Trans-Atlantyk

by Witold Gombrowicz

  Having noticed me, they hasten to greet, but cried Gonzalo, raising up his arms: “In God’s name, you must have risen from the grave! Why have you so Waned?”

  Straightway then Food, Drink they gave me, and likewise Washed me since I could scarce move unaided. Thereupon on a bench in the Orchard I sat under a tree and asked me Gonzalo: “Fear God, where did you vanish to? What has happened to you these past Days?” The Truth I could not tell him as in naught could he have been of help to me and belike he would not believe it: so unlike the Truth this truth was. Say I then that, having gone into a field, I of a sudden took Ill; and having lost consciousness and to Hospital by People having been taken, I there for many a day between Life and Death remained. He glanced at me and perchance to the sincerity of my words gave no credence as suspiciousness in his eyes I read. But what to me Gonzalo, what to me the Accomptant’s Chase and the Revenge of the Chevaliers of the Spur threatening, when the Son I see, when the Son before me and his fresh Voice, brisk laughter, movements, the whole Body’s Blitheness, sprightliness! And a Meadow, a grove perchance by a river, fresh, cool…

  What is’t, though, what is’t? These Movements, this laughter, what a change in them! But what’s this? And what daring the Bajbak’s! Since they, lookye, so One with the Other, so One to the Other that almost a Dance ’tis, a Dance, naught else. Ergo, when one a Hand Waves, the other a Leg lifts. When one up a tree, the other up a cart; when one Whistles, the other Fizzles; when this a plum eats, that a pear; when that one Wheezes, this one Sneezes, and when one Kinks, the other Blinks. And such this According, Accompanying incessant, one for the other, one to the other and as if rhyming, such this Companying Eternal, Unceasing with every Movement, motion, that perchance one without the other cannot take a step. And Gonzalo was tapping, clapping and glees so, so glees that loses Pumps and Ruffles.

  Tomasz aside plums eats; but without cease at everything gazes. And so Gazes Tomasz, taps Gonzalo, Boom-bam with its sound the two boys joins under the trees, dogs, setters, with their lop-eared Noses sniff, yet Empty, Empty… and this Boom-bam as an Empty Drum.

  And in the emptiness of the thunder of the Drum, the fruit of Homicide ripens, only one knows not whether Filicide or Patricide. And there in the distant cellar now perchance Punishment, Revenge they swear on me and in the Frothing of torment, Tortures for me implore. Here Flies buzzed. Towards evening Gonzalo drew me apart and, having poked me in the ribs, exclaimed: “Did you see how Ignac with that Horatio of mine has fellowed? How Horatio into Play has drawn him? In them a pair of chestnut colts I have, with the which I will get wherever I would!”

  And capered. Yet asked: “What sort of affair—this Kulig?”

  “What Kulig?” say I.

  Quoth he: “For the Counsellor Podsrocki on horse rode by here and told me in secret that His Excellency the Minister with his guests in a Kulig to my home would come; the which is a national Custom of yours, in a Kulig on sleighs to Progress. The Counsellor in secret confided to me to get the house somewhat ready, some food to make ready.”

  Here he cried: “His Excellency the Envoy has taken a fancy to dancing, it seems! But wherefore my house is he to visit? I know not.”

  From the corner of his eye at me with that Eye of his glanced he, and says: “Traitor, where have you been? What doing? Whom a-fellowing? Not against me plotting? But even if you have Plotted something, too late, too late … since this very night the Father will fall dead, the Father we will tonight kill dead!”

  Under a chestnut tree on a bench we were sitting and, since I was still very Weak, my head against a rail I rested for it was trembling. Then I ask him:

  “What do you intend?”

  “Boombam!” he exclaimed. “With Boombam, with boombam!”

  “What say you, what say you?”

  “Boombam, boombam, with boombam, with boombam.”

  “What do you intend? What are your intentions?”

  With his dainty hands Pranking about, he cried: “Recall you that whilom Ignac Boomed, Horatio in answer to him from aside Bammed? Now they are so befellowed that when Horatio Booms, Ignac to him Bams! And now they are so Attuned that it cannot be that one does not Boom when the other Bams! All then after my thinking, according to my Intention! And tonight the Old Man with a Boombam we will strike down since when Horatio booms him, Ignac through the momentum, even though ’tis a Father, needs must Bam. And so he will that Father of his kill! Before he knows it!”

  And he ran amongst the trees pirouetting. I, despite my weakness, was seized by laughter and, from the laughter all a-tremble, I cry: “Fear God, so this is how you schemed it? With Boombam! with Boombam!” He ceased pirouetting and said: “With Boombam and it shall come to pass, as God is in His Heaven, with boombam, with boombam, and I tell you it shall come to pass, it shall…”

  To the right, to the left I gazed: and there bushes, red Currants, and sunbeams through the leaves glimmer. There aways off Horatio with Ignac by a barrel … and again aways Tomasz about the orchard walks, plums picks up, inspects, eats … I was about to tell Gonzalo, peace with such talk as an Impossible Thing … when a Dog, large wolf, has come to fawn and as a Ram bleats; and its tail it wags, yet the tail of a rat. Again then at Gonzalo I look in that weakness of mine, yet not Gonzalo ’tis perchance but Gonzala, and not a Hand but a Dainty Hand, plump, Small though big, hairy; and Fingers Sugary, Slender, though Big Fingers, and haply Fingerettes; and winks, blinks but that Eye of his … Speak I to him: “An impossible thing ’tis, impossible … and haply you will not Do it as how with Boombam, with Boombam …” He hopped. He pranked. “With boombam! with boombam! And after my Ignasieniek that Old Man of his with a boombam has undone, perchance to me Softer, more Favourable, he will be as, indeed, Gaol!”

  There Ignac with Horatio a barrel rolled. Aways in the orchard Tomasz is wandering. Said I then: “You will not do it … Do not do it …” But my words as Pepper, as Stalk and now such Emptiness within me lodged: he has not even answered and only his dainty Fingernails against the light inspects. Thereupon I get up and say: “Around the orchard I will gad a bit…” and though my legs scarce carried me, from him I went. He to the Palant court ran. I around the orchard walk and this think to myself: So they will him with a Boombam bash …

  But Tomasz along the paths was walking and I came up to him; straight though on the Greensward I had to sit as my legs wobbled. We are sitting then on the greensward under a Plum Tree and speaks Tomasz: “Did you see how Ignac with that Horatio has fellowed? Well, much good may it do him! And I here thus walk and ponder … but now perchance not for long all that…” I asked: “Think you to do what you told me?” Says he: “Oh yes, oh yes.”

  On the greensward cool, pleasant… likewise birds twitter … redolence of trees, fruit, bushes, and a Little Insect on a grass blade is climbing … Yet speak I: “’Slife, so do you still in your intention persist?” He answers: “Oh yes, oh yes … my Son I will kill…” Hearing this, I fain would make some answer, but to what end? … And the Boombam resounded again and as into a Drum they wham, and the sound of an Empty Drum amidst trees, bushes, Parrots, plumy hummingbirds, under palm trees, under Cactus … Listening to those sounds Tomasz his head lowered, pressed hand flat to hand and muttered: “Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow …”

  The buzzing of flies, big, golden, and the cry of Parrots ever the more drowsy made me. And this methought: He will kill, so he will kill. He will do in, so he will do in. Him they will do in, so they him. Me they will grip with a Spur, so they will grip. In a Kulig they will come, so they will…

  Gonzalo commanded some fruit to be brought, we were eating fruit, then supper was served in the summer-house … and for Dessert such strange Crossbreed Sweetmeats that as if Pretzels, yet Wafers. And methinks, how wondrous the weaving of God’s world! … This methinks and the Bajbak and Ignac nigh Together eat for when one a Sip of soup takes, the other with bread swallows down… But methinks: Together, so together! Ergo, now too many of these Wonders, too Many,
too Many. Let it be as it will, just to rest, just to Respite.

  But when Night with its mantilla the earth embraced, and large glowing Worms under the Trees, when from the Darkness of the park sounds of divers animals, and thus this Mewing Bark, or Grunting Snort, that quietness, that listlessness of mine with Un-quietness began to fill. And methinks, how is’t that you do not fear when you ought to Fear? Why are you not amazed when amazement is required? Why do you just Sit? Why do you do Naught when Running, Racing are required? Where is that fear of yours? Where is that indignation of yours? And now ever greater that Dread of mine, for the reason indeed of the want of Dread, as a Gourd grows and weighs, in the Emptiness, in the Stillness. Tomasz’s design—Gonzalo’s design—the Bajbak’s play with Ignac—my pursuit by the Accomptant’s dready Spur and the revenge that threatens—the Minister’s thought to come in a Kulig—all this in the Emptiness was welling and beating as with an Empty Drum, and I sit … And there, beyond the Water, beyond the Forest, beyond the Grange now perchance Quiet, and vast terrains of Fields, Forests now not with the clang of weapons, but with the still Silence of defeat filled. To his sleep Tomasz did go. Likewise Ignac, Horatio have gone, and also artful Gonzala to rest has repaired; thus I came to be alone with my Frightening Want of Dread.

  Then to the Son I resolved to go. Oh Son, Son, Son! To him I will go, him once more by Night I will see and perchance within some feeling I will feel… perchance his freshness will refresh me … Ergo the corridor dark, long, and I, through the Boys who there on the floor slept, go … and Go, Go on … and now myself know not whether I as a talebearer of Gonzalo’s go or of Tomasz’s … and perchance I Go on behalf of the Chevaliers of the Spur that youth to murder … and my Tread as a Cloud pregnant, yet empty, empty. So I went into his little chamber and I see: he lies naked as his Mother bore him and breathes. Ergo he lies and sleeps, and breathes. Oh, how Innocent! Oh, how sweetly sleeping he is. How calmly his Chest swells up! Oh, what Beauty, what Health! Oh no, no, I will not to that shame deliver you, haply I shall anon here awaken you and of Gonzalo’s trap warn you, haply I shall tell you that by this Play they into a Crime upon the person of your Father draw you!! …

  How not to tell him that? Was I to allow that he, by the death of his own father to Gonzalo tied, would let Gonzalo him entice, and so for ages be in the embraces, clasps of a Puto? But if from the paternal home the Puto entices him into Dark, Black Ways, this will him haply into a Freak transform!!! … Oh no, never, never ever! And I was about to put out my hand to awaken him: Ignac, Ignac, for God’s sake, get up, they would your Father murder! Albeit I look, but there he lies. And again suddenly a Doubt comes over me, viz. if I tell him this and out he Gonzalo, Horatio drives, to his Father’s legs in tears falls, what then? Again all as of old, as it was? Again then he beside Pan Father will be, and still after Pan Father prayers will prate, to Pan Father’s coat-tails will cling … Still on and on, over and over, again the same?

  Yet the desire of my soul this: viz. that something will have Become. Oh, come what may, just to make some movement … as ’tis loathsome to me! Since I could no more! Since enough, enough of that Old! May there be something New! Give then some free-rein to the boy! May he do Whatever he Would. May he murder that Father of his, may he be Without a Father, may he go from home to a Field, to a Field! Let him sin! May he into whatever he Would transform himself, even into a Murderer, a Patricide! And even into a Freak! May he Couple with whomever he would! At such a Thought within me, seized by strong queasiness, I almost threw up, and as if something was Breaking, Bursting in pain, in the most terrible dread … since this is an awesome, the most awesome, oh, perchance the most nauseous Thought, viz. him, the Son, into sin, Debauchery to deliver, him stain, him Corrupt, O’ercorrupt, but naught, naught, may he, may he, what do I fear, what do I abhor, indeed, may what is to be, Become; may all Break, Burst, Fall apart, Fall apart, and oh, Filistria Becoming, Unknown Filistria! And so I before him in the darkness of Night standing (as the match burnt out), Night, Darkness and Becoming summoned up, and so him from the parental, paternal home was expelling into the Night, into a field. Oh Night, Night, Night!

  But what’s this, what’s this? Who draws up without? What noises, Sounds those? And there cries, clamour, wheels, whisking of whips, and ditties and outcries. “Kulig, Kulig” they cry! Seeing then that His Excellency the Envoy with the Kulig had arrived, I rushed out to the Rooms to greet the guests.

  Gonzalo with a lamp dashes out of the house, makes the sign of the cross to feign being out of sleep awakened. They cry out, draw up, alight, and with hubbub, din, into the house run, through the Salons run … After them a Band … and straightway stools, carpets they shove aside, straightway one fell, another a Lamp broke, but naught, stools aside, tables aside, and the Band upon their fiddles struck! On with the Dancing! They dance! They dance!

  Beyond the woods, beyond the glen,

  Danced Gosia with the mountain men!

  As the first pair His Excellency the Envoy danced with Pani Pscikowa, the second His Honour the Colonel with the Right Honourable Pani Kielbszowa, the third His Honour the Chairman Kupucha with Pani Kownacka, the fourth Professor Kalisciewicz with Panna Tuska, the fifth the Counsellor Podsrocki with Panna Myszka, and the sixth Pan Worola, the advocate, with Pani Dowalewiczowa. After them other pairs. Throng! Throng! And perchance the flower of that Colony of ours! All pairs! In a flock they came and in a flock they Dance, hoopla, hoopla, fiddle dee dee, heels they spark, the whole House fill so that into the Park it bursts. Chirp, chirp, chirp, with his children in a chimney Mazur-cricket sits! And in the lake all the fishes are a-sleeping! Kulig now, Kulig!

  Caught Pan Zenon Panna Ludka, Whirled:

  Beyond the wood, beyond the glen,

  Danced Gosia with the mountain men!

  Here servants rush about with food, with bottles, tables lay, there Gonzalo gives commands, and coachmen, footmen peer through windows, and now the whole house Booms so that into Meadows, into Fields is booming out! Let’s drink! Let’s revel, have a drink, why do you not? And Another! Hoopla, hoopla, heigh, heigh, heigh! Ooh, Panna Zosia! Ooh, Panna Malgosia! And what there, Pan Szymon? Hey, Pan Mateusz, it’s been years! Here today, gone tomorrow! Yet to me Panna Muszka and Panna Tolcia run up: “Dance! Dance! Kulig!” And fervent, fervid, they smile and Sing. Now say I to Counsellor Podsrocki who beside me a Bottle was opening: “Fear God, perchance some good News has come the which I know not, as such extraordinary jubilance of all Compatriots led by the Envoy himself cannot be for any other reason save victory over the enemy. Yet I in gazettes have read that all is over and our loss.” To me he replied: “Be silent, be Silent. Indeed massacre, defeat, the end; now our backs to the wall! But we with His Excellency the Envoy contrived to shew naught, but indeed with a Kulig, with a Kulig! Pawn all, but give a ball.”

  Pawn all, but give a ball.

  Pawn all, but give a ball.

  And straightway a mug he raises: “Vivat! Vivat!” “Vivat!”—they shout, and the dancers as a serpent through all the halls snake, and with Shaking, heel-sparking and with stamping, with clapping! Now into pairs they broke and in Pairs they dance! And there aside the elders prattling, Pouring, or else cordially kissing: Oh, Pan Walenty, oh, Pan Franciszek, and what of Pani Doktorowa, and how are the Children? Another drop! God reward you, God reward you! But the Minister pounced on me: “Dance, you Milksop, why dance you not? Know you not that a dance suits the soles of a Pole as a Prayer becometh his soul?” Dance, dance, a Krakowian dance!

  We ‘re not just a crowd

  But Krakowians proud!

  Say I to him: “I would dance, but apparently all is lost!”

  Flashed his eye to the right and to the left. “Be silent! Be silent! Put away what you are saying as people will take us for naught! Have you gone silly to flaunt it! Pawn all, but give a ball.”

  Pawn all, but give a ball.

  Pawn all, but give a ball.

  More, more, more! On and on! Dance, danc
e! And shew the Foreigners how we dance! And dance, dance! And shew what those Songs of ours, what our capers, what bestamping! Shew what those Girls of ours, what Boys we have! Blood, not water! More, more, more! And may they see what that Beauty of ours! Oberek, Mazur, Mazur!

  The soul of a Mazur so sticketh

  That when he is dead he still kicketh!

  Dance, dance, dance! … To my knees I did fall. But old Pan Kaczeski has beckoned me, viz. for the need he would go out and lest Dogs pounce on him … Then along with him outside I went and, whilst he under a bush is relieving himself, I at the house glance the which into Fields, into Forests with dance and with light and with boisterous Festivity booms. And above the Sky black, as if Drooping. And here the Kulig roars, and Charms, and now Loves, with itself in Love as Enchanted, and Loves, Loves, and Litheness, Swagger, and with heels they spark and in Love with, in Love with, in Love, with itself Enamoured, and in Love, so let’s Love One Another, Love One Another! More, more, more! Oh, the Loving and Loving and Loving … And the sky black, empty; and here nearby a bush dark, inscrutable … and further two trees stood … and further a mound was but Dark, Immovable …

  And something there beyond the bushes, not far from the fence, has Rustled. I look and there a strange Creature slipped away clumsily: a calf not a calf, a Dog large but with hooves and as if hunchbacked. The bush I parted and I see that under the Magnolias a similar creature bounds, and indeed as if someone bareback on a Dog rode: but two human heads has! As soon as I saw two human heads I felt my skin benumbed and my first desire to flee into the House; yet I refrained and resolved to scrutinize this impurity.