Steering the Stars

by Doughton, Autumn

  “It was the doorbell!” Grace cried in excitement as she jumped to her feet. Chloe was right behind her.

  “Wait!” I shouted, but the girls were already dashing out of my room.

  “Crap.” I grabbed a soft blue sweater from the hook on the back of my closet door and moved as fast as I could down the steps. Below me, Felicity was crossing from the living room to the foyer, and Chloe and Grace were leaping across the stair landing like two playful puppies.

  “I’ll get it,” I said loudly.

  “Nooooo... We’ll get it!” The girls cooed in unison.

  “I’m right here,” Felicity said as she reached for the knob.

  I tried to form a protest. “But—”

  It was too late. She was already twisting the knob and pulling the front door back.

  Joel was there. He stood two steps down wearing dark jeans and a snug crewneck sweater and looking absolutely amazing.

  His face was turned up and when he saw Felicity and my nieces crowding the doorway, he blinked his yellow-green eyes in surprise. “Hi.”

  Chloe, who was on the shy side, slunk back, but Grace studied him boldly. “Are you Hannah’s friend?”

  Before he could introduce himself, I rushed forward and shoved everyone aside. Wiping hair from my eyes, I said, “Oh, you’re here?”

  Joel’s face changed. He looked to the left and then the right. “Wasn’t that the plan?”

  “Yeah… I…” My mouth was dry and the nerves in my body were strung way too tight for this.

  “You thought I wouldn’t actually show?”

  “No, it’s not—” I shook my head and inhaled cautiously. “Well, yes. But you’re here and you’re in clothes.”

  Both his eyebrows shot up. He was fighting back a smile. “As opposed to naked?”

  Chloe and Grace giggled. My skin prickled with the heat of embarrassment.

  “I just mean that you’re in regular clothes.” What the hell was I saying? SHUT UP, HANNAH! “You know… Instead of your school uniform?”

  He smiled with one side of his mouth and gestured to his clothes. “I usually don’t wear my uniform on Saturdays.”

  “Right. Of course not.” Trying to recover from the disaster that this exchange was quickly becoming, I widened the door and signaled to the girls. “So, Joel, these are my nieces.”

  He crouched down a little and looked between the girls. “Hi, I’m Joel. Nice to meet you.”

  Grace puffed her chest out. “I’m Grace and this,” she said, pointing with one finger, “is my sister. Her name is Chloe.”

  He tilted his head. “And how do people tell you apart?”

  Grace thought it over. “My favorite color is purple. Hers is pink. And I like to draw and she likes music.”

  Chloe nodded solemnly.

  “Or... You could just keep in mind that Chloe is the one who wears glasses,” I offered with an amused smile.

  Joel laughed. “Got it.”

  “And this is my sister, Felicity. Felicity—this is Joel.”

  For the first time, I noticed that Felicity was frowning at Joel. Instead of offering to shake his hand, she folded her arms across her chest and kicked one of her legs out. “Hello.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” he said politely.

  “Likewise,” she said but I noticed that her frown deepened and her voice was strained. “Hannah, can I talk to you for a second?”

  Confused, I put my hands out and backed away from the door. “Yeah, I realized I forgot to grab my purse in my room. Joel, why don’t you come in while I run upstairs?”

  “Sure.”

  Before he made it fully across the threshold, Grace and Chloe each captured one of his hands and were pulling him into the living room so they could show off their dollhouse.

  Watching this, I cringed. “I promise I’ll be quick.

  He looked back at me and grinned. “It’s no problem, Hannah. I’ve got little step-cousins who are always around so I’m used to it.”

  I bit my lower lip. “You’re sure?”

  “I’m sure,” he said, waving me off. “Go get your purse.”

  Felicity followed me to the second story. When we were in my bedroom she closed the door and cleared her throat.

  “What’s up?” I asked, getting one last lipstick check in the mirror above my dresser. I noticed that the clasp on my necklace was hanging low so I wrapped my finger around the cool silver and shifted it.

  “You didn’t tell me your friend was male.”

  I straightened and turned around to look at her. “Um… well, I’m telling you now. Is that a problem?”

  “I don’t know, Hannah! I thought you had a boyfriend in Oklahoma so I’m not sure what the rules are for you dating,” she said. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to talk to Dad about it first.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?”

  Felicity placed a hand on her hip. She gave a frustrated sigh. “No, I’m not kidding, Hannah. I don’t even know who this boy is and I’m supposed to let you leave the house with him?”

  “Yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do. I’ll be seventeen in a few months,” I reminded her. “It’s not like I need a chaperone.”

  She made a face. “I don’t know that. With him you might.”

  I stood there and didn’t move. “Why? Because he’s black?”

  Felicity’s blue eyes rounded. “No!” Her voice was hoarse. “How could you even ask me that?”

  “I don’t know,” I snapped. “Because you’re being weird and turning this into a big deal for nothing. Joel is just a friend, but even if he wasn’t, that would be none of your business.”

  “Hannah, I’m only trying to watch out for your well being. The last time I checked you were dating a boy back home. So, what exactly are you doing? What is this?”

  “It’s none of your business,” I repeated the words slowly. “Felicity, I’ve been here for weeks and you’ve basically shown no interest in me. Now, when I finally have plans and something that’s making me happy, you start feeling concerned and sisterly?”

  She wrinkled her brow. “That’s not fair.”

  “It isn’t? Because I’m pretty sure over the summer you mentioned getting to know me and all the cool things we’d do in London. But I’m here and we’ve barely had a full conversation until now.”

  She closed her eyes. “You’re so young, and it’s hard for you to understand this but I’ve been—”

  “I know. You’ve been busy,” I interrupted.

  “I have,” she insisted, running her hands through her blond hair. “Work is very trying right now.”

  “And I haven’t complained about that once, have I? But this is too much.” I snatched my purse from the bed.

  “Hannah, please.”

  “Please WHAT?”

  Her face was a riot of emotions that I couldn’t interpret. Finally, she said, “I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “I don’t want to fight either! But you can’t ignore me for more than a month and then pretend to be my sister when you feel like it,” I yelled, walking out of the room. “Because you’re not!”

  ****

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No,” I said sulkily, kicking at the sidewalk with the toe of my brown leather boot.

  “You sure about that?”

  “Yeah.” I lifted my head and looked around. It had drizzled earlier this morning and the world all around us was shiny and bright with shed rain.

  Joel was shuffling next to me with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. After leaving the house feeling guilty and angry and close to tears, I’d told him that I didn’t feel like seeing the movie anymore.

  I’d expected him to grow uncomfortable or irritated with my mood. I figured he’d come up with a sorry excuse and a reason to bolt. Instead, he’d acted like the change of plans was the most normal thing in the world. Then he’d led me down to the tube station, showed me how to use my Oyster card, and brought
me here. To Hyde Park.

  The park was huge—so much bigger than what I had pictured in my head—with meandering footpaths and sloping hills that fell away to wide, even stretches of unseasonably bright apple-green grass. There were trees everywhere, and their leaves were just starting to change colors. Those fiery fingers were a shock of cinnamon and ochre against a backdrop of grey sky and milky white clouds.

  As we made our way through the park, trying multiple routes, Joel pointed things out to me. He showed me a place called “Speaker’s Corner,” where he said was a well-known spot for Londoners to gather for political demonstrations. Then there was a small winding path lined with dark green hedges and flowering plants that led to a fountain named for Princess Diana, and another path that Joel told me ended at the park’s Holocaust memorial.

  Eventually, we came to a large man-made lake that cut diagonally through the park. At the edge, we veered to the right and followed the bank up a sloping grass hill to where a stone bridge arched out over the cloudy blue water.

  “Wow,” I said, leaning into the rail and taking a deep breath of air into my lungs.

  Joel smiled at me. “I know. This is one of my favorite places in the city.”

  “I can see why,” I said honestly. “It’s like something out of a watercolor painting.”

  “I like to come here on Saturdays and stand at this bridge and watch everyone enjoying their day off. It doesn’t matter if it’s raining or snowing or sweltering hot in the summer, the park is always packed. And being here is like being in a whole other London.”

  “You’re right.” I sighed. “It’s like Narnia.” He laughed then he gestured outward with his hands. “They call this The Serpentine.”

  “The boat?” I asked, following his gaze to where a sleek-looking rowboat was skimming over the surface of the water. A line of rowers wearing matching skin-tight uniforms was nestled in the center of the boat. Their arms and oars moved together as though they were one.

  Joel shook his head. “No, I meant that the lake is called The Serpentine. And that part of it—” he said as he pointed across to the other side of the bridge, “—is The Long Water.”

  “Oh.”

  Joel tucked his forearms into his chest and rested on the railing. “There’s a swim club that uses The Serpentine for practice. And every year on Christmas morning, they have a 100-yard race. It’s crazy to watch,” he told me. “My stepdad is a member and he’s done it three or four times.”

  “On Christmas?” I balked, just thinking about jumping into the water. It looked cold already and it was only October. “Isn’t it a little cold to go swimming in December?”

  He eyed me. “Colder than a polar bear’s ass.”

  We both chuckled.

  “You know,” I said, taking a breath and tilting my head to the side. “Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about a polar bear’s ass.”

  His lip curled and one eyebrow went up. “You have?”

  “I have,” I said seriously. “And, you know, with all that fur, a polar bear’s ass might not be so cold after all. It’s probably pretty toasty actually. Especially when you take into account global warming.”

  Joel’s dubious look morphed into full-on laughter.

  I smiled and turned back to the lake. An old man in a dark hat was feeding the ducks, his gloved hands tossing out torn-off bits of bread. Sheltered beneath a tartan umbrella, a couple strolled one of the paths near the water’s edge hand-in-hand. On the opposite bank, two kids were throwing a ball to an energetic brown terrier.

  We stayed like that for a few minutes, just watching the afternoon slip away from us.

  After a while, Joel nudged my arm and said, “I definitely prefer you smiling.”

  I bit my lip, trying to think of what to say. I settled on, “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For everything,” I shrugged. “I’m sorry. I feel awful about ruining our plans.”

  “Hannah, don’t be sorry,” he said, looking at me with a careful expression. “You didn’t ruin anything.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Really.”

  “So, we weren’t supposed to see a movie today?”

  Joel moved his head to one side. “I never cared about the movie.”

  It took me a second to digest that. Did he mean what I thought he meant?

  “The park is better anyway,” he said. “So I should be thanking your sister. She did us a favor.”

  I made a scoffing sound. “Whatever. She pissed me off so much.”

  Still angled over the railing, he threaded his fingers together and chuckled. “I could tell.”

  I winced. “Could you hear us?”

  Joel bowed his head a little which I took to mean yes.

  “She’s not normally like that,” I said quickly. Then I thought better of it. “Actually, I don’t know what she’s normally like because I don’t even know her. I was an idiot for thinking we could make a relationship out of nothing.”

  “Hannah, don’t say that. She’s your sister.”

  “It really doesn’t feel like it,” I complained. “I barely know her.”

  He stared at me for a long while before speaking. In the distance, a duck quacked, punctuating the silence. “You said you have a brother back home?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And, do you guys ever fight?”

  I snorted. “Are you kidding? Henry and I live to fight.”

  He looked at me pointedly. “Well?”

  “I see where you’re going with this, but Henry is my brother brother.” I sighed and lowered my voice. “Everything is different with Felicity.”

  “But maybe it shouldn’t be different,” he said. Maybe a fight with your sister is a step in the right direction.”

  I laughed.

  “Now that’s a nice sound.” His eyes moved over my face in a way that made me feel wild and out of sorts.

  I was still laughing. “I try.”

  “Hannah...” he said softly and his gaze paused at the corners of my mouth. My heart thudded. “You know I like you, don’t you?”

  A breeze was coming at me. It smelled like rain and moist earth and it messed my hair around my face but I didn’t bother to push the strands aside. Let them whip against my eyeballs. Let them stick to my lips. Moving even one muscle meant the possibility of breaking this perfect moment. “I didn’t… or I wasn’t sure,” I said. “You stopped talking to me.”

  “That was me being an ass.”

  “But, why?”

  “I didn’t want—” He stopped and closed his eyes briefly.“That night—the way you acted—I just figured you needed some time to figure out everything with your boyfriend back home.”

  “I told you. It’s over with Owen.”

  He blew out a breath, like that was the answer he’d been waiting to hear. The one he was afraid he wouldn’t get. “I didn’t want to be your reason or your rebound. Do you understand what I’m saying? I just wanted you to be sure. Sure about everything.”

  “I am sure.”

  He didn’t say anything right away but he did give me a faint smile and then he lifted one hand and caught the hair that was in my eyes and pushed it back. His fingertips brushed gently against my skin. “Good.”

  I trembled. “Good?”

  Joel’s finger moved from my cheek to the back of my neck. His palm pressed into my skin and his thumb gently traced the shell of my ear.

  My heart went crazy then. It wanted more. More of this.

  Closing my eyes, I exhaled and leaned in toward Joel until my forehead was resting against his chin. Like he’d been waiting for this, his arms slipped over me so that our bodies were touching all the way from our thighs to our necks. The air around us was chilly, but the space we made together spiked fever hot.

  I could feel everything—the press of his chest against mine, the slope of his hip bones beneath the fabric of his jeans, and the metallic scrape of his belt buckle against my bare stomach.

&nbs
p; An involuntary breath shuddered out of me.

  “Is this okay?” he asked.

  Unable to speak, I nodded. It was more than okay. It was perfect.

  Very slowly, Joel slid his hands across my arms. He touched the star pendant that laid flat against my chest, and then he cupped my face and pulled me closer until our mouths were barely touching. His breath moved in warm puffs over my skin.

  And then he kissed me.

  The first touch of his lips spun through me like a tornado touching down from the sky. I tasted wind and rain and clouds. Then his tongue found mine and my heart crashed down to earth. My whole body shook from the intensity of it and I couldn’t help but think, So this is what all the great writers are talking about.

  “Hannah?” he asked in a worried whisper.

  I’d never been kissed like that and I didn’t want to lose the momentum. So I grabbed Joel’s shoulders and I held on. “I’m not—don’t stop. Please.”

  His mouth made a delicate trail from my earlobe to my eyelids. His fingers danced across my jaw. He pressed his lips to the tip of my nose and then he reclaimed my mouth.

  I was gone. So gone that I had no idea how we stayed like that. Below us, an endless cycle of cool, dark water pushed under the bridge. And above us, distended grey clouds slipped across the domed sky.

  Eventually, reluctantly, we both pulled back.

  Joel still held my face in his hands. I saw that his eyes were bright and shiny and he was smiling.

  I grinned back.

  “I have an idea,” he said. “It’s not a movie but it has a one hundred percent success rate in making this day even better.”

  It took a moment to find my voice. “One hundred percent? Those are some high numbers.”

  He leaned down and his lips found my ears. “Because the plan is failsafe.”

  “Okay…” I laughed, shivering and feeling the soft fabric of his sweater against my cheek. “What is it?”

  “Ice cream.”

  “Ice cream?”

  “Yep,” he confirmed. “With a flake.”

  “What’s a flake? It sounds like something you feed to a fish.”

  He laughed. “No, it’s a chocolate bar.”

  “I’m listening...”

  He pressed a kiss to my hair and swung his arm over me. It was heavy and solid on my shoulders. Like everything about this moment, I wanted to hold on to the feel of it forever.