Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians

by Corey Andrew

  Corey: What would you say the average Chris Elliott fan is like?

  Chris: I’m meeting them now. I never really thought I had fans. I thought I was just a recognizable feature of ‘Late Night with David Letterman’ or ‘Get a Life,’ or people thought I was somebody else. Meeting these hardcore fans, I am really humbled by it. What is the actual Chris Elliott fan like? They run the gamut. There are some that are a lot older than I thought because I still think of myself of having more of a college crowd audience, but there are 50-year-olds who are fans of mine. They all, I notice, wear big thick belts with big belt buckles on them.

  Corey: Has anyone asked you to sign anything odd?

  Chris: Not really, just ‘Cabin Boy’ posters and ‘Get a Life’ DVDs, but I did sign someone’s stomach, a pregnant woman.

  Corey: I hope the ink didn’t seep in.

  Chris: I wondered if I pressed too hard when I dotted the ‘i’s. The kid might have an extra dimple now.

  Corey: Did you have ideas for ‘Get a Life’ to go on for years and years that went by the wayside?

  Chris: We barely had ideas for the second season. The writing was pretty much on the wall at the beginning of the second season that we were gonna be canceled, so the ideas were kind of built around me not wanting to do a lot of work. The first season, those were big shows we did. Most sitcoms only do a big show every six shows, and we were doing a huge set piece every week. The second season, when we knew we were cancelled, I’d come in there and see Chris was gonna be in a vat of Jell-O. No, I’m not gonna do that. We ended up just ripping my head off and kicking it down the street in the second season.

  Corey: It did change things a little bit when Brian Doyle-Murray came on as a regular. How was he to work with?

  Chris: He had done an episode in the first season; he ran a male modeling school. We loved working with him. Adam Resnick and I were huge fans of his. We wanted to bring him back. One of the notes Fox was constantly was giving us was they wanted me to be more grounded and responsible, which was not at all what the show was. We would give them things, like OK, he’s gonna move out and get his own place. Then they would open the script and see that I’m moving out of my parents’ garage and into this lunatic’s garage across town. That was why Brian was brought in.

  Corey: Are there plans to put the whole thing out on DVD?

  Chris: Yeah, Sony plans to put it out. I’ve done commentary on it, so hopefully it will be out soon.

  Corey: Are there any episodes that didn’t air?

  Chris: No, there aren’t any lost episodes out there. I’m not sure if it will be on this release, but there are some outtakes. One thing that’s interesting and I don’t think they have anymore, June Lockhart was the original mom, but for some reason we had to change and re-shoot the pilot scenes with Elinor Donahue.

  Corey: Is it correct that Wally from ‘Leave it to Beaver’ directed the show?

  Chris: Yeah, Wally, er, Tony Dow did. It was weird because there was one day I was shooting, and Dwayne Hickman was there, and Dobbs (James Hampton) from ‘F Troop’ was there. Elinor Donahue was my mother. It was like being shoved into your TV set when you were a kid.

  Corey: I think a lot of people would like to know how you got Dave Letterman to make his movie debut in ‘Cabin Boy.’

  Chris: It wasn’t hard. It was at a time when Dave had done a couple cable specials for me. He had always been very supportive of what I had done, and Adam Resnick, who directed ‘Cabin Boy,’ started at ‘Late Night’ as well. So it was really just a favor he had no problem doing.

  Corey: Has your relationship with Dave changed over the years?

  Chris: I don’t think so. When we see each other, it’s the same. I don’t see him socially, but I don’t think I did back then either—maybe at dinner some time. I think the accessibility to him has changed, but the relationship’s the same. Every time I do that show—and I rarely do these shows now because I’m feeling old to do them—but going back and doing Dave, it just feels like the old days.

  Corey: Did that bit on the Oscars with celebrities doing the Dave line from ‘Cabin Boy’ surprise you?

  Chris: I didn’t even see it. I just heard about it. Adam actually directed those sequences.

  Corey: Was Tim Burton on the set a lot when it was filming?

  Chris: No, not a lot. The movie was originally set up for him to direct so when we were writing the script, we put in all these mythical creatures because that’s what Tim Burton likes to do. Then he decided not to direct it, and he said Adam could direct it. The budget went from being from at least a $30-40 million movie to like a $9 million movie. We never changed the mythical creatures or any of the script. We had to do a heavy special effects movie on a low budget which I think gives it the weird look that it has.

  Corey: Do you think things would have been different if Tim had directed it?

  Chris: I think it would have been a totally different movie. I stand by the movie as it is, though. The fact that it’s got a cult following tells me there’s something there. The people that went and saw it at the screening I was at were laughing in the right places. It wasn’t some ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’ thing. It wasn’t so bad it’s good. It does work.

  Corey: I thought it was cool they finally put it out on DVD, but it would have been nice to have some special features.

  Chris: I didn’t even know when they put it out on DVD. There is some talk of doing a Special Edition one, and I would be up for doing commentary on that.

  Corey: You were on ‘Saturday Night Live’ at kind of a weird time. What was that experience like for you?

  Chris: I almost went to ‘Saturday Night Live’ in the ’80s, but I didn’t because Dave was basically giving me my own shot every week on the show, and it didn’t seem to make sense to join an ensemble cast. But that’s the show that sort of got me excited about being on television. I had gone through years and years of people saying, ‘That show is perfect for you.’ We had been living in L.A. and wanted to come back east and raise our family. Lorne offered me a job, and I took it. It was not a good year. It was a bad year all around. I honestly didn’t even try there. I don’t know if I was just lazy. Everybody was really great there and really nice to me. It didn’t seem like the right fit. It was a huge cast when I went there. I had done eight years working for David Letterman. I had two years of doing my own TV show. I had—for better or worse—my own movie. To go and do that show, to be passionate about it, it has to be your first big break.

  Corey: I thought it was groundbreaking when you performed oral sex onscreen. You don’t see that very often.

  Chris: Did I do that on that show? I don’t remember.

  Corey: You may have. I was referring to ‘There’s Something About Mary.’

  Chris: With the Farrellys, things like that tend to make it onto the screen.

  Corey: I was doing local PR for Fox the year that came out, and I could tell there was something about it that was special, even though there wasn’t a lot of buzz before it came out. Did you know while filming it that it was going to be big?

  Chris: I have to say I did, just because I get so many scripts—or I did at the time. You get comedy scripts, and generally they’re terrible. You have to figure out how you’re going to make them good or how the director is. You have to imagine that when you read them. That was one I read one night and was laughing all the way through it. A totally different cast in that movie, and I think it would have been a success if the Farrellys were directing it. I just knew on the page it was hilarious and it was gonna translate.

  Corey: I thought you and David Cross were the only funny parts in ‘Scary Movie 2.’ Did you get to keep the little hand you wore?

  Chris: I did; I gave it to my daughter. It’s on her bookshelf right now.

  Corey: Do you follow other comedians?

  Chris: For my own amusement? I don’t do a lot of that. For me, this is a job. I don’t watch a lot of sitcoms because it’s like watching work. My daughters
do turn me on to things, like Stella. I think they are hilarious. And David Cross, though we were already friends.

  Corey: How old are your daughters?

  Chris: 18 and 15.

  Corey: Have they discovered your older work?

  Chris: Around the house, have they discovered it? I don’t know. I’m not sure what they think of it. I’m their dad before anything else, and I can be goofy around the house so I’m not sure if me doing something is very amusing to them. I did this straight role last year where I played a serial killer on ‘Third Watch.’ They actually loved that, I think because they had never seen me do anything like that before. They’re used to me being an idiot.

  Corey: How is your dad doing?

  Chris: He’s good; thanks for asking. He’s totally retired now, but he’s active. We’re very close.

  Corey: If there was a ‘Cabin Boy 2,’ would he make a cameo?

  Chris: Yeah, I think if the money was right.

  Corey: Can you describe your signature dance?

  Chris: I think there’s a little Alvin Ailey in there and a little Twyla Tharp and a little Bob Fosse and probably a little Clarabell the Clown? That dance, I don’t know how it started. The Brando dance was the weird grouping of my own kind of dance moves. If you watch ‘Godfather’ in the wedding scene, there’s this guy dancing. He’s not really dancing, but he’s sort of standing off to the side watching the bride and groom and sort of shaking his hands the way I sort of did as Brando.

  5 minutes in a limo with George Carlin

  It sounds like the beginning of a great joke, but snagging Carlin was an amazing “get” for me. Every interview in this book involved a little bit of begging, borrowing or stealing my way into a situation where I could get some one-on-one time with my favorite comics.

  Carlin—who’s better? When I found out he was coming to St. Louis, I used every magic trick in my reporter bag of finagling, but he was only in town for a couple hours and was being exclusively interviewed by a high-profile radio program, live on location.

  The press was invited to cover the event but that wasn’t enough for me. I located the handler who was escorting King George to the airport, and I turned on the sugar.

  We chatted about the challenges of authors and book tours and before long I had sweetened my way into the back of Carlin’s limousine as he signed a few more books.

  He was probably a little shocked to find me and my tape recorder in his ride, but he was cordial—sadly, also curt. He was already running late. If I had been a little less star struck and thinking clearly, I would have volunteered to ride along to the airport, check his bags and shine his shoes—just to spend a little more time with the greatest humorist since Mark Twain.

  But I’ll always remember my five minutes mano a mano with George Carlin.

  Because our interview was so brief, I’ve included here a portion of the article I wrote about his trip to St. Louis.

  George Carlin might find it very amusing if you were to perish in a horrible building fire that not only caused you to burn to death but also created mayhem and panic in the streets.

  But don’t take it personally.

  In the last few years, the longtime comedian played a cardinal in one of the most controversial films of the decade, “Dogma,” received the lifetime achievement award at the American Comedy Awards and wrote two best-selling books, “Braindroppings” and “Napalm & Silly Putty.” The latter was released last month and will make its debut on the New York Times bestseller list at No. 2 on Sunday, the day after Carlin turns 64. Not too shabby for a kid from the Bronx.

  Carlin made a stop in St. Louis while on a book tour for “Napalm & Silly Putty.” He appeared at the Muny Opera to sign books for fans (an enthused mix of 20-somethings and senior citizens) and to appear on “Morning Meeting with Charles Brennan and McGraw Milhaven” on KMOX AM, which drew the show’s largest audience to date.

  Donned all in black and wearing shades, Carlin might have a few more wrinkles on his mug, but he was as lively and animated as a stand-up a third his age. He has by no means lost his edge, which is why he has been consistently one of the most popular comedians for more than 30 years.

  When asked what he thought of the rash of school shootings over the last couple years, he said, “I love it. I think it’s terrific. I’m in favor of it. I think chaos is good and disorder, and I think people get what they deserve in this world.”

  Amazingly, Carlin said, he does not have any harsh critics. “No one seems to bother with me not liking things.” In fact, he gets applauded for his bold opinions.

  Carlin does not want people to take it too personally, though. “Once you’re a human being, you buy a ticket to the freak show,” he said. “I’m here for the show. Bring on the show.”

  He found it amusing that some of the people who came to see him at the Muny stole the signs pointing out directions to the appearance. “I’m proud of that,” he said. “I was a vandal. No one has a right to private property. It belongs to whoever wants it the most.”

  Like “Braindroppings,” “Napalm & Silly Putty” is comprised of Carlin’s observations about the world we’re all forced to live in. It encompasses the three styles of comedy he has written for decades: Carlin’s dissection of words and phrases in the English language, talking about the big issues in life (war, sex and death) and the little things, universal items that connect everyone—like the quirks of dogs.

  Carlin has kept joke files since the beginning. He said he has about 1,300 that grow and change and are always in various stages of development. “I go through them and the things that grab my attention that day are the things I work on and improve,” he said. “When the things are completed, they go to a different file and accumulate. And then I say, ‘Look, there’s enough of these here to begin thinking about a book.’”

  There are longer passages about airplane language, growing older, suicide and even an interview with Jesus. But probably the funniest parts are Carlin’s Short Takes, one-liners that are sometimes hilariously crude and often poignant.

  A favorite: “A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.”

  Carlin said he couldn’t imagine doing anything besides comedy for a living. “If this was the Stone Age, I’d go cave to cave with stone tablets of stuff, saying ‘Look at this,’” he said. “I’d trade stories for meat.”

  After doing an extensive book tour, Carlin said he would finish the material for a new HBO comedy special. He plans to call it, “I Kind of Like it When a Lot of People Die.”

  About the author

  Corey Andrew is an award-winning print and online journalist whose fascination with celebrities led him to the world of publishing. Syndicated versions of many of his articles have circulated in national publications and globally online.

  A couple years ago, Corey “retired” full-time from the daily newspaper and magazine business to embark on a new adventure on the West Coast with his longtime partner, Kendall Austin Stulce, and their critters.

  Corey wrote and performed with the iconic Midwest sketch comedy troupe, the NonProphets, and now can occasionally be seen performing stand-up comedy in the San Francisco Bay Area.

  Author photo by Mark Rogers