by K. A. Linde
The wind viciously whipped her hair around her face, cutting across her delicate skin and stinging her eyes. Tears streamed from her eyes as she sprinted the last leg of her run before exiting Washington Square Park. She doubled over clutching her hands to her ribs as her breath came out in spurts. The wintry air filled her lungs causing her to wheeze in pain at the assault. Her heart was still working overdrive thumping away in her chest from the physical exertion. She attempted to wiggle her toes, which felt near frozen in her soggy socks and snow-coated tennis shoes. The movement was painful as life came back into her lower extremities.
She straightened brushing her hair out of her face. The gloves she wore hardly kept the cold from reaching her fingers. Now that she had stopped jogging, the sweat she had built up was settling onto her skin making her entire body shiver. The wind picked up in velocity pushing and pulling her the rest of the way to her apartment building. She stumbled into the high-arched enclosure letting the windbreak past her. A low whistle could be heard as it rushed through the streets. Lexi was just happy that she was out of that. She didn’t know what she had been thinking going on a run with the weather in such precarious conditions.
Well, that wasn’t true. She knew the real reason for her early morning jog. The message from Jack kept replaying in her head, and despite herself, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. She knew that she should be reasonable. He probably went through another rejection and wallowed in his own pity. It had happened frequently enough, and she knew he shouldn’t get worked up about it, but he had gotten worked up about it. She could tell from the tone of his voice that he was upset.
All she wanted to do was be there for him.
She wrapped her arms around herself as she strode past the security guard. He recognized her and waved, not even checking for her identification card. She was lost in her thoughts as she took the stairs back to her apartment.
Lexi knew that she wasn’t Jack’s girlfriend. They weren’t officially together or anything. They had made that perfectly clear in the beginning.
Yet, something was nagging in the back of her mind. When he had been threatening Clark, he had claimed they were together. She wasn’t naïve enough to believe that they were automatically going to jump into something that they were unaccustomed to. She knew how they worked, and thus far, it had worked out surprisingly well. But it was a step in the right direction. If he could speak about them being a couple, even if it was out of blind jealously, then she saw that as a positive.
Her teeth were chattering as she slid into her dorm room. She clenched and unclenched her fingers hoping to accelerate the blood flow. Sliding her gloves off Lexi brought her hands to her mouth and blew on them as she rubbed them together.
“Where have you been?” Lexi heard someone call anxiously from a bedroom.
Startled from warming herself up, she glanced up and saw Rachelle silhouetted in the doorway. “I went for a run.”
Rachelle peeked back through her window as if to confirm that it was, in fact, miserable outside. “In this weather?” she asked condescendingly.
“Uh…yeah. I needed to clear my head.”
“Did it work?”
“Not really. I’m kind of frozen,” she told her a chill running down her back at the mention of the cold.
“You Southerners,” she scoffed, “this isn’t cold.”
“Feels pretty cold to me,” Lexi said wrapping her arms around her body.
“Whatever. Why didn’t you take your cell phone with you?” she asked disapprovingly.
Lexi cringed realizing that she had forgotten her cell. She knew when she was out in the city, especially when she was alone, that she should have it with her, but she hated carrying it with her when she was running. She felt weighed down by technology. But Rachelle was looking at her expectantly. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I guess I forgot it.”
“Yeah, I know. It has been ringing off the hook all morning...on loud,” she grumbled crossing her arms over her chest.
Lexi gulped, taking a sideways look toward her room as if her phone was going to start ringing again at any moment. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
“You should call Jack back. I finally had to answer and tell him I’d give you the message, but that you weren’t home.”
“You told him I wasn’t home?” she squeaked.
“What was I supposed to do? You weren’t in your room. Your phone was still on your desk. Your purse was missing. You had to be somewhere. I told him you were out. What’s the big deal?” Rachelle asked.
Lexi groaned. “My purse is missing? Great, just great. What a fantastic morning.”
“Just call him back,” she said slamming her door angrily.
Lexi sighed and trudged into her room. All she wanted to was shower. She did not want to have to deal with this right now.
She glanced around noticing that her purse was still exactly where she had left it safely tucked under her desk. Rachelle must have missed it when she answered the phone. Lexi breathed out a sigh of relief that nothing had happened to her purse. She unplugged her phone from where she had left it charging the night before and turned it on. Eight missed calls showed up on the phone and she had four text messages, and that was before Rachelle had gotten to her phone to turn it off.
Even though all she wanted to do was take a shower and not think about anything, she reluctantly opened the phone and dialed Jack’s number. As she waited, she peeled of her running jacket and hung it on a hook on the back of her door. Her t-shirt came off next followed by the black, long-sleeve, Under Armour shirt. Her track pants hung low on her hips and her black sports bra hugged tight against her chest.
“Lex,” Jack breathed into the phone, “where have you been? I’ve been calling all morning.”
“Yeah, Rachelle told me. Sorry about that.”
“What were you doing? Who were you with?” he asked accusing her with every word.
“I was out for a run.”
“In this weather?”
She wanted to curse. Why was it so hard to believe that she would go out for a run when it was nasty outside? She needed to clear her head. It wasn’t the end of the world. That didn’t give everyone the right to accuse her of anything. “Yeah.”
“Right.”
“What? Do you not believe me?” she asked, her earlier anxieties making her jumpy.
“Sure, I believe you. If you say so.”
“Why don’t you sound like you believe me?” Her voice couldn’t hide the hint of annoyance at his tone. He was the one who had dipped out of the party, and then left a sketchy voicemail telling her not to come over to be with him. She should be the one accusing him of not being around.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He had a rough night with the job interview. He was probably just irritated with that. There was no need for her to make it worse for him. “I’m sorry. It was just a rough night.”
“I know what you mean,” he whispered.
“Sorry, I didn’t bring my phone. I’ll remember to take it with me next time,” she apologized.
“Actually, we need to talk.”
Warning signals began blasting off in her brain even worse than this morning. Those words were never a good sign. Nothing good could come from saying that. “About what?” she managed to get out.
She could hear him take a deep breath. “Can I come over?”
“Of course you can come over. You’re here all the time,” she mumbled knowing it had to be bad, if he had to ask to come over.
“I have to take care of some...stuff here, and then I’ll be over so we can talk. All right?”
She nodded swallowing heavily. Then she realized he couldn’t see her and said, “Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Bye,” he said hanging up the phone quickly.
Lexi shut her phone and tossed it back into the mess on her desk. She yanked her hair out of the ponytail on the back of her head and let her mass of curls fall around her face. Brushing them out of her
face with her fingers, she could feel some of the tension release from her body.
The events from the past twelve hours were replaying in her head. Where had things gone wrong? They had been perfect at the party. God, they had been about to leave to have sex...make love until they had been interrupted.
The interruption.
What had Claire said about him leaving? That she had seen him exit the premises with some drunken blonde chick on his arm. Lexi could remember the look of disbelief in Claire and Chyna’s eyes when she had explained about the interview. They both had the same expression.
She shook her head not wanting to think about that. Her body hurt from running, lack of hydration, and chronic worrying. All she needed was a long hot shower and to chill the fuck out. No use worrying over something that she had no idea about. Everything her imagination was conjuring up was only successfully making her more worried about what had happened last night, and why he now so desperately needed to talk to her.
Taking the time to thoroughly wash away any lingering doubts, Lexi took extra long in the shower. She scrubbed every crevice washing away the sweat and grime from her run twice with her cranberry body wash. She lathered and rinsed her hair until it was silky smooth. When she cut off the water, the bathroom was thick with steam and the mirror completely obscured by fog. Typically, Lexi wasn’t the type of girl who primped, but today was not like other days.
After towel drying her hair, she blew it out until every long strand was dry. Then she pulled a straightener down until all the curls were gone and her hair hit her lower back. Black eyeliner rimmed her eyes and a layer of mascara touched her lashes. After adding a hint of rouge to her pale cheeks, she figured she had spent enough time in the bathroom. She was amazed that no one had bothered her already. With only one bathroom between four people, it was usually only a matter of time before someone came banging on the door.
As Lexi walked out of the bathroom, she did hear a knock coming from the door. She wrapped her skimpy white towel tightly around her body and scrambled toward the front door. “Jack,” she cried as she opened the door. “I thought you had stuff to do.”
He looked at her as if he were looking at her for the first time. The way her silky hair shone as the hallway light hit the strands. The way her side swept bangs fell neatly into her enormous brown eyes, which only looked larger and more beautiful from the make-up she had carefully applied. Her skin contrasted with the bleach white towel giving her a sun-kissed look. A smile broke out across his face as he took in the sight of her partly exposed body.
“It’s been over an hour,” he commented.
“Oh, has it?” she asked embarrassed even further. She couldn’t remember ever taking over an hour in the shower. “Are you going to come in?” she asked stepping aside and hugging her towel tight to her chest. She could feel it slipping out of place.
Jack stepped through the doorway allowing Lexi to close it behind him.
“I’ll just go change,” Lexi said walking swiftly toward her bedroom. Jack followed behind taking a seat in her desk chair. She turned to face him without moving to get clothes out of her closet. “So, what uh...stuff did you have to do?” she asked leaning back against her desk.
Jack averted his eyes to the floor. “I had to get things taken care of. It’s no big deal.”
“Oh,” she said lamely. Lexi sucked her bottom lip into her mouth biting down lightly. She could tell that it was a big deal or he wouldn’t have to be so secretive about it. But she was already afraid of what he might say. There was no need to bring anything else up until he was ready.
Lexi sat back against the desk, scooting over a few coffee mugs and class notes. “I thought you were going to change,” he noted once he finally spoke up. His eyes roamed her body.
“I was, but you wanted to talk to me.”
“I didn’t expect to speak to you naked,” he murmured.
“I’m not naked,” she told him pointing toward her tiny towel.
“Close enough.”
“No, it’s really not. You’ve seen me in less.”
Jack cringed away at her words. Not a good sign. “Just...change.”
“I’d rather we talk,” she told him standing her ground.
“Fine,” he muttered standing swiftly from the chair and knocking it back against the wall. Lexi jolted from where she was sitting. “So, let’s talk.”
Lexi waited. “I don’t know what you want to talk about,” she whispered her eyes cast to the floor in anticipation.
“I don’t really know how to begin this.”
“Are you,” she choked on the words, “are you breaking up with me?” She felt tears welling in her eyes at the prospect. The way he was talking that was the only conclusion she could come to. He had realized he didn’t want her after all and they were not going to be working toward that relationship. It didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense at all after what he had said to Clark, but she couldn’t see an alternative. She had been through break ups before and he was about hitting it on the nose.
“What?” he asked. “No. Well, I couldn’t anyway. We’re not in a relationship. I mean we’re together, but we’re not...you know...together.”
Lexi really could not tell the difference anymore. They had been doing everything together for over a month, and they had been intimately involved emotionally for nearly four years. How much more could he want?
“So, we’re not breaking up then?” she asked feeling pitiful.
“No, well, I dunno,” he muttered.
Lexi coughed running her fingers through her stick straight hair, and trying not to cry. “Why don’t you know?”
“It all depends on you.”
“I don’t want us to break up.”
Jack smiled a true genuine smile reaching all the way up to his beautiful blue eyes. “Yeah?” he asked his smile beginning to wane. “You might change your mind.”
“I don’t think so. I’ve made up my mind.”
“Look, Lex, I don’t want to lie to you. I told you I never would, and I want to stick by that.”
Lexi’s heart was beating out of her chest. It was almost painful as the weight of it slammed forcefully back and forth against her ribcage. He had lied to her, as she had feared. She didn’t know what it could be about. Was it the blonde girl? Did he not go to the interview?
“Then don’t lie to me.”
“I don’t want to,” he said stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I have to tell you something.”
“What do you have to tell me?” she asked impatiently. “Is this about the girl Claire saw you leaving with last night?”
“Girl?” he asked confused. “No, it has nothing to do with that. She was just drunk and I was helping her out of the party and into a cab.”
“Is this about the interview?” she couldn’t help asking.
“No...Well, yeah, sort of, but please Lexi let me speak,” he finally commanded her. Lexi waited expectedly. “I...I slept with someone else last night.”
It was Lexi’s turn to shoot up from her seat. “What?” she screeched, nearly dropping her towel. She grappled for the loose material, pulling it up to fully cover her body.
“I...yeah. I didn’t get the job. I wanted to go home and crash, but then there was a huge party at my place. I couldn’t get any rest so I got hammered instead. One thing led to another and...”
“So you just slept with someone?” she asked in horror.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I just fucked up. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Oh, I’m sorry, Lexi. It was just a meaningless fuck! How do you think that could help me? What the fuck were you thinking?” she questioned him pulling out a t-shirt and gym shorts from her dresser and hastily yanking them on. She felt exposed in her towel and realized now why he had wanted her to change.
“I wasn’t thinking. I was drunk, and it just sort of happened,” he yelled back.
“You’re absolutely ridiculous!”
“Stop getting so riled up. I came here to tell you because I couldn’t keep it from you. Isn’t that worth something?”
Lexi’s eyes narrowed as they zeroed in on him. “A very small something.”
“Oh come on.”
“Did you somehow think this would be okay? I don’t understand your motives at all.”
“Lex, I didn’t have a motive. It just happened. You of all people should know what that feels like.”
“No, I don’t know what that feels like! I never slept with someone without forethought.”
“You’re such a liar. When we first slept together you had no intention of sleeping with me and then we did.”
“Whatever. That was us though, Jack. We’re...different.” She so desperately wanted to make him understand.
“You’re such a hypocrite,” he cried throwing his hands up in the air. “What do you think we were doing the whole time we were with other people? We were cheating on them. We were the bad guys.”
“I know that,” she yelled back forcefully.
“Then why the fuck are you getting so pissed off about what happened? I fucked up all right. We’ve done that before,” he said pushing away his feeling toward his actions.
“Don’t even go there with me, Jack. You know that’s not true. We both know what we are. We cheated on other people, and that was what defined us. That was what defined our connection for quite some time.”
“Then why are you freaking out?” he asked exasperated.
“I thought that by finally being together this would stop,” she mumbled.
“You thought we would change being the people that we are, because we’re together now? Or not even really together actually.”
Lexi cringed at his words. Those had been her words. She had been just as afraid of any sort of commitment as him. “You told Clark we were together,” she whispered.
He looked away from her. “Well, we’re not together. We never have been. So please, Lex, stop freaking out. I told you what happened because of what we are.”