Behind Her Smile
Page 22
“Yeah. You can tell they’re planning a sequel,” he agreed. Pulling out his cell phone, he flipped the volume back on and checked the time. “So it’s only eleven-twenty. Want to stop for a coffee and chocolate chip cookie at the Coffee Stop? They’ve got these huge new cookies for the holidays.”
“Sure. Sounds good,” she replied. “But I’ve got to be home by midnight for sure if I ever want to go anywhere at night again,” she added.
“Got it,” he said. “We’ll get you home before the stroke of midnight. I promise.”
She laughed at his dramatic tone. “Even if we encounter an alien with an end-of-the-world message?”
“Depends on whether or not the end will be coming before midnight,” he said with a grin.
As they entered the Coffee Stop, the aroma of coffee bathed their senses. “Smells good in here,” Madison observed. She really wasn’t much of a coffee fan, but the smell of fresh roasted beans was one of her favorites. They ordered their drinks and bought a cookie to share, then sat down at a table.
“You know, a year ago I wouldn’t have even thought of coming here,” Luke replied, looking around the restaurant. “But I’m definitely into coffee now after doing some of my work hours at the campus coffee shop. And this stuff’s gotten me through some long nights of studying,” he added as he stirred the creamer into his cup.
Madison nodded. “I’ll bet,” she said. After a moment of silence she added, “College must be really fun.”
He nodded. “It is. I like it more than I thought I would. But I’m also missing home more than I expected I would.” His eyes seemed to linger on her for a moment.
“Well, I’m sure I’d get a little homesick, too,” she agreed. “It’s like I’m looking forward to it in so many ways, but I can’t imagine living that far from my parents and everyone.”
“You should think about my school,” he said. “Then at least you’d have me bugging you from time to time.” Smiling at her, he winked.
And her heart was awakened again. Trying to appear unaffected, she laughed nervously and changed the subject. “We’d better get going pretty soon.”
He checked the time on his phone. “Yeah. I’ll get lids for our cups.”
When they pulled up in front of her house, Luke turned off the motor and turned to her. “Madison?”
“Yeah?”
“I had fun tonight,” he replied, suddenly looking a little nervous himself.
“Me, too,” she said.
“I was thinking,” he began, and then paused. “Well, I was wondering if…” his voice trailed off.
Madison’s stomach started doing somersaults. She looked at him and waited, trying to figure out where he was going with his thoughts.
“What I’m trying to say is…do you think you’d maybe want to kind of go out with me while I’m home?”
“You mean like tonight?” she asked.
He looked a little frustrated. “I mean, like on real dates.”
She didn’t know quite what to say. Her heart screamed yes, but her mind told her to run as fast as she could before she got hurt again. There was no way in the world Luke would ever want to date her if he knew everything.
Luke must have read her hesitation as a no because he said, “Hey, no worries. I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable just now.”
“No, it’s okay,” she stammered. “I just…I just wasn’t expecting you to say that. I mean, I had such a huge crush on you in junior high,” she admitted.
“Junior high, huh?” He flinched like he’d been wounded. “Hey, like I said, no worries.”
She wanted to turn the whole conversation around and say, ‘YES. Yes, I want to go out with you!’ But a voice warned her to let it go.
Just then, her phone beeped, giving her a warning it was almost midnight. “I’d better get going,” she said. “But, Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“I had a really good time. Really. Thanks for asking me.” She unbuckled her seat belt and opened her door before he could get around to do it for her.
They walked up to the front door with a couple of feet between them. No chance of any physical contact.
Then she quickly opened the door and slipped inside, whispering another thanks for the evening.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“How’d it go with Maddie last night?” Lucy asked.
Luke looked up from his cereal and forced a smile. “Fine. The movie was good.”
“I’m not talking about the movie, dummy. How did it go with Maddie?” she repeated.
Leaning back into his chair, Luke looked his sister in the eye. “How would you expect it to go?”
Lucy leaned in and smiled. “Personally, I think she has a thing for you. She always has.”
“And what about her boyfriend, Miles? Seems like she was pretty into him this year,” he said, wondering just how deeply Madison was involved with him.
“Miles is a loser,” Lucy blurted out. “I mean, he’s cute and everything, but he’s nowhere with the Lord. I think he was just a distraction for her since you were gone.”
Luke pushed away from the table and carried his empty bowl to the sink. “I think you’ve misread Madison’s interest in me, Luce. She made it pretty clear last night that she just wants to be friends.” The look on his sister’s face revealed complete puzzlement.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Yep. Just friends.”
As he walked out of the kitchen, he heard her mumble under her breath, “We’ll see about that.”
Fifteen minutes later, Lucy was on the phone to Madison. After the usual small talk, she cut to the chase. “So how was your date last night with my brother?”
Madison was silent for a moment and then replied, “It wasn’t a date, Luce.”
“Whatever. Did you have fun?”
“Yeah. The movie was pretty good,” she replied, a hedge to her voice.
Lucy smiled. “That’s what Luke said.”
“You guys already talked about it?” Maddie asked.
“Yeah. He said he had a good time,” Lucy paused then decided to dive right in. “He likes you, you know.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Luke. He likes you.”
“How do you know?” Madison asked.
“Because I can tell. He acts all nervous whenever I bring you up.”
“Maybe that’s because he feels like you are pushing me on him,” Maddie replied.
“I don’t think so. He doesn’t act annoyed. He acts like he’s trying to hide his feelings or something,” Lucy confided. Then she added, “He thinks you don’t like him, though.”
“What? Why do you say that?”
“He as much as told me so. He said you’re not interested in him. What’s the deal? I thought you kind of had a crush on him all these years.”
Madison cleared her throat and the tone of her voice changed. “Things are different now than in junior high, Luce. Your brother’s a great guy and all, but he deserves someone better than me.”
Lucy was stunned. What was she talking about? “Okay, so I don’t know where you’re getting that idea, but there’s nothing wrong with you, Mad. You should give him a chance.”
After a pause, Madison replied, “Just let it go, Lucy. And don’t tell Luke you talked to me, okay?”
She hesitated and then answered, “If that’s what you really want. But I think you’re making a mistake.”
“It’s what I want, and trust me, it’s not a mistake.”
After they hung up, Lucy sat and stewed for a few minutes. Then she thought, I didn’t actually promise not to say anything to Luke. Tossing her phone on the bed, she headed downstairs to find him.
After cornering her brother as he was about to go for a run, she said, “So I just talked to Madison. There’s something that’s eating at her. She thinks she’s not good enough for you.”
He gave her a serious look. “What are you doing, Lucy?”
“I’m ju
st trying to help two people I love figure out that they are meant to be together. Is there something wrong with that?” she asked, feeling defensive and hurt by his tone. “Madison told me you deserve someone better than her. I thought you should know that.” Spinning around, she left him alone on the porch before he could reply.
A moment later, their mother stepped out the front door. “What was that about?” she asked, tipping her head toward the door Lucy had just disappeared through.
Luke raked his fingers through his hair. “Nothing.”
“Really? It didn’t look like nothing.” She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. “Something’s really bothering you. Want to talk about it?”
“Maybe later. I need some time to think,” he replied, leaning over and giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a little while,” he added as he descended the porch steps.
“Have a good run,” Kelly called out to him, and he turned and waved.
As Luke ran, the rhythm of his steps calmed his mind, and he was able to think through his evening with Madison. She’d seemed like she was having a good time until he brought up seeing her. Then she’d frozen and made it clear she wasn’t interested. Or was Lucy right? Was it something different that put the brakes on their dating? Maybe the timing just wasn’t right. She was still in high school and had another year after this one before she’d graduate. Did she have her eye on someone else at school? Someone who could take her to football games, dances, and the prom?
Or maybe she was still hung up on that Miles guy. Although Luke hoped not. Especially since the guy had no spiritual roots at all. He was surprised Madison had even gone out with someone like that.
And what was the deal with her saying he deserved someone better than her? Probably just the ‘let him down easy’ line that lots of girls used so they wouldn’t hurt a guy’s feelings.
As he ran and tried to sort through all of it, he began to pray. “Jesus, I know You know exactly what’s going on with Maddie. Wish I did, but I’m trusting You to help me figure out my part here. Do I back off, go with the ‘just friends’ scenario, or what? I just want to do whatever You want me to. You know how I feel about her. I guess I always have. But the last thing I want to do is give her any grief.”
Tap, tap, tap, tap. The sounds of his feet on the pavement were all he heard. And then a verse from Ecclesiastes popped into his mind. He has made everything beautiful in His time.
Timing.
He needed to talk to her one more time.
Luke stood at Maddie’s front door and rehearsed one more time in his mind exactly what he wanted to say. Rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans, he cleared his throat and rang the doorbell.
“Luke!” Michelle greeted him with a smile. “I didn’t know you were coming over. Come on in.” As he entered, she gave him a quick hug. “Is Maddie expecting you?” she asked.
“Uh, no. I just decided to drop by,” he replied. “Is she here?”
“Yeah. Let me go get her. I heard the shower go off about fifteen minutes ago.” Michelle disappeared upstairs, and he stood nervously waiting.
Finally, Madison appeared at the top of the stairs. Her hair was wet but brushed and she didn’t have on any makeup. Luke liked her best without it. “Did I miss a call from you?” she asked as she came down to where he was standing.
“No. I thought I’d just come over and talk to you in person. I was hoping you’d be here.”
“Oh. Okay, well, what’s up?” she asked.
He glanced around the room. “Could we go outside? Like maybe on the porch or something?”
She nodded. “Sure.” Opening the front door, she gestured for him to go first.
Luke fought the urge to take her hand and lead her to the steps. Instead he just walked over there himself and sat down. She followed suit and joined him on the top step, sitting a couple of feet away.
“Sorry about this,” she said, lifting and then dropping her wet hair. “You caught me before I got my makeup on or anything.”
“I think you look great,” he replied with a smile.
She rolled her eyes. “Right.”
“I mean it, Maddie. You always look good to me.”
She sighed and looked away.
Luke shot up a quick prayer, and then, once again rubbing his hands over his jeans to wipe off the nervous sweat, he began. “So, I wanted to apologize for last night.”
Madison looked puzzled. “Why?”
“You know, the thing in the car when we got back here. I didn’t mean to put you in an awkward spot,” he explained. “It’s just so…so good to see you again. I guess I didn’t realize how much I’d missed you. And I kind of let myself blurt out some things that…that obviously made you uneasy.” He looked over but she was still gazing out over the front yard. “Maddie?”
She turned and looked at him, and he saw something he hadn’t expected. Tears. Her eyes were filled with tears.
“Oh, man,” he said. “I really messed up, didn’t I?” He felt so helpless and lost.
Shaking her head, Madison brushed her cheeks with the backs of her hands. “You’re not the one who messed up. I am,” she said softly.
Luke didn’t know what to say. Lucy’s words rang in his ears. She thinks she’s not good enough for you. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tight, to somehow let her know his true feelings, and that everything was going to be okay.
Then she said something that landed like a punch to his gut. “I’m not a virgin, Luke. Okay? I messed up big time with Miles.” She looked away and started crying as the words came tumbling out. “I was a fool. I thought he loved me.” She paused to catch her breath. “He made me feel so…attractive. Like he really thought I was beautiful or something.”
As she turned and looked him in the eye, Luke could see such pain that his own heart was overwhelmed with aching. She was only seventeen. How could this happen? And what was he supposed to say now?
Madison didn’t give him time to consider that. She stood up, brushed off the back of her jeans, and headed for the door. “You deserve a really special girl, Luke. It’s not me.” With that, she left him alone on the porch.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
As Luke drove home, his emotions rocketed in several directions at once. His first response was devastation and sorrow, for Madison and for himself, as he finally admitted his love for her. Then anger raised its ugly head as he thought about Miles and how he’d taken advantage of Madison’s vulnerability. What a jerk!
Instinctively, Luke wanted to go find the guy and make him pay for hurting Maddie and fracturing her future like that. Then thoughts of God rushed at him. Where was God when this happened? Why hadn’t He somehow put the brakes on it? Surely He could have.
And finally, resignation. He knew a piece of his heart would always belong to Maddie. But things would never be the same now. She didn’t want him anymore. And his feelings for her? He pounded his fist into the steering wheel, and then surrendered to tears himself.
He’d never once considered that Madison, two years younger than him, would be at risk for this type of fall. He tried to imagine them dating and maybe even courting. But something had shifted inside. Although he felt terribly sorry for her, he knew his pity was not what she would want or need. And he wasn’t sure he could offer her anything more than friendship at this point. Somehow friendship seemed so hollow after what he’d felt for her last night and even this morning when he’d driven over to see her.
He changed his mind about going home, and drove down to the beach for a walk. As he skirted the water’s edge, a cool wind picked up and the winter clouds darkened above him like the storm that brewed within. He tried to pray, but the words were lost before they were even spoken. Only moans made it out of his mouth, only to be swallowed by the sounds of the surf. Funny how now that he knew this, he realized even more how much he’d hoped for a future with Maddie.
Flashing back to the past, he remembered their closeness when they were both
in middle school. A spark had begun that long ago. When he moved on to high school, she started to seem like a child to him in comparison with his peers. He could remember one day when he’d told her about a girl he liked in his class, and how her face had dropped momentarily before she perked up and said how happy she was for him.
Could he have said or done something before he went off to college that would have made a difference? If he’d said to her then what he tried to say last night, would she have been spared the pain her relationship with Miles brought into her life? And how would he handle the next couple of weeks before he left again? Should he avoid her completely? That shouldn’t be too hard with all the family festivities of Christmas. Church would be the only time he’d probably run into her. And there’d be lots of other people around then anyway.
Church. He suddenly remembered the mission team. She’d signed up for that, too. How would it go to be on the trip together after all this?
Rain began to fall, and he made a dash for the car, heading home with all his questions still swirling in his mind.
His mother was baking bread in the kitchen when he got home. The fragrance drew him to her side, as she pulled a fresh loaf out of the oven. “This weather always gets me in the mood to bake,” she said after glancing to see who was there.
“Looks good, Mom,” Luke replied, trying to sound upbeat.
She turned and looked at him. “Are you okay?” He looked different—like he’d just lost his best friend.
“I don’t know. I guess,” he replied, sinking down into a chair at the table.
Something’s up, Lord, Kelly prayed. Please give me wisdom here. “So Lucy said you went to see Maddie again,” she began.
“Yeah.”
Kelly hesitated. He wasn’t volunteering any information. Should she just back off? It was always hard to know with Luke. Since he was their oldest, they had to figure out each new stage of parenting on him. Then it was easier with the other five kids. Luke was nineteen now and he’d been living on his own at college for several months. Was she supposed to treat him as an adult now? Or did he still need a mom sometimes?