The Swarm Trilogy

by Megg Jensen

  My stomach twisted in knots. All these years I’d loved him unconditionally and he’d only decided to love me because he knew that one day I’d be angrier, tougher, less like the real me. It wasn’t me he loved, just a shadow of the girl he hoped I’d become. And now he thought he had that girl.

  Too bad for him the old me wasn’t completely gone, only trying to find a way to reconcile herself with the new girl inside.

  “I can’t be around you right now,” I said, stepping backward.

  “Lianne.” Kellan’s eyes narrowed. He looked at me the same way he’d looked at Bryden only moments ago. I felt reviled, hated. “Don’t do this. We have a mission. Our people are counting on us and we need to work together.”

  “I don’t need to do anything,” I said.

  “Yes, you do,” Kellan said. “You have to realize that. Our people are suffering, dying, at home and we have the chance to change that. Don’t you get it Lianne? We’re the only chance the Dalagans have.”

  He blinked. He wasn’t lying this time, at least I didn’t think he was. I wanted to know why this was so important to Kellan.

  “Think of your family, the people who gave birth to you. They are counting on you to save them. They gave you up so you could save them. How can you turn your backs on them?”

  I wavered. He was right. I did have a biological family back at home. But, I didn’t know them. The only family I knew was here. Not my mother and sister. I loved them about as much as they loved me. But, Mags, the boys, and Aric had been kind to me and they were my family.

  “You have the opportunity to save our people.”

  “I didn’t ask for this.”

  “No, but you are the one person who’s best equipped to do it,” he said. “You have access to the royal chambers. You’re a seasoned fighter.”

  “You can gain access,” I said. “You can fight.”

  Kellan placed a hand on my shoulder, pulling me closer.

  “But I’m not you, Lianne. You have always been better than me.”

  His words struck my heart, bypassing all of the anger I had. Kellan had never admitted that anyone could be better than him at anything. It wasn’t a comment used in anger. He was opening himself to me in a way I’d always dreamed about.

  My anger dissolved as quickly as it had flared. I reached up and touched Kellan’s cheek. His muscles were slack, none of the tenseness of anger bit through.

  “I don’t know if I can,” I whispered.

  “I trust you, Lianne. I’m here to help you every step of the way. You know me. You know my heart. You know how much I love you.”

  I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “I love you too.”

  Tears dropped from my eyes as Kellan encircled me with his strong arms. He held me tight and I laid my head on his shoulder.

  He was right and I knew it. I was the only one who could get close enough to the throne. But to kill someone, even the thought of it, tore at my insides. Yes, I’d been trained to fight. Yes, I could probably defeat anyone in combat. But to kill a man, even an evil man like King Rotlar, was more than I could bear to think about.

  With my anger at a low level, I concentrated more on my heart. It pounded, delighted to be in Kellan’s embrace. But a small part whispered Bryden’s name.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Over the next few weeks, I spent most of my free time in Kellan’s arms. I’d looked for Bryden for a few days, but he’d disappeared again, just like when we were children. I let him go, knowing he probably needed the time to himself. Instead I’d spent my days running errands for Mags and Trevin and my nights holed up with Kellan. My mornings were spent trying to shake off more nightmares about boats and the river.

  Kellan told me more about our people, everything he had learned from the three visitors. Bryden must have misunderstood something. How could Kellan make up all of this? They were the same men who were caught and executed because they were coming to see me on my birthday. Kellan reminded me of that daily. I wondered if he mistrusted my loyalty. I know I still hadn’t figured it out.

  During the day I knew killing the king was foolish, but during the nights when Kellan whispered in my ear while he nibbled on my lobe, I forgot most of my misgivings. But still, a part of me wondered about Bryden. If he would spend time with me and tell me his ideas then maybe things wouldn’t be so confusing. I’d have both sides clearly laid out and I could make a decision when I wasn’t so angry.

  Even Mags noticed a difference. I didn’t act out against her, but my intolerance for working with Albree was obvious. Her presence made me sick to my stomach now and when I didn’t feel well, I couldn’t put up with her mean words and nasty glances. She’d become even more intolerable since my birthday, asking where I was at night and why I never came home anymore. I wanted to rub her nose in the fact I was sleeping with Kellan every night, but I didn’t.

  True to her word, Mags didn’t ask about Kellan and me. While I still considered her my closest friend, our relationship was strained. I couldn’t confide in her. I didn’t know how much to trust her. The king’s wife, best friend of the enemy. Where did her loyalties ultimately lie and could I ask her to choose?

  I stacked Trevin’s clothes in the wardrobe, delighting in the fresh clean smell. He was a fussy baby and spit up a lot. He only smelled good after a bath and his clothes suffered the same fate. Sour smelling stains dotted them even though Mags tried cleaning him every time he erupted. It was never enough, though. Trevin was cute and stinky.

  The king burst in the door.

  I fell to my knees, forehead to the floor. Albree did the same across the room. Adopted or born here, all bowed to the king. Except Mags. She never bowed to him while in bed.

  I heard Mags back up against the headboard. The sheets rustled as I imagined her scooting backward, the wood bumping against the wall from the pressure of her pushing up against it.

  “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Rotlar roared, his resounding bass causing the glasses on the bedside table to rattle. Trevin’s screams flooded the room. He wasn’t used to loud noises and he didn’t like them. His older brothers never seemed bothered by anything, but Trevin was sensitive.

  “Find out what?” Mags asked. She didn’t sound afraid, but by the tone of the king’s voice I wondered if she should be.

  “Trevin isn’t mine.”

  I gasped. It couldn’t be true. Mags hated him, but she’d been faithful. How could she have had time to be otherwise? She’d either been pregnant or caring for her kids. It was impossible.

  “I will not give an ear to rumors like that,” Mags said. Most people cowered before the king, like me, but not Mags.

  “I don’t care what you do or do not listen to, woman. I have irrefutable proof.”

  I saw his boots stride toward the door. My breath released as I realized he was leaving. But he paused at the door, standing with it opened.

  “You and the boy will be executed in one week’s time.”

  He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

  Mags dismissed me without a word. She waved her arm in the air and refused to meet my eyes or answer my questions. I ran to Kellan as fast as my feet could carry me. I couldn’t be there for Mags now, especially if all she wanted was to be alone, but I knew in my heart that if the king was dead first, Mags would be safe.

  My anger flared with each pounding step. Mags was the most trustworthy person I’d ever known. Trevin was obviously the king’s son. He looked exactly like his brothers at this age and his oldest brother looked more like his father every day.

  I couldn’t figure out who would do this to her and what kind of proof could they have. And poor Trevin. Only a monster would kill a baby. I couldn’t do it, no matter how much anger I had after my Awakening. None of this was Trevin’s fault, or Mags’ for that matter.

  I burst in Kellan’s house, my stomach churning with anger. I didn’t care if Aric was home or not. I ran into Kellan’s room and lay down on his bed. I smelled him in the blanket
s, burying my face in the rough fabric. My anger calmed slightly as I relaxed into his bed.

  A few minutes later Kellan ran into his room. When he saw me on his bed, he ran over and took me in his arms.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Someone said they saw you running this way. I made an excuse to Aric and left bow practice. But I can’t be away long. I have to clean up afterwards.”

  “The king thinks Mags cheated on him. He thinks Trevin isn’t his son.” I took in a deep breath to steady myself. The anger mixed with the fear, churning in my chest like a hurricane. I couldn’t think straight. “He’s going to execute them.”

  Kellan jumped up from the bed and paced his small room. Only four strides before he had to turn around, but back and forth his feet carried him. He stopped in front of me, placed his hand on my chin and lifted my face up. Our eyes met.

  “Do you understand now why he needs to die?” Kellan asked. “He’s killing everyone he comes into contact with. He’s like a plague, Lianne. I had hoped the plight of our people would have been enough for you, but I can see now it took this to shock you into realizing my plan is for the best. He needs to die,” Kellan repeated.

  He needs to die. He needs to die. He needs to die.

  I heard his voice echoing in my head. My inner voice mingled with his, singing in full choir telling me what I had fought for so long.

  “How?” I asked.

  “How long do we have?”

  “One week.”

  “Then we have little time to plan,” Kellan said. “But we can do it.”

  He put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me close.

  “We’ll save Mags,” he whispered.

  “And the king will die at my hand,” I said.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The next morning I reported for duty. I wanted to ask Mags if the king had come back and said anything else. If he’d changed his mind. If a miracle had occurred. But I kept silent as I walked into her chambers.

  She glanced up at me, her eyes swollen and red.

  “Albree has already been dismissed for the day,” Mags said, her voice steady. She knew how to carry herself, no matter how she felt inside. Always the queen. “I need you to help me with something.”

  I ran to her side and pulled her into my arms.

  “Anything, Mags.”

  Trevin cooed in his bassinette next to the bed. We held each other, arms encircling our bodies as if we’d become one intertwined person.

  “You need to take Trevin and leave with him. Take him far away, Lianne. You have to save him.”

  I backed away, stumbling off the bed.

  “But I can’t take him and leave you to die.” My heart pounded and I felt the fires in my stomach flare as my anger rose.

  “You have to. You can run now and no one will know until the end of the day. You’d have a head start on everyone else. If I leave too then someone will know. The woman who brings the food or the one who cleans the chamber pot. Someone will notice I am gone. Besides, you are healthier than I am. I’ve been stuck in this room since Trevin was born. I don’t even think I’ve ran anywhere in four years. All I’ve been doing is having babies.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I’d already decided to kill the king to save Mags and Trevin. Running away with Trevin and leaving Mags to die didn’t change the reasons I had for killing him. Her sacrifice only stoked the fire burning in my belly.

  “No. I won’t do it.”

  “Lianne,” Mags cried, tears forming the corners of her eyes. “I don’t have anyone else I can trust to take Trevin away from here. No one else can save him but you.”

  “There’s another way,” I whispered, not daring to look her in the eyes.

  “No, there isn’t. I’ve been up all night thinking about this, Lianne. There’s isn’t anything else we can do.”

  “I have an idea,” I said, louder this time. She had to listen, to take me seriously. I climbed back on the bed and took her hand in mine.

  Mags’ eyes, still rimmed with tears, moved from my face to Trevin. He was still happy, giggling, and blowing bubbles. On anyone else, it would have been disgusting, but babies could even make spittle cute.

  A smile pushed at the corners of her mouth, but her grief was too fresh for even Trevin to break through.

  “Save him,” she begged me, turning away from him.

  “I want to. I will. But I will not take him away from you. I plan on saving both of you,” I whispered. “I’m going to kill Rotlar.”

  Mags said nothing, only stared at me in stunned silence.

  “I can do it. I’m the best fighter in the kingdom. I can save you and Trevin.”

  Instead of being surprised or happy, like I thought she would be, Mags’ eyes welled up, the dam finally breaking. Tears streamed down her cheeks, dropping on the bed like a spring rainstorm, sudden and fierce.

  “I don’t deserve to be saved. The king was right. I should suffer for my indiscretions.”

  “Do you mean…” I couldn’t believe it. She’d cheated on the king with another man. Rotlar was disgusting, but, still, she was the queen. I hadn’t thought she would be capable of betrayal in any form.

  Mags nodded, her curls falling in front of her face as she hung her head. The curtain of hair caught the tears and quickly matted against her cheek. She looked terrible, worn and defeated.

  “Trevin is not the king’s son.”

  “What? How is that possible?”

  Thoughts swirled around in my head, licked by the fires I felt climbing in my belly. The anger bounced around, touching on the king and then Mags. So she’d brought this on herself and put Trevin in danger for something he’d never asked for.

  I pulled my hand out of hers, backing off the bed again. I had to get away from her before I exploded. My hands shook, wanting to hit something, anything. I’d spent the night worried about her safety. Worrying about how I could kill the king without anyone knowing, but being committed nonetheless to something I never thought I was capable of.

  Was it all for nothing? To save yet another Fithian liar? Just another liar who only thought of herself.

  “What did you think he’d do when he found out?” I demanded. “How could you do this to Trevin?”

  “Trevin wasn’t even in my head when it happened,” Mags cried. “You know how you feel when you’re with Kellan? How you feel in his arms? I wanted that too, Lianne. Just once, I wanted to be held by a man who loved me for me. Not one who raped me to get me pregnant with his heirs.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to calm the anger bubbling inside me. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t. Mags was my dearest friend, the one person who’d been more like family to me than anyone else in Fithia. But she’d lied, to everyone. To the king, to me, to her sons.

  “Why do you think I’ve been so tolerant of your time with Kellan? Why do you think I encouraged you?”

  Mags sat up and punched the pillow next to her. Trevin began to cry, but we both ignored him.

  “I didn’t ask for this life. I didn’t want to be chosen. Everyone thought I was nuts, trying to hide on Choosing Day. They knew I had a good chance because of this beauty I was cursed with. I knew it too. He’d noticed me before, at the Harvest Festival. I could see how demented he was and I didn’t want to ever be close to him.”

  She ripped the covers away from her body and jumped off the side of the bed. She twirled around on the floor, her dress flying out on all sides like a dancer at court.

  “I’m not allowed to do that either,” she said, putting her hands down on her skirt, stopping it in midflight. She stuck her tongue out, crossed her eyes and pushed up on the tip of her nose.

  “Can you imagine what they’d say if I did that at court?” she asked. “What if I want to walk around barefoot or go strolling outside without someone to walk in front of and behind me?

  “I can’t do any of those things, Lianne. All the stuff you take for granted, I am not allowed any of it. My life is not my
own, but my heart…” she walked over to me, her hand hovering over her chest, “…my heart belongs only to me. It’s inside and no one can take it away from me. It loves who it loves.”

  She paused and reached out for my hand, but I wouldn’t cooperate. I didn’t want to touch her.

  “It loves you and it’s not supposed to. You, the Dalagan adoptee who is here to serve me. It loved him too, the man I am not allowed to be with, but the only man who’s ever looked at me and seen who I am on the inside.”

  I held my breath, willing the fires to stop. I knew what she meant. I felt it. But the anger wouldn’t let go. It tore at me, writhing around inside.

  “Just once, I took a chance on my heart. Just one time. I’d loved him from afar and I knew he loved me too. Only one time did we ever let go of who we were supposed to be and gave in to who we are.”

  “Who?” I whispered. “Who’s the father?”

  Mags turned around and sat on her bed, taking Trevin out of his bassinette and into her arms.

  “He doesn’t know Trevin is his.” She kissed Trevin’s nose.

  “He should know.”

  “And what good would that do?” Her bloodshot eyes now flashed with anger instead of sadness. “I didn’t even tell him and yet someone else found out and told the king. As for proof, I have no idea what kind of proof they could have offered him. We took care to leave nothing behind. No one could have known.”

  “Someone has enough proof to convince the king,” I said, “otherwise he wouldn’t be threatening to execute you and Trevin. But why isn’t he going to execute the father?”

  Mags repositioned Trevin in her arms, stroking his hair. She glanced back at me.

  “Is it possible he doesn’t know who the father is?” she asked. “We’re being punished and he isn’t.”

  “Does he know the father?” I asked. “Would he even care?”

  “Oh, he would care,” Mags said. “He would care very much. And that’s another reason I won’t tell you. If the king doesn’t know, then no one else needs to know either. It was our agreement, made in the dark, that no one would ever know. Do you see now why you need to save Trevin? If you can get away with him, the king can kill me and be done with it. Trevin would never inherit the throne. His brothers are in line before him. No one would even care if I am gone.”