by Megg Jensen
“Just call for me when you’re done,” he said. Heavy footsteps and whistling faded as he walked down the hall.
“Mags.” I threw my arms around her. “Are you okay?”
Mags nodded. I was grateful for the darkness so she couldn’t see the disgust on my face. I’d never smelled anything so foul, not even from Trevin’s dirtiest diapers. I stared at the dirty floor, covered in straw and littered with dust. I wondered where Mags slept. Where she ate. Where she relieved herself. I couldn’t even imagine how she’d survived for nearly a week in here.
“Have they been feeding you?”
She nodded again.
“I saw the boys yesterday. They’re all okay.” It was a small lie, but a necessary one.
Finally she lifted her head and looked me in the eyes. The sparkle I’d always loved about her was still there, faint, but there. Mentioning her sons brought her back to me.
“My sweet boys,” she whispered. “I never meant for any of this to happen Lianne. None of it. All because of one selfish night I’ve doomed myself and my innocent son.”
“Remember what you told me before you left your chambers? When the guards took you?”
Mags nodded, her stringy hair, once so lustrous, bobbed up and down with her head. No more bounce, just like her.
“I’m going to kill him,” I said. “I’m going to save you. And Trevin. We’re going to leave here forever and find a place you’ll be safe.”
Mags shook her head. She looked down at her fingernails and tried to pick out the dirt hiding underneath.
“What do you mean, no? Of course I’m going to do this. I can’t let you die. You’re my best friend.”
“I am guilty of everything I’m accused of. Why should I live? If you can save Trevin, it would be enough for me to die knowing he’d be safe with you.”
“We’re not having this argument again,” I said. “You asked me to kill Rotlar and I am. I’ve come to peace with it. It’s time for you to do that too.”
Mags didn’t look at me. I placed my hand under her chin and tried to pull it up so she couldn’t avoid my gaze, but she fought back. I smiled, glad to see her stubborn streak was still there, even if it was misplaced. What had they done to her to change her mind? She’d been right, the king needed to die.
My smile quickly faded. I couldn’t believe she was telling me no. After everything I’d gone through to make the decision to kill. My hands shook.
“Do you want to have his death on your conscience for the rest of your life?” Mags asked. “I won’t do that to you. I’ve already ruined enough lives. Mine and Trevin’s. I can’t do it to you too. I’ve had more than enough time to think about it since I’ve been in here. You’d live with the guilt the rest of your life. I know you, Lianne, sometimes better than I think you know yourself. You may be a fighter, but you have a gentle nature. More so than anyone else I’ve ever met.”
Now I refused to meet her gaze. I’d never even killed a stray bug, preferring instead to set them free through the window or door. But the Awakening changed me and that was something she didn’t know. It was a part of me I’d kept hidden over the last couple weeks. A part of me I didn’t want her to know.
“I can do it. I will do it.”
“No, you won’t. You’re the only true friend I’ve ever had and I love you for even thinking you could. If you love me, if you love Trevin, you won’t do it. You’ll save him and you’ll let me die for my sins.”
“You don’t deserve to die for what you did. Right or wrong, execution is too harsh.” I stroked her tangled hair. It tried to strangle my fingers, but I gently maneuvered through, combing out her curls. Mags was still beautiful, even covered in dirt and grime.
“Those are the rules, Lianne. I knew the consequences when I broke them. I took the risk knowing I might end up here. I just never thought I’d conceive a child that night.”
Mags shook her head as tears fell from her eyes. “I never meant to hurt Trevin. It’s been so long since it happened, nearly a year now. I thought we were safe.”
“What about Trevin’s father?” I asked. “Does he know about any of this?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Probably. But he doesn’t know Trevin is his. I think I convinced him Trevin isn’t his. When I realized I was pregnant, I told him that we could no longer see each other. We’d only been together one night, but our love for each other had continued. I knew the child was his, but I told him I’d used a charm when we were together, that it was impossible this was his baby.”
“I doubt he loved you very much if he accepted that explanation,” I said.
“Oh, he didn’t accept it. He pursued me for months, but I turned him away every time. And every time my heart broke a little more. He finally gave up. It wasn’t until Trevin was born that my heart healed. I may not ever be with his father, but I knew I’d always have a piece of him with me.”
My throat swelled as I choked back tears at the sacrifices Mags made for the kingdom, and for a king she didn’t love. She didn’t deserve this sentence. But I knew the king well enough to know he’d never listen to reason. Knowing she loved another man would only anger him more, not melt his heart with forgiveness. She was his property and nothing else.
Mags was bound to him, but he wasn’t bound to her. His title gave him the power to do as he pleased and he found more than enough women willing to pleasure him. Mags’ job was to breed heirs and stay faithful. She had chosen to break the rules, but never chosen to be queen. Rotlar chose her; she didn’t choose him.
“I’ve had nothing to do but think in here and you have to promise me you won’t kill Rotlar. Think what it would do to our kingdom. There would anarchy. My sons are too young to rule and Rotlar is an only child. We need a ruler to maintain peace. We can’t let Fithia collapse.”
Her eyes bore into mine, her hands gripping my arms.
“Think of your people down the river. What will happen to them if we lose our ruler? We supply them with food. We’re rebuilding their government. What hope will they have of recovery if our king is dead at your hand? It would only start another war.”
Mags saw it as war; Kellan saw it as liberation. I didn’t know how I thought of it yet. I didn’t know if I believed either choice.
“Without the magic that made them so powerful, they’d have no chance against us. Our armies would crush them. You know how Aric trains the troops. They wouldn’t last more than a day or two.”
How would our people stand up to the Fithians in another war with no magic and no army? They had nothing and my birthright would be enough to spur a new war, or at least force them deeper into poverty. A lifetime of work ruined by my hand.
My hand. I looked down at my palm, wondering if the magic, supposedly bled from all of us had returned. How else could I have moved the rock? If I could figure out how to harness it, how to use it, maybe I could free Mags peacefully.
“There may be another way,” I whispered. “I might be able to free you without hurting anyone. Then you, Trevin, and I could run away together.”
“Just the three of us?” Mags asked, her head tilted as she studied my face.
“Oh, if you want to reconcile with Trevin’s father, he should come too. I’m so sorry I didn’t think of him at first.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Mags said. “What about Kellan?”
Would I want him to escape with us? I wasn’t sure anymore. This time, when I thought of him my heart didn’t ache. It didn’t worry about what he would think. I called the guard back. I had new plans to make. Only one person could teach me to harness whatever was growing inside me, but finding him soon enough would most likely prove to be a challenge.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
By the next morning I needed a plan. I had to learn how to use my magic, and I’d become more convinced every second that was what it was. Magic may have been bled from my people, but who was to say it couldn’t come back?
Bryden knew something. He had to. He couldn’t go
that many years after the Awakening, learning to harness his anger without discovering the same thing I had. He’d said when I was ready to learn to calm myself I should seek him out. I only hoped it wasn’t too late.
I ran through the dusty streets, narrowly missing a vendor’s cart and horses. I didn’t care. I had to find Bryden. Time was precious and every moment counted now. The first place I checked was the library. I knew he did a lot of his work in there. The light was good during the day without being too bright and it was quiet, just the atmosphere he needed for transcription.
I burst through the heavy wooden door only to be shushed by the head librarian, an ancient man, whose skin was so pale I wondered if he’d ever left the building. He narrowed his eyes at me and frowned.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I couldn’t have talked louder if I wanted. I’d run so fast I had no air left, certainly not enough for a normal conversation.
“Just remember where you are, young lady,” he said. “This isn’t a place for a ruckus. Keep that in mind while you’re talking to Master Bryden.” He bobbed his head toward the back and pointed with a long, wrinkled finger. “He’s waiting for you at the table behind the last row of books. He told me you’d be arriving.”
I shook my head, frustrated that I’d doubted him at all. He’d seen my heart. He knew I’d come to him.
I jogged to the back of the library, catching a second wind knowing Bryden was waiting for me. I wanted, no needed, to see him. As I rounded the corner, I saw him sitting with his head in his left hand, his right holding a quill and furiously copying a ledger. I stood quietly for a moment, taking him in.
“Bryden,” I whispered, remembering the librarian’s orders, “I’m here.”
He looked at me and a smile spread across his face. His red hair stood in spikes and I resisted the urge to sit next to him and touch it with my fingertips. After his injury, he’d always seemed so soft to me. The more I found out about the last ten years, the more I knew he was almost as hardened as I was. Me in body, Bryden in mind.
“I hoped you’d come today,” he said, his smile fading. “I just hope we have enough time. We need to get back to the grove. I have something to show you.”
“I already know,” I answered, dropping my whisper even lower. “A couple days ago, I moved a rock with something from my hand. It was some kind of energy. I didn’t touch the rock, but I felt something come out of my hand and the rock fell over. Bryden, I think my magic is coming back.”
His eyes widened. “You moved a rock? Which one?”
“The big one, the one you were sitting next to the last time we met there.”
He threw back his head and laughed. His shoulders shook and he nearly dumped over his inkpot when his hands flew to his head.
“What?”
“It took me five years to move something that big. How did you do it?”
“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. So he believed me and knew about it himself. I felt a wave of relief rush through me. I wasn’t alone and hopefully he could tell me what I needed to know to rescue Mags without killing anyone.
He closed his book and put away his ink and quill in his backpack. He looked at me, a smile on his face. “Let’s go back to the grove. It’s the only place we can be alone to talk.”
“And practice,” I said, excited to learn more before tomorrow. I didn’t need to learn everything he’d learned in the last eleven years, but enough to get me through tomorrow. The rest would take care of itself.
We strolled to the grove, allowing Bryden plenty of rest and time for his leg. As a fighter, I couldn’t imagine living without full use of my limbs, but Bryden had done it successfully for eleven years. I’d never heard him complain. He was strong in ways I would never be.
Once we made it to the grove, I ran over to my rock, the one I had moved. I sat on the ground in front of it and held up my hand. Nothing happened. I concentrated on the rock, staring at it, willing the power to emerge. Nothing happened. I closed my eyes and waited. Again, nothing.
While I sat there like a fool, staring at the rock and cursing under my breath, Bryden ambled over, flicked his finger at the rock and it rose into the air. He waved his finger to the right and the rock followed. Then he pointed down and the rock fell in front of my feet.
“I want to do that.” I touched the rock with my fingertips, barely believing what he’d just done. The rock didn’t feel any different than before. Cold, smooth, still just a rock, but one that Bryden lifted with a flick of his finger.
“I’m sure you do. It’s a rush the first time, isn’t it? Makes you want to do it again.”
I shivered as I recalled the feeling of sharp ice coursing through my veins, dousing the fire that had burned so hot since my birthday. I wanted that feeling again.
I looked at Bryden and nodded.
“How? Is it something with the way I hold my hand? Maybe a different direction?” I twisted my wrist around, my palm pointed at the rock. Nothing happened.
“It’s not that simple, Lianne,” Bryden said.
I continued pushing my hand through the air, squinting my eyes and willing the rock to move. It didn’t. I probably could have moved it more if I’d blown on it.
“Okay, what do I need to do, then? What’s the trick?”
Bryden sat down next to me on the ground. He was so close, just like the last time. I wondered if he was going to kiss me again.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Fine, why?” It wasn’t true, but I wasn’t about to tell him about the effect he had on me.
“Think about it on a deeper level. The fire in your belly. Can you feel it?”
I closed my eyes and concentrated on myself, trying to block out the sound of the wind whistling through the trees and the birds calling to each other. I didn’t feel anything. No anger, no ice. None of the conflicting feelings, just a stillness I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t feel anything.” I was sure that I was on the right path.
“Then you’re never going to use magic again. Not the way you use your hands to fight. You just don’t have it in you.”
“What? How can you say that? You’ve barely even given me a chance!” I scooted away from him, not wanting to be close. His presence suddenly made me feel ill. “Just because it took you years to be able to move a rock doesn’t mean I can’t do it.”
It was back. The damn fire in my belly, licking up at my wounded heart. Couldn’t I just make it go away? I was tired of the whole thing.
“Did I make you mad?” Bryden asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I rolled my eyes.
“Good, then try to get rid of the fire. Let it out, somehow release it.”
“What do you mean?” I screamed. “If I knew how to get rid of it, don’t you think I would?”
I flopped on my back and pounded my feet on the ground like Trevin’s oldest brother, David, when he couldn’t get his way. I didn’t care how I looked, I had to do something physical to push the fire away. My memory flashed to when I’d screamed and collapsed a few days ago. That’s when I’d moved the rock. Bryden was making me mad on purpose and I had to do the rest of the work.
I sat up and pointed my hand at Bryden. The fire subsided and the cold pumped through my veins. He fell backward and grunted. I cackled, crawling across the grass to his side. He had a huge grin on his face.
For a brief moment, I pictured his arms wrapping around me. I shook the image out of my head. We weren’t here for that.
I hovered over him, my hair falling down the sides of his face, a curtain hiding us from the rest of the world.
“You did it, but did you have to knock me over? Why couldn’t you move the rock again?”
“You deserved it,” I said. “Talking to me like you did.”
“I had to. I didn’t know any other way to anger you quickly.”
His hand reached up through my hair and he touched my cheek. “It’s amazing what you can do. It t
ook me years and I still have to concentrate really hard to do the smallest thing. I don’t think I could knock anyone over.”
“Have you tried?” I cuddled into his hand.
Bryden smirked and I felt a push on my chest. Nothing hard, just a little pressure. I looked down, but he wasn’t touching me.
“Are you trying right now?” I asked. He nodded. “A little pathetic, don’t you think?”
Bryden scowled and the pressure stopped. My smile faded when I realized he’d stopped trying. I shouldn’t have been so mean to him; he already had enough problems to deal with. I sat up and as I settled onto the ground, something struck against my shoulder and I flew backward, my entire body in the air. I didn’t touch ground, instead I hovered in the air for a few seconds and then floated back, landing softly on the ground next to Bryden.
He rolled on his side, pushed up one elbow and cradled his face in his palm. He stared at me, no smile on his face.
“You lied,” I said.
He grinned. “I’m good at keeping secrets. Years of practice.”
“Thanks,” I said, “for the soft landing. You had every right to drop me.”
“I’d never drop you, Lianne,” he said, still staring at me. I wasn’t uncomfortable. I welcomed his gaze, returning it just as intensely. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for in his eyes, but I wanted to lay there and stare at him for the rest of the day.
I propped myself up on my elbow too, our faces just inches apart. I moved in slowly, wanting to kiss him again, craving what I’d felt the first time. Except this time I wished he would kiss me because he wanted to, not because he was trying to teach me a lesson on controlling my fire.
I leaned in closer until our lips were a breath apart.
Bryden’s eyes closed and I closed mine, waiting to feel the kiss I ached for. He leaned in and we touched, our lips meeting as if for the first time, discovering every line, every curve. He draped an arm around my shoulders and cradled my head as I rolled to my back and we fell to the ground, arms and legs entangled.
I ran my hands down his back, not caring that it was covered in grass. Then I reached around the front and untied the string around his collar, loosening the top of his shirt. I looked down to his chest, the fine hair, and the strong muscles. Writing didn’t give him those muscles, obviously there was more I needed to learn about what he did in his free time.