by Leanne Davis
She hugged him in a fierce embrace. “You’ll never lose me. You’d have to force me from your life, okay? You won’t just lose me.”
He nodded and a small smile curled his lips as he leaned down to plant a soft, lingering kiss. When he lifted his face from hers, he whispered, “I realized my guilt and irrational anger towards you was because I don’t love Ebony anymore.”
Tara stiffened and stared up at him in curious wonder. He sighed and leaned his forehead on hers. “I have all kinds of unresolved feelings now about my ex-wife. But I grieved for her already when I first lost her, and this thing between us didn’t change that. I wish it had. It would have eased the guilt. It shames me. But I don’t love Ebony anymore. I’m too full of love for you.”
Tell him, her brain chanted, just tell him. Her real name was Tara Tamasy and she left her family as he once believed his wife had left him. She had to explain herself. Talk. Open up. Just as he’d done. Now was the perfect time. He had confessed some hard truths to her, so she could do the same in return. But something kept her mouth tightly sealed and the words remained inside her.
She was a chicken. Scared. Terrified. She finally felt like she belonged somewhere and wanted to stay with someone, so much so, she could not bear to lose him. She feared she would lose him after his wife’s body surfaced and now? She learned that it only made him need her more. And want her more. And love her more. She couldn’t admit what so clearly needed to be said. Not yet. A few days… after things calmed down. When all the sad news wasn’t so raw… then she’d tell him, and she vowed to herself that she would.
“They want Wyatt.”
Tara jerked back from her worried mind by his statement. “What? Who?”
“Ebony’s parents. They wanted to take him home tonight. They keep asking about him. I understand, I mean, if I lost Wyatt—” Ryder’s body jerked and he shuddered under her.
She touched a hand to his heart and leaned forward and kissed it. He still wore his dress shirt and the fabric stuck to her lips for a moment. “I know.”
He gulped in a deep breath. “I understand as grieving parents, they are trying to survive this tragedy, and only reaching out for whatever’s left of their daughter. And of course… Wyatt is that. But… he's also scared and confused. As you saw. He knows how sad they are and how much they need from him. I can see in his eyes how uncomfortable he is with all their clinging love and incessant attention. It’s much different from how it was before. And poor Wyatt doesn’t know what to do or say about it. Like tonight, I had to say no. He was already up there asleep.” He kissed her head. “I knew you’d taken care of him. But then again, so did they. Now, they’re having a hard time dealing with it.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Exactly what you have been. I might have to hurt them but I don’t see any other choice. As gently as possible, I’m going to set some limits regarding how long and how often they take him. He needs to get back on his usual routine as soon as possible. He’s floundering with all this chaos. And… and most of all, he needs… me.”
She nodded. “He does. He needs you. I think you have to set those boundaries with them no matter how hard it is. Wyatt’s welfare has to come first.”
He sighed and agreed, “Yes.”
They fell silent and she closed her eyes, letting her body lean heavily on his. She was emotionally wrung out, like she’d never been before, and so was Ryder. His fatigue radiated off him. Yet… she felt so much closer, more bonded, and more sure of her place in his life than she ever dared to hope. Her heart pounded in her chest. He had an engagement ring. He bought it for her. The concept still thrilled her. Nine months didn’t seem long enough. Especially for the responsible, careful Ryder Kincaid. How could he already be considering marrying her? It never failed to astonish and surprise her.
She glanced up when she felt his body going lax. He was sound asleep. Exhaustion was evident on his face. She leaned up and kissed his mouth before finding a blanket to wrap around him. She wished she could carry him to bed, but she couldn’t begin to move his hefty bulk. Instead, she lay in his bed and realized she might soon consider it her bed as well.
She woke up in the middle of the night when she felt Ryder tugging the covers around. He nudged her and wrapped his arms around her as he snuggled closer to her. Sleepily, she squeezed his hand. “You never answered me.” His voice sounded raspy in her ear. “Will you move in here?”
She nodded, keeping her eyes closed. “Yes. Yes, I will. If Wyatt is okay with it.”
“He will be.” Sighing, Ryder drifted off to sleep. Tara felt as if she just managed to make this day tolerable for him. She appreciated his total confidence that Wyatt would want her in a capacity that resembled not so much a mother, but certainly a significant influence in his life. Her mind was very alert and her heart began thumping rapidly. She wanted to be just that too, a significant influence on both of them.
Chapter Sixteen
“HI, CAN I GET you started with something to drink?” Tara asked as she handed the lone woman who was dining a menu. The café was almost empty except for a couple having dessert in the corner booth and a single guy who was chowing down ribs at the bar. The woman was a stranger, which was an anomaly; not many strangers ventured in, to be honest. She was skinny with a pretty face, dark hair, and she wore a nose ring. She also had a great smile that was slightly slow and shy before blossoming. She nodded to Tara after taking the menu and Tara realized she was more of a girl than a mature woman.
Chloe was still taking time off. No one said a word to her about what most onlookers witnessed when Chloe started yelling at Tara during the funeral reception. Tara wondered what her position would be there now. But Ryder subtly reminded her that he still owned half of the café. Nothing changed that. Chloe couldn’t just fire Tara. But Tara hated the idea of strong-arming the woman who gave her a chance and was such a good friend to her in the beginning. And her sense of common decency urged her to restrain herself. Chloe was already hurting so much over her twin sister’s death, Tara didn’t want to compound it.
“Yes, I’d love some coffee,” the new girl said.
Tara smiled and replied, “Coming right up.” The girl’s eyes followed her for a prolonged moment before she dropped her gaze to the menu. Tara returned carrying a clean, white cup and the coffee pot. She poured a cup for the girl.
“So, what’s to do around here?”
Tara glanced up. “I’m not originally from here, but there’s the Columbia River and most all of the different recreational sports are here strictly because of it. Fishing, swimming, kite surfing… you name it, and it’s here, I swear.”
“What’s kite surfing?”
“Kite boarders use the wind and a large, controllable kite to propel themselves across the water on a kite board, which is a lot like a wake board. It’s crazy. You see them out there all the time in their wetsuits flying all over the water’s surface. Sometimes they get going super-fast. Are you visiting anyone?”
“Family. I’m visiting my boyfriend’s family.”
Tara returned the girl’s warm smile as she said boyfriend. “Well, it’s a very pretty area. There’re lots of hiking trails.”
“Beautiful scenery.”
“So much so, I can’t get over it still.” Tara grinned and nodded at the menu. “Is there something I can get for you?”
“Um… let’s see… how about some of that pie? It looks mouthwatering.”
“It is. Chloe, the owner of the café, makes it herself. All of her desserts are homemade and the main reason she opened up this place.”
The girl handed her the menu. “Have you worked here for a long time?”
“Just shy of a year.”
The girl nodded. “I’m a server too, back at home. It’s a lot fussier place to work than this. Get a lot of snobs in there. This seems like a nice place to work. And you seem to like it…” She tilted her head and read the name tag on Tara’s breast. “Tara?”
“I do like it, actually. And I rarely get any complaints. Most of the customers are locals that know Chloe and the rest of the staff who are locals too. I’m the only transplant who works here. So that part’s nice.”
The girl held out her hand. “Hi, I’m Kylie.”
“Hi,” she said, smiling back at her. Tara instantly estimated they were within a year or two of the same age. “I’ll go grab you some pie.”
“Thank you,” Kylie said politely.
Tara gave her the slice of dessert and refilled her coffee. Wyatt came in with Mrs. B and his squeally voice echoed as usual as he rushed in to hug Tara. Summertime kept him mostly hanging with Chloe and her parents, and occasionally their kind neighbor. She often brought him into the café to see Tara. Wyatt’s newest hobby was making little handmade books in which he wrote his made-up stories, although only he could read the words he wrote. But the pictures were pretty interesting. She laughed and asked him all about his day as he ran back to show Petra his tiny book.
Tara returned to give Kylie her bill. “He’s adorable,” Kylie said.
Tara nodded and for some reason, she added, “He’s my boyfriend’s child.”
Kylie’s eyes bugged out. “That infectious giggle of his. He could have his own sitcom and be the star of it without any laugh track. As soon as I heard it, I nearly started giggling with him.”
“I know. You’re not the first to feel that way.”
Kylie took a bite of her dessert. “This is amazing. So good. I’ll be sure and come back before I leave.”
Tara smiled and replied, “Well, we’ll be glad to see you again.”
Kylie smiled and took the bill. For a second, her hand was on the bill with Tara’s and before she let go, Kylie fastened her eyes in an intense eye lock. Then she slowly smiled and Tara blinked. How long did that last? It was almost as if the newcomer were trying to memorize Tara’s face.
Tara shook off the encounter and went into the bar to hang out with Wyatt. She had to serve a few stragglers in between coloring and talking with Wyatt. It seemed to be a much better week for him. Back on his familiar routine, he was starting school in two weeks. Ryder was scheduled to pick them both up soon.
“Wyatt?” she said while he was coloring his picture of a cow. It was standing in a pasture with daisies around it.
“Yeah, Tara?”
She licked her lips. Ryder gave her his permission to ask him. She wanted to know the truth if Wyatt didn’t really like the idea of her living with his dad and him. “So, you know I like your dad a lot, huh?”
Wyatt merely smiled, somehow looking far older and wiser than his recently turned, six years old. “Yes.”
“Well, I’d like to ask you how you’d feel if I moved into the house and lived with you and your dad? I told your dad to let me ask you alone because I want to know the truth. Okay? We’ve always been honest with each other, huh?”
Wyatt nodded, biting his lip. Tara wondered if that was because of what she was saying or was he just concentrating on his drawing? She wasn’t sure but he didn’t glance up from it. He carefully stayed within the lines as he colored with his brown crayon.
“What do you think? You can be totally honest.”
“I think it would be fun,” he said easily with a smile before lifting his head up to her. Tara’s shoulders relaxed and her mind eased from the tension.
“Really?”
“Yes. Really.”
“This doesn’t mean I’ll try to take over or be your mom or anything. I mean, nothing has to change between us… we’re already good friends.”
“Tara?”
“Yes, honey?”
“I’d like you to be my stepmommy.”
Tara’s breath literally sputtered and her mouth hung open. Wyatt shrugged and smiled at her, adding, “You seem to like me enough.”
“Oh, Wyatt, I do. Very much.”
“I don’t remember having anyone else for a mommy. But I remember you.” His statement was quiet and direct and his signature bubbliness was gone. She touched his hand with hers.
“I know. I think… I think we need to talk about this with your dad. You understand? I can’t say yes without his permission. But, in my heart, I love being here with you and taking care of you… whatever you want to call it.”
Wyatt beamed and asked, “Does it bother you that we’re different colors?”
Startled he had asked that, her eyebrows jutted upwards. “Oh, no. Not at all. I love how we look when we’re together. Don’t you? Or… does it bother you?”
Wyatt grinned and shrugged. “No. Not really. People always wonder if I’m really Dad’s little boy. That’s the only time I care. I’m his.” Wyatt’s tone was fiercely defensive.
She touched his hand. “You’re darn right you are.”
He grinned and shook his head. “Is my aunt still mad about that?”
“About me? No, I don’t think so. I think it was especially hard on her because your mom was her twin sister.”
“No, I meant about you being white.” He shrugged. “I don’t care either way, you know.”
Tara leaned forward and kissed the top of his head. “Honestly, Wyatt? I don’t either. But it’s different for your aunt and she misses her sister so much. Seeing any woman with your dad and you… probably hurts her.”
He scrunched up his face. “So it’s not just because we’re different colors?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“Good. ‘Cause I don’t care. Never mattered between Daddy and me.”
Tara smiled and her heart swelled with so much love for this child and the man who created him. “Never mattered to your dad when he loved your mom, right? Because she loved him right back. Everyone says so.”
He nodded and exclaimed, “Daddy’s here!” He jumped off the stool and ran towards Ryder who walked in and scooped him up with a glad but tired smile for Tara. He was acting less awkward around her and reverting more to his normal self. Tara wondered what he’d do once Chloe returned to work and if he’d allow Chloe to fire her. If she were not fired? She dared not imagine how angry Chloe would, no doubt, be at her.
Ryder set Wyatt down and walked up to Tara, who said, “I have fifteen minutes.”
“We’ll wait.” He kissed her cheek.
“I talked to him and he seemed happy about it… but…”
“But?”
She blushed to the roots of her hair. “He asked me to be his stepmommy.”
Ryder smiled. “And you got tongue-tied and didn’t know what to say and that made you afraid that I’d get mad that you overstepped your position?”
She squinted up at him. “How did you know?”
He tweaked her hair. “Because that’s what you do, Tara. You’re unsure. You stress over inconsequential circumstances. It’s okay. I trust whatever you said.” He leaned in closer. “It’s kind of what first attracted me to you.”
“My insecurity?” she huffed.
“No, your sweetness. And your honesty.”
She rolled her eyes but her smile remained.
When her shift was over they went home. They made dinner together and did the dishes before helping Wyatt get ready for bed.
All of it felt suddenly more meaningful than anything she’d ever done and joy filled her heart.
****
The next morning, Tara went into work and Chloe had still not returned, but the new girl she met, Kylie, came in about ten and ordered breakfast. They soon struck up a conversation, which was easy enough since there were no more patrons for Tara to serve at the moment.
Tara leaned on her bent knee in the opposite booth as they chatted away while Kylie scooped up her eggs on a biscuit. “So, do you like your boyfriend’s family?”
Kylie glanced up at her, pausing momentarily before she smiled softly. “I do. Immensely. What I know about them so far.”
Tara nodded. “That’s refreshing. Usually, it’s a nightmare.”
Kylie laughed. “Usually it is. The rest of his family
… well…” She shuddered. “I hope to never see any of them again.”
“That bad?”
“Worse than that bad. The family here, however, has serious potential.”
Tara smiled. “Only a few good apples in a barrel of bad ones? Sounds like my family.”
Kylie laughed. “Sounds like most families.”
They chatted for another half hour before the lunch crowd came in and Tara got too busy. The next evening, Kylie appeared during the lull between lunch and dinner. That was the time when Wyatt usually came in too. Kylie ordered more dessert.
“How do you eat dessert every afternoon and stay looking so trim?” Tara inquired.
Kylie took the fork from her lips and replied, “I don’t know. I’ve just always looked like this.”
Tara sighed. “If you knew how hard I had to work at it just to look like you…”
“You don’t still? I mean, you look amazing, I can’t imagine you being any thinner.”
“I tried pretty hard. In my teens. The usual eating disorder. Suffered from it pretty bad and made myself sick.”
“You don’t now though?”
“Me? No, do I look anorexic?”
“You’re very trim, as you say.”
“Well, I was emaciated before. Not anymore. I learned a few things in the hospital. Like, a meal is a precious treat to some people, so I should appreciate every single one.”
Kylie nodded, and her gaze grew more serious on Tara. Tara smiled and shrugged. “So am I ever going to meet this boyfriend of yours?”
Kylie smiled as a glow brightened her skin. “Yes. Yes, you will. But…” She scooted her butt around on the seat. Ryder walked in just then and waved, slipping into another booth.
Tara nodded her head, letting him know she saw him before turning back to Kylie. “I’m sorry… what were you saying?”
She sighed. “I… I think you should know that I know your brother, Tara.” Tara instantly stiffened. Her entire body went numb and her ears started to buzz. But Kylie, whoever she was, kept talking. “He… he raped me.”
“Tommy?” Tara whispered out loud. Her eyes fastened on Kylie’s, which were filled with tears. Oh, God. This poor girl. Is that why she came here? To punish Tara? What was this? What was going on?