Poppy Harmon Investigates

by Lee Hollis

  “Pedro, you scoundrel, you . . . You’re supposed to be gay!”

  Poppy had heard enough.

  She was not about to relive Iris’s wild exploits from the past.

  She hoisted herself up and climbed back down the ladder and padded out of the room. Upon entering the hallway, she heard someone rummaging around in the dining room.

  Her heart nearly stopped.

  This was their first night in the neighborhood.

  Was Betty’s house already being ransacked by the thief?

  Poppy squinted to see in the dark. Farther down the hall, past the living room, the moonlight reflected off the shimmering pool in the backyard and illuminated most of the area around the kitchen. She could hear the thief going through drawers. Poppy passed the small bathroom adjacent to the guest room and spotted a plunger stored behind the toilet. She reached in, wrapped her fingers around it, slowly pulled it out, and raised it up over her head. It was the only weapon she could find.

  Then, taking a deep breath and mustering her courage, she bolted forward and around the corner, ready to bludgeon the thief with the plunger and hopefully scare him off!

  Violet, who was sitting on a stool next to the kitchen counter, let out a yelp and dropped a knife, which clattered to the floor. In front of her was a plate of vegetables and a plastic container of garlic hummus.

  “Violet, what are you doing up so late? You scared the life out of me!”

  “What? Look who’s talking, Poppy! You just nearly gave me a heart attack!”

  “I’m sorry. I heard noises and thought—”

  “I couldn’t sleep!”

  “Can you hear Iris snoring all the way over on the other side of the house?”

  “No. I’ve shared enough hotel rooms with Iris where I’ve managed to block out her constant night groans and moaning and gibberish. I meditate and get to a very Zen place, and suddenly I don’t hear it anymore.”

  “You’ll have to teach me how to do that sometime.”

  “Actually, it was all the Disney characters staring at me in the dark that was keeping me awake. Betty apparently is a Disney fanatic. She has a whole glass case of porcelain cartoon characters in her bedroom. I couldn’t handle all seven of those dwarves staring at me like that. I half expected to wake up and find them crawling all over me. It completely freaked me out.”

  “Well, it’s not much better in the guest room. I’ve got a boy band watching me.”

  “Which one?”

  “One Direction.”

  “Oh, I saw them on The Today Show once. They’re adorable. I’d much rather have them staring at me than those seven little horny old men.”

  Poppy laughed and took a seat on a raised stool next to the kitchen counter.

  “Here. Have some veggies and hummus,” Violet offered, shoving the plate closer to Poppy.

  Poppy shook her head. “I’d rather have something bad for me. Did you see anything laced with sugar in the fridge?”

  “Some leftover chocolate pudding on the bottom shelf.”

  “Perfect.”

  Poppy slid off the stool, opened the fridge, and grabbed a mixing bowl that was covered in plastic wrap. She then searched the drawers for a large wooden spoon and found one among a collection of baking spatulas and metal whisks.

  “There are some dessert bowls in the left cupboard.”

  “I don’t mind eating out of the bowl, because once I start, I won’t stop until it’s all gone, anyway, and there will be less dishes to wash.”

  “Did you finally text Matt back?”

  “Yes.”

  “What did he want?”

  “He wanted to come over and sleep on the couch. He didn’t want us investigating the case without him.”

  “That’s so sweet of him.”

  “No it’s not. I made it clear that his role is simply bringing in business and glad-handing the clients, not working with us in any real capacity as a detective.”

  “Did he agree?”

  “No. He doesn’t listen. Finally, I said if people saw a grown man staying here with us, it would raise eyebrows, and it’s vital that we keep a low profile, for the good of the case. He seemed to buy that one. But I’m worried he’s going to be a problem, always wanting to do more.”

  Poppy sat back down on her stool and dug into her chocolate pudding.

  “So what’s the plan in the morning? Just wander around, trying to find people to talk to and ask questions about the burglaries?” Violet asked.

  “Yes, but we can’t be so direct. We’re going to have to ease into it. A lot of people get nervous talking to police or detectives, which is why we’re in the perfect position to find out if anyone here knows anything. No one is going to mistake us for the cops. . . .”

  “Just gossipy old biddies,” Violet laughed.

  Poppy frowned. “Gossips would have been just fine, Violet. There was no need to go that extra step and add old biddies.”

  “Got it. Sorry.”

  But she was right.

  They were women of a certain age, perfectly positioned to ferret out information. And Poppy knew in her gut that someone here at the Palm Leaf Retirement Village had to be in possession of some kind of information that would hopefully break the case wide open.

  If they could maintain their Golden Girls cover.

  And, of course, keep Matt a safe distance away from them.

  Chapter 20

  “I don’t understand,” Jayden said, sipping a Chinese-print cup of Earl Grey tea before setting it down on a matching saucer. “Why isn’t Matt here?”

  There was an awkward silence as Jayden studied their faces, waiting for a response. He was resplendent in a tight-fitting, white, short-sleeved shirt and white pants and sneakers, a stark contrast to his beautiful chocolate-brown skin. He looked as if he could have easily slipped into the role of the Teen Angel in a local production of Grease.

  Poppy brushed past the question. “I called the police department and spoke to a detective who has been assigned to investigate the break-ins. I told him I was a concerned new resident at the Palm Leaf and wanted an update on the case. He said he’s been stymied by the fact that there has not been any sign of forced entry at any of the targeted homes. It’s as if the thief had a key and let himself or herself right in through the front door.”

  Violet appeared on the patio with a coffee cake topped with a gooey white frosting and gently set it down on the raised glass table where Poppy sat with Jayden and Iris on three leather-cushioned high stools. She then scurried back inside for plates, forks, and knives as Jayden eyed the cake hungrily.

  “I suggest now that we are on the inside, we focus on all the victims, starting with Shirley,” Poppy said, sipping her tea. “I’d like you to come up with a list of everyone who has access to Shirley’s house, including any gardeners, pool boys, or handymen she might have hired in recent months.”

  “Okay,” Jayden said warily. “So you three have set up house here in the Palm Leaf in order to be closer to where the break-ins took place, figuring you might see something the police missed?”

  “That’s the plan,” Poppy said with a reassuring smile.

  “So what’s Matt doing?” Jayden asked, eyes narrowing.

  Mercifully, Violet reappeared with her dishes and utensils and slammed a turquoise porcelain plate down in front of Jayden and handed him a fork and knife. “Dig in! Doesn’t it look delicious? I wish I could say I made it myself, but truth be told, I picked it up at Trader Joe’s.”

  Jayden picked up a knife and cut into the coffee cake. “Yummy! To hell with my diet, at least for today.”

  Poppy waited for Jayden to take a few bites of the coffee cake. Iris quickly followed suit and scrunched up her face after her first tiny bite. Jayden, however, closed his eyes and moaned, a little bit of frosting finding a home on his upper lip.

  Violet picked up a napkin and dabbed at it. “Just got a little something there, dear.”

  She retracted the napkin, and t
he frosting was gone.

  “Thank you,” Jayden said, stabbing at another piece of cake with his fork.

  “I think it’s dry,” Iris huffed, pushing her half-eaten piece away from her and back in Violet’s direction.

  Violet’s perpetual smile faded a bit as she glowered at Iris, who didn’t seem to care or notice, as she was guzzling her tea to wash away the offensive taste of the coffee cake.

  Poppy slid off her stool and reached into her Fendi Peekaboo satchel bag, her last splurge at Neiman Marcus before the shocking discovery that she was basically penniless, and pulled out her MacBook Air. She set it down on the glass table and popped it open. As it fired up, she turned to Jayden, who was now cutting his second piece of coffee cake.

  “Now, how about we start with you giving me some names?”

  Jayden looked at her, mouth open, fork half raised to his mouth, with a hunk of dry coffee cake on it. “I would feel more comfortable if Matt was here. I mean, after all, I did hire him, not his three assistants.”

  “I see,” Poppy said through gritted teeth. She pulled out her phone and began texting. “He’s out in the field now, but let me see if I can get him to drop whatever he’s doing and come right over.”

  “I would appreciate that,” Jayden said with a tight smile.

  Matt replied to Poppy’s text instantly.

  He was at Heather’s apartment.

  And based on how fast he agreed to rush over to the Palm Leaf Retirement Village and join them, Poppy figured he was looking for any excuse to get out of there.

  Jayden had polished off the entire coffee cake by the time they heard Matt ringing the doorbell. Violet shuffled off to let him in, and Poppy noticed Jayden frantically wiping coffee cake crumbs off his pristine white shirt and checking himself out in the reflection from his iPhone to make certain he was presentable.

  This kid was completely smitten.

  His face brightened when Matt blew out onto the patio, shook his hand, holding his grip longer than necessary, and complimented Jayden’s lovely designer shirt, noting the contrast to the client’s gorgeous smooth skin. Jayden practically melted on the spot.

  Matt bounded around the table and hugged his three assistants one at a time. He got to Iris last, and she predictably squirmed uncomfortably in his grasp, but he didn’t seem to notice or care.

  Finally, Matt sat down on the stool vacated by Violet, who had gone to fetch him some tea, and fixated on Jayden, who stared at him longingly, just grateful to be back in this master detective’s rarified presence.

  “So have my girls been taking good care of you?” Matt asked with a wink.

  “Oh, yes, but I’m glad you’re here so we can finally talk about the case,” Jayden said, smiling apologetically at Poppy, whom he knew he had insulted, before returning his undivided attention back to Matt.

  “Where are we?” Matt asked, playing the assured, focused, no-nonsense film noir private-eye role to the hilt.

  “We were discussing who had access to Shirley’s house,” Poppy said.

  “That’s a start,” Matt said, placing a hand over Jayden’s. “Can you help us with that, Jayden?”

  “Of course!” Jayden said, shivering from Matt’s touch. “The gardener, the pool man, and the handyman all work for the property and have been there for years. The management company and the HOA trust them implicitly, so I would be surprised if they had anything to do with the burglaries.”

  “Did you get all that, Poppy?” Matt asked.

  Poppy, caught by surprise, began fiercely typing on her laptop. She hadn’t expected she would be assigned the role of secretary yet again, but the reality was, it was the role she was most famous for on television. “Yes, Mr. Flowers.”

  Matt removed his hand from Jayden’s and jumped off the stool, then paced back and forth around the patio, his mind racing.

  Poppy, Iris, and Violet all followed him with their eyes, fascinated by his fully committed performance.

  “What about Shirley’s family?” Matt inquired, then stopped momentarily to scoop a bit of frosting off the side of Iris’s plate with his left index finger and stick it in his mouth. “Oh, that’s good. Did you make it, Violet?”

  “Trader Joe’s,” she said, shaking her head, embarrassed.

  “There’s Shirley’s deadbeat son Lucas. He’s certainly worth looking at,” Jayden said, piping in.

  “You obviously don’t have a high opinion of him,” Matt said.

  “God, no! He’s a lazy parasite who wastes his life surfing in LA, when he’s not doing drugs and sponging off his mother. Shirley leased a small studio for him in Venice, but then he got busted for dealing meth. Shirley hired a high-priced lawyer to get him off, and after that he ran to Palm Springs to have Mommy take care of him.”

  “When was that?” Iris asked.

  Jayden didn’t hear her.

  He was too busy staring at Matt’s handsome face.

  Matt glanced at Iris, who was fuming at being ignored, and then quickly asked, “When was that?”

  “A few months ago. Right before the burglaries started.”

  “Anybody else you can think of in Shirley’s orbit who might be a credible suspect?” Matt asked.

  “Well, there’s Shirley’s husband, Dash.”

  “Dash?” Iris snickered.

  “What’s he like?” Matt asked.

  “He’s a good-for-nothing hanger-on, in my unvarnished opinion,” Jayden said, scowling. “Shirley has always had a taste for handsome, younger men. . . .”

  “How much younger . . . ?” Poppy asked.

  “Dash just celebrated his thirtieth birthday last month,” Jayden said with a resting bitch face.

  “That young?” Violet shrieked before catching herself. She quickly gathered up the dessert plates and scooted inside the house, shaking her head in disbelief as she went.

  “Dash is a self-described ‘entrepreneur,’ but I’ve never even seen a hint of any business deals, so basically, he does pretty much nothing. And he’s only about five years older than Shirley’s son.”

  “How did they meet?” Poppy asked.

  Jayden didn’t answer.

  He was distracted by something.

  Matt cleared his throat. “How did they meet?”

  “Oh, at one of her cabaret shows in Phoenix. He conned his way backstage after her act and told everybody he was writing a review for a local arts rag and it was going to be a rave. He was vague about which publication, and we never actually saw the review, but by then it was too late. He had wormed his way into her heart, and Shirley was smitten. They were married about five months later.”

  “And are they happy?” Poppy asked.

  “I’m sorry,” Jayden said, fixated on Matt. “I didn’t notice before, but . . . your eyes are such a stunning blue . . . like a shimmering ocean. They literally take my breath away. . . .”

  “Thank you. That’s very kind of you to say,” Matt said, nonplussed. He was obviously used to receiving adoring compliments about his good looks. “Are they happy, Shirley and Dash, I mean?”

  Jayden shrugged. “I suppose so. He’s having a ball spending all the money she makes from her tours and acting residuals.”

  “And what about Shirley?” Matt asked.

  “Blinded by love, as usual,” Jayden said sadly. “And like all her past marriages, sooner or later she’s going to wake up and realize she’s been taken for a ride . . . one more time.”

  “Can you ask Jayden how Lucas and Dash feel about each other?” Iris barked, giving up any hope of getting a direct answer from the client without Matt’s help.

  “They despise one another,” Jayden huffed, annoyed at Iris’s rudeness, but finally acknowledging someone else besides Matt on the patio. “They have a lot in common. They’re both despicable human beings, and they see each other as a threat to their first-class seat on the Shirley Fox gravy train.”

  “So both could be suspects, at least for the break-in at Shirley’s house,” Matt surmised, ta
pping a finger on the glass table.

  “Dash was with Shirley while she was performing at the Purple Room on the night of the burglary at her house. He has an airtight alibi. I was there, too, and didn’t see him slip out at any point. He was at a table in the back during the show, drinking and flirting with a waitress the whole time. It couldn’t have been him.”

  “Unless he hired someone to steal her jewelry and had a key made for him so he didn’t have to bust his way in,” Poppy said.

  Matt gasped. “That’s good, Poppy!”

  “Thank you, Mr. Flowers,” Poppy sighed.

  “And Lucas? Where was he that night?” Matt asked.

  “His alibi is a lot shakier. He said he went to a movie by himself, some superhero blockbuster, but he has nobody to back up his story and couldn’t even remember the details of the movie’s plot when the police questioned him. He claimed he fell asleep and missed most of it.”

  “Anyone else who could be a suspect?” Matt asked.

  Jayden shook his head. “Not that I can think of at the moment.”

  Matt placed a comforting hand on Jayden’s shoulder. “Well, don’t you worry, Jayden. I’m not going to rest until I retrieve Shirley’s valuables.”

  “I have the utmost confidence in you, Mr. Flowers. I feel as if I’m in good hands.”

  Jayden slid off the leather stool and straightened his shirt with his hands, meticulously checking for wrinkles. He extended a hand to Matt, who brushed it aside and grabbed Jayden in a hug.

  “I’m a hugger,” Matt said.

  “Yes . . . I . . . remember now. . . .”

  Matt released Jayden, who struggled to remain upright. He lowered a hand to cover the sudden bulge in the front of his white pants.

  Poppy wasn’t sure how to take this new reality, that Matt Cameron, aka Matt Flowers, was going to be a permanent fixture in her new endeavor.

  But she had to give him some much-deserved credit.

  Through sheer charm and personality, he had thoroughly questioned the client, and now they had some solid leads in the case.

  Chapter 21

  Matt’s Prius sat across the street from Shirley Fox’s house in the Palm Leaf Retirement Village. Inside, Poppy sipped a Starbucks latte and kept careful watch over the comings and goings, while Matt, behind the wheel, furiously typed on his phone.