by N X Hunter
"Every new mahou shoujo is afraid and unsure - you were certainly not unique in that respect. But you went in alone, and you also have more loneliness in your situation than most. Less love. No family, no lovers, no friend giving you unquestioning support. Though, you did have something there that wasn't dark, clearly, or you would have lost your mind completely and I'd be here trying - and possibly failing - to recover your sanity with magic. You know there are people offering you what you need to grow stronger - I can sense that. You have work to do here, in the real world, to gain the support and strength you'll need to avoid something like this happening again."
"Why does Illaria help us?" Kitsuna asked, as she sat across from James in the Volocopter that would take them both to his building.
"I can't say too much about her - she really dislikes us discussing her when she's not around," he said, looking strangely shifty.
"You and Rayna both said that before, but like, how would she even know we were talking about her? Not that I think we should, I mean, we should respect her wishes and all that, but it seems like when the topic of her comes up, people get all cagey, as if she's watching or something."
James chuckled.
"It's nothing like that, it's just, well, her story is a pretty intense one, and, people just don't really like discussing the Void. I guess thinking about what Illaria's time is like when she's not here inside Ivy, talking to us, well, it is really quite horrible."
"But, you can still answer my question about why she helps us without breaking her confidence, right? And without thinking about the Void, which I'm not even sure I want to know about now," she said, though she knew in her heart that no matter how much she might wish she'd never heard it, she had to know what the Void was. She'd known that ever since she'd heard that Illaria was technically dead.
"Yeah, you're right, sorry, it just... creeps me out to think... never mind, anyway," he gave a little shudder before continuing.
"OK, so to answer your question, every team of girls that comes to Calibre Academy, whether they come here as full time students or they can only drop by occasionally due to guarding regions far away, is assigned a mentor. It's always a retired, veteran mahou shoujo - like Beatrice who was on Rayna's team before Courtney. But, we have one extra special mentor, in the form of Illaria. Naturally she can't teach any classes and she isn't always available to give advice or answer the questions of active mahou shoujo, but her knowledge, experience and sheer magical power more than make up for that. So, she has been the mentor of the Academy's local mahou shoujo team for about as long as is really worth thinking about. I'm around to pick up the slack when it comes to offering help when she can't be here, and Soren coordinates the more practical support for the team, working with a few others. Illaria though, she'll be very important to you in time, I expect."
Kitsuna nodded, it made sense.
"So how does Rayna do that thing where she summons her to take over Ivy's body?"
James looked at her seriously.
"You will be able to that, now that Illaria knows you and knows that you're one of her mentees. Rayna can tell you exactly, but it's kind of the same kind of concentration state you need to transform at will. You can use it to communicate with her spirit just enough to summon her, if she can come into our world at that time. But if you are thinking to talk to her alone at the first opportunity because you're curious about the Void, then... Well, I'd advise against it. It's just going to mess with your head."
The Volocopter landed softly on the roof of a skyscraper almost identical to the one where she and Rayna lived, though in a different part of the miles-long street. They disembarked silently.
"You can't blame me for being curious. None of you will tell me anything and I have more reason than most to want to know what happens after we die..." she said with quiet bitterness as they stood on the roof, looking out across the city, which was bathed in the hazy glow of a late summer evening.
"Oh, god, I didn't think," he said, behind her, wrapping his arms around her, "I didn't realize it had come across as if Illaria knew what would happen when we die... or where our deceased loved ones are now. That's not what the Void is - I promise. It's one possible place people can end up in if they die under very specific circumstances, but it's not the afterlife the average person gets. Illaria doesn't know what that is, I don't think anyone does, if there even is one," he said.
Kitsuna wasn't sure if that was a relief to hear or a disappointment. She'd half wanted to know that her mom was in the same place as Illaria, because selfishly, she'd thought that might mean she would be able to talk to her again someday. But the other half of her had been frightened that that was the case, because the mere mention of this Void place seemed to cause anguish.
"I'm sorry, I guess I sounded like a right brat there. I guess I don't really have more reason than most to want answers about death either. Probably everyone has lost someone."
"Don't feel bad about that. I really didn't notice that it had sounded that way, or I'd have anticipated that you'd be thinking this way and would have said something before. I thought you were just curious because it's another of the many weird, mysterious sounding things that you've just found out existed, not because... Well, anyway, don't think about it anymore. I'm sure you have enough to deal with at the moment, and Illaria will probably refuse to tell you anyway if she thinks the whole thing will just freak you out needlessly at the moment. It's not exactly her favorite topic either."
Kitsuna did manage to put it out of her mind for the rest of the evening, right up until her last thoughts as she was drifting off to sleep, beside James in the stylish, black and chrome bedroom of his apartment.
Nothing had happened between them, with tonight seeming like a somehow weird time for the prospect of sex to come up, but just being there close to him with him being so kind and attentive all evening had made her feel a lot better - like she was healing inside. Whatever the storm domain had taken from her, it could be replaced with someone else's kindness, affection, desire, attention - anything positive and meant only for her. She'd understood the logic of it before, but now she could really feel the effects of the whole 'powered by love' thing within herself. Pressed up against his body under the crisp sheets, clean from her long bath and wearing one of his old t-shirts, she let herself relax, and allowed her mind to wander freestyle.
"It's one possible place people can end up in if they die under very specific circumstances, but it's not the afterlife the average person gets," she recalled James saying.
But Illaria was a mahou shoujo... Does that mean those very specific circumstances are something we need to worry about?
Chapter 15
"Why do you look so fuckin' nervous, I thought this guy was your best friend?" Rayna said, before taking a noisy bite out of a bright green apple.
"You know why. Come on sis, let's just roleplay as normal college students for the Astolat guy, it'll be fun."
Kitsuna wasn't sure if she was glad Rayna and Soren were at the apartment too or not.
On James's advice, she'd invited Lee over and asked him to bring some of her stuff, so she wouldn't have to go back to Astolat City while she was still settling in to her new life. James had reasoned that it'd be easier for her to connect with him as if everything was normal if she just did what a normal college girl would do with a friend from back home, and if she concentrated on the aspects of her new life that weren't about magic and monsters. It seemed to her that there really weren't any aspects of her new life that weren't about those things, given she hadn't yet met anyone here who wasn't a part of the whole masquerade, but she'd got his point. Showing Lee around her apartment, introducing him to her new friends, letting him get jealous of her obvious mutual crush with Soren, it would all be stuff that she could have done even if this really was a normal university where she was getting set to learn employment focused business skills. And this way, in theory, when they did spend some time alone together, he'd have stuff to ask her abou
t like 'is Rayna always on?' or 'what does Soren have that I don't?' and so wouldn't be so focused on asking her the general things that she'd find harder to answer - like 'how are you?' or 'what's it been like leaving home?'
It was her fifth morning since arriving here, though she'd spent one unconscious in the Calibre Academy nurse's office after the incident in the storm domain, and one at James's place, so she'd only woken up in her new bed with Rayna's morning karate sounds three times. She really did need some more clothes and personal belongings, and she did want to see Lee, but she'd barely spoken to him since she'd left - only a quick exchange by instant message to arrange for him to come and visit. His art school semester hadn't started yet either, so he'd been happy to be invited and have somewhere new to go, but she'd known he'd say yes anyway - that was what Lee was like, with her at least. He'd do anything for her.
It had of course crossed her mind, now that she knew about mahou shoujo, that maybe his long running crush on her had been down to the whole pheromone thing. There wasn't much she could do about it if it was, but she preferred to think Lee liked her for who she was, not some kind of chemical thing. The feelings he had for her had somehow made for a weirdly solid friendship, perhaps because she had never really ruled him out as a potential boyfriend. He was great, and hot too in a kind of bohemian, arty way. She had just thought that if they ever did get together, it wouldn't be just a casual thing, so she didn't want to go there while she was still interested in exploring who was out there. Still, the fact of the matter was, if she could make things work in terms of their friendship staying how it had been in high school, he would certainly be someone who would give her the love she needed, whether what he got back from her was love of the friendly or romantic variety. She was absolutely certain she would feel a lot stronger knowing she could talk to him any time again without feeling weird. She just had to build an idea in his mind of what her college life was like so he wouldn't ask too many questions about that, and then she'd be able to try and connect with him about his own stuff, or about the more normal things going on in her life... whatever they might be. She wasn't really sure yet if she was going to have any ordinary student stuff to deal with like papers or exams.
"Is he hot, then, this Lee guy?" Rayna asked, still munching on her apple enthusiastically.
Kitsuna didn't really know how to answer that with Soren sitting right next to her on the couch. She still hadn't had a talk with him about the situation with James, although he hadn't been acting any differently with her since she'd spent the night at the professor's place. She hadn't slept with James, not in that sense, not yet, but the growing attachment between them was obvious, and so she wouldn't be surprised if Soren had assumed she had fucked him. Which meant James was most likely right that she probably didn't have to choose between them or cause some serious jealousy issues. But whether that extended to guys outside of their little Calibre Academy world was not something she'd want to test.
"I don't really think of him... I mean, he's just a friend..." she mumbled.
"I was thinking for me, actually - you can't have all the men to yourself you know!" Rayna said with a cheerful snort.
Oh fuck, I sounded so vain, didn't I? But is she being serious? She'd be way too much of a handful for Lee, wouldn't she? Or would she? She must have that whole pheromone thing going on too, what if he instantly falls in love with her or something?
"Relax, I'm just fucking with ya. I don't go for younger men, and anyway, I'm not about that life - I couldn't date someone who didn't know I was a mahou shoujo, it'd be so crappy to be with a guy and never be able to show him how awesome I am when I transform!"
Younger... that's right, her and Soren are 22, and Lee's not even 19 until October. I keep forgetting Rayna's not my age, since she's my college roommate and also... Rayna. Still, I was worried for a second there.
Her phone buzzed on the glass coffee table and the sound woke up Ivy, who was sleeping underneath it. The cat jumped straight onto Rayna's lap as Kitsuna picked up the device and checked it.
"Lee's made it to the station and so he'll be here in a few minutes. Guess you'll get to see for yourself whether you think he's cute in just a moment, then..."
"Ooooh! I want one! What kind of tattoo would you design for me?" Rayna said, clapping her hands together enthusiastically, a bit like a demented seal.
Wow, Lee just gets along with everyone straight away, doesn't he?
Kitsuna was in the small kitchen of the apartment making a pot of coffee, and it was clear that her old friend was already more popular with her roommate than she was. It was nice, though, it felt like socializing with normal people, people talking about tattoos and VR systems instead of sinister invasions of cosmic monstrosities or centuries old magical conspiracies. Just listening to them chatting made her feel more comfortable and relaxed than she had since coming here, outside of a few moments with James.
She'd already watched Soren showing Lee the fighting game he'd developed for Rayna (he'd decided that his 'college student roleplay' persona was going to be a programmer, a postgrad computer science student, and so he'd been able to show off the training game without mentioning what his intention had been in making it), and now Lee was telling them both about his ambitions as an old-school tattoo artist.
"I don't think you should, Rayna," Soren said.
"Oh, don't you? Why not? I'm not scared of a bit of pain, and it'd be so cool to have one that wasn't done by a machine! Like a real work of art! Don't be so overprotective, I can totally handle it."
"For sure she could! If you want me to, Rayna, I could sketch out a design for you right now, see what you think? I have my tattoo stuff in my bag anyway - I always take it with me just in case someone gets inspired... I know that's weird, but hey, it's a weird job and so I've got to win myself clients wherever I can..." Lee said.
"I'm sure you can more than handle the pain, but remember, you have that skin condition... You know, a tattoo probably wouldn't heal right if it was done that way, it'd be like a wound, kinda," Soren said.
It wasn't very subtle, but since Lee would never even imagine the reason why Soren was trying to tell Rayna she couldn't get a tattoo, because he wasn't aware that people with superhuman healing factors existed, Kitsuna could safely assert that it didn't matter. She was actually quite impressed that Soren had thought of it. If Rayna got a tattoo that needed to heal, as ones done the old fashioned way did, it'd vanish as soon as she transformed and her healing factor kicked in. Then, next time she saw Lee, he would think she'd had it removed, and that'd probably cause bad feeling. She wouldn't have thought of that herself, at all. Soren seemed to have some of his sister's airheadedness, but that was just in the laid back, rolling-with-the-punches way he had learned to live. In reality he was used to thinking a couple of steps ahead, all to keep his sister and their secrets safe.
"Oh! Yes! Right! My skin condition! Yeah, it wouldn't work, actually. What a shame. Ooooh, but you could get one!"
"Are you sure? I have hypoallergenic inks?"
"No, it's a very rare skin condition," Rayna said sagely, as if that in some way answered things.
"Well, that's a real shame, I had already starting picturing ideas for you in my head. I don't know what it is but you have this kind of presence about you that would really suit a big, badass tattoo, like a sleeve or a big back piece."
"Oh, don't, you're just making me feel worse that I don't get to have one! But what about it, Soren? You already have tats but wouldn't it be so sweet to have one done the old way by a proper artist?"
"I would really like that, actually. Would you mind, or do you stick to putting your art on pretty girls? I'd totally get it if you do..."
Lee shrugged.
"Skin's skin - and if I don't sound too up my own ass, I would say my designs would look good on anybody. Not that you don't look good now or anything, I mean I'm sure to women or gay men you're already very... nice. I just meant --"
"It's OK, man, we know what yo
u meant," Kitsuna said, smiling.
This is actually a fun time. Maybe I really can make this work.
"So, what sort of thing would you like a tattoo of? Like, something abstract, or something realistic? I've practiced all kinds of styles so..."
"Could you do something realistic if I just sort of described it to you, or did a bad drawing of it myself?"
"Well, sure, I could try and design something - though if you have a photo of it that'd be easier."
"It's not a thing I can take a picture of, it's... From my imagination. It's a thing I'm going to put in a game I'm developing that I just kinda really like the idea of, but obviously I've never actually seen it so it's a bit... Well, it's unique, anyway."
"Sure, I'd love to try it! You can help me make some drawings and when we've got it how you want, I can make a proper tattoo design. What is it, anyway?"
"It's a sword. Like, a magic sword. With rubies in it."
Rayna's eyes shone with excitement, and Kitsuna thought for a moment she looked like she was going to cry, though she didn't.
"Oh my god! You want a tattoo of my sword!"
"Yeah - I was going to make this ruby sword in the game be a special weapon for a character that I based the look of on my sister, so it's kinda her sword, it's, you know, a symbolic family thing."
Once again, Kitsuna was impressed by how easily Soren could cover for weird things on the fly. She liked how it meant that Rayna could be just a little bit free to speak unguarded, and be herself. She wondered if they even knew they were doing it - her saying something that raised questions, and him coming up with a perfectly satisfying explanation without breaking a sweat. For someone like Rayna who liked to speak her mind, having him on her side was no doubt invaluable.
And he's on my side too. Maybe I don't have to worry about slipping up in front of Lee as much as I have been. There is definitely more to the people who support our team than just the practical stuff, I see that now.