‘Best place for them,’ Chef said.
‘Too close for my liking. Can’t they find somewhere further?’ Sone laughed.
‘I’m sure there will be a reasonable outcome,’ Kcrikklli said.
‘Always the diplomat hey Kcrikklli,’ Sone said.
*****
‘I hate this! I hate this food!’ April screamed as he flung his full dinner plate into the air, landing most unfortunately on the head of ex High Councillor Sckwatt two rows ahead. Sckwatt launched to his feet, wiping away food from his face and clearly identified who had launched the offending food.
‘Control that monster of yours madam!’ he screamed at January sitting alongside April.
‘How dare you speak to me like that?’ she screamed back as she jumped to her feet.
‘Restrain that revolting child of yours or I shall call the guard!’
‘You cannot talk to me like that! Have you no respect’’
‘For you madam no. For your child even less. It’s your fault we’re here. You and your family have been a disgrace.’
‘I want foooooood!! I want fooooood!’ April continued to scream as January and Sckwatt exchanged verbal blows across the rows of seats between them.
‘You are nobody. I refuse to listen to your insults,’ January screeched as she launched herself bodily from her seat and scrambled over the couple rows of seats in front of her, intent on tearing Sckwatt limb from limb.
‘I’ll kill you!’
‘Guard! Guard!’ Sckwatt shouted, but it was some time before the Luxury Class cabin door opened and by then January had made it to Sckwatt’s seat and had secured Sckwatt by his collar was furiously intent on choking him.
‘I want foooooood!! I want fooooood!’ April continued to scream.
‘Shut up you little creep,’ an unidentified voice yelled out from some rows away.
‘Someone shut that monster’s mouth!’ came another.
‘You will all die for this!’ January screamed as she firmed her hold on Sckwatt’s throat with her legs flailing in the faces of the passengers in the row behind Sckwatt. They grabbed at her feet to protect themselves, which only prompted January to scream louder.
‘I want foooooood!! I want fooooood! I want foo……’ April continued to wail but was stopped half word by a swift slap across the face from an ex-Gregorian Guard, who had the misfortune to have been born carrying the Erdean gene. He was sitting in the adjacent seat across from April and could take no more of the fiasco. Roars of approval from the other passengers followed.
‘It’s your fault we’re all hear you creep,’ he spat.
‘Mmmuuummmyyyy! Mmmuuummmyyyy! Mmmuu….’ April started to scream again but was yet again stopped mid word by another passenger who took the opportunity to slap April one more time. Now noticing that her son was under attack, January loosened her grip on Sckwatt’s throat and rolled off the top of the seats, landing bodily in the aisle. She bounced up and ran back towards April’s attackers screaming like a wild animal. She lashed out at the ex-Gregorian Guard with her finger nails but she was no match for him and he quickly and easily restrained her by grabbing and turning her wrist and forcing her to the floor.
‘Noooooo! Nooooo! Mmmuuuummyyyy!’ April continued to scream as he kicked his feet and flailed his arms about in rage. The entire Luxury Class cabin were on their feet shouting abuse at January and April as two Lacertilian Guards finally entered the cabin. One immediately dashing off to call for reinforcements as he realised what was happening.
‘Arrest this woman!’ Sckwatt yelled out to the remaining guard. ‘She tried to kill me!’
The one Lacertilian Guard at the cabin door looked at Sckwatt and calmly returned a hand gesture suggesting Sckwatt sit down. Of course Sckwatt didn’t, but the guard calmly observed the situation and could see that January was well subdued and that April’s tantrum, although loud, was not presenting a danger to anyone.
‘Do something!’ Sckwatt yelled out above the abuse that was still being hurled at January, but was ignored by the guard who was intent on waiting for assistance before venturing into the chaos. Within only a few minutes, twenty Lacertilian Guards filed into the Luxury Class cabin and set about restoring order.
‘We’ll take care of this,’ one Lacertilian Guard said to the ex-Gregorian Guard who loosened his grip on January.
‘Mmuuummmmmy! Muuumm……’
‘Shut up!’ a Lacertilian Guard said so loudly and with such menace, April halted mid word. ‘You’ve got a funny tongue,’ April said in a sudden change of temperament.
‘Get those two out of here and into isolation,’ one of the Lacertilian Guards ordered from near the cabin door. As January and April were led out of the cabin, the rest of the passengers hissed and hurled more abuse.
‘Settle down!’ the Lacertilian Guard near the cabin door ordered. ‘All of you, back to your seats. The situation is over.’
After a minute or two, a little calm came over the cabin with only the sound of chatter about the calamity.
‘Sir. If you could come with me please,’ the Lacertilian Guard asked Sckwatt.
‘I trust you will do something about this,’ Sckwatt said as he stood and headed towards the door.
‘This way sir,’ was all the guard said as he ushered Sckwatt off for a quiet word about the incident.
*****
‘We had a little incident in Luxury Class,’ the leader of the Lacertilian Guard aboard the Cosmic Cruiser told Lieutenant Commander Stikkly Smikkle.
‘Yes, I heard. So what’s the situation now?’
‘All calm now sir. We’ve isolated the lady and her son and they’re both unharmed. However I would recommend keeping them away from the other passengers from Gloth as there seems to be a great deal of ill will towards the lady and her son.’
‘Yes. Quite understandable given the circumstances. And the other passengers?’
‘Well, apart from being very unhappy about being taken from Gloth, they’re behaving quite well. I’ll maintain two guards within the Luxury Class cabin though.’
‘And the Erdeans from Lacertilian?’
‘Oh they are having a wonderful time sir. No trouble at all. They all seem quite excited about the prospect of going home.’
‘Well, they might not be so excited when we get there, but at least they shouldn’t give us any concern until then. Perhaps once the lady and her son settle down you might try accommodating them with the Erdeans.’
‘Yes, good idea sir. But I am concerned that we may have more agitation the longer we stay here.’
‘Oh, I’m sure of that. But hopefully we’ll receive our orders soon and can get on with taking our passengers to where ever it is that they are going.’
‘Any ideas sir?’
‘I’m sorry. I wish I knew. We’ll just have to manage the best we can until I receive more concrete information. So, just do the best you can to keep our passengers as comfortable as possible. Perhaps you could have a chat with the head of catering and see if they can make the meals a bit heavier. Might slow our passengers down a bit.’
‘Not a bad idea sir. I’ll do that.’
‘Very well, keep me informed.’
‘Yes sir.’
After the leader of the guard had left, Smikkle left his second-in-command, Flight Leader Flipply Dripple in control of the Cosmic Cruiser as he headed off to stretch his legs, but mainly to find Sep. Finally finding him in ship’s library.
‘Taking an exam Sep?’
‘Oh hello Stik. No, I was just doing some research on possible homes for our friends aboard.’
‘Not easy.’
‘No. I must admit I’m quite worried. I really don’t know what to do.’
‘So whose decision is it?’
‘Um, well, I’m not really sure now you ask. The Blood Brotherhood charter is not very clear on this point and well, I had hoped to get some advice from September, but well….’
‘Yes. I understand Sep. It was sudden I know.’
<
br /> ‘Oh, September was happy. It was his wish to die on Gloth after all these years.’
‘But it doesn’t help with your dilemma.’
‘No. It doesn’t.’
‘May I make a suggestion?’
‘Oh please, of course.’
‘Perhaps wise counsel is needed. From someone who has a good understanding of the situation and the options available.’
‘Oh yes. But who? I’ve tried my brothers but they had no real solution.’
‘Septimity?’
‘Yes?’
‘If you don’t mind me saying so, I don’t believe you should be trying to solve this yourself. It’s a problem for Gloth isn’t it?’
‘Well, yes I suppose. But I feel personally responsible for the Erdeans from Lacertilian. I had them brought here.’
‘Perhaps. But not the Gregorians and their associates.’
‘Well, they were always going to be part of Ichor.’
‘Yes. And what was the other important part of Ichor?’
‘A pure Glothian as Supreme Poten…….’ Sep said and realised what Smikkle was leading him towards. ‘You mean I should ask the Supreme Potentate?’
‘It’s up to you Sep,’ Smikkle said as he realised how disorganised this Blood Brotherhood had been and how miraculous it was that they had managed to pull off their dream of Ichor. He had also learned by now that although Septimity was a pleasant old man, he wasn’t the brightest candle on the birthday cake and needed a little help from time to time.
‘Oh, I hadn’t really thought about that,’ Sep said and felt the onset of a dizzy spell. Smikkle noticed Sep’s discomfort.
‘Are you ok?’
‘Oh, it’s nothing Stik,’ Sep replied realising that his body was reaching the stage when he usually cloned himself. And that his cloning apparatus was still on Titania.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ Sep said as the dizzy spell passed. ‘I think you’re right. I’ll go back down to Gloth and see if I can meet with the new Supreme Potentate. He’s a very nice fellow.’
‘That’s a good idea. I’ll arrange a shuttle for you.’
‘Thank you. That’s very kind of you. Um, could I ask a very big favour from you?’
‘Sure Septimity. What is it?’
‘Would you be able to accompany me to Gloth and to this meeting with the Supreme Potentate?’
‘Oh I’m not sure the Supreme Potentate would want to meet with a Lacertilian pilot. Especially one who stole one of his Cosmic Cruisers.’
‘On the contrary. I’m sure he would be very interested in meeting you. And he’s a very nice man.’
‘Well, Sep, if you really want me to,’ Smikkle said but now thinking that Septimity was feeling unwell and unsure of himself and was looking to him for support.
‘Oh yes. Thank you Stik.’
‘Right Sep. Just let me know.’
‘Thank you. I’ll try to contact the Supreme Potentate to arrange a meeting.’
*****
‘Very nice to meet you Lieutenant Commander Smikkle,’ Huphnic said and shook Smikkle’s hand after Sep had finished his introductions. ‘I believe the Blood Brotherhood owes their immense gratitude to you for your heroic deeds aboard your Glothic Cosmic Cruiser.’
‘Oh sir, I believe your intervention was more telling than anything else. GCCs are very easy to fly, so long as no one is shooting.’
‘Ah yes! Well, all’s well that ends well. So to what do I owe your visit?’ Huphnic said clearly getting down to business and Sep sensed that Huphnic had settled in nicely as a busy Supreme Potentate.
‘Well, it’s only a small matter,’ Sep said rubbing his left ear, which was normally a sign that he was stretching the truth just a little. ‘It’s concerning our Erdean and Gregorian friends aboard the Cosmic Cruiser.’
‘I see,’ Huphnic said. ‘They’re all comfortably accommodated I believe.’
‘Oh yes sir. Splendidly in fact,’ Sep replied. ‘It’s just that we’ve received some troubling information regarding Erde.’
‘Yes?’
‘Well it seems to have rather inconveniently destroyed itself.’
‘What, blown up?’ Huphnic asked.
‘Our information is that all of the ancient nuclear arsenals left abandoned after the last Erdean War started firing at each other automatically and have destroyed not only the surface, but also the entire atmosphere of the planet,’ Smikkle added trying to help Sep along with his explanation.
‘Yes, and I was thinking that it would be a little cruel to just drop all the Gregorians and Erdeans back onto a poisoned planet,’ Sep said.
‘Let me just check on this,’ Huphnic said and called someone on his Q’muniktor. Sep and Smikkle waited as Huphnic asked about the current situation on Erde and then responded with a few grunts, punctuating his understanding of what he was being told. He clicked his Q’muniktor off. ‘Alright then. Erde will be uninhabitable for at least seven billion years and there’s a distinct likelihood that it could burn up entirely and end up as sun fodder. So, hardly a place to drop our dear ex-Royal Family. No matter our dislike for them, I think we should find a better solution. Any ideas?’
‘Well I’ve been looking at some possibilities and even thought there are some small hurdles to be overcome there might…..’
‘Where Septimity?’ Huphnic asked, now seemingly getting used to Sep’s habit of waffling and needing polite interruption to keep a conversation moving.
‘Earth.’
‘Never heard of it.’
‘Nor had I sir,’ Smikkle interjected. ‘It’s in Sun System Twenty-Four.’
‘That’s an awfully long way away,’ Huphnic said. ‘How did you find out about this?’
‘Well I was having eggs for breakfast,’ Sep started and Huphnic and Smikkle waited patiently as Sep told his story about Quadkwak eggs, Fflemm and the Royal Gloth Museum of Unnatural History and about the closest habited planet being in Sun System Thirteen.
‘It sounds promising,’ Huphnic said after Sep had finally finished. ‘What are your thoughts Lieutenant Commander Smikkle?’
‘It’s a very long flight sir. It would more than likely pass through a few CTCs, so it would need careful planning and expert navigation.’
‘Yes, closed timelike curves are very nasty things, and I’ve lost a few good pilots over the years in them. Have you had experience with them Lieutenant Commander?’
‘Twice sir. Luckily I’m here to tell you so.’
‘Good point,’ Huphnic said with a smile. ‘But not in a Cosmic Cruiser.’
‘No sir.’
‘But they can go anywhere, can’t they?’ Sep asked hoping it was true.
‘Almost Sep. But no craft is immune from CTCs and especially large ships, which are much harder to navigate in such dangerous places. These CTCs can swallow anything,’ Huphnic warned. ‘Look. I think the best idea would be for me to get some advice from some of my senior officers at Glothic High Command. I know two in particular that are experts in the area of CTCs and if it’s possible to transport our Erdean friends there, they would know. Now Lieutenant Commander, if it were possible, would you be considering commanding the flight?’
‘Such a flight would need an experienced commander sir. Of course I would be perfectly willing to serve sir….’
‘But you wouldn’t say no to a little help then?
‘Certainly not sir.’
‘Very well. Let me check on the viability of this mission first but if it was to proceed, I think one of my senior Glothic High Command officers would need to be aboard.’
‘To command the mission,’ Sep said.
‘Oh no!’ Huphnic said. ‘I’m fully aware of the reputation Lacertilian pilots have and as you both know, they will be asked, if they wish, to reassume their duties as pilots to the Palace and the Supreme Potentate. So that being said Lieutenant Commander, if you agree, you’ll be in command of this mission as Flight Commander Smikkle, and the first pilot
to fly under the command of the Supreme Potentate of Gloth.’
‘It would be my honour sir.’
‘Very well. So do you need anything aboard your Glothic Cruiser?’
‘No sir, we’re well supplied at present and the passengers are quite comfortable.’
‘Except for April and January,’ Sep added.
‘Oh it’s no problem really,’ Smikkle said. ‘I have them isolated at present to keep the peace so to say.’
‘Wise move Commander. Alright gentlemen, I’ll be in touch as soon as I can,’ Huphnic said bringing the meeting to a close.
‘So, are you enjoying your new job then?’ Sep asked, oblivious to Huphnic’s hint that the meeting was over.
‘Well, it’s been very busy I must say Septimity but Mr. Krizzle and all of my staff have been very helpful. Luckily I only have one year in the job, so then I can take a long holiday.’
‘Oh you should meet Fflemm. I’m sure he’d know of some great planets for long relaxing holidays.’
‘Perhaps so.’
‘Well, we’d better get going Sep,’ Smikkle said sensing that Sep could continue chatting all day and that the Supreme Potentate really had better things to do.
‘Yes, I must get off to my next meeting,’ Huphnic said, thankful for Smikkle’s good sense.
‘Yes, busy days,’ Sep said as he shook Huphnic’s hand. ‘Thank you for all your help sir.’
24th Sun On Your Left
The Solar System is a peculiar little sun system as it is inconveniently located in the absolute middle of nowhere on the far outer left hand extreme edge of the universe. As it is a well known fact that the universe is infinite in size, this gives a good indication of how very far left, how extreme and how inconvenient. While almost all of the known universe has been mapped, navigated, mined, exploited, invaded and have nice hotels and space ports, The Solar System has been ignored and forgotten by everyone, forever. It was just too far away to worry about, and worse, it only had one planet that possibly produced edible protein, so hence no nice hotels nor space ports.
The entire Glothic archive records pertaining to The Solar System are contained in a small manila folder with only one single entry made over billions of years. The entry says, ‘Don’t bother.’
Septimity and The Blood Brotherhood: The Third Hilarious Glothic Tale (The Glothic Tales Book 3) Page 11