by Leanne Davis
Chloe’s face turned hard and her eyes narrowed. “Wyatt, come here.”
He swallowed and stepped forward, putting his hand in hers. His shoulders slumped. He glanced at Tara again and she smiled gently to let him know it was okay.
“Chloe?”
Tara glanced up when Ryder’s voice interrupted them. He was standing in the doorway and was obscured from her view. He stepped in closer. “Chloe…” His tone was gentle. “Let him be. He’s just confused.”
Chloe whipped around, glowering at Ryder. “It’s his mother. She was trying to undercut his mother’s place in his life. Of course Wyatt should be sad. He lost his mother. She’s… she’s dead. And that woman, your girlfriend, tells him it’s okay not to care?”
Tara wanted to melt into a puddle. Chloe yelled your girlfriend in such a hateful, awful tone. It echoed from the back of the house and was audible to all the guests. The entire house went quiet. Tara shook her head but kept silent.
“Tara?” Ryder’s tone was demanding that she tell him what she was doing.
She dropped her gaze. Shoulders slumping, she said, “I found Wyatt all alone and curled up in here. He’s upset that he isn’t crying or sadder than he is. He just doesn’t remember her and that confuses him.”
Ryder nodded. Tara had no idea what he thought. He stepped forward and wrapped Chloe up in his arms. “He doesn’t remember her. He was too young. This is our grief. It isn’t his. You can’t be mad at him for that.”
Chloe huddled against his chest and her tears were real. Ryder kept his arms wrapped around her. “You’re going to take her side? I know I’m just your ex-sister-in-law.” Bitterness tinged her tone.
Ryder sighed and met Tara’s gaze over Chloe’s head. “Chloe, you are my sister. You will always be my sister. Nothing will change that, especially this. This simply solidifies it, okay? And you will always be Wyatt’s aunt and he will always need you. Always. On a daily basis. You take care of him and influence him and nurture him on a daily basis. Do you think I’d ever change that? No. Never. Not for anything.”
“Even her?” Chloe said, as if she were spitting out the word her. She lifted her head to glare Tara’s way. “Your white girlfriend.”
Ryder shook his head. Softly, and ever so gently, with just a tinge of humor in his tone, he replied, “You know I’m white too. Hating her for that is kinda stupid.”
“I know. But I didn’t want Wyatt to have her as a…”
“Chloe, you were the first one who told me to ask her out.” Ryder’s tone stayed gentle, but a hint of irony entered it.
“Well…” Chloe sputtered. “That was before. Before I realized…”
“What?”
“That you’d fall in love with her.”
Tara was offended by the conversation and Chloe’s sudden flip from being her friend and supporter to getting angry that she was involved with her nephew’s life. Her heart was nearly wrung out. Chloe was just hurting so much and missing her sister. It was hard for her to see someone replacing the role in Ryder and Wyatt’s lives where Ebony was supposed to be. She didn’t abdicate it and Tara now understood how devastating that must have been to her family to see someone else filling that role. She’d said Ryder loved her? Tara’s heart stalled at that because she wasn’t so sure, not anymore.
But Chloe was in so much pain that how all this affected Tara just didn’t matter right then. “I think I should just go home.”
Ryder still had Chloe in his arms but he shook his head in the negative. Chloe couldn’t see him. He nodded down to Wyatt. “Why don’t you take him outside? Let him play and try and relax? Okay?”
Surprised he’d invite her to take his son out after the loud debacle of the last few minutes, Tara nodded and addressed Wyatt, who was now staring at both of them with big eyes and visible bewilderment. “Do you want to go outside and swing?” Tara asked him.
He nodded eagerly and she could have sworn his eyes flashed with gratitude.
She escaped with Wyatt, her heart pounding, she was so glad to get out of there. They stayed outside in the back part of the yard. They also explored the woods and swung and talked of other things. Wyatt was far more subdued than his usual self, but he started to relax finally and his contagious giggle could be heard again. Tara loved his giggle and she believed wherever his mom was now, she’d want nothing more today than for Wyatt to giggle with joy. She believed there was nothing as healing as his giggle. It was a slice of joy and happiness that never failed to lift one’s heart.
Wyatt finally grew tired and asked to go inside. There were still cars parked around the front. He sighed and asked Tara, “Think we could go to my room and read?”
“I don’t see why not.”
So they did. She passed Ryder and motioned with her eyes they were going upstairs and he nodded his approval.
Wyatt curled up on his bed and got completely quiet as Tara settled down next to him and began to read. She read for over an hour before he finally drifted off to sleep. She kissed his forehead and tucked him under his covers. He’d had a long, emotional day. Things were sad but he couldn’t fully appreciate how they affected him, so he felt guilty because they didn’t affect him more.
Tara heard voices downstairs still and couldn’t muster the energy to face whomever it was. Most likely, someone close to Ebony. She ducked into Ryder’s room and curled up on the bed. She felt like Wyatt did. Tired. Sad. Guilty.
When darkness crept into the room and the day waned, only then, at close to nine o’clock, did Ryder suddenly burst into the room.
Tara sat up, surprised by his impulsive entrance. Shit. Should she have left? Or gone downstairs? What? What was the protocol for the girlfriend of the man who was burying and grieving over his dead wife with all his friends and family? A wife whom she’d accidentally replaced?
He stared at her for so long, she finally swung her legs over to the side of the bed and was about to simply get up and flee. She had no idea where they stood anymore. A damn conversation would easily have cleared it all up and yet she couldn’t seem to pin him down for very long. Or get a clear answer or even a statement out of him. She wanted him to be honest with her. His actions were as mixed as the scorching looks he sent her way.
He finally stalked across the room and dropped right down on his knees and buried his head in her lap while wrapping his arms around her waist. She stared at the back of his head. Letting out a shocked, emotional sigh, she put her fingers in his unruly hair and stroked it. His head shook, and he said, “It was hard.”
She kept rubbing, unsure of how to reply. Afraid she would say something insensitive or wrong, since the situation was highly volatile, it seemed too easily stoked into an inferno without her even meaning to.
“I divorced her.” His tone sounded tortured. “I can’t get over that I hated her. Detested her. Wanted to destroy her. If you knew the things I used to think about happening to her… and then to find out she’s been rotting in a swamp for three and a half years.”
Tara shuddered at the image.
His tone was so raw and his grip felt wild on her. “I don’t know what to do with that.”
She kept rhythmically stroking his unruly hair and sighed. “Maybe you don’t need to do anything. Maybe it just is. The reality you believed wasn’t unreasonable or one that no one would have questioned. You thought she left you. And her son. But Ryder? Those thoughts never hurt her. She was already dead. Her family’s faith is being restored in her, as is yours. That’s a beautiful thing. Now you can tell your son about his wonderful mother, your wife, the woman you loved and married. You can speak about her now in glowing terms.”
His head popped up and his gaze met and held hers. Long and intensely, he stared at her. His head tilted to the side and his hands tugged tighter around her waist. She swallowed, preparing herself for the worst. She had no idea what his next words would be.
“I can’t let go of you.”
Her eyes closed and she sucked in a deep breath. Reli
ef. Grief. Uncertainty. “You don’t have to.” Her eyelashes fluttered open.
“I need you, Tara. More than I ever dreamed I would. Yet I feel all this fresh grief about another woman. My wife. I’m a widower. I don’t know. It changes how I see myself. How I see the world.”
“Of course it does.”
“Why do you understand this?”
Her smile was soft. She leaned forward and pressed her lips on his. “Because you’re in pain and I can’t stand it. I’d do anything to ease it for you.”
His mouth slid upwards as he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. About earlier. At the church…” He shuddered. “God, it was so inappropriate. And yet so…”
“Necessary?” she supplied softly.
He nodded. Her face turned to the side and he kissed her hand. “Necessary. I don’t know what to do now. Or how to get through it. I just know I need you to get through it, which makes me feel like a piece of shit. Desiring another woman’s love as I bury and grieve for the wife I hated and resented for years… Especially after loving and adoring her for more years than that.”
“You’re not a piece a shit. You’re the one of the best men I’ve ever known.”
On his knees still, Ryder’s face was just at eye level with Tara. He reached forward and touched her cheek, cupping her chin. “That’s what breaks my heart with you. I’m not. I’m just average, if that. I love you, Tara. I know that now. I know it and it made me…”
“Turn away from me. I get it.”
“I hurt you.”
“You’re hurting more.”
He closed his eyes. “You could easily allow me to hurt you, and walk all over you, and use your kindness and goodness to my own advantage. Don’t do that, Tara. Don’t sell yourself short on what you deserve. From me, especially, but also from everyone else.”
“Everyone? As in Chloe and her family?” she asked softly, shaking her head. “Me claiming my spot right now as your girlfriend, or even feeling comfortable in your house, only accomplishes the not-so-noble deed of hurting them. They picture their daughter and sister being that and so much more. So it’s okay if I temporarily take a back seat for just a short while. These are extraordinary circumstances.”
“How do you manage to rise up and be bigger than anyone else about this?”
“Because I just imagined how it would feel.” She sighed, restraining herself from adding that she wished her family would react with as much grief and shock and hurt over her loss as Ebony’s family had. She closed her eyes. “You loved her. You shared a child with her. I don’t negate that. I’m not so insecure I can’t handle it, but only if you’ll be honest with me. If you don’t push me away without a word of explanation. You can’t just drop me off at my place again and avoid looking at me. Or… or forget my presence entirely. If you do need space or you want to push me away, then you need to tell me. Keep me in the loop. I will give you whatever you want, if you let me.”
He sucked in a breath. “I don’t think most women would react that way.”
“I’m not like most women.”
His smile was soft and real. “You aren’t. And Tara? I will try not to push you out again. How did you know to come to the funeral? I wanted to ask you to go. But I didn’t know how to word it. Because I knew you couldn’t sit with me… That would be too hard on Ebony’s family. I was afraid to say that to you because I kept thinking you’d think I was putting them above you. Which I was, but I felt I had to. And I didn’t know how you’d react to that.”
She sucked in a breath at hearing his honesty and willingness to admit that to her. “First, I agree. I should not have been next to you. She was your wife. And I have nothing but sympathy towards Chloe and her parents. I don’t want to rub my presence in their face. If something comes up again, I can handle being discreet. So just tell me. I will react with as much understanding and care as I can muster.”
His smile was small. “Just don’t forget about you? I was so… I don’t know. I don’t have the words to describe how this feels. We were discussing Ebony and her murder and theories of how it happened and who could have done it. God, they all cried so hard. They asked me to go with them to start arranging the funeral right away. I agreed, of course… I’m sorry. Honest to God, Tara, but my brain left the building. When I walked in and saw you, I was so filled with shame.”
She touched his face. “So next time don’t make it worse; just be honest with me. Talk to me. I can listen to anything. I can deal with what I know.”
His mouth tweaked upwards. “Are you sure you’re the younger one between us?”
She leaned forward and rested her lips gently on his. “I’m sure I’m the one who’s not hurting as much and still thinking clearly.”
He nodded slowly. “I want you here, more than anything. I just might not like to talk all the time. I might not act normal. Just… remember I want you here. I hate when you’re not here. Even when… her family is here. Would you… would you just move in here with me?”
She jerked backwards. “What?” she exclaimed. Hours ago, she was sneaking into his wife’s funeral and unsure of where she stood with him, and now he was asking her to stay there?
He nodded. “Yes. I can tell you the more I grieve, the more I want you to stay here. I can’t explain it, Tara. There are so many reasons why but it sounds crazy. There is nothing normal about it. I can just tell you how I feel.” He rose onto his feet and turned towards his dresser drawer. He opened it, keeping his back to her before he came towards her. In his hand, he held… her heart stopped. Shit. Crap. What the hell? He held a ring box.
He sat down next to her and popped it open. Ebony’s ring. It had to be. She calmed her racing heart, knowing that was the obvious answer.
“It’s not Ebony’s ring. I bought it… for you. To give to you. After I ask you to marry me.”
Her mouth popped open as she stared at it, then she looked up towards his face. He wasn’t smiling or kidding. His exhausted eyes were bloodshot. He was serious and tired. What… what was this?
“I can’t give this to you right now. Not after what happened. It’s too much for Ebony’s family… maybe even for me. But I want you to see where I still am with us. With you. I will be asking you to marry me. I know you think it’s too soon. Maybe it is. I just know how I feel. I love you and I don’t want to be without you. I want you to be here with us… with me. And someday soon, you’ll see how serious I am.”
Her gaze stayed riveted on the diamond solitaire inside the box. She was literally speechless. Here, she thought… and he…! She shook her head, completely at a loss. “Ryder… I thought you were coming up here to abruptly dismiss me from your life. You need some time, and I see that, to deal with this…”
“I do. But I can’t do it without you. I don’t want to do it without you.”
He took the ring out of the box and placed it on her finger. “For now. For us. Would you say yes?”
Tara’s heart leapt and nearly exploded. Shit. Yes. But then again… no. He didn’t even know her real last name. She shut her eyes and squeezed them tight. How could she let this go so far? She had never intended to, but she did anyway. She wished she could marry a man who didn’t even know her name.
“Tara?” His voice trembled.
She started shaking her head and tears spilled over her eyelids. “Yes, I would. I will say yes.”
He hugged her for a long, emotional time. She leaned her head into his chest as he held her next to him. “I thought this was going the opposite direction. I thought…”
“I know. I didn’t handle this… I mean you, right. I’d like a chance to correct that so I can avoid doing that from now on.”
“Oh, Ryder, you have every chance.” She turned and took his face in her hands. Leaning up higher, she began kissing him.
He smiled under her lips. “You did have an orgasm with me finally.”
She groaned with embarrassment and dropped her head down in shame. “I don’t know how I could have. And there…
of all places. I just wanted so badly to be with you.”
He took her arms in his hands. “Maybe you were finally so far out of your head, you allowed your body to feel what nature intended to happen.”
“It’s pretty gruesome,” she mumbled.
He kissed the top of her head. “All of this has been gruesome.”
“You won’t tell anyone?”
He squeezed her hand. “Uh, no. It makes me look bad too. But Tara, I’d never say anything personal about you, or what happens between us.”
She nodded and leaned into him harder. “Do you have any idea who might have killed her?”
He jumped, looking startled. “God, I’ve told you nothing, have I?”
She shook her head as he gently lifted her hand and took the ring off. Nestling it back inside the box, he returned it to the drawer. He came back and swooped her up in his arms, carrying her over to the chair and sitting down with her in his lap. She curled up as he started explaining everything she had missed. His voice was steady and quiet, but sometimes trembled when he described finding Ebony. He admitted his confusion and horror before he finally fell to his knees and puked when he saw all of her jewelry. At that moment, it ceased to be a coincidence.
He’d realized he had to tell Chloe. He had to be the one. He barely remembered seeing Tara as he entered the café. He recalled it as if he were sleepwalking and having a totally out of body experience. The coroner did not have the official DNA results on the remains yet, but they went ahead and had the memorial for Ebony because no one doubted it was her. But when he heard Chloe yelling at Tara about Wyatt, that was when the fog in his brain started to clear.
“Seeing you there all huddled up like Wyatt was, your bright eyes clouded with confusion as much as Wyatt’s, made it all finally hit home. I realized then what I’d been doing to you. Honest to God, you looked so lost and hurt and every bit as bewildered as me and my young son. I felt so guilty for how I treated both of you. But I had to deal with a full house and plenty of hosting chores I had to tend to. As soon as I could, I raced out to tell you before I lost you too.”