by Megg Jensen
“What happened today?”
I told him everything, every last detail, except for what happened in the grove. I still wasn’t sure what it meant, if it meant anything. He grumbled and I felt his embrace tighten when I mentioned how Mags was taken away. He even sighed when I told him about Albree waving out the window to the practicing warriors. One thing I loved about Kellan, he always listened to every word I said.
“I have to save Mags and Trevin but I don’t know how to do that without killing the king.” Sure, I’d had moments where I wanted to kill him, but I didn’t know if it was something I could actually go through with. Killing someone wasn’t the same as forcing them down on the mat for five seconds to win a fight.
“Then that’s what we’ll have to do. We just need to come up with a solid plan. There must be a way to get you back in the castle.”
I shook my head. “It’s too late. Everyone already knows I’ve been dismissed and it’s not like I can sneak in. I’m too obvious. It will have to be at the time of the execution. I’ll have to do something then. But what? I can’t use a bow and arrow or a dagger. I’m only skilled in hand-to-hand combat.”
Kellan ran his fingers through his hair. He always did that when he was thinking. It was cute, one of the reasons I found him so charming. I followed his hand with mine, and then let my fingers stroke his neck. Feeling close to him stoked the fires.
“Will they allow you to attend Mags before her execution? My guess is no one else will want to do it. Certainly not Albree, she wouldn’t be caught dead near the execution site. If you petition, maybe they will let you be there for her in her last minutes. Then you’ll be close enough to the king to take him out. Everyone will be there to witness it.”
I shuddered inside. Planning to kill the king was one thing, but to do it in front of all of the blood-thirsty people who’d come to watch Mags’ execution was a lot to bear. In my mind, I pictured the scene. Mags’ head on the block, the executioner standing above her, his axe gleaming in the sunlight. I hoped Rotlar wouldn’t force Matthew and David to watch the execution. What was he telling them now while she was in the dungeon?
“I don’t know if I can do that,” I said, sliding off of Kellan’s lap and sitting on the bed. I needed to be away from him, to stop touching him. It was too distracting, too easy to forget how serious, how real, my plans were becoming.
“Why don’t you do it?” I asked.
“I’d never get close enough or I would,” Kellan said. “Do you think I like seeing you like this? Knowing that what you’re going to do might tear at your soul? But, Lianne, there’s no other way. We have to do something. For our people. For Mags. For Trevin.”
He was always right. I had to do it. There was no one else who could get close enough. No one else with the skills. No one but me to save Mags and Trevin.
“You’re not alone,” Kellan whispered, slipping on the bed next to me. “Even if I can’t do this for you, I am always here for you. You know that, right? We’ll write a formal petition tomorrow. They can’t deny you the right to help her. Even hardened criminals are afforded that one luxury. They’ll grant your request and then all you have to do is take him down. I’ll take the petition to the castle tomorrow for you.”
I sighed. Could it really be that simple?
“How many moves will it take? Three? Maybe four? He’ll be dead before anyone can blink.”
All I had to do was snap the king’s neck. It would be a clean death, quick. Kellan was right, three, maybe four moves and it would be over. I could free Mags and we could escape with Trevin.
Kellan slipped his arms around me and kissed my neck. I relaxed into him, forgetting my worries again. Kellan knew exactly how to chase my fears away.
“Tonight?” he murmured in my ear. His hands stroked my body, stoking the fires in my belly. Usually they grew out of anger, but when Kellan touched me like that, they flickered hot and sharp through my body. I didn’t like the way it made me feel, as if my love for him was related to the anger. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel, maybe this was normal, but it made me uncomfortable, no matter how much I craved his touch.
I shook my head and then buried it in his shoulder. We laid down on the bed together, arms and legs tangled, but never going any further. Mags had wanted details and I had none to give her.
She’d given in to her needs with a man she wanted. Why couldn’t I?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I looked for Bryden for the next two days. As always, he proved to be elusive, but I needed his help and his advice. I couldn’t kill Rotlar without telling him first. He had to understand why I was doing it. It wasn’t out of some misguided loyalty to a home I’d never known, but out of love for a friend and her infant son.
I asked around at the local stores, knowing he kept himself fed and clothed by transcribing bills, checking ledgers, and any variety of writing tasks his patrons needed. Some of the older merchants couldn’t read, either from lack of knowledge or from the seeing difficulties old age brings. Bryden couldn’t go without work for long. He needed the money.
Finally I had luck in the shop of Galdun, who sold fabrics rough and fine to everyone from the lowest peasant to the queen’s seamstresses. She said she’d given Bryden her books not more than a few minutes ago. He’d told her he was headed to his desk to transcribe them. The only problem was that no one exactly knew where that could be. Bryden made moving his office a habit. One day he’d be in the castle library, the next he’d be in the park on a bench.
“How many books did you give him?” I asked.
“Oh, about ten,” she said. “They were thick too. Bryden brought a cart with him because it was too much for him to carry. It’s hard to balance with that leg of his.”
“Thank you.” I ran out of the store and looked at the dirt road, seeing little tracks from the cart, barely noticeable among the dusty footprints. Without being too obvious to raise suspicion, I followed the tiny lines along the streets until it ended at the grass.
Puzzled, I stepped into the lush grass, barely noticing the tracks created by the wheelbarrow. The grass sprang back together, hiding his trail. But I kept on, following as best as I could until I stopped at a wall of trees.
I peeked around, finding the cart stuffed between two sturdy trees and hidden by large branches. I laughed, realizing this wasn’t the first time Bryden had come here. No wonder no one ever knew where he worked.
I pushed through the trees gently, trying not to be heard. I didn’t want to scare him away. Though with his bad leg he could hardly run from me if he wanted to.
I paused before the grassy opening inside the trees, surprised to see this was the same grove I’d been escaping to for years. I’d always entered from the north, never daring to push through the dense trees on this end. I saw Bryden sitting on the ground, his back against the large rock I thought I’d moved. All of his weight was against it and it didn’t budge.
“Hi, Lianne,” he said, not looking up from the book he was transcribing.
“How did you know?” I sat down across from him, my legs bent and my arms encircling them.
“You’re clever in battle, but not so quiet in the trees,” he said. “It’s a learned skill.”
“You could teach me sometime,” I said.
He looked up at me and smiled. “Doubtful.”
“You don’t think I could learn?”
Bryden chuckled, placing his pen in his book and closing it. The pages didn’t touch, which was good because I guessed they weren’t dry yet.
“Yes, Lianne, knowing you, you could learn anything you wanted. But that’s not why you’re here. Why did you follow me?”
Always to the point. For a moment I’d forgotten why I came, but he had to remind me. I felt the anger swell up, but I pushed it back. Bryden had learned to control his and I knew I could control mine. Especially in this place. My grove.
“How long have you been coming here?” I asked.
“You’re still not ans
wering my question,” he said.
I sighed. He was right and my news was more important than finding out how long I’d been unknowingly sharing my private grove.
“I’m going to kill the king.”
Bryden stared at me. No reaction, no words. It made me uncomfortable. What was he thinking?
“You mean it,” he said, finally.
I nodded.
“Why?”
“He thinks Mags cheated on him and that Trevin isn’t his son. He imprisoned her for treason and he’s going to execute both of them. I can’t let him do that to her. She’s never been anything but loyal to him. And Trevin is just a baby.”
“So it’s one or the other? To save them, you have to kill him?”
The anger bubbled again. I tried to control my breathing, willing it to abate but it didn’t. Waves shot through my body like flickers from an out of control fire. Why didn’t he understand?
“You wouldn’t kill him before to save an entire country of people, your people I might remind you, but now you’re willing to kill him because he’s going to execute his cheating wife and bastard child?”
I slapped Bryden. He didn’t move, didn’t react. I pulled my stinging hand back. I hadn’t meant to hit him so hard. The boiling in my gut turned to shame as a blush crept up over my cheeks.
“Do you feel better now?” he asked. “Got the anger under control?”
I nodded. Why was he always able to help me calm the fire? He always knew exactly what I needed.
“Can we talk about this now? Really talk about it?” he asked.
I sat still, staring at my knees. I breathed in and out, calm returning again. He was going to try to talk me out of it again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it.
I nodded anyway.
“Sorry about that earlier. It was a low blow, but I wanted your anger to peak so you could come back to neutral and listen.” Bryden placed his hand on my knee.
I felt a shiver pass through my body and I hoped he didn’t feel it. I liked it when he touched me, but I felt a lot of guilt. I wouldn’t want someone else touching Kellan. I think it would tear me to pieces. I tried to focus, to ignore my reactions. Calm and centered. Breathe in, breathe out.
“Is that how you learned to control yourself?” I tried to ignore his thumb stroking my knee. The fabric of my dress tickled my skin, but I didn’t flinch.
“Yeah. I learned that if I got really angry and let it out then the fire would calm down.” Bryden laughed. “I spent a lot of time punching things. Elsa corrected me at first, but when she saw how quickly my anger dissipated, she left me to it. Poor lady, I don’t think she knew what was in store for her when she took the job as my nursemaid.”
“Elsa always was a good woman,” I said. “I missed her a lot after your accident when you refused to see me.”
“She was like a second mother to you, wasn’t she?” Bryden asked. He moved his hand from my knee to my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. I didn’t resist his advances.
Elsa had been so kind to me, in a way my mother never had. If I fell and hurt myself, she’d gather me in her ample arms and hold me tight until the tears stopped. The best years of my childhood were spent with Bryden and Elsa.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” Bryden said. “You needed Elsa and I stole her from you.”
I sniffled and smiled. “You were five. That wouldn’t have crossed your mind.”
“True, but seeing you now, I wonder how things might have been different if I wouldn’t have refused to see you.”
His other hand found its way to my cheek, brushing away my tears with his thumb. I held my breath. He was getting too close, going beyond friendship. I felt a tug in my heart, but I couldn’t tell which direction it was pulling me.
“I’m with Kellan,” I whispered.
“You don’t have to be. You could change your mind.”
I thought of what I’d lose if I left Kellan. I’d lose the man who’d promised to help me kill the king and save my best friend and her son. Bryden didn’t want any part of that.
The heat returned, boiling up fast. Bryden wanted me to turn a blind eye, let my best friend die. He wanted me to ignore the truth. He wanted me to be emotionally crippled to compensate for his damaged leg.
I looked at him, my eyes burning with anger.
“I won’t change my mind. I refuse to be weak. I won’t ignore Mags when she needs me most.”
“Why do you need Kellan for that?” Bryden asked, not moving his hand from my face. He squeezed my hand harder.
“Damn it, Bryden, don’t you see? Kellan’s the only one who can help me plan this. I can’t do it alone. I obviously can’t accomplish anything with you.” I was tired of pretending we were still children, whole and happy. Bryden may have learned to harness his fire, but I hadn’t and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
Instead of pushing me away, Bryden pulled me close and kissed me. I sat there, stunned, as his lips caressed mine. His hands laced through my hair as I felt the sweet crush of our lips, moving together and searching for something we’d both lost and desperately needed to find. The fire disappeared and I felt instantly calm.
He pulled back and I craned my neck closer, begging for more. But Bryden scooted backward.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
I smiled. “Good. Calm, for the first time in a long time.”
“And how do you feel after you kiss Kellan?”
Kellan. I’d forgotten about him, too caught up in the moment to care. I thought back to all the times we’d kissed. How I’d resisted and then given in to passion. How his kisses increased my fire and the anger. How afterwards I always felt slightly let down.
I looked at Bryden, the tears returning. But this time I didn’t care. I wanted him to see how I felt instead of trying to explain.
Bryden gathered up the booklet he’d been transcribing and pulled himself to his feet. He limped back in the direction of his cart, but before he entered the tree line, he turned back to look at me.
“Think about which way you want to feel,” he said. “When you know and you learn to control your anger, then we can talk.”
He walked through the tree line, disappearing again from my life like he had when we were children.
Later that night, as I lay wrapped in Kellan’s arms, I thought about what Bryden said. When I was with Kellan, everything made sense. I didn’t feel like my anger was wrong, but a part of me. It simmered below the surface, easily accessible in case I needed it. How else could I go through with my plan? If I didn’t have the anger, the drive, then I was nothing but a fighter. I needed to become a killer.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I received word early the next morning that my petition to accompany Mags had been approved. No one goes to the public execution block alone, even the most hardened criminals are given a chance to have family or friends with them. Unfortunately the three men who’d come to talk to me on my birthday weren’t given that chance. I was their sole Dalagan witness at the execution, their only comfort, and they didn’t even know I was there.
The notice stated that I was allowed to meet with her today and the day of her execution. I was relieved to find out they weren’t keeping me from her because she was the queen. Perhaps the king was concerned with his image. Mags was loved by everyone, but news of her infidelity might have changed that.
I walked through town avoiding the stares of everyone around me. I was sure they wanted to know what I’d done to be banished from the castle. No one dared to ask me. No one dared to even speak to me.
I followed the guard into the dungeon. In all my years in the castle, I’d never been down here. There had been no reason and even though I could protect myself, I was still afraid. I’d heard stories, just like everyone else, about the violent criminals hidden down here.
The deep stink permeated my nose, assaulting me from all sides. Filth, mold, and the decaying scent of dead animals. I shuddered, for myself and for poor Mags, who’d been sufferin
g down here for nearly a week. She’d lived the life of a queen for the last four years; living in the dungeon had to have been torture. Even before she became queen, she lived in town and her life was simple and clean. She’d never known squalor.
The guard stopped in front of a dark cell, guarded by steel bars. I peered into the darkness, but I didn’t see anyone inside. The only light came from a flickering candle in the hallway. I wondered how often they lit it and how long it took them to realize one was out, leaving the prisoners in complete darkness.
“Is she in there?” I asked the guard.
A sudden rustling noise and a clanging at the bars answered my question.
“Lianne? Lianne, is that you?”
A woman clung to the bars, her dark hair a dirty mess, like an abandoned bird’s nest. Her mud-caked fingernails reached out between the bars and her eyes squinted as she stared at me.
“Mags?” I asked, stunned. Such a huge change in so little time.
“I’ll leave you two to chat.” The guard chuckled as he walked away.
“Stop,” I said. “Let me in there with her.”
He turned around and glared at me. “You want to go in there with her? Why?”
“I just do. Can I?”
He hesitated for a moment and then walked back toward us.
“Remove your cloak and leave it on the floor. I’ll have to check you for weapons.”
I held my arms while he patted my body. My muscles tightened. I forced myself to stay loose. I didn’t want him to know how much it bothered me, to be touched in such private places by a man I didn’t know. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. At this point I would do anything for Mags.
With a smile and a whistle, he stuck the huge iron key into the lock. A clunk and then a clank told me the lock was open. I was one step closer to being reunited with my best friend. He pulled the heavy wooden door open and pushed me in before Mags could get out. Not that she tried. She crouched in the corner, shivering from the cold.
I ran to her side. The guard pushed the door shut and locked it behind me.