Tabitha handed over her glass and pulled the mug toward her.
Robin set her glass in the sink and poured another glass from the water cooler right inside the door. “I’ve been so thirsty all day. I obviously didn’t drink enough water after dinner with Roland tonight.”
“Oh, fuck,” Tabitha cursed.
“What?”
“Roland is back. You came here when he just got home. You should go. Be with him. Oh, my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t think when you showed up—”
“Breathe. It’s fine. He’s got some wicked jet lag and fell asleep an hour before I figured out where you probably were. I left him a note, but he won’t be up again until tomorrow. And even if he was, leaving you to deal with all of this on your own didn’t do it for me.”
“But he’s been gone for a week.”
“And we had sex for nearly three hours after my awesome cooking class this morning.”
“Oh,” was all Tabitha could cough up on short notice.
“So, everything is fine for me to be here. And even if he’d just gotten home, I’d have explained the situation and I’d still be here. We stick together.” She put her hand on top of Tabitha’s and smiled. “And I’m still wooing you to be my slave.”
A small smile tilted Tabitha’s lips and she stared into her tea mug. “Well, there is that.”
Robin grasped her hand a little tighter until Tabitha looked up at her.
It was a rare occasion when her best friend was serious. In the years since they’d met, it had happened less than a handful of times.
She added one more time to the tally as Robin’s green-eyed gaze bored into hers.
When she was serious, everyone paid attention.
“I am so lucky to have you as my best friend. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you and we both know it.”
“That’s not tru—”
“It is. When I…” Robin trailed off, and it seemed as if she was having to swallow her own emotions to continue. “Miscarried, you found me. You got the paramedics there. You saved me. I would have died if you hadn’t come to check on me.”
Tabitha wiped new tears from her cheek. “I’ve told you so many times before. It could have been nothing more than a coincidence.”
“I don’t believe that. Never will. And I don’t think you do either. You say all the time that it was fate we met. It most certainly was. You’re like my fairy godmother. We’d only known each other for, what? Three months at that point? Everything happens for a reason. And you were there with me for the whole recovery. Right beside Roland. Even when I lost my shit you were right there.”
“My heart broke for you. I wouldn’t let you go through that alone.”
Robin tilted her head to the side. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. You being anywhere alone tonight was just not an option. I know you said you wanted to be by yourself, but that wasn’t really going to work for me.”
“Thanks. I didn’t think I wanted any company, but I do.”
“Speaking of company, have you told Michael where you are? I talked to him on the phone earlier. He was really worried.”
Tabitha took another drink of tea and hoped the ibuprofen would kick in soon. “I texted him and told him I was okay. Didn’t tell him where I was. The idea of having to talk all of this out right now…” She shook her head. “Just not something I can handle. Just. Not.” She chewed the inside of her cheek. “You talked to him?”
“I did. He called the house looking for you.”
“I love that he thought I’d be there. Which is one of the reasons I didn’t want to go to your place. But I love that he checked.”
“So, I have a question,” Robin told her. “Do you want me to be the ‘men are all pigs and they need to croak a painful death of a thousand suns’ friend or the ‘I’m gonna give you my opinion because I love you so much’ friend?”
“Is asking for some kind of combo platter an option?”
“Of course.” Robin exaggerated the last word. “Okay. Wait, wait. We need chocolate.” She got up, grabbed the bag and sat back down. “I brought milk chocolate, dark chocolate and peanut butter cups. Figured I’d cover all my bases. Pick your poison.”
“Yes,” Tabitha answered.
Robin laughed and opened everything. “Another reason why we’re destined to be besties till we’re old with blue hair, telling people to get off our lawns.”
“Looks like you’re already ahead of the curve on the blue hair part.”
She glanced up and smiled. “Forgot it’s a blue stripe now. I love changing the color. It’s always a rainbow kind of surprise when I look in the mirror.” After pushing the packages between them, Robin broke off part of the milk chocolate bar.
Tabitha opted for a peanut butter cup.
“Now, we’re ready. Okay. Guys can suck it on occasion. Seriously, they can be great and then all of a sudden their assholian tendencies crop up and reiterate to the world they can be complete douchebags.”
“So true.”
“Just you wait, missy. I’m only getting started. I know they’re supposed to be completely evolved and walk on two legs and all that jazz, but you know what? They are men, from long lines of men. Hunters and gathers and the predisposed genetic half of our population who need to take care of their families. Not need as in I need another piece of chocolate, but need as in this is the sole purpose of their lives. And Michael is like Roland in this regard. It’s a large part of him to work and provide for you.”
“But I work too. We share all of our responsibilities, chores, money making.”
“Agreed. In kink, do you switch?”
Tabitha probably got a bit of whiplash staring over at Robin. “What?”
“Just answer the question? Which side of the slash do you sit on? Or do you straddle both sides of it?”
“I don’t top or dominate. Not at all. It’s not my thing at all.”
“And would you say Michael is the same? He’s only on the other side? He’s a top, a dominant, and could never be submissive?”
“Completely, yes. He doesn’t have a submissive bone in his body.”
“Exactly. He is dominant through and through. Everything he does, everything he thinks, runs through that dominant brain of his. That hard-wired part of his noggin is thinking Take care of my girl. Being successful and taking care of his most precious possession, you, is his primary goal. Protect. My. Property.”
“But I’m not his property. Not really.”
“How do you figure?”
Tabitha glanced at Robin’s throat where her collar sat. It wasn’t a traditional collar but it was a collar nonetheless. “No collar. Not owned. And he didn’t take care of me. He didn’t show up. He wasn’t there when I needed him.”
Fuck.
Boom.
Actually saying the words rocked the foundation Tabitha was standing on. But she’d said them. She’d actually said them, all of them, and the world didn’t end. It didn’t come crashing down all around her. And she was still standing. Figuratively speaking.
“—really that black and white?” Robin had said something but Tabitha had missed it.
Tabitha shook her head. “Sorry, what was that?”
“I agree with you, he royally fucked up by not showing up tonight when he was supposed to. And, no, you don’t wear a collar, but have you told him how much it would mean to you? How much it would help you feel safe? Can you expect him to just know these things? Is it really that black and white?”
“What do you mean?”
“Just like we talked before. He’s not out cheating. He’s not even out partying with his friends or getting drunk or high or anything heinous. Working to provide for both of you is what he was doing. It doesn’t excuse what he did, but it’s very different from those other things it could have stemmed from.”
“I agree,” Tabitha granted. “Which is why I haven’t said anything for the past few months. I know what he’s doing is noble and wonderful, but if I don�
��t feel emotionally safe and connected to him I can’t function.”
“Which is exactly what you need to talk to him about.” Robin paused and made a face as if she’d sucked on a lemon. “Okay. Don’t hate me, but what I’m about to say is totally awful and somewhat judgmental. I’m gonna ask it, anyway. Why not stop being a hot wife? If that wasn’t a factor, would everything else be easier if not disappear?”
“Being a hot wife had nothing to do with him missing our dinner on Thursday.”
“True.”
“And I’ve thought about that. A lot. Being a hot wife is part of who I am. It’s part of our marriage and who we are as a couple. If we stop because we aren’t interested in doing it any more that’s one thing. If we stop because he can’t make it a priority and lets me down then that changes us, our dynamic. Punishing both of us and changing our kink into something to resent isn’t a workable plan either.”
“Agreed. Just wanted to make sure you’d thought through all of the angles.” Robin blew out a rough breath. “This thing we call marriage is a two-way street fraught with amazing things and heartache. Not to mention throwing BDSM and kink and a power exchange dynamic into the mix. But if we’re lucky, this journey we’re walking together? We’ll always be going in the same direction. You have to tell him what you need. You have to discuss with him what’s important to you.”
“But he’s always known in the past.”
“Is that really fair to him? Or you?”
Tabitha absentmindedly licked chocolate off her fingers. “No. I guess it’s not.”
“We all change. ‘For better or worse’ wasn’t just a phrase thrown in to fluff up the wedding vows. Marriage is work. It just is. But I’d honestly hate it if it were always easy.” Robin shrugged and took a drink of her water. “Makes the great stuff so much more amazing when we work to get there. We make it happen when it’s important. And he may not know how much you still rely on him, he may not know he’s been letting you down because you haven’t said anything to you. Maybe he’s even noticed your little rule bending but didn’t want to rock the boat so he didn’t say anything.”
“Well…damn. I never ever thought of it that way.” Maybe, just maybe, Robin was right and they still had more common ground to find their way back to each other. Tabitha sure hoped so, because life without Michael in it was no life at all.
“Give it some thought. Take a deep breath before you talk to him, and speak from the heart. You both deserve to fix this. You’re some of my favorite people in the whole world.” Robin yawned. “Oh, and if we need to teach him a lesson in showing up for dates I know people who can bring the fiery pain of a thousand volcanoes.”
“Good to know.” Tabitha tried to smile but it felt forced. “Let’s get out of here. It’s late and you need to get home to your man.”
“But we could stay and watch a movie if you wanted to.” She dug in the bag. “I brought a wide variety, depending on what you were in the mood for. Scream, Fried Green Tomatoes, Mary Poppins and The Exorcist.”
“Uhh…”
“I know, right? Totally covered every genre with those four. I killed it.”
“We only have one problem.”
“Which is what? No popcorn?” She pointed in the corner. “There’s a bag right there.”
“No player.”
“D’oh. Dammit. I meant to bring my laptop and then I totally forgot. Shitballs.”
Tabitha patted her arm and got up to pour out the tiny bit of tea at the bottom of her cup and rinse it out. “How about a movie night raincheck?”
“You’re on, sister.” Robin stood and pulled her in for another hug. “I’m here for you, you know that, right? Anything you need and I’m already there.”
Emotions rose again and threatened to choke her words. Tabitha swallowed and cleared her throat. “I know, and can’t tell you what it means to have you.”
“Same goes. And I’ll send the rest of the chocolate home with you. A little extra stash of therapy does every girl good.”
They grabbed everything and turned the lights off as they left.
Pretty soon they were outside and Tabitha locked the front door again.
“Who’s that?” Robin asked.
Tabitha turned around and stared as blood pumped harder through her system. “Is it…?”
A third car sat parked next to their two. They both paused by the front of the building when the door to the other vehicle opened and a man got out. Hoodie up, running pants, running shoes.
The man pushed the hoodie off his head.
“Wes,” Tabitha breathed out as she deflated. “I was worried it was Michael even though I didn’t know the car.”
“I can imagine,” Robin told her as they walked toward the line of cars.
“I wasn’t about to leave two beautiful ladies on their own this late at night.”
He hugged Tabitha when she was close enough, then waved at Robin.
He looked Tabitha over from head to toe. “You okay?”
“Hey, I’m gonna get out of here,” Robin interjected. “That all right with you?” She stared at Tabitha with a whole lot of ‘whatever you need’ written in her expression.
“Yes, more than fine. Thank you.” Tabitha hugged her close. “For everything.”
“Welcome. Call me tomorrow…err…later today, and let me know if you need anything.” She yawned again.
“I will.”
“You gonna go home when you and Wes are done talking?”
“Yes,” Wes answered for her.
“Maybe,” she answered for herself with a roll of her eyes.
Robin laughed and hugged her one last time. “Just be safe. Promise?”
“Of course.”
A couple of minutes later Robin’s taillights were all Tabitha could see.
“How’d you know to find me here?” she asked Wes when they were alone.
“Nice deflection. I logged into Michael’s cameras to make sure everything was locked up. I was hoping he left in a rush.”
“You didn’t tell him I was here, did you?” The question came out in a rush and her heart kicked into high gear. She couldn’t help but look around Wes to peer in the passenger seat.
“No.” He lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes again. “I figured you could use a little time to get your bearings.”
“Yeah.” Understatement of the year. “I’m glad you’re here, actually. I wanted to apologize. For earlier. I hated losing it in front of you. Seriously. I am so sorry.”
His eyes narrowed. “If we were in any kind of appropriate location I would tan your ass red.”
“For apologizing?”
“Yes.”
“But—”
“No buts. That you are emotional is one of the main reasons I enjoy playing with you so much. You’re electric and your emotions are one of the sexiest things about you. Yes, that’s the first time I’ve truly seen you upset, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen you cry.”
“You whipping me with your belt until I cried is hardly the same thing.”
“You’re right. They are incredibly different, but it’s still a peak of emotion. It’s raw and real and authentic.”
“I was afraid you’d avoid me from here on out because I lost my shit.”
“You didn’t lose your shit. You cried. You’re allowed to be upset. It’s permissible for you to not be okay when something hurts or upsets you. It sucks that Michael was the one who upset you, but I hate to break it to you…”
“Hate to break what to me?” Tabitha’s heart stopped and she held her breath.
“We aren’t infallible. Guys in general, or dominant types. We mess up.”
Tabitha deflated and put her forehead on his chest.
He chuckled and rubbed her back. “I know. I blew your mind there.”
“It’s not that exactly.” She straightened and gazed up at him. “And I know you guys aren’t perfect. Nobody’s perfect.”
“No. We’re far from perfe
ct, but there’s something else that I think you need to understand. Especially coming from a Dom’s perspective.”
“I’m all ears.” And she was. She had no idea what he was going to say, especially since he rarely let her into his head.
“A submissive being disappointed in us is our greatest failure and our greatest fear.”
Tabitha stared at him, trying to absorb all of the things that realization touched on. “I have no idea how to respond to that. That affects…”
“Everything. Everything we do, everything we are. It’s one of the biggest driving forces in our lives. So when you talk to Michael, remember that.”
“I will.”
“You look dead on your feet, Tabby Cat. Let’s get you in your car and on the way home. Unless you’re too tired, and then I’ll just take you home, and I can arrange for your car to be delivered later today.”
“No, I’m good. Think I might drive around a little bit. I don’t know if I’m ready to go home yet.”
“Then don’t mind me if I tail you at a mostly non-stalkerish distance.”
Tabitha let out a little laugh and unlocked her door.
“There she is,” Wes joked as he opened her door and helped her in. Then he blew out a breath. “I’ll be going out of town in a few days. Don’t know when I’ll be back, but you can reach me on my cell anytime if you need me.”
“Everything okay?”
“Time will tell.”
Even for him, that was a cryptic answer. “This won’t be the last time I see you, will it? Surely you’re not going to be busy the next time I text for a date?” Nothing like a bit more panic to wake her back up.
Something in his gaze was off before he answered. Sad, maybe. “If I can say yes to anyone in the future then know it will most definitely be you.” He winked at her and closed her door before she could respond.
Talk about a strange kind of goodbye.
He got in his car, started it and backed up to wait for her.
She sat there for a second and finally started her vehicle.
Two-thirty.
In the morning.
A yawn overtook her whole body and she shook at the end.
No wonder she was so tired.
She closed her eyes for a second and sent up a little prayer of thanks for her amazing friends. She was blessed in so many ways.
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