Vicious Circles

by JL Paul

  “Yeah, ya think?” I snorted. “I really don’t want him to know but yet, I do. Damn, Irelyn. This really sucks.”

  “Tell me,” she said with a grim smile. “Been in a similar situation, remember?”

  “So, what’s the right thing to do?” I asked, hoping she’d have a brilliant resolution. “I keep thinking maybe I should speak to Collin, first, but since I don’t know what precisely is going on with us, I don’t know what help he’ll be.”

  “Um,” Irelyn said, shifting uncomfortably. I furrowed my brow at her. I thought all the awkward moments were over between us. At least for now.

  “What?” I asked.

  “When’s the last time you talked to Collin?” she asked, her darting eyes avoiding contact with mine.

  “Monday night,” I said. “I tried to call him Tuesday but I got his voice mail. I left a message and he never called back,” I admitted, ignoring the twinge of pain shooting through my heart. “I haven’t called since.” I shrugged, acting as if I didn’t really care. “I’ll talk to him Friday night after their gig.”

  “They’re not playing Friday,” Irelyn said, her face suddenly going white.

  “Why?” I asked as I narrowed my eyes. “What’s going on?”

  “Well,” Irelyn said, scratching the back of her head. “Okay, I’m going to just tell you.”

  “Please do,” I said dryly.

  “Lucas told me that Collin took the rest of the week off of work. He left Tuesday evening. With Tori.”

  My heart crystallized into an icicle then fell to my feet and shattered into a thousand pieces.

  Chapter Fourteen

  My life was nothing but an agonizing hell. I couldn’t even pluck up the ambition to go tie one on. I fought self-pity with strength and courage I never dreamed I had and I managed to keep it at bay – though it taunted me from the sidelines.

  I didn’t want to think what Collin was up to with Tori – it made me physically ill. It seemed as if Tori had finally succumbed to Collin’s charms and they’d gone away together to celebrate their new found love.

  I wanted to puke.

  Irelyn called me frequently and prattled on mostly about nothing. I knew she had an ulterior motive – she was checking up on me. I appreciated it but it was really starting to wear on my last nerve - I just didn’t have the heart to tell her that.

  The condo seemed far larger than it really was now that Morgan was gone. I was happy to have Otis to keep me company – he was also keeping me sane. I showered him with loads of affection and he accompanied me everywhere he could.

  I took Otis to the dog park Sunday afternoon and watched as he romped with another puppy about his size. Otis had grown quite a bit and when I'd taken him to the vet for a checkup and his puppy shots, the vet had informed me that Otis would probably get to be about forty pounds when full grown. The vet hadn't been sure what sort of dog Otis was – a combination of all sorts – but it didn't matter. Otis was perfect the way he was.

  I rested on an iron bench and kept a close eye on Otis while I contemplated the events that had turned my life into such a messy thing. It had all started when I'd realized that I was in love with Collin. Things had gone strictly downhill from there.

  What if I hadn’t broken up with Spencer? Would things still be like they used to be? Would Morgan have left?

  Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose. This whole business was giving me one humungous headache.

  “Is anyone sitting here?” a soft voice asked.

  I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut. “Um, no – if there was then certainly you’d see them.”

  The voice laughed and I opened my eyes in time to see a man plop down next to me. He smiled, a dimple indenting each cheek. He had blond hair with hazel eyes hidden behind the lenses of a pair of stylish glasses. He was quite handsome – in my opinion – but my heart just wasn’t into flirting.

  “I’m Craig Flint,” he said, extending a rather large hand. “And you are?”

  “Annoyed and irritated,” I said.

  He lowered his hand as uncertainty flickered across his face. Shame flooded my body.

  “Sorry,” I said with a hint of a smile. “Bailey Foxworth.”

  “If I’m disturbing you…”

  “No,” I said as a real smile floated across my lips. “Just having a bad week.”

  “I understand,” Craig said as he stretched his arm across the back of the bench. “Been there myself plenty of times.”

  I scanned the park and located Otis near the fence, tugging on a rope toy with a Chihuahua. “Where’s your dog?”

  He pointed his long index finger at a tawny Boxer trotting the perimeter with his head raised regally. “That’s Skipper. He’s sort of an arrogant thing.”

  “I see,” I said and smiled. It was sort of funny.

  “So, Bailey,” Craig said, drawing out each syllable of my name. “Do you have a husband? Boyfriend?”

  I snorted a laugh – had to. I’ve had men try to pick me up in all sorts of places but never on a bench in an enclosed yard filled with dogs barking and crapping all over the place. Not the epitome of romance.

  “No, I don’t,” I admitted with half a smirk. “No girlfriends, either.”

  He laughed. “Well, that’s good.”

  “If you say so,” I muttered and shaded my eyes as I followed Otis with my gaze. I knew I was being rude and Craig seemed like a nice guy, but I didn’t want to encourage him. I didn’t want to involve myself with anyone else. I couldn’t handle the small circle of friends I’d once had.

  “Look, I don’t mean to pry, but sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger,” he offered. I slowly turned my head to face him, my hand still above my eyes as if in a salute.

  “That’s nice of you – really – but I don’t think it will help my situation. Thanks anyway,” I said. I dropped my hand and contemplated whistling for Otis and making a graceful escape but I really had nowhere else to go except for the empty condo.

  “Okay,” he said with a shrug. “Suit yourself.”

  He relaxed against the bench, his arm still draped over the back of the bench. He was far enough away that it didn’t stretch behind me and for that I was grateful – I’d hate to have to snap it in two.

  “So,” he said in a casual tone. “How about if we grab a cup of coffee or something?”

  “I’ve sort of taken myself out of the dating pool,” I said trying my best to sound aloof. “Men have been a total pain in the ass lately.”

  He laughed and winked at me. “Okay, understandable. How about this – I’ll give you my number and if you decide that you’d like to grab lunch or something, you give me a call?”

  I imagined taking him to Rusty’s one Friday night and cuddling up next to him while we watched Out Back play and hastily swept the thought from my mind. I wouldn’t use this man in my vain efforts to try to make Collin jealous. Not only was it wrong and I was tired of being the bad guy, but I didn’t think Collin would care much. He’d more than likely be relieved.

  “I guess that wouldn’t hurt anything,” I said. I pulled out my cell and programmed his number. “Just, don’t hold your breath.”

  He chuckled. “I won’t, I promise.”

  Grinning, I stood, whistling for Otis. He loped to my side, accompanied by the Chihuahua. I clipped his leash to his collar then shook Craig’s hand. “Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.”

  “Sure, Bailey. Take care.”

  I led Otis out of the enclosure and headed toward home. I’d no more than waved one last time at Craig when my cell phone rang. My heart nearly jumped out of my throat when Collin’s name flashed on the ID. Taking a deep breath, I answered.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I asked as if he hadn’t totally disappeared for damn near a week.

  “Nothing,” he said. “Just got back in town. What are you doing?”

  “Walking Otis.”

  “Um, me and the guys are going to practice tonight. Care to come by?” he asked, his voic
e a little hopeful.

  What the hell, I thought. It wasn’t like my heart hadn’t been broken over and over before. “Sure. I’ll bring Otis and he can play in the backyard with Milo.”

  “Excellent,” he said and I could almost see him grin. “Um, do you want to call Morgan and invite her? I’m sure Luke will bring Irelyn.”

  “Not on your life,” I snorted.

  “That doesn’t sound good,” he said apprehensively. “What’s going on?’

  “Nothing to worry your pretty little head about,” I said. I was dying to ask him where he’d been and if Tori would be joining our little gathering but I didn’t want him to know that I cared. I’d see for myself soon enough.

  “Luke told me that you and Irelyn fixed things but something is still going on with Morgan,” he said. “Did she really move out?”

  “Yeah and do you know what – who cares?” I said as I drew closer to my building. “If she wants to be that way then let her. Irelyn and I both tried to talk to her and I’m not bending over backwards anymore.”

  “Relax,” Collin said. “Chill. It’s fine, Bailey, honest. I was just wondering.”

  “Okay. I’ll be there later,” I said as I entered the security code for the building. “See you then.” I hung up before he could say anything else.

  ***

  I stood before my closet wondering what to wear. Should I go all demure and mysterious or should I go slutty? Deciding it really didn’t matter I went with denim capris and a designer t-shirt. I slipped on the flip flops, grabbed the dog, and darted out the door.

  I contemplated calling Morgan on the drive but decided against it. Maybe one of the guys could call her – she probably wouldn’t ignore them.

  It was so tempting to just throw in the towel and say forget Morgan and her high horse. Who needed her anyway? But I just couldn’t. I truly missed her. She’d been a good friend to both Irelyn and I since we all met last year. And it bugged me that she might be honestly hurting. I didn’t like pain, either, and I could only imagine how she was feeling.

  But I was sticking to my guns. I still thought she blew things way out of proportion and even though I could see why she’d be upset, I didn’t understand why she didn’t let it go.

  I parked in front of the house and gathered Otis in my arms. The guys were already in the garage – I could hear them- but I skirted the huge doors and deposited Otis in the backyard where Milo greeted him excitedly. I watched the pups frolic for few minutes before draping Otis’s leash over the gate and trudging to the garage.

  I slipped in the door while the guys were mid-song and grinned at Irelyn. She waved me over to the chair she’d set up for me. I was vastly relieved not to see Tori anywhere.

  As I sat next to Irelyn, I finally allowed myself to look at Collin. I caught his eye and he winked, sending a chill up my spine and making me feel like that pathetic lovesick little girl. I hated him for that but loved him all the same.

  “He was asking me all about you,” Irelyn whispered in my ear. “He wanted to know how you were taking Morgan’s moving out.”

  I shrugged while inside I was a bit of a mess. Why would he care when he’d spent the better part of a week with Tori? Or was he hinting around to see if I knew? I leaned into Irelyn. “Next time, tell him to mind his own damn business.”

  She blinked rapidly and pulled away to flash me a puzzled look. I raised a brow and shrugged. Screw it. If he could be mysterious about Tori then I could be a bitch about Morgan.

  The guys played a couple songs before taking a break and joining us. Spencer passed out the drinks but I shook my head when he offered me a beer. I needed to chill on that stuff before it got out of hand.

  “Okay, ladies,” Spencer said as he twisted the top off a beer and took a long slug. “Tell us what’s going on with Morgan.”

  I rolled my eyes and grimaced in disgust. “What is this – some kind of jacked up intervention?”

  “No,” Lucas said as he sat on the cooler, dragging Irelyn out of her chair and into his lap. “But I know Irelyn has been upset about the whole thing. I imagine you are too, even though you’d rather act like a bad ass.”

  I clicked my tongue and released a long sigh. “Whatever. Look, if she doesn’t want to live with me, fine. Not many people can tolerate me, anyway. And if she thinks she’s so much better than me and Irelyn, let her. I mean, we’re nothing but a couple of lowly whores in her opinion.”

  “Bailey,” Irelyn growled in warning. “You know that’s not true.”

  I lifted a shoulder, astutely avoiding Collin’s eyes. “Whatever. If you guys want to know what’s going inside Morgan’s head, then call and ask her. I sure the hell don’t know.”

  “She won’t answer my calls,” Spencer said. “I’ve even gone to the bookstore and she ignores me.”

  “Sorry, Spence,” I mumbled.

  “What happened?” he persisted.

  “She’s mad at Irelyn for supposedly taking my side. As for why she’s mad at me,” I paused, dying to glance at Collin but knowing as soon as I did it would give everything away. “That’s between Morgan and me.”

  “Bailey,” Spencer whined.

  “No, Spence,” Collin said quietly. “Let it go, man. Bailey’s right – it’s her business.”

  I could have kissed him – really wanted to – but I just offered him a grateful smile. He returned it but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Confusion flitted swiftly across his face and made me wonder what he could possibly be confused about – he pretty much knew the deal between me and Morgan. I was the confused one.

  “Let’s go through the songs on the list for Friday night,” Lucas suggested as he scooted Irelyn gently off his lap. He pressed a kiss to her temple and jealousy raged throughout my body. How I wished I had that kind of relationship with Collin.

  The guys went back to work and I sat silently by Irelyn, commenting here and there when she spoke to me. My mind was whirling, trying to figure out what to do next. I couldn’t stand that my life was in such disarray.

  When they finished for the night, Collin offered to throw some burgers on the grill and since everyone else was amiable to it, I had to agree.

  Spencer and Lucas fiddled with the grill under Irelyn’s keen supervision. Collin grabbed my arm and dragged me into the kitchen, mumbling that he needed my help with the food.

  “Talk to me Bailey,” he said as we entered the kitchen. He dropped my arm and opened the freezer. He retrieved a package of hamburger patties, tossed them on a plate, and set them in the microwave. Once he had them defrosting, he leaned against the counter and folded his arms over his chest. “You’ve been fairly quiet all night.”

  “What do you want me to say?” I asked. “You know what’s going on – there’s nothing new to report.”

  His shoulders slumped as he sighed and bent his head. “Are you pissed at me for some reason?” He lifted his eyes to me, very much resembling a lost little boy – it tugged at my heart.

  “No,” I whispered, unable to admit the real reason for my cold shoulder. “Just dealing with the Morgan situation. I was actually thinking about talking to Spencer. Think it will help?”

  He straightened and screwed his face up in concentration telling me I’d successfully dodged a big bullet. “Maybe. I don’t think it will hurt.” He dropped his arms. “Are you going to tell him about us?”

  What us? I wanted to ask. “No, I don’t think so. I don’t see the point.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” he said as he turned to watch the patties spin in the microwave. A heavy silence descended upon us and I could tell he was struggling to chase it away much like I was. I hated the awkwardness – it unnerved me.

  “So, um, where have you been?” I asked.

  He shot me a brief, guilty look before concentrating on the defrosting meat. “Um, with Tori. She needed help with something.”

  I nodded and swallowed the huge lump in my throat. I could not let him know how much it hurt to hear him admit to me that h
e'd been with her and not offer any explanations.

  I opened the refrigerator and gathered condiments, placing them carefully on the table. Sensing my unease, he fetched a stack of plates and silverware. Once everything was set, I escaped outside, claiming I was thirsty and wanted a water bottle from the cooler.

  I relaxed somewhat as we all ate and even laughed a little bit at the puppies’ antics. As the evening dwindled, I made my excuses to leave. I whistled for Otis and attached his leash.

  “Hey, Bailey,” Spencer called. I paused and lifted a brow. “Can you give me a lift home? I rode with Lucas and Irelyn.”

  “Sure,” I said as I waved to everyone.

  We barely got out of the driveway when Spencer started riddling me with questions. “I know something is going on that everyone is keeping from me and you’re the only one who’ll be straight with me.”

  I glanced at him, holding Otis in his lap, and decided to be as straight as possible – he deserved it. “Okay, Spence, here goes. Morgan is pissed at me because I hurt you.”

  “Bailey,” he pleaded.

  “No, wait,” I snapped. “She told me that you called her the day after we split and cried to her – telling her that you were in love with me.”

  He sighed and lightly banged his head on the window. “Yeah, I did,” he said in a low voice. “But I think I was just a little upset at the time. I don’t think I was really in love with you but I did like you a lot. Sounds sort of childish, huh?”

  “No,” I said.

  “I was more pissed at myself because you told me all along that you didn’t want to get serious and I let myself get all into you. It was my fault, not yours.”

  “Spencer, why didn’t you talk to me?”

  “I couldn’t, Bailey. I was embarrassed. And I didn’t want you blaming yourself, like you’re doing now. I didn’t want to cause any problems but I did anyway. Shit.”

  I took a huge breath and released it slowly. “Spence, you didn’t cause this – not knowingly at least,” I said. “Um, well, I recently found out that Morgan has a thing for you. She’s sort of in love with you and that’s why she’s so mad at me. She said that you told her you wouldn’t date her because of me.”