Darkest Before Dawn (KGI series)

by Maya Banks

  When he turned back, his wife’s eyes twinkled with merriment, and he sent her his best ferocious glare. It amused her to no end that even now he was still convinced that he was going to drop the baby or crush his tiny little body with hands that had, until now, been used as weapons. For violence, not tenderness. To inflict pain, not offer comfort.

  She patted the space beside her as she repositioned herself on the couch. It was too bad, because her former pose gave him a very good view of her breasts, which were still more rounded. She reached for a plate and handed it to him and then retrieved the other and they sat side by side enjoying the breakfast Hancock had prepared.

  She ate while he simply enjoyed watching her. Watching her never got old.

  God, he loved this woman.

  Honor studied Guy from underneath her eyelashes. Even if she couldn’t feel his heated stare, she’d know he was watching her. He always watched her. In the beginning, she gave herself away by blushing and had even asked him why he was forever staring at her.

  Very seriously, he’d told her that she was the most beautiful thing in his world and that he still had a hard time believing she belonged to him. And she did belong to him in every possible way.

  He’d warned her of his possessiveness. His dominance. His need to control every aspect of his life—their life. And his absolute dedication to keeping her safe at all times. As though that part of his personality would frighten her away. At times, she could feel his restraint. Could feel him holding back because of his fear of driving her away, but she was having none of that and she let him know it very forcefully. She wanted the real Guy or nothing at all.

  It had taken considerable patience on her part, and at times he still needed to be convinced that things he considered faults were things she not only loved but also reveled in. She needed them. She needed him. God, how she needed and loved him with every breath in her body.

  While he worried about her contentment, she worried about his happiness. His life had done a complete 180 in the last year. He no longer lived every day knowing it could be his last, and as crazy as it sounded, she knew he thrived on it. Not because he was an adrenaline junky or enjoyed it. But because he truly wanted to make a difference in the world. Protect the innocent, take out the evil. He thought himself to be an evil man when nothing could be further from the truth.

  And the very people who had formed Titan, for the greater good, had turned on him and his teammates, branding them outcasts and traitors because Guy and his men were no longer willing to do their dirty work for them.

  She hated them for that. For tarnishing Guy’s honor and daring to question their motives. Pure motives when they were the very best of men, protecting those who had no one to protect them. Standing up for those without voices and rebelling against those who betrayed their country and the citizens they’d sworn to represent.

  She leaned forward to set her empty plate on the coffee table, but Guy intercepted, taking it from her, sliding it onto the wooden surface and then pulling her into his arms, tucking her under his shoulder and against his muscled frame.

  A sigh of contentment whispered past her lips as she melted against him.

  “You sound happy,” he said in a pleased tone.

  “Oh I am,” she breathed.

  She tilted her head up just enough that she could take in his beloved features. The sensual mouth, the warmth in his eyes and his firm jaw and defined cheekbones. She feathered one hand over his chest, coming to rest over his heart, feeling the steady, reassuring beat against her palm.

  “Do you remember our wedding?”

  He gave her a look that suggested she’d lost her mind. “Like I’d ever forget the day you officially became mine? I remember every single second. I’m not likely to ever forget a moment of it. Or the way you looked. The sound of you saying, ‘I do.’ The way I forgot that anyone else was there when I tasted the sweetness of your mouth and kissed you forever and didn’t want to ever stop. How time stopped and for that single moment in time it was just you and me. Together. Vowing to spend the rest of our lives together. You have no idea what that day meant to me, Honor. I think of it every night after I’ve made love to you and you drift off to sleep in my arms, and I simply watch you, holding you close and I replay our wedding in my mind.”

  “Wow,” she whispered, heat flooding her cheeks, love filling her heart to near bursting.

  “It’s a day I’ll carry with me every day for the rest of my life,” he said with utter seriousness. “Because on that day you gave me something very precious, Honor. You gave me yourself, and I take that—will always take that very seriously. I’ll never take it, or you and our child, for granted.”

  “I love you,” she said in an aching voice infused with emotion he couldn’t possibly miss.

  He kissed her, long and lingering, even as Reece gurgled happily as he kicked and waved his arms in his bouncer. “And I love you, Honor Hancock. Always. Forever.”

  She settled more fully into his arms, snuggling into his heat and his strength, her fingers caressing a random pattern over his chest.

  “Do you miss them? Do you ever regret not remaining with your team? Walking away and never looking back?”

  He pulled back, his expression fierce as he stared intently into her eyes. “No! Never.” He shifted, turning so he could frame her face in his hands. “For more than a decade, Titan was my entire life. My family. Them and the Sinclairs, though I didn’t see them often. But, Honor, you are my family now. My entire world. You and our son. My sole reasons for living. You give me purpose. A reason for being, a reason to truly live. I never had that before. My missions were just jobs performed by rote. My heart and soul were never in them. I was resigned to the reason for my existence. I never had anything for myself. Didn’t want it. Until you. Do I miss that life? Hell no. I can’t imagine my life without you and our child. I don’t want to imagine it, which is why I will go to any lengths to protect you, to ensure that neither of you ever come to harm. Because without you, I have and am nothing. You are everything to me.”

  Tears flooded her eyes as she stared at her husband in shock. Guy wasn’t a wordy man. Nor was he what anyone would call poetic or smooth in his speech. He was brusque, even abrupt at times, though she never took it personally. More often than not, he was just silent. His impassioned statement was so uncharacteristic and sincere that she felt each and every word in the deepest recesses of her soul.

  She had no reply. What could she say in response to the most beautiful, eloquent words she’d ever heard in her life? And they were all for her. He loved her.

  Tears streamed silently down her cheeks. Even if she had the appropriate words to offer, she’d never be able to speak around the knot in her throat.

  “Don’t cry,” Guy said desperately, his expression one of sheer male panic.

  If she weren’t so overcome by the moment she would have laughed, because Guy couldn’t stand to see her cry. He’d once confided in her that it made him feel utterly helpless, and for a man like Guy to admit to feeling helpless . . . well, that was huge.

  Feeling a change in topic was desperately needed, and she still needed a little more time until she unveiled her anniversary present, she grabbed onto the first thing that entered her mind. Guy’s upcoming trip to the Middle East.

  “Are you still planning to leave in two weeks?” she asked lightly, keeping a tight rein on the emotion swelling her throat.

  His lips immediately turned down. He hated leaving Honor and Reece, but the alternative was Honor going herself, and he’d made himself clear, that over his dead body, would she ever return there.

  Despite the majority of ANE being dismantled and left powerless, Honor was still a target to many who sympathized with ANE or were simply offended that a mere woman managed to topple an entire terrorist group. Never mind that she hadn’t done anything at all. Titan and KGI along with help from a CIA operative had headed up that operation.

  Not even in the States was she safe, bec
ause the remnants of the ANE group would love nothing better than to assassinate her. And other sympathizers, terrorists, would delight in being the ones to take her out. It would be a badge of honor and they would be heralded as heroes to those who opposed everything Honor stood for. Her courage. Defiance. A woman surviving and coming out the victor when most would have died.

  Honor had kept the vow she’d made to herself that ANE would not make her quit her relief efforts. Hancock had been equally insistent that she never set foot in the region ever again, and he’d been fully backed by Titan. Or what used to be Titan. Conrad, Cope, Viper and Henderson. Sadness still gripped her heart over the loss of Mojo. She hated that even one of Guy’s men had been killed because of her.

  So a compromise had been reached and it had worked surprisingly well for all parties involved. Honor founded a charitable foundation that provided relief efforts to villages desperately in need, places that no one else would venture into. And the former members of Titan found that retirement wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, so they recruited new members to replace Mojo and Hancock as well as increasing their numbers, but they didn’t take missions. They didn’t act as Titan had in the past. Their one and only objective was to provide protection for Honor’s relief center and its workers. They even helped train local men and women in the villages so they weren’t so vulnerable to attack. It was an arrangement that suited all parties involved.

  But Honor knew Guy, and she knew he would never be happy simply doing nothing but staying home with his wife and child twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred sixty-five days a year. So he acted as Honor’s emissary and made three or four trips to the relief centers a year to ensure that the doctors, nurses and volunteers had all the necessary equipment they needed, though Honor knew he wanted and needed that time to reconnect with the men who’d been brothers to him for over a decade.

  Then there were the times he became restless, and Honor always knew when it was time for him to go be a lone wolf for a few days. She never asked and he never volunteered where he went, but he’d lived most of his life alone and isolated, and every so often he needed that again. He still wasn’t completely comfortable living a “normal” life and she understood that, accepted it. And he loved her all the more for it.

  She benefitted from the arrangement as well because under no circumstances would Guy ever leave his wife and son unprotected, so when Guy took off to oversee operations at the relief center or went off to parts unknown, he always took her to the one person he trusted most apart from Honor. Maren Steele and by extension: Jackson Steele, though no one except his wife ever called him “Jackson,” just as no one but Honor and Eden called Hancock “Guy.”

  As a result, she’d been fully indoctrinated into the Kelly clan and was laughingly told that she was the latest Mama Kelly chick to be adopted. It was also during these times that she got to see her own family. Sam Kelly flew her parents and siblings into the KGI compound, away from the prying eyes of the media or other sources of gossip, and Honor enjoyed the benefits of being able to visit all her family.

  Eddie, Raid, and Ryker Sinclair came when they could, though now that Reece had been born, Honor imagined Eddie would be in Tennessee anytime his first grandchild was there for a visit.

  “That’s the plan,” Guy said, in answer to Honor’s question. “Unless something else pops up. I’ll be gone a week at the most. Sam is sending one of the Kelly jets and one of the KGI teams to escort you and Reece to Tennessee.”

  Honor bit her lip in order not to smile. “Unless something else pops up” was code for the other side ventures Guy was involved in. Though he was careful not to personally involve himself in anything that could kill him, thus leaving his family unprotected, he was a lot of things to a lot of people. He supplied intel to Resnick, a rogue CIA agent who was likely as shadowy as Guy himself had been, any number of government agencies—not just the American government—and even KGI, though he’d probably bite his tongue before ever admitting he was actually helping them.

  Guy did a lot of consulting work. He’d worked and lived in the shadows for years. He knew things most law-abiding operatives didn’t. He knew how organized crime lords thought and worked. He had vast knowledge of human trafficking and those who spearheaded such operations.

  If Honor didn’t know the heart of Guy, she’d run screaming in the other direction, because he had “bad news” written all over him. And yet he was honorable. He had a code—a strict code. One he adhered to at all times. He was a law unto himself and yet he didn’t abuse that power, his knowledge, skills or contacts.

  He was one of the good guys.

  “How many children do you want?” she blurted out.

  Then she cursed her lack of subtlety. Geesh. Talk about whiplash, going from one topic to another that was in no way relevant.

  Guy looked baffled for a tenth of a second and then he scowled. Uh-oh. Maybe she should have waited until tonight when he was sated and mellow after making love to spring this on him.

  He rotated around and planted both hands on either side of her hips so he could look at her face-to-face. Guy had been a little—okay, a lot—intense during her first pregnancy. He’d insisted that Maren be the one to deliver his and Honor’s child even though she wasn’t an obstetrician. She was a general practitioner. But he liked Maren, and Guy didn’t like many people, but more than that he trusted Maren, and he definitely didn’t trust but a handful of people.

  So two weeks before her due date, they’d traveled to Tennessee and Guy had announced they were staying until Honor gave birth and Maren gave her the all clear to travel back home. He just never bothered to tell anyone where “back home” was. That was a highly guarded secret that only Guy and Honor knew, and he’d insisted that not even their families know because they couldn’t very well be forced to give information they didn’t have.

  Honor swallowed because Guy was looming over her, fairly seething, agitation rolling off him in waves at the mere mention of more children.

  “I will never put you through that again,” he said through tightly clenched teeth as his scowl deepened. Then his entire face softened and love warmed his eyes. “You gave me a son, something I never thought I’d have. You gave me a real family. Something of my own. My blood. You and Reece are enough for me. You’ll always be enough for me.”

  She laughed. She couldn’t help herself, though he had no liking for her amusement. “Guy, my delivery was as uncomplicated as it gets! It was smooth and went off without a hitch. I was only in labor for six hours.”

  His face went pale and his eyes were haunted. Her heart twisted as she saw the conflicting emotions so evident in his gaze.

  “God, Honor, you were in so much pain,” he said in a tortured voice. “You’ve had enough pain and suffering. Pain I caused. Me! And I’ll be damned if I cause you any more.”

  Her entire demeanor went soft and her heart filled with so much love for this man. What would her life ever be without him? She lifted her hand to his face and softly caressed his cheek.

  “Honey, pain is normal in childbirth. Since the beginning of time. But the reward . . . Oh, Guy, the reward is worth every bit of pain and suffering because the result is a precious baby boy or girl.”

  She eased up from the couch, extricating herself from Guy’s grasp. She went to where her beautiful son was enjoying the bouncer he’d nearly grown out of, and when he saw her, he rewarded her with a wide grin that sported two partially grown in front teeth on top and bottom. He immediately began kicking and wiggling his entire body, further reminding Honor that the bouncer would have to go soon before he either broke it or launched himself right out of it. She picked him up and cradled him in her arms, gently running her hand over his soft skin. Then she looked up at Guy, all the love she had for both her husband and her son shining like a beacon in her eyes.

  “What I hold in my arms is worth any amount of pain. You won’t change my mind on that.”

  Guy shook his head, a
stubborn look she was well acquainted with reflecting in his eyes. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her, his lips in a thin line.

  “Reece will be our only child. I will not allow you to go through all that again.”

  She rolled her eyes and then smiled as she rose up on tiptoe, Reece nestled between their bodies and kissed Guy.

  “I love you, but it’s too late to deny me another child. You’re just going to have to suck it up and accept the inevitable.”

  He stared at her in complete shock, absolutely stunned. For a long moment he opened and closed his mouth, utterly speechless. He looked as though he’d been hit over the head with a sledgehammer.

  “You’re pregnant again?” he asked hoarsely. “It’s too soon, Honor.” Panic was fast invading his voice and he began to shake violently from head to toe. “You’re not even fully recovered from your first pregnancy!”

  He looked terrified, his eyes bleak.

  “I can’t lose you. You’re my everything. God, what have I done? What have I done? You were on birth control. This shouldn’t have happened. What have I done?” he repeated for a third time, desperation unhinging him. “I’ll hurt you. I can’t put you through this again. Especially not so soon.”

  He rubbed his hands over his face and then up and over his head, utter despair making his body sag. Never had she seen him this way. Strong. Unbreakable. Always in control. Able to turn it off at will. And yet now, he was falling apart, shattering before her very eyes.

  The one thing she couldn’t do was to respond in kind. She had to make light of the situation and show him she wasn’t in the least afraid.

  “I’d say you have some very potent swimmers,” she teased. “Birth control has kryptonite and apparently it’s you.”