“You got something in your eye?” I asked.
“You still live here?” Bellamy asked Alex.
“‘Course,” Alex replied. “BearPaw is home.”
“Are you an instructor, too?”
“Yep. I’m just as good on a pair of skis as our boy is on a board.”
“Almost.” I corrected.
“Well, I was never pro,” he muttered.
“That’s really great that you two are still friends after all this time,” Bellamy said, her voice kind of wistful. It made my guts knot up.
What the hell had she been through?
I should have kept a closer eye on her.
“Best friends.” Alex slapped me on the shoulder. “Since diapers.”
Bellamy dropped down in front of the dog and started petting him, telling him he was a good boy.
“You two want to grab some food?” Alex asked.
“I have another lesson in thirty.” For the first time in a long time, I wished I could skip out on it.
“Bellamy, then.” Alex glanced down at her.
A grumbly sound rolled out of my chest. “She’s staying here with me.”
One of the other instructors was walking by, and Alex called out to him. “Hey, Brant! You mind taking our boy’s next lesson in thirty?”
Brant glanced down at his clipboard. “I can do it. But I can’t do any of your afternoon ones. I have my own.”
I nodded. “I can handle those.”
“Sure thing, then.”
“Thanks, man. I appreciate it,” I said, going over to shake his hand.
“No problem, Liam. You’ve covered for me lots of times. I can finally return the favor.”
After he walked off, I turned back to see Alex leaning down to Bellamy. “All he does is work. He works so much sometimes he does other people’s work. Guy needs a hobby.”
Bellamy’s eyes slid to mine.
Something warm passed between us. Something that made me want to skip lunch and go back to her room.
“Come on, lovebirds. I’m starving.”
On his way past, I grabbed Alex by the coat and pulled him close. “Lay off,” I growled quietly.
He chuckled. When I didn’t join, his eyes narrowed on mine. “What’s going on, L?”
“Nothing. She’s just been through a lot, okay? Take it easy.”
“So no commenting on the way you both look at each other?”
I let go of his coat and shook my head. “Definitely not.”
He laughed. “She’s not so willing to pick up where you two left off, is she?”
I gave him the finger.
The whites of my best friend’s eyes doubled in size. “Ah, shit. Liam’s gotta work for something.”
I gave him the finger again.
It was going to be a long lunch.
Bellamy
I forgot how much I liked it here.
Over the years, I convinced myself I only looked back on my two weeks at BearPaw with rose-colored glasses because I had a wonderful time with my father here.
I told myself I was so crushed by Liam because he was my first taste of love. Teenage hormones made him irresistible to me, so when everything happened, it felt worse.
I started lying to myself young. It was proving to be a horrible habit to break.
Truth wasn’t easy, even to admit to yourself. Especially when the truth was something you didn’t want to hear.
Spending the morning basically frolicking in the snow with a big, fluffy dog, under Liam’s watchful eye, made me remember all kinds of things. Feelings.
Feelings I thought were only that severe because I’d been sixteen.
I was twenty-four now, and the rush of emotions swirling inside me was overwhelming. Just as intense as they ever were as a teenager. Sometimes when I caught Liam looking at me, the feelings of desire, of attraction… of crackling chemistry were so strong they battled back the fear I had for my own life.
You know a man had a powerful pull over you when you started to forget someone was trying to kill you.
I’d become a girl of skirting around confrontation. Of letting myself be defeated even when I wanted to fight. I gave up so much, walked away from my entire life. I found my way to BearPaw to hide. As a last-ditch effort to get away from my demons.
So what did I do?
Nearly got into a fight with the first girl I saw talking to Liam.
Actually, she wasn’t talking to him. She might as well have just taken off her coat, shirt, and bra and stood there with her ladies flapping in the winter wind. It would have been less obvious.
Ho-bag.
I’d acted borderline crazy, but he stood there and backed me up.
Oh, the feelings that caused to swim inside me. If I wasn’t careful, I’d become an ocean and drown in Liam.
I was getting far too attached. It had barely been one day, yet I found myself gravitating toward him when the dark fear in me tried to sink in its claws. What was more? Liam seemed to sense it. It was as though he knew exactly when I needed a little extra shielding. A little extra assurance.
Oh my God, it had been so long. So very long since I’d felt even remotely secure.
I’d never known a man who made it impossible to breathe but at the very same time was like a surge of oxygen directly into my lungs.
Seeing Alex was another jab to my kidneys. His easygoing, long-term relationship with Liam was a reminder of something I never had, something I probably wouldn’t ever again.
Lunch had been fun. Sitting there in the back booth of the lodge with a giant bowl of cheesy potato soup, right beside the window with a view of the slopes. Liam slid onto the bench beside me, his leg pressed along mine. I didn’t pull away. The jittery way he made me feel was addictive. Instead, I just pretended I didn’t feel him. Like his strong leg muscle wasn’t impossible to notice.
I didn’t talk much. I just listened to the two play off each other. They were funny, and even though they insulted each other more than anything, I could see the bond they had. They might not be blood, but they were family.
As I dipped my crusty, warm bread into the soup and stared out at the snow, I thought about my family. My mother.
How I failed her.
The fear Liam somehow dulled inside me came back. It came back so hard and so strong I could barely finish eating.
“Is something wrong with the soup?” Liam asked, using his finger to swipe my spoon back and forth along the rim of the bowl.
“It’s so good,” I said. “I must just still be full from breakfast.”
He frowned.
“Well, I’ll eat it if you won’t.” Alex reached across the table for my bowl.
Liam slapped his hands away.
“Wasting food is a crime,” Alex mumbled, pulling his hand back.
I laughed and pushed the bowl toward him. “Have at it.”
Alex glanced at Liam, then cautiously reached for my soup.
After Alex and Liam cleaned their plates (and mine), they slid out of the booth. Liam held out his hand for mine. I surrendered, the breath in my chest hitching when his warm fingers closed around mine.
“I gotta get back. The snow bunnies are probably wondering where my fine ass skied off to.”
“I’m sure they’re all looking.” I confirmed.
“Bellamy, girl,” he said and pulled me in for a hug. “Good to see you.”
“Thanks,” I said, pulling away. “It was nice to see you, too.” I meant it. Even back when I was sixteen, I’d liked Alex.
“You should stick around for a while. I’ll take you into Caribou, get you some chocolates.”
Chocolates? I glanced at Liam.
He laughed. “Alex’s parents own the local chocolate shop in town.”
“Mmm.” Alex agreed. “They sure do know how to make some chocolate.” He motioned to himself.
Liam groaned. “That joke is so old.”
Alex winked at me, then held up his hand as he headed out. “See
ya!”
“He looks so much older… but he still acts seventeen,” I wondered out loud.
Liam cackled. His palm hit the small of my back. “C’mon. I have some more lessons this afternoon.”
“I think I’m going to go back to my room,” I said, my feet stalling.
Liam turned fully to face me. He was so big he blocked out the rest of the room. “What?”
“I’m, uh, tired.” I hedged. “You go, do your job.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s wrong?”
“You were quiet at lunch and you barely ate.”
“I told you I was still full from all the food you sent up this morning, and how is anyone supposed to get a word in edgewise with you and Alex at the table?”
He grunted. “Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying.” I started past.
He caught me around the waist and towed me up against his body. My lungs froze. This no-breathing thing around him was really getting to be a problem.
“Bellamy.”
I lifted my chin, answering his call.
“What’s wrong?”
My body went slack against his. I didn’t slide to the floor, though, because he was holding me, giving me strength when I was all but out. “I just want to go to my room.”
“You can’t leave.”
I glanced up. “You think I’m leaving?”
“I think you’re going to run from me again. I can’t let you.”
“I never ran from you. You ran from me.” My throat felt tight, my lungs burning. I started to fidget against him.
“Breathe,” he instructed.
I took a gasping breath. The tension in my lungs went away.
Shocked, I asked, “How did you know?”
“Because I have trouble breathing around you, too.”
“Please. Just let me go to my room.”
Liam eased me back on my feet. Once he was sure I was on solid footing, he stepped back. “Fine. But promise me you’ll be here later. Promise you’ll have dinner with me.”
“I—”
“Promise,” he growled.
“I promise.”
He took my hand and towed me along at his side, through the lodge in the opposite direction of the elevator leading to my room. “What are you doing?”
“Taking you to get Charlie. You don’t mind if he hangs with you this afternoon, do you? He’d probably like the company.”
“Of course.” I agreed. “I like Charlie.”
“He likes you.”
Once Charlie was in my care, Liam walked us both to the elevator and made sure we got inside. He towered right in the opening. The doors didn’t even budge, as if they knew better than to close before he was ready.
“Take care of my girl, Charlie,” he told the dog.
“I’m not—”
Liam leaned in and kissed my forehead, making me forget I was talking. “I’ll be up to get you for dinner, Bells. If you need me, call the front desk. They know how to find me.”
Numbly, I nodded.
The second he stepped back, the doors chimed shut and the car slid up. I patted Charlie on the head and blew out a shaky breath.
In my room, I curled up on the bed with Charlie (who definitely was a drool bucket) and stared out the window, watching the flurries blow around in the wind.
I couldn’t stop thinking about my mother. If what I had done somehow made her a target and if she would be as easy to find as me.
By the time the sky started to dim, I’d worked myself into a pretty good panic. I couldn’t just sit here anymore. I couldn’t hide or even think about my own safety if hers was at stake.
When Liam knocked on the door a little later, I didn’t even hesitate opening it and pulling him inside.
“Bells?” he asked, searching my eyes. “What is it?”
“There’s something I need you to do for me.”
Liam
“Consider it done,” I answered without a second of hesitation.
Bellamy’s eyebrows rose. “Just like that?”
Stroking the backs of my fingers over her cheek, I whispered, “Just like that.”
“What if I wanted you to kill someone?”
“Then he probably deserves to be dead.”
Her eyes nearly fell out of her head, and I couldn’t stop the chuckle vibrating my throat.
“You can’t be serious.”
I bent down, bringing us eye to eye. “Look at me. Do I look serious?” My gaze was unflinching, nearly unapologetic.
She gasped. “No wonder I can’t breathe when I’m around you. You’re crazy.”
I felt my eyes darken. The only part of me that moved was my arm, curling around her waist and tugging her into my front. “You make me crazy.”
“Liam.”
Straightening, I brought her body with mine. Using my free hand, I rubbed my thumb along her lower lip. It was red as if she’d been chewing on it earlier.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“I can’t tell you,” she whispered.
“Do you ever wonder?”
“Wonder what?” Her words were breathless. Everything beneath my skin hummed.
“Wonder if our kisses now would be just as electric as they were eight years ago?”
“No.”
I blinked. “No?”
Her throat worked. She was so damn close I actually heard her swallow. “I know they would be. I can feel it.”
Groaning, I dipped my head, holding my mouth just centimeters from hers. When I spoke, I let my lips whisper against hers. “Are you going to let me?”
Her voice quivered. “We shouldn’t.”
“Are you going to let me?”
A shiver shook her body. I gathered her even closer. “Yes.”
One slight movement brought us together. It was the greatest rush I’d ever known. Greater than roaring down a mountain, greater than nailing a jump everyone told me was impossible. It was even greater than the time I’d gotten so much air it felt as though I were flying.
Nothing compared to how Bellamy’s lips felt against mine.
Nothing.
The softest sound I’d ever heard filled my senses. Dipping low, my arms closed around her and lifted. Bellamy’s arms wound around my neck. The hat I had on my hair was suddenly gone, and her fingers buried themselves in my hair.
One arm went under her ass, supporting her, and her legs clamped around my waist.
I moved, pinning her between the door and my body as my tongue licked into her mouth and glided around like it owned the place.
She was warm and wet. The little sounds she made vibrated into my mouth, and I swallowed them down as if I’d never eaten a meal.
Her hands kneaded my scalp as I fucked her mouth with my tongue, and little shivers raced down my neck and spine because, fucking Christ, her hands were fucking magic.
Without lifting my mouth, I turned my head the other way, kissing her with relentless passion, spurred on by the undeniable chemistry that whipped through this room like a lightning storm.
I pressed against her so close I felt her nipples turn hard against my chest. My dick was throbbing. It was so hard I almost hurt. But it was a hurt I would live with the rest of my life as long as she let my mouth stay on hers.
My palm rubbed across her ass. Bellamy tugged my upper lip into her mouth and sucked. I moaned, and she released it, licking over the same spot with her tongue.
I muttered something completely incoherent, and she replied with equally unintelligible words. I went on kissing her, running my hands over her outline and letting the sweet torture of her body bring me to the brink of madness.
When at last I forced my mouth away, it was all I could manage. I kept her pinned between the door and me, chest heaving, lips tingling. My forehead lowered to hers as her hands slowly left my scalp and dragged down the back of my neck.
“There’s more,” she whispered, her voice so raspy it would have startled me if I w
asn’t so goddamn languid. Fuck, it was almost as if I’d just gotten laid, but our clothes hadn’t even come off.
“What?” I whispered, leaning down to kiss her shoulder.
“There’s even more chemistry now.”
I groaned and laughed at the same time. “Jesus. You’re right.”
“Put me down now, Liam.”
A strangled sound ripped out of me. “You can’t say my name like that and expect me to put you down.”
Her chest heaved some more, and I went back for her lips. This time I kissed her softer, but the result was still the same.
By the time I let her slide down the door, I was damn near shaking with need. I had to get out of this room and away from the big bed just begging for me to lay her across it.
After a few moments of trying to compose myself, I turned to her and nearly lost it all over again. Her hair was mussed. Her lips were puffy, and the glassy look to her blue eyes was what wet dreams were made of.
She needs you right now, Mattison. Get it together.
Clearing my throat, I said, “How about you let me take you dinner? You can tell me all about what you need, and then I’ll do it.”
“Still just like that,” she echoed.
“Oh, baby.” I brushed my palm down the length of her hair. “Even more so now.”
Bellamy
I said yes when I should have said no.
He kissed me senseless… and when the world slowly came back into focus, I knew.
I knew it wouldn’t be eight more years of Liam carved into my heart.
It would be a lifetime.
Liam
“I’m not so sure about this.” Bellamy worried, standing beneath the lit-up wooden awning at the entrance of the lodge.
I turned so I was standing in front of her, using my body as a buffer for the harsh night wind. Winter nights here in Caribou were not for the faint of heart. Bellamy was a California girl, so this type of wind had to feel bitter.
“You don’t want to go into town?” I asked quietly as I snuck a glance at her lips.
I wanted to kiss her again.
I wanted to kiss her a thousand times.
“It’s not that.” She hedged, her eyes moving up to connect with mine.
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