expressing their pleasure with each other.
“What you gon’do?”
Doreen looked over her shoulder for the voice that had just relayed that question to her. It was the voice of Mrs. Tucker. Doreen had heard it so clearly in her head, as if her mother-in-law was standing right there. Doreen pictured that she was. With a glass of liquor in one hand, Doreen envisioned her posing the question once again. “Well, gal, what you gon’ do? You got your answers.” The Mrs. Tucker that was only visible in Doreen’s mind right now looked over at Willie and the woman making love. She chuckled. “Heck, and now it ain’t just hearsay. You see it with your own two eyes. So what you gon’ do? Cut the fool and end up looking like a fool when next week you still living with Willie and the week after that he’ll have some other woman up in here? And the cycle will repeat itself over and over again, just like it did with me and his daddy.” Mrs. Tucker laughed again. “You young girls crack me up always looking for answers—like that’s going to change anything. Ha.” She took a sip of her drink and continued with a wicked laugh that echoed throughout Doreen’s head.