“Shall I assume that you are?”
I love how curious he is right now. And was that a tinge of jealousy roaming in his eyes? “Sorry, Micah, I don’t kiss and tell.”
His jaw tightens at my response. “Still waiting on your answer, Bankes.”
“Oh, I’m sure you are.” Now which answer are you truly seeking, that’s what I’m curious about. “You see, Micah, in my world, sex is desire, hunger, thirst, and lust blended into one fanfucktastic experience. It’s rampant and addictive like a fucking drug. It’s consuming, intense, mind-blowing—”
His groan stops me, and I have to bite my lower lip to prevent myself from cracking a proud smirk.
“So, shall we go back to talking about those fascinating bugs with lights up their ass?”
“Yeah,” he coughs. “Fireflies.”
“Have you ever caught any?”
“Nope,” he responds. “I’ve never tried, actually.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t believe fireflies are meant to be caught.”
Something in his words saddens me. Catching fireflies feels like something every kid should do at least once in their lives. “When Vince and I were kids, we’d go to our grandparents’ house during the summer and we’d make a game out of who could catch the most. We’d put ’em in a jar, and when we were tired of running around, we’d count them and then release them in the meadow on the other side of their backyard.”
“So, you didn’t keep them?”
I shake my head. “Too pretty.”
“See, that’s my point. If you catch a firefly and keep it locked up in a jar, it will eventually suffocate and die. But if you let them fly free, then the day after, when the sun goes down, they will come back to you and shine through the night. They’re extremely loyal creatures.”
“Fireflies can live in captivity as long as you keep them away from direct sunlight and take care of them, Micah.”
“Maybe, but the fact that you can catch them doesn’t mean they are meant to be caught or be held captive. One day, one mishap, one mistake is all it takes.” His eyes flicker to the window and he pauses to watch the clouded sky. “Fireflies are meant to be free and brighten up darkness, Aubrey. You want them, love the thrill of chasing them, you’re besotted by the thought of what it would be like to touch them, but you can’t. You watch them from afar, dream about the possibilities of a life you yearn to have, but when it comes down to it: you need to let them go because it’s what’s best for them.”
I hate that he’s speaking in codes again. I hate that he refuses to look at me. I hate how his words are hitting me in all the right places, yet hurting my heart more than ever.
“What if the firefly wants to be caught? What if the firefly wants to be by your side night and day?”
“It can’t.”
I frown. “Why not?”
“Because some darknesses can’t be brightened.”
I ponder on his words for a while and decide that I’m done. Whatever is going on between us, we’re done skittering around it. “You are aware that fireflies go out in the meadow even when it’s pouring outside, aren’t you?”
“I’m not talking about the fucking rain, Aubrey. I’m talking about life—my life.”
Good. Now we’re getting somewhere.
“And I’m just telling you, that at some point in your life if you want something, you need to reach out and catch it because if you don’t, one day it will fly away.”
His jaw clenches. “What do you know about what I want?”
I drop my remote beside me and slowly climb on Micah’s lap. I wait for him to push me away. He doesn’t. Jaw grounded tight, his gaze trails up from our connected bodies, to my lips, and when he finally locks eyes with me, I see the storm brewing in his darkened orbs.
We’re locked in a silent staring competition for a long time. Each breath we take is slow, heavy, and in sync.
I want to ask him what he’s thinking. Why he’s fighting something I can see he wants just as I do, but I don’t. Micah keeps his emotions locked up, I understood that a while ago. If I push too hard, he’ll shut me out completely.
I don’t think he realizes his hands are on me until his fingers are wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into him. He presses his forehead against mine and I feel like I can’t breathe. The tension between us is heavier than ever.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he breathes on my skin.
“Then don’t.”
His hands linger down my back and dig into my waist. He grips my thighs and pulls me flush against his chest, soothing his yearn and mine. “I’ll never be able to take care of you the way you want me to, Aubrey.” He rakes his lips across my jawline and stops close to my lips. “No matter—”
“I’m not asking you to,” I interrupt, hoping he won’t read the lie of my broken whisper.
“Then I’m begging you—please don’t let me do this.”
I want to seal the remaining distance, press my lips to his, but something tells me I shouldn’t, so I wait.
“I’m sorry, Firefly,” he says and releases a long aching sigh and my heart drops. My body is lifted off his lap, and he stands up. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
I watch his back walking out of his apartment, and I’m kind of happy he doesn’t glance back when he shuts the door behind him because if he did, he’d know just how much it hurt me to see him go.
Present
“Aubrey?” Micah cups my cheek, forcing our gaze to lock.
I can’t breathe. I don’t realize I’m biting my lower lip until I feel his thumb brushing my worry away.
“Baby, please don’t cry.” His voice is low. His head dips and following his gaze I see a single round cut diamond adorning a beautiful white gold band pinched in between his index and his thumb.
The teardrop I’ve been holding onto rolls down my cheek, slips past my chin and falls on the tip of his fingers, but it’s for an entirely different reason.
When I look up, Micah is staring at me in the most adoring way. “Aub, sometimes I look at you and I wonder: how. How is it possible for someone like you, a person with such a pure heart to love someone like me? How is it possible that I’m allowed to wake up almost every morning and stare into the eyes of a woman who is just as beautiful on the outside than she is on the inside? And the truth is, I don’t know. You’re a gift. My gift.” His voice cracks. “I want to tell the world that you’re mine, Aubrey. I might not know how long you’ll want to keep me, but I’m ready to take whatever you’re willing to give. I promise to cherish every second you allow me to be by your side. I vow that every woken moment will be spent taking care of you the way you deserve until you decide—”
“Forever.” I kiss him. I kiss him like I wanted to kiss him the day he begged me not to let him hurt me. I kiss him like the night he took my lips for the first time at Jekyll’s when he decided that he was done fighting against what he desired. I kiss him like I’m going to kiss him every day for the rest of my life.
Any thought of a day or a night without him is silenced.
“Micah Lambert, I will let you take care of me for the rest of my life and I want you to love me forever.”
“I will.” He places his ring on my finger and when he smashes his lips against mine, I’m sure I can hear some hollering from somewhere inside the fire station, but we’re both too wrapped up into each other to care.
CHAPTER FOUR
Micah
Present
There’s no better sight than the one I’m looking at right now. Messy hair. Bruised lips. Burning hungry eyes.
Mine. All mine.
“So now you know why I went to see your dad last weekend.” I brush a strand of hair away from Aubrey’s rosy cheeks and her brows shoot up. I’m not sure why she’s surprised, the twins’ parents are family. Taking their daughter’s hand without asking for their permission would feel like a huge betrayal on my part.
“Were you nervous?”
I snicke
r. “Not half as nervous as I was when I spoke with your brother.”
“You asked Vince?”
“Ask is a strong word,” I defend, wrinkling my nose. “And—I mean, he kind of figured something was up when I told him we were going to Ethan’s bar and refused his money when he tried to pay for his drinks. He basically told me to spit it out after I paid for the third round of drinks or he’d kick my ass.”
“Did he throat punch you?” she questions with a side-smirk. Aubrey knows that when it comes to her, Vince is extremely protective.
“Almost.” I don’t think my life has ever been threatened the way it had two weeks ago, and in my case, that’s saying a lot. “Let’s just say he not so politely advised me that if I were to break your heart, he’d kill me.”
“Then you know what not to do, Lambert,” Aubrey teases.
“The thing is,” I hum, raking my lips along her jawline. “I’m pretty sure I made that vow long before I fell in love with you, Firefly. Remember?”
The smile on her face when she holds my gaze is worth a lifetime of memories. “I fucking love you, Micah Lambert.”
“I fucking love you too, Aubrey Bankes soon-to-be Lambert.”
“Aubrey Lambert,” she muses. “I’m not going to lie, I really like the sound of it.”
That’s it, I’m done. I’m more than ready to claim my power back now. I wrap an arm around her waist and in a swift move, Aubrey is on her back, and I’m hovering over her body.
“Good.” I chuckle. “Because you have no fucking idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”
“How long?” She pretends to pout when all I give her is a wink. She swats at my chest. “How long, Micah?”
I lower my mouth above hers and grin. “Well, not that I’ve been counting or anything, but I’d say somewhere along the lines of three years, forty-four days, eight hours, twenty-something minutes?”
Her eyes grow wide, and the second I’m about to capture her lips with mine, the fire alarm goes off.
I groan.
An entire three days without an incident and this has to happen now?
“Is that disappointment I spot in your eyes, Mr. Lambert?” Aubrey questions, teasing me.
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s a first,” she chortles. “Go. I’ll wait for you at my place, dressed in my black garter and corset.”
“Aubrey,” I growl.
This better be a false alarm.
“I love you, Micah.”
“Always,” I whisper against her lips. “I promise.”
Two Years Ago
“Last call on the two for one, ladies and gents,” Ellie, the owner of Jekyll’s, hollers from behind the bar. “Ten o’clock is right around the corner and it’s about time I make money off your rescuing asses.”
Vince and I are on week four of our fire rescue training, and it’s by far the most physical one yet. My body is aching all over, I’m tired, and my brain is saturated with so many medical techniques, I’m not even sure I’d be able to differentiate one from another right now.
After our first week of class, our teachers highly recommended we head to Jekyll’s, the downtown bar where many first responders hang out after their shifts. They said it was a great way for us to interact with the different crews we’d be working with in the near future. Anyone who knows me, knows I hate mingling. Yet, here I am creating new connections.
Jackson, Ellie’s husband and fire chief from Unit Fourteen, rings the brass bell, and true to their Friday night ritual just before the music grows louder, glasses and bottles are raised, and we all drink to the fallen heroes.
Everyone except me.
My eyes slice to Aubrey standing at the bar waiting for her drink and my jaw goes rigid. I haven’t seen her since I walked out on her a little over a week ago. Eight days of no texting, no talking, no impromptu visits… complete radio silence, and it’s been pure-fucking torture. And now she’s here mingling with acquaintances and avoiding our table at all cost.
“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on with the both of you?” Vince demands, both eyes on his sister. He left the academy gym at four this afternoon to pick up Aubrey after her class at SCC. They had to be in Grady-Falls at five for their usual monthly family dinner.
The last thing I expected was for him to walk through the front door of the bar with her following close behind.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lie. I knew I’d eventually get caught staring, and by his berating tone, playing it cool was my only option.
I’m not sure how he manages to do it, but his grinding jaw clenches tighter and the glower of his teal eyes slims to an even more threatening scowl. I’ve known Vince for a while now, his best asset when it comes down to getting the information he wants is his patience. Up until now, I’ve never been on the receiving end of his silent treatment, and if he thinks he can pull that bullshit on me, he’s fucking wrong.
I meet his stare and wait.
The way his head falls to the side, annoys the shit out of me. The silent chuckle he releases when he sits back against his chair pisses me off. But I take it.
I’m not saying shit.
Fuck this shit… “What?” Longest five minutes of my damn life. How is it even possible for a guy to be angry and calm at the same time?
“Oh, you know me, Micah, I’m just waiting for you to cut the crap and tell me what the fuck is going on between you and my sister.”
“Nothing is going on,” I snap and his brow raises. “And Aubrey and I are fine.”
“You’re fine?” He scratches his lower lip with his thumb, snickering, and then crosses his arms over his chest. When his sister’s laugh echoes not too far away, he side-glances for half-a-second. “Then explain to me why the hell she hasn’t visited our apartment in seven days.” It’s actually eight, but I make a point not to correct him. “Explain to me why she’s standing at the bar with some douche-bag with long hair drinking fucking margaritas, instead of sponging off our pitcher like she’s been doing every Friday night for the past eight months?”
“It’s a daiquiri,” I retort.
Instead of asking me how I know what she’s ordering, he squints at me. The truth is, I am more aware of her than ever. I know how many drinks she’s ordered since she walked in; three god awful strawberry daiquiris. I know how many guys have leered her way... well, not quite true, I lost count after twenty-nine. I’ve been keeping tabs on who’s been checking out her ass; two trainee cops, five guys from my firefighting class, three guys I assume are first responders because they seem to be pretty chatty with Ellie, and the youngest bartender has swiveled Aubrey’s way more than once. But I am especially watchful of the guy with the man-bun standing beside her. He’s been getting too close for comfort, well... for my comfort anyway. I couldn't care less about hers and even less about his.
“How the hell should I know why she hasn’t stopped by this week?” I defend. “She’s probably just busy preparing for her mid-terms or some shit.”
“Try again, dickhead.”
“What do you want me to say, Vince?” I hate how guilty my voice is right now.
“How about the truth? Or if that’s too hard for you, then maybe explain why you’ve been staring at her like she’s about to disappear.”
“Are you telling me that I can’t look at her either now? I’m just keeping an eye on her... or do you have issues with that too?”
“She doesn’t need you looking out for her,” he bites back. “That’s what she has me for.”
“Whatever.” I’ve had enough. Enough of him, enough of her, and enough of our pointless frustrating conversation. I stand up from my chair and march out the front door.
“For fuck’s sakes, Lambert,” Vince snaps, following me out. “Is walking away from this really how you want to finish our discussion?”
I pull off my ball cap and run a hand through my hair.
I don’t know.
I don’t know wh
at to say. I don’t know what to do…
I don’t fucking know.
Vince is my best friend. I broke his trust by falling for his sister, and I’ve been lying to him about it because pretending that my feelings aren’t real is better than the outcome of telling him I broke my promise. And the worse part of it all: he has every right not to trust me. I could never be the man Aubrey deserves. From the day I was born, destiny has made sure I would be spending my entire life being deprived of that luxury.
Everything I touch, everything I love turns to ash.
I raise my shoulders before walking away. “I guess it is.”
“Who the hell would have guessed that my best friend was a fucking pussy,” he jeers when my back is turned.
“Excuse me?”
A shadow of a smirk crosses his face. Had I not spun on my heels when I did, I would have missed it.
“What kind of man are you if you can’t even step up to your own feelings?”
“A loyal one,” I argue. “One who decided to respect his best friend’s wishes when he said his sister was off limits.”
“Since when do you ever listen to what people tell you to do, Micah?” he berates. “Aubrey deserves someone who will worship the ground she walks on. Clearly, that’s not you.”
I’m not surprised he knows what happened between Aubrey and me, I figured out a long time ago that the twins held no secrets from each other. But it does piss me off he’s known an entire week and hasn’t said a word to me about it. “Fuck you, Vince. You can’t be pissed at me for following through to your one stupid rule. You wanted me to stay away from her, so I did.”
“But that’s the thing, Lambert, it wasn’t about staying away from her. It was about not hurting her.” His eyes burn with a mixture of irritation and sadness. “Aub broke when she found out RJ cheated on her. She’d make up excuses not to come home, she severed ties with her friends because she couldn’t stomach the thought of seeing them again, she avoided me because she felt guilty for what happened even though it wasn’t her fault.”
Broken Promises (Burning Mistakes Book 1) Page 5