by Anita Notaro
‘I see. Well, that’s that then, I guess.’ His voice sounded strained.
‘I didn’t know at the time, but that’s obviously why he did it,’ I explained.
‘Will you be OK? Seeing it, I mean?’
I was worried about him and feeling guilty about neglecting him. ‘Yeah, I’ll be fine, although, just like you, I imagine, I’m dreading it a bit.’
We talked for a while, and I tried to bring the subject back to his son but he dodged my attempts and ended the conversation shortly afterwards, but not before I’d promised to call him after the show on Saturday evening.
As soon as I hung up, I dialled Mike and explained.
‘Of course you should have invited him; in fact, I should have thought of it myself,’ he said immediately. ‘Give me his number and I’ll call him now.’
‘Is that why you asked us for dinner?’ I wanted to know.
‘Sort of.’ He seemed reluctant to take the credit. ‘I wanted to see how you were doing anyway, and when Connie told me it was happening I decided it was going to be tough on everyone who knew her, especially you and Clodagh.’
‘Well, you’re a pet,’ I told him, with a lump in my throat.
‘Woof woof.’ He added a howling noise to the barks and I laughed in spite of myself. ‘You’re seeing so many animals these days, you’re mixing me up with one of them,’ he said. ‘A pet I ain’t.’
He promised to call me back as soon as he’d spoken to Ronan, which he did a minute or two later.
‘No good. He seems to want to watch it at home,’ he told me, and I groaned. Ronan had sounded very down and I’d been hoping he’d come. ‘I tried; even invited his gran to join us – and I haven’t asked a granny on a date in ages.’ He was trying to cheer me up.
‘Well, thanks for that. You did all you can. I imagine this is hard on him. I just wish I had more of a handle on his feelings for Maddy. He seemed to be taking it very slowly, I don’t think she was even sure if it was going anywhere.’ I sighed. ‘But, and I can’t quite put my finger on it, he seems to be very affected by her death. And when I speak to him he appears distant, which doesn’t make sense.’
‘Maybe he had big plans for the relationship. We don’t always share our feelings the way you girls do, you know.’
‘Yeah, maybe. I guess we’ll never know now. Anyway, is there anything I can do to help with dinner? Make a starter, buy dessert or something?’
‘Yes, yes and yes.’ He laughed. ‘All of the above. Will you come shopping with me and act as my gastronomic adviser?’
‘I will, but you’d have much more success with Clodagh.’ I wondered why I was talking myself out of his company when I was dying to see him. ‘I have many talents, but none have to do with food.’
‘Right, well, thanks for that. You’re a great help. Tell you what, I’ll email the menu to both of you, and you can indicate if anything I’m planning makes you want to throw up. Oops, sorry to mention the vomit word in your company. Talk later.’ Once more, he left me listening to a dial tone with a smile on my face. I resolved to offer my services after all as soon as I got his email. It would be fun, going round a supermarket with him. I could even pretend we were a couple.
44
WHEN I FOUND MYSELF SHOPPING FOR DINNY THE NEXT MORNING, I knew I needed to get a life. I’d left Pete with Mary, so I filled his carrier and the box on the back of my bike and still had to wear a rucksack with flowers sticking out – and losing a few petals, I imagined – as I sped south on the M11 to Ashford.
‘You’re going to be paying me back for this for a very long time, Mr Cassidy,’ I warned him as I unloaded the bike, with Bart dancing around my ankles.
‘You’re a real trouper, Lulu. Come in. I have money for you on the kitchen table –name your price,’ he told me. ‘And sure look at that dog, he’s gone pure mad, just like I said.’
‘Dinny, the place looks great and I haven’t even seen inside.’ I took in the garden. ‘What on earth have you done?’
‘Well, the two men I told you about – tree surgeons, I think they call themselves, can you believe it? – came with a skip and a van, and they cleaned up, threw out a load of concrete rubble and tyres and all class of rubbish that had been there for years. Then I got a painter in, and he gave the front of the house a lick of paint so he did. Next I got all the windows cleaned, then the two lads came back with a load of pots and yokes for the windows and hanging bits and all that, and there you have it.’
‘It’s like a new house.’ I couldn’t get over it. ‘I can’t believe there are so many flowers in bloom this time of year. Grab some of these bags, will you, and show me the kitchen?’
Inside, the transformation was just as good. ‘Dinny, the whole place looks bigger and brighter and more modern. I can’t get over it.’ I took in the new cushions and throws and rearranged furniture and painted presses. ‘There’s a TV programme in this.’ I laughed.
‘De-cluttering, they call it.’ He was buzzing, I could tell. ‘Sure I’d years of newspapers and magazines and books piled up, as you know. What do you think of the new oilcloth? Lino or Marmoleum or something they call it now.’
‘Dinny, it’s fab. The fact that you can even see it is a miracle, you were such a hoarder. Now if you help me unpack we’ll put these flowers around and the place will be like a palace.’
‘You’re a great girl altogether.’ He set about unpacking with a vengeance, and in no time at all the kitchen was filled with the scent of freesia and roses.
‘I even managed to get a bit of lilac imported from God knows where,’ I told him. ‘The smell is divine, isn’t it?’
‘It is, Lulu, it is to be sure.’ He looked years younger, more alive then I’d ever seen him.
‘Are you excited about the visit?’ It was a stupid question.
‘Sure I haven’t slept since I heard,’ he told me. ‘Imagine, my daughter here, in Ashford. And they’re coming for mass too, can you believe that? I can’t wait to introduce her to the priest and the doctor and everyone. I’ll be proud as Punch, and that’s as true as there’s a God in Heaven.’
‘Well, you deserve it.’ I was delighted. ‘Now, what’s up with Bart? Tell me quick because I have to get back to the office before my accountant sends the sheriff after me.’
‘Lulu, he’s gone pure mad. I’m not telling you a word of a lie. Look at him now, leaping about like a frog. He’s at it day and night.’
‘Have you been ignoring him a lot of the time?’ I asked.
‘I probably have, I’ve had to keep him in the shed a few times while the workmen were here, and I suppose I haven’t been bringing him out as much with me in the car because, to be honest, he’d have eaten half the stuff I bought. I’m not joking,’ he said as he saw me smile. ‘And I’m not talking about food, either. I couldn’t leave cushions or parcels or anything on the back seat, sure he’d chew them to death while he was waiting on me, so he would.’
‘Well, there’s your answer, Dinny. He knows something is going on and he wants to be part of it. So, you’re going to have to make a bit of time for a walk with him and give over half an hour or so for play each day.’
‘Do you think?’
‘I do, and you’d better start today if you want him calm by Sunday.’ I laughed. ‘Even if you only bring him as far as the Murrough in Wicklow town and let him run wild. Don’t forget, Dinny, he was your whole life up until recently. All of a sudden you’re off on an adventure without him and he’s begging to be included. That’s all that’s wrong, in my opinion. Watch this.’ I let the dog in, and he was so lively, it was as if he’d been wound up. Then I told Dinny to sit down, and I did the same, and suddenly Bart, happy to be part of it, lay down as well.
‘Well, that’s massive, it’s the first time he’s been relaxed in a week. You’re a genius, Lulu, a pure genius.’
‘Have you been keeping him out a lot?’ I wondered.
Dinny shifted. ‘I suppose I have been trying to avoid him dirtying up th
e place or sitting on the new cushions,’ he admitted.
‘That’s OK, but how about buying him a nice new basket today, then? And making a place for him here? And buy a bag of dog treats while you’re at it, and every time he’s calm and well behaved give him one. That should do the trick.’
I left him soon after and made him promise to ring me on Sunday night and tell me all. He was my biggest success story so far and I was proud of him. And he’d given me Pete, who was so happy to have me back he did a Bart on it himself, tearing around the office, getting down on his front paws, begging for attention. It was such a change from the dog who used to crouch in the corner hoping not to be noticed that it made everything I’d done this past year worthwhile. I loved that dog to bits, and today I felt he’d finally achieved the total transformation I’d hoped for. I skipped lunch and brought him for a quick run around the only green space for miles instead, calling in to my catering friends on the way back and begging for a ham bone as a treat for Pete that evening.
I was so tired that even my accountant – whom I squeezed in for an hour at the end of the day – gave up after twenty minutes and agreed to come back on Monday, so I did a quick check on my emails before heading home. The menu from Mike was in, and I laughed when I read it and dialled his number. He was in a meeting, but rang me back just as I was about to go out the door.
‘If you’re cooking what’s on that email then I’m Angelina Jolie,’ I told him. ‘And if that’s the case then I’ve lost Brad somewhere along the way.’
‘Well, you’re a bitch straight out of Hollywood anyway, for even doubting me,’ he said cheerfully. ‘You refused to come shopping with me, and Clodagh’s fecked off to London on business, so what’s a guy to do? I’ll admit it, I did have help – my own personal Nigella, if you must know, and what’s more she’s a babe – but I’m cooking everything that’s on that email, and if you turn your nose up at anything I’ll hold you down and force-feed you, that’s a promise.’
‘Cooking?’ I teased him. ‘Heating it up, you mean. I’d say your microwave will be turned up so high we’ll all be at risk from the radiation, or whatever the hell it sends out.’
‘On that note I’ll leave you. I’m off for a pint with the guys from the office. You might as well type out your apology now and bring it with you tomorrow, save on the stamp.’
‘Bye-bye.’ I laughed. ‘Can’t wait.’ I locked up and headed for home, determined to be in bed by ten and thanking God that tomorrow was Saturday. It had been quite a week.
I hadn’t the energy to cook, so I made do with toasted ham and cheese sandwiches, even though I’d had very little all day. I let Pete out with his bone, and I laughed when he came back in with his mouth covered in muck. ‘Did you bury that bone?’ I played with him for ages and then we both curled up on the couch to watch a new drama series about a serial killer.
Just as I was about to get ready for bed, Pete started to growl. ‘Not again, Pete.’ I looked into his eyes. ‘That TV show was a bit scary, don’t make it worse.’ I pulled him closer and listened. But his growl was lower and more sinister than at any other time. I turned his face to me and looked into his eyes. ‘What is it?’ I asked, as if he could tell me. ‘What’s wrong?’ He jumped down and headed for the door then, and just as I was about to pick up the phone I heard a knock. Feeling relieved that that was all he’d heard I opened it quickly. Ronan O’Meara stood there.
‘Ronan, you gave me a fright.’ I laughed. ‘Is everything OK?’
‘Can I come in?’ he said quietly.
‘Yes, of course,’ I told him. ‘Pete, it’s OK. Good boy.’ I grabbed his collar, but he kept growling at Ronan, something he’d never done before.
‘Sorry, he’s not normally like this,’ I apologized. Something about the look on Ronan’s face bothered me slightly. ‘How did you know where I live?’ I wondered aloud. ‘And why didn’t you just ring me?’
He said nothing for a moment, just stared at me. ‘I was afraid you wouldn’t see me,’ he said. ‘You put me off the other day.’
‘Only because I was fully booked. But we were to meet early next week, weren’t we?’
‘I needed to see you sooner,’ he said.
‘OK, but I wish you’d called first.’ I realized I should have been more annoyed at him turning up like this, but something else was bothering me more and I wasn’t quite sure what it was. ‘So, sit down’ – I indicated a chair at the small kitchen table – ‘and tell me what’s on your mind?’
He didn’t make any move to sit. And Pete had glued himself to my leg and was staring at Ronan and looked ready to pounce, which was freaking me out a bit.
‘I don’t want you watching that programme tomorrow night with Mike,’ he said. ‘I want you with me.’
‘Sorry? I don’t understand,’ I told him, but it was more to buy time than anything else. All I knew was that this wasn’t his normal behaviour, and while one part of me felt there was no reason to be unduly concerned, another bit of me was noticing stupid things, like that he had one hand in the pocket of his overcoat the whole time, or that his eyes had a funny, glazed look in them.
‘I want you to come to Donegal with me to visit my son,’ he said in a normal voice, as if he was asking me for a cup of tea.
‘Tomorrow?’
‘No, tonight.’
‘Ronan, it’s after ten o’clock. Donegal is at least a four-hour drive. We couldn’t call tonight even if we wanted to. It’s too late.’
‘I want you to help me get my life back together. To be a part of it. You can help me; you’re the only one who can.’
‘I’m willing to do anything I can to help you. We’ve become friends, I hope, and you were important to Maddy, but you’re not behaving rationally, coming here like this, late at night. How did you know where I lived, anyway?’ I asked again.
‘Maddy told me,’ he said. ‘But this was never about Maddy, it was always about you.’ He stared straight ahead.
‘Have you been here before? Have you been watching me?’ It was out before I realized.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I wanted to make sure he wasn’t with you.’
‘Who?’
‘Mike. Maddy told me she thought you were right for each other, but you’re the only one who can help me get my life back. I need you; he doesn’t.’
‘Ronan, I’d like you to leave. Now.’ I went quickly but quietly to the door and opened it. ‘Please go.’ I held the door open.
‘No.’ He paused for a moment then slammed the door shut. ‘I want you to pack a bag and come with me. Now, this minute.’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ I told him. ‘Ronan, this is not normal behaviour.’ I realized my heart was thumping. ‘I’ll give you one more chance to leave, and we can forget this ever happened. Otherwise, I’m calling the police.’ I picked up my mobile phone from the couch, but he was beside me in an instant. The space was tiny and he had his hand around my wrist in a split second.
‘Ronan, stop it, you’re hurting me.’ He squeezed until I dropped the phone, then he took his other hand out of his pocket and I saw he was holding a knife.
‘Please, this has gone far enough.’ I was more scared than I’d ever been in my life. ‘Let me go.’ He saw me looking at the knife.
He loosened his grip and released my arm, then bent down to pick up my phone. ‘I wouldn’t hurt you, you know that,’ he told me. ‘Come on, forget about a bag. We can buy what we need en route.’
‘I’m not going anywhere with you tonight,’ I said quietly.
He came very close to my face. ‘Lulu, do as I say, please. I want you to walk with me to my car at the end of the lane. Here are the keys. You’re driving.’
All of a sudden, I heard Pete barking. I was so confused I hadn’t even noticed he was gone. It must have happened when I’d opened the door. ‘Lulu, are you at home?’ I saw the light of a torch coming and heard Jack’s voice.
‘Who’s that?’ Ronan asked. ‘Is it Mike?’
�
��No, it’s my neighbour, Jack. He checks on me every night about this time,’ I lied.
‘Get rid of him. That’s why I brought this’ – he held the knife to my back as he pushed me towards the door. ‘Tell him you have a visitor. Go on,’ he whispered. ‘I’ll be right behind you.’
‘OK,’ I agreed, not sure how I was going to alert Jack. ‘But I’ll have to open the door.’
‘Just a fraction,’ he ordered. I moved towards the door, and he had his foot out as I got there so that I could only open it less than halfway.
‘There you are. Is everything OK? It’s just that Pete—’
Ronan prodded me so I shouted, ‘Jack, I have a visitor.’ I couldn’t see his face, so I prayed he’d see mine in the light of the deck and know how scared I was.
I could see his torch and knew he was coming closer.
‘Get rid of him,’ Ronan urged, but before I could do anything Pete had bounded on to the deck. Suddenly he flung himself at the door, almost knocking me backwards. He went for Ronan and, in the struggle, I saw blood and I screamed. Jack came bursting in then and I heard him shout over his shoulder. ‘Jill, stay back. Call the police, Lulu’s in trouble.’
45
‘PETE,’ I SCREAMED AS I TRIED TO GRAB THE KNIFE. ‘NO, RONAN, please, I beg you, don’t hurt him!’ I saw Jack lunge at Ronan, who looked confused by the blood.
Sensing he’d caught Ronan off guard, Jack pushed him to the floor. In the scuffle, Ronan dropped the knife and, as it landed, I saw a foot come down on top of it. ‘It’s OK, I’ve got it.’ Jill had fallen in her efforts to get to the weapon, and she held it above her head.
‘Lulu, are you hurt?’ Jack had Ronan held down and I rushed to where Pete lay.
‘No, I’m fine, but Pete’s been injured.’ I could see a small amount of blood on his neck, but he was licking my hand so I knew he was alive. ‘It’s OK, Pete. You’re a great boy. It’s OK, good boy.’ I kept repeating the words as I lay down beside him. ‘Can someone get help?’
‘The police are on their way,’ Jill said. ‘Jack, are you OK?’