Because I Love You

by Amy Brent

“You’re holding something back though. There’s something you’re not telling me. I know you, but I know Justin, too. That man hardly ever dwells on the past. It’s one of his annoying little traits. He wouldn't all of a sudden start dwelling on it if he didn’t have a good reason. And you and me screwing around isn’t one of those reasons.”

  “You don’t think my brother would care about us fucking, Chris?” she asked.

  “Then what prompted him to start thinking about it?” I asked.

  “I don’t know! He wouldn’t tell me!”

  I heard Caleb’s cries come from his room and Jessi grimaced. She shot up from the couch and I caught her wrist before I stood slowly. She wrenched away from my grasp and strode to the hallway, heading straight for his room.

  “That the story you’re sticking with?” I asked.

  “My son is crying. Whatever perceived slight you think I’m dealing against you is going to have to wait,” she said.

  She stomped down the hallway and I gathered my things. After taking off work and making sure she and Caleb were all right, this was the thanks I got. Lying. A bunch of fucking lies and secrets still untold. I grabbed my wallet and my keys and headed out the door, not bothering to say goodbye.

  I had a feeling she wanted me to leave anyway.

  Still, I was shaking with anger as I made my way home. I was white-knuckling the steering wheel and grinding my teeth. Why the hell was she still keeping secrets from me? Had I not shown her that I wanted to help her? That I wanted to stick around no matter who the fucking father of her kid was? I sped up as I drove and skidded into the driveway of my beachfront condo, but I recognized a car that was sitting there.

  Fuck. Justin was here.

  “You,” he said.

  I got out of my car as I watched Justin fly down the stairs.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said.

  “Can it wait? Been a rough day,” I said.

  “You fucked my sister.”

  “Then I fucked over your sister, so I’m pretty sure I don’t count anymore.”

  Justin cocked his fist back and slugged me, landing a punch right against my jaw. I stumbled back into my car and he grabbed my shirt, pulling me close into his face.

  “You’re a little piece of shit, you know that?” Justin asked.

  “Says the brother who cornered his sister on her porch with her kid inside,” I said.

  “You fucked her and left her. You left all of us. What the hell’s wrong with you?”

  “Get the hell off me,” I said.

  I shoved Justin away as people started to step out onto their porches.

  “What the fuck gave you the right to screw my sister?” Justin asked.

  “She did,” I said. “We had a consensual sexual relationship and I treated her with respect.”

  “Until you up and abandoned her, you asshole,” he said.

  “None of you know what I went through!” I said. “None of you understand what was at stake for me if I didn’t!”

  “What? Some bullshit career where you get to dance and fuck around with beautiful women all damn day? I listened to my sister cry for weeks, wondering why the fuck she was so angry at you leaving. I sat against her bedroom door and tried to get her to talk to me while you were off screwing over other women like you screwed over her! I was the one left to clean up your fucking mess. We were the family you abandoned.”

  “You’ve never been my family,” I said. “Your family keeps so many fucking secrets it’s hard to keep track.”

  I could tell Justin wanted to say something, but he clenched his jaw to stop himself.

  “Get the fuck off my property,” I said. “Before I call the cops.”

  People were looking at us as Justin slammed into his car. He sped off down the road at lightning speed, screeching tires as he careened around the corner. I lifted my hand to my mouth to see if I was bleeding, and groaned when I saw that I was.

  I needed to clean myself up and get some fucking sleep. Unlike a lot of these idiots, I had a fucking job to work in the morning.

  Chapter 21

  Jessi

  “Hey there, girl. I’m glad you could come out tonight.”

  “Me too, Megan. Me too.”

  “I ordered you the usual, but it sounds like maybe it could have used another shot of tequila in it,” Megan said.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll get it with the second drink,” I said.

  “Yikes. A second drink? Doesn’t sound like you’re working right now.”

  “Even if I was, I’d still need it,” I said.

  “Uh-oh. What’s going on? Is something wrong with Caleb?”

  “No, no. Caleb’s fine. He’s with his nanny right now. She’s great with him and he’s really taken a liking to her. I’m almost jealous.”

  “You know that boy loves you more than anything in his world right now,” she said. “So what’s with the need for strong drinks tonight?”

  “I got into a fight with Justin.”

  “About what?”

  “Something his girlfriend said to him.”

  “Hold that thought a minute and slam on the breaks. Since when does Justin have a girlfriend?”

  “We really need to get together more often,” I said.

  “Or your life needs to stop being crazy. Back up. Who’s the girlfriend? Does your brother even know what that word means?”

  “I think so? He seems to really like her, a sassy little redhead named Roxy.”

  “You sure she’s not a stripper?”

  “Don’t let him hear you say that,” I said with a grin. “No. She’s a paralegal at a law firm somewhere in L.A.”

  “Okay. So—how did they meet?”

  “Apparently Chris and Justin were getting drinks one night and she gave Chris her number.”

  “So how did Justin end up with it?”

  “Passed it off, they say.”

  “Wait a second. Chris passed off a sassy redhead to your brother, and now Justin’s calling her his girlfriend?”

  “It feels as weird as it sounds, I promise,” I said.

  “So what did she say that made Justin upset with you?”

  “He wanted me to come over and meet her, right? No big deal. Except he invited Chris, too. And I had Caleb with me.”

  “Oh shit.”

  “She took one look at Caleb and Chris together and asked Chris if he enjoyed being a father.”

  “Oh fuck.”

  “Yep. Then Justin comes knocking on my door a couple of days later talking about how he’s been talking with his girlfriend and how all the pieces fell into place. Why I was so distraught after Chris left and how close Chris and I had gotten in those last couple months before he disappeared.”

  “Oh hell,” Megan said. “So Justin knew?”

  “Not about Caleb, yet, but then he was yelling at me on my damn porch with Caleb right there in the kitchen. So I had to give him something.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “That Chris and I had a relationship before he disappeared off the face of the planet.”

  “But you still haven’t told Chris about Caleb.”

  “Did you not hear me?” I asked. “Justin knows.”

  “I got that. But that isn’t the big thing here. You’ve got too many plates in the air and people are getting suspicious. You have to tell Chris he’s the father, Jessi.”

  “I get that. I do. You act like I don’t get it, but I really do. But it’s easier said than done.”

  “No, it’s not. You call him up, he comes over, and you say, ‘Hey, you know how this kid looks like you? Well, surprise—he’s yours.’ Simple, right?”

  “You’re not seriously suggesting I do it like that, right?” I asked.

  “Stop deflecting. This is getting serious, Jessi.”

  “You think I don’t know that? Why the hell do you think I’m wanting strong drinks tonight?”

  “Good thing you don’t breastfeed,” she said.

  “Justin i
s pissed.”

  “Please tell me Chris at least knows about this.”

  “He does. I called him right after it happened. He needed to know because Justin angry is never a good thing. His rage gets the best of him sometimes,” I said.

  “Look, if you’re looking for sympathy I’m fresh out of it. I told you this would get worse, and now it is. As long as you keep this a secret, it’s going to continue to get worse for everyone involved, You, Chris, and Justin.”

  “I get it,” I said flatly.

  “And eventually, it’s going to backlash on Caleb.

  “I won’t let that happen. No one is taking my son from me.”

  “Who said anything about taking him from you? All I meant was that if you keep Caleb from his father for long enough, he’s going to resent you for it. Wait, what? Is that what you’re scared of?”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Are you scared Chris is going to take Caleb from you? Why the hell would he do that?”

  “I don’t know, Megan. Why the hell did he disappear into thin air?” I asked.

  “Not the same thing. Not by a longshot,” she said.

  “Megan, I need you to understand that I hear you.”

  “But you’re not understanding me. Because if you understood the gravity of this situation, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me. You’d be sitting here with Chris.”

  I knew she was right. Clearly this was getting out of hand. Emotions were running away with people and secrets were coming out that never needed to see the light of day. Fucking Roxy and her big ass mouth. But Megan was talking as if I could sit Chris down, blurt it out, then live happily ever after as one big happy family.

  But that wasn’t how things like this worked.

  It never was.

  “Have an honest moment with me, Jessi,” Megan said. “What’s keeping you from telling Chris about Caleb?”

  I couldn’t tell her what was going on. Not after the way she had unloaded on me. I couldn’t tell her that the reason all of this was happening was because I meant to break Chris’s heart but was getting too caught up in things. I couldn’t tell her that I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me, before kicking him out of our lives forever.

  She’d think I was crazy.

  Maybe I was.

  “I told you. Because I’m scared he’ll take Caleb from me,” I said.

  “No. No way. I know you better than that. Come on, spill it. What’s really going on?” Megan asked.

  “Megan—”

  “Let someone in, Jessi. You’ve been doing this by yourself for so long. Your parents reamed you when you got pregnant and you told them you didn’t know who the father was. Your mother was ready to kick you out, Jes. Stop making yourself a martyr. Talk to me. I’m not here to judge you.”

  “You did earlier.”

  “No, I told you the truth. I didn’t judge you for it. I don’t have to choose sides to care about what happens to you through all this. I am the godmother of your child, which means I look out for his best interest, and yours. And none of this deception is helping anyone.”

  “Thanks for the concern, but I’ve got it,” I said.

  “Just so I’m clearly on the record with this—no, you don’t. Not even close. But I can’t make you do anything, and it looks like you’re gonna have to learn this the hard way by yourself.”

  “Anything else you wanna get on the record?” I asked.

  “Yeah, actually. There is. I think the reason you’re back-stepping on this is because Chris came barreling back into your life and you figured out you still like him.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Yep. I think when you boil it all down, strip away all the fat and gristle, and set aside the drama, all of this is because you still enjoy his presence and you can’t admit it to yourself because he hurt you so badly. Take that for what it’s worth.”

  I had drained my first drink in five gulps before I ordered another one. A mango margarita on the rocks with an extra shot of tequila. I closed my eyes and allowed the alcoholic mango taste to take me under as Megan’s words rattled around in my head.

  She was right.

  But I wasn’t ready to admit that she was right. The repercussions of still enjoying a guy like Chris were—too broad. Too varied. I had a son to protect. To take care of and make sure he was okay. If any man was going to come into my life, it had to be a man worthy of being his father. Even if that man wasn’t his biological father. Caleb deserved a good life, and my history with Chris was anything but good. It didn’t matter how the man made me feel in bed and it didn’t matter how well the man could kiss.

  The truth was he abandoned me.

  He abandoned all of us.

  “Wanna tell me how you’ve been lately?” I asked.

  “I thought you’d never ask,” Megan said, smirking.

  “I know that look,” I said. “That’s your ‘I got laid’ look.”

  “And it was mm-mm-good. Ready for the details?”

  “Let me get a drink of this margarita and I’m all ears.”

  Chapter 22

  Christopher

  My alarm clock went off before the sun started to rise, and I tossed it across the room. It shattered against the wall into tiny little pieces as I sat up lazily in bed. I’d always hated that thing. It was way too loud for any one person to handle first thing in the morning. It had been a gag gift from Justin that I’d taken with me when I left, but hearing it ring so early in the damn morning made me think of him.

  And he was the last person I wanted on my fucking mind right now.

  I had a long day ahead of me. There were potential client meetings all morning in my office and I needed to be prepared for anything. I was looking to expand my choreography business beyond individual dancers looking to audition and runway shows for stuck-up designers. I wanted to be taken seriously in the business. I wanted to choreograph for movies and stage productions and dance companies. I wanted to be hired for music videos and mingle with the world’s elite. I wanted to be the go-to man for anything relating to group dancing, no matter the venue that was hosting the event.

  And today was the day I started that journey.

  I dragged myself to the shower and turned on the hot water. I was ready for it to wash away the last of the bruising on my jaw and the aches from deep within my muscles. Justin had a harder hit than he let on, and it was taking a bit of time for my jaw to heal. I hadn’t heard from him since the fight and I didn’t give a shit about it. If he wanted to be some over-protective asshole over shit that happened years ago, that was his problem.

  Not mine.

  I stepped into the shower and closed my eyes as the hot water bathed my skin. I cracked my neck and stretched my limbs, bending over to touch my toes. This was my favorite part of the morning. Stretching and getting limber in the middle of a steamy shower. It helped to relieve my muscles from the tension I carried throughout the night. I struggled with vivid dreams. Nightmares that felt real every second and visions of dance routines that made my body feel rough even though I hadn’t moved a muscle.

  But lately, my dreams had been about her.

  Jessi and that fabulous body of hers.

  I let the water pour over my shoulders as her lips came into view. I felt them against mine as her hands stroked my body, her fingertips rolling over the dips of my abs. I sighed as her body came into view. The swell of her tits and the swollen peaks of her nipples. My hands ran down the length of her torso and grabbed onto the excess of her ass.

  Fuck, I loved her ass.

  I felt my cock rising to the occasion as I backed into the shower wall. I wrapped my hand around my thickening girth as Jessi’s body draped over my bed. I saw myself pressing into her. I saw the coating of her arousal slicking my cock. The sex we’d been having lately was amazing. Despite our past, it kept getting better and better. Each orgasm was more blinding than the last and left me struggling to remember my own fucking name.

  “Jessi. Fuck—those
thighs.”

  I thought about how she took control the other day. How she pressed me into the wall of her kitchen and took my cock between her lips. How her decadent pout had swollen and turned red. I had dripped down the back of her throat and watched her swallow like the sweet girl she was. I hadn’t been expecting that. When she called in tears that day, I hadn’t been expecting her to rip my pants down and devour my dick.

  But she did, and I loved it.

  I wanted her to do it again.

  I saw her, naked and on her knees. I felt her hands pressed into my hips. I felt her hair against my hands as I bobbed her head up and down my cock. I squeezed my dick, envisioning her lips wrapped around it as my head pressed deep into the wall of the shower.

  “Shit, Jessi. You feel so—good.”

  Her tight pussy was all I could think about. How wet it always got for me and how it flowed with rivers of lust that poured onto my skin. I wondered if she got wet like that for anyone else. I wondered if any other man could make soak her panties with only one look.

  I saw her in the shower with me, bent over and holding her ankles. I envisioned myself slipping my cock into her as I pounded her sweet little pussy. Her ass was jiggling and her tits were swaying. She was moaning my name and pressing her hands into the wall. I felt her slamming back into me as my cock grew in my hands. Swelled and pulsed as my balls filled with want.