Annual Leave

by Ben Boswell

  Trina nodded. “I’m not sure about trapped. But yeah, of course. It is fulfilling to be a stay-at-home mom. But it isn’t completing…. Is that even a word?”

  “It sounds like a word. But I’m not sure I see the difference between fulfilling and completing.”

  “I don’t know either. I guess I mean someplace between… better than satisfying and less than… what… I guess, perfect self-actualization?”

  Heather laughed. “There’s got to be a word out there for this.”

  “Probably. And look, we do have it better than our moms or our mom’s moms. I do think trapped is too strong. It’s not like I feel I need to load up on Valium and aff….”

  “…Valium and affairs to get through the day,” Heather complete the though.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was going to say until I almost said it.”

  “It’s okay. And you’re right. I mean, that’s got to be it, or part of it, right?”

  Trina shrugged. “Or maybe you were just in the mood to get laid by a handsome stranger. Why does it have to be more than that?”

  Heather chuckled softly. “You think Jeff feels the same way?”

  “Probably,” Trina admitted.

  “And do you think, maybe, this is just what he wanted?”

  “You think he wanted you to go on vacation and fuck another dude?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he wanted… something.”

  Trina laughed. “Well, you certainly gave him that.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Jeff was surprisingly quiet on the drive out to Claremont Ridge. He usually kept up a patter of chit-chat on these drives, commenting on whatever movie the kids were watching in the back, noting odd or funny license plates, recalling past trips, basically whatever seemed to pop into his mind. It sometimes drove Heather crazy, but it was one of his normal habits. Behind the wheel of the minivan, Jeff channeled his inner drive-time radio host.

  They hadn’t made love last night. Well, fucked, was probably a better description of what they’d been doing since she’d returned from vacation. Either way, they hadn’t done that either.

  She wondered if that ever happened with Damon. Did he ever spend the night with a woman and not fuck her six ways from Sunday? Part of it was that she doubted she could keep her hands off him. How long would she be able to cuddle that man without wanting him inside her. She caught herself grinning and turned to face the window to avoid a question from Jeff.

  He sighed.

  “What?” she asked.

  “You sighed.”

  “I did?” He paused. “It’s nothing.”

  “Um….” She began, but then her thoughts drifted off.

  They continued the ride in silence, except for the sounds of kids’ shows coming from the back of the van.

  Claremont Ridge was a series of low, wooded hills overlooking the river. Jeff and Heather had hiked it even before having kids, holding hands and talking and laughing. It was now a different vibe. Jeff, with Bobby strapped to his back, hiking ahead with Ally. Becky holding hands with her mom and keeping up an endless patter. Rexi darting explosively to and fro, her lab instincts to chase and retrieve seemingly overcome by a need to try to herd her humans back together.

  They stopped for lunch at a small rise, a boulder-strewn outcropping, with a grassy depression in the middle. After munching on sandwiches, Heather ambled over to one of the largest boulders. She gazed around, alternating between watching the kids and admiring the view.

  He thoughts drifted again to Damon. Did he hike?

  Yes, Soccer Mom, black people hike.

  She laughed to herself. But as she imagined being with him, she didn’t long think of hiking and holding hands. Instead, she pictured herself bent over a convenient boulder. Her jeans tight across her thighs as he fucked her hard from behind. His hand on her throat. His huge prick sliding into her wet, so wet pussy. Him leaning down, whispering in her ear.

  Did you hear that, Soccer Mom. Footsteps.

  No.

  A chuckle. You’re giving them quite a show.

  Oh god.

  “Penny for your thoughts.”

  She looked down to see Jeff staring up at her. She blushed furiously. Her eyes instinctively drifted down between her legs, checking for a sign of her excitement. She was relieved that her excitement hadn’t done more than soak her panties.

  She wanted to grab Jeff. Strip him. Ride him. A surrogate for Damon, but even still he hadn’t seemed to mind it the last few days. Of course, she couldn’t do that. Not with the kids around. Not for another decade, or so. The Ally would be old enough to babysit, and….

  “Heather?”

  She forced an awkward laugh. “Sorry. Distracted.”

  He nodded. “A lot of that recently.”

  She tried to read his face. “I guess I’m still in Cancun.”

  A small scowl crossed his face before he again composed his features. “No. Even before that. That’s why…. That’s why I thought you needed a vacation.”

  She shrugged. “Maybe a little. The kids… they…..”

  “Can drive a person crazy. I know. But you know, they… they’re only young once, and….”

  And what? But Heather didn’t reply. Instead, her mind spun in circles, racing. What was he saying? And what was he hinting at? She knew part of it was just her guilt. But part of it was something more.

  “Are you saying I’ve been absent?”

  She didn’t ask in an accusatory tone, but even still she saw him take an almost imperceptible half-step back, shying away from confrontation. It would be so easy to shut the conversation down.

  You spend all day, every day, with the kids and we’ll see how you feel.

  She didn’t want to do that though. Not again. It occurred to her that she’d done that often, especially since the birth of Bobby. Justifying her distance. I am so tired. They are so difficult. Things will get back to normal, later.

  “It’s okay,” she added kindly. “I guess I have been.”

  “It’s hard. I know. I’ll get better, easier. Once Bobby is out of diapers….”

  She heard her words, her thoughts, in his voice. Once Bobby is out of diapers. Once he’s in school. Once Ally is old enough to babysit. Later, later, later.

  “Mommmmy!” It was Becky, face pale, getting ready to scream, having tripped and fallen.

  Jeff turned toward the kids, but Heather got there first.

  “It’s okay baby,” she said as she pulled her younger daughter into her arms. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

  ***

  Their conversation hung over the rest of the day. She’d look over at him and see him watching her. She could tell he was worried that he’d offended her. He gave her small, reassuring smiles. They made her feel worse.

  You don’t need to apologize for anything Jeff. I’m the bad one. The selfish one. You have no idea. I have been absent. And then, with Damon…. And ever since, I haven’t stopped thinking about him.

  A quiet drive home, a kid-focused dinner, bedtime routines. And suddenly the weekend was over. Sunday night in bed. Jeff setting his alarm for 6:00am as usual.

  They turned out the lights.

  “Cuddle me?” she offered.

  He slid over and she felt his warm, strong body pressed against her, his arm pulling her close.

  And she thought again of Damon. Of his taking her from behind out on that trail. Instinctively, she ground her ass against her husband, and was gratified to feel his prick stiffen a bit in response.

  “What are you thinking about?” He asked.

  “Why didn’t we ever fool around outside?”

  “Wouldn’t the kids ask questions?”

  She chuckled. “Before we had them.”

  She continued pressing her ass against his crotch. He snaked his hand under her PJ top and circled her nipple with his thumb.

  “I didn’t think you were that kind of girl.”

  “Maybe I wasn’t,” she admitted.
r />   “But you are now?”

  “Maybe.”

  Her exquisitely sensitive nipple was rock hard. He began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger. She gasped.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  An amazing man fucked me silly and brought out my sexuality.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I like it,” he reassured her.

  He released her throbbing nipple and slid his hand down the front of her PJ bottoms. His fingertips trailing across the sensitive skin where her patch once was. His fingertips found her snatch. Swollen and wet.

  “I like it a lot… whatever happened,” he added pointedly.

  Her body stiffened.

  His finger slid inside her. “I mean it. Just as long as when you’re here, you’re here.”

  His digit churned inside her. His thumb found her clit.

  “I am. I am always,” she sighed.

  And yet, her thoughts drifted to Damon.

  “No, you’re not, not always.”

  He yanked down her bottoms, and she felt his prick, stiff and leaking pre-come poking between her thighs. She arched her back and thrust backward, giving him easier access. His cock slid inside her.

  “I’ll try,” she moaned.

  “I know.”

  He fucked her slowly from behind, pressing on her clit.

  “Oh God, Jeff, that’s so nice.”

  He chuckled.

  “As good as Damon?”

  She shuddered for half a second until she realized her was talking about their game. She chuckled.

  “Am I as good as Trina?”

  “Better. So much better,” he sighed.

  She knew he was being honest. An implicit rebuke. Fuck him. He’d really rather fuck me than any other woman. She wished she could say the same.

  “You too,” she replied in a throaty whisper.

  He chuckled. Not quite in disbelief, but, what? Knowingly.

  “It’s okay,” he said again.

  But it wasn’t. Not really. And she knew it. She had to stop living in her own mind, and go back to living in the moment with the people around her.

  Jeff thrust in deep, and her thoughts again drifted to Damon. No. She forced her mind back into their bedroom. Onto the softness of their bed. The hardness of Jeff inside her. The feel of his body. The touch of his hands. Her achingly hard nipples brushing against the fabric of her PJs. The heat of Jeff’s breath on her neck. His fingers circling her clit.

  “Oh God,” she sighed, as her body shook orgasmically.

  “Oh God,” he echoed as he too shuddered behind her.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Twelve Months Later…

  It had been a year of hard work. Being mindful, living in the moment is harder than it sounds. And Heather wasn’t perfect at it. There were times when she looked at the kids as little more than a ticking clock counting down the minutes until her “freedom,” whatever that meant, might arrive. And sometimes still, with Jeff, she wasn’t really with him, but instead with Damon. But she was trying.

  And so, when Jeff suggested another weekend of annual leave, she didn’t object.

  She giggled to herself when he gave her the tickets. A trip to Miami, changing planes in Atlanta.

  Sitting in an empty bar with a white wine, by the boarding gate in Atlanta, she couldn’t help but fantasize about walking out of Hartsfield, taking a cab downtown and calling Damon.

  It wouldn’t be hard. She’d tracked him down. Found his work phone. Shamefully, she’d even fantasized about him, alone, late at night, after a particularly difficult day. He was still an escape. Not often, but sometimes.

  “This seat taken?”

  She sighed. She didn’t feel like dealing with a cut-rate lothario, but there was something…. She looked up.

  “What’s the matter, Soccer Mom, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Damon?”

  “I know we all look alike to you people, but I thought we had something.”

  She blushed.

  “God, it’s good to see you,” she gushed awkwardly.

  He laughed. “What am I, your aunt Sally?”

  “It’s just….”

  “You weren’t expecting to see me.”

  He sat down beside her and ordered a beer.

  “I’ve thought about you.” She shook her head. “Weird coincidence. I haven’t been on a plane since….”

  “Cancun.”

  She blushed as memories of it filled her head. Oh God, she’d missed him. Wanted to get in touch. Just to hear his voice…. Except she knew she’d want to do more if she did. And now, that tenuous balance…. She almost didn’t hear what he’d said.

  “What?”

  “It’s not a coincidence.”

  He placed his boarding card down on the bar between them. He was on the same flight to Miami. And seated right next to her.

  “How did you know…?” Suddenly aghast, she whispered. “Oh God. Jeff. Oh God.” She stared at Damon. “What did you do?”

  She read it in his eyes, and answered for him.

  “Nothing. He set it up.”

  Damon nodded.

  Heather felt sick.

  He must have been spying on her. Logging her keystrokes. He’d seen that she’d looked up Damon online and put two and two together. And this was, what? An excuse to get her out of town? Was he packing up the house even now. Planning to disappear with the kids?

  “Soccer Mom, relax. You’re hyperventilating.”

  She stared at him, wide-eyed. “You don’t understand.”

  “No. I think you don’t. Call him.” He nodded toward her phone.

  She glared at her iPhone, and for a moment, she couldn’t make herself pick it up. It felt like her entire world, her future was on the line. But then, mechanically she took it in her hand.

  “Excuse me,” she said to Damon.

  She rose and walked to a darkened corner of the lounge. She picked Jeff’s number out of her list of favorites. It rang just once before he picked up. He’d been expecting a call.

  “Hey babe,” he answered cheerfully. “I guess you ran into someone special?”

  “Jeff. I don’t… I don’t understand.”

  “I did get the right guy, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, but…. How did you know?”

  “You admitted it, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah, but….”

  “I thought you were kidding. And then I realized you weren’t.”

  “When?”

  “A couple of days after you got back.”

  “But… Jeff…. It… I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you just tell me? I could have explained. It…. Oh fuck….” She sobbed.

  “It’s okay,” he replied. “It’s okay.”

  “Are you leaving me?”

  He laughed. “What? And raise the kids on my own? No way.”

  “Jeff, I’ll make it up….”

  “Heather, don’t you get it? I’m okay with it.”

  “You… are?”

  “Look. This isn’t what I expected from a marriage or from you. I admit that. But I also have to admit that whatever you had with him affected you. I could see it right away. You came back home glowing. And amazing. And if that’s what it takes.”

  “It doesn’t Jeff. I swear. It was just a dumb mistake. I would never –“

  “Mistake or not, it might have been a good thing in the big picture.”

  “I don’t understand,” Heather repeated.

  “Just have a good time.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “What did it mean last time?”

  “For fuck’s sake, Jeff, what are you saying? This isn’t a game.”

  Heather had gone from terror to mortification and now to anger. What was this, some sort of weird test?

  Jeff chuckled infuriatingly on the other end.

  “You’re on vacation, Heather. You’re a free woman. Come back happy and recharged. That’s all I ask.”

  �
�I’m not going to fuck him.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “Okay.”

  “Because if that’s your thing, you should just go ahead and tell me.”

  “It’s not my thing. Like I said before, this isn’t what I expected or wanted. But life has a weird way of making choices for us. And sometimes, you just need to roll with the punches.”

  “Jeff, I’m coming home. I’m switching my flights and --”

  “You’re going to waste the airfare and the hotel to, what? Prove a point? I love you. And I know you love me. Three days in Miami won’t change that any more than did three days in Cancun. I’m going to hang up now. I just heard Rexi throw up in the living room, and I have no idea where Bobby is. Have fun.”

  “Jeff….”

  The line was dead. She was tempted to call back. Tempted also to go ahead and change her tickets. Tempted too to go back to the bar, with Damon, and finish her drink.

  She chose the latter option, though as she approached Damon she felt her anger transfer onto him.

  “What’s your part in this?”

  He shrugged. “I nailed a hot piece of married ass on vacation and three days later her hubby calls out of the blue.”

  “How’d….”

  He nodded. “Yeah. That phone call you made from the bus.”

  “Oh Jesus. I suck at this, don’t I?”

  “Well, you didn’t know you were going to fuck me then.”

  “No,” she admitted. “But you did.”

  “I was just hoping.”

  “No. It was more than that. You played me. I figured it out, you know. Later. All that game bullshit. Negging me. You ran a routine on me.”

  “That shit doesn’t work. Not really at least. You know that, right? You know I didn’t trick you.”

  “It still made me feel used.”

  “Fair enough. But we both used each other. I used you for sex. You used me for an escape. And, so what? We both had fun, didn’t we?”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “No? Because it feels like the point to me. Life’s, you know, too short.”

  “Is this another routine?”

  “It’s just the truth, Heather. And that’s what your husband thinks too. He was pissed, but mostly just confused. It was unexpected, and he wasn’t sure what it meant. But that’s the thing. It didn’t mean anything.”