Artifact

by Bowes, K T

  May sighed heavily and Jayden could hear her heartbreak joining her own. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry,” Jayden breathed. “I asked about him and...well, I guess she doesn’t want to hear it.

  “Why did you mention your brother?” May asked and Jayden could hear the dismay and annoyance in her voice.

  “I thought I saw him outside where I live,” Jayden began and heard the sharp intake of breath cross the miles between her and her aunt. “I didn’t know if the probation service had got in touch with you and let you know that he was out. They don’t know where to find me...” The sentence tailed off as Jayden realised the futility of her situation. She was kicking herself. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked Mum about him. She just sounded so...normal. Do you think that maybe it’s not Alzheimer’s, but some complicated way of detaching after what happened?”

  Hearing her aunt let out a snort of disdain, Jayden realised the unfairness of what she was asking. After all, it wasn’t her who had to look after her mother was it? It was her poor aunt, trapped in the seaside town alone with someone who often didn’t even know her. May had complained over the phone recently that Hannah could go to bed perfectly happy and lucid, kissing her sister goodnight and then waking up the next morning disoriented and afraid of the strange woman who was trying to help her get dressed. Jayden wasn’t there was she? Guilt washed over the young woman like a wave, crashing over her soul as wickedly as the sea attacked the grey pebbles on the beach at Aberystwyth. What difference did it make what had caused her mother’s disease? Knowing wouldn’t make it go away. “Nobody’s called here,” May was saying. “Surely he wouldn’t try and find us, not after all these years?”

  Jayden could hear the hope in her voice. They had all forged a life of sorts after her brother’s wickedness had shattered their gentle family life and left his slug trail of misery coiling out behind him. May wanted to believe that they were all still safe, that the illusion of normality they had created for themselves was, in fact, real. Jayden didn’t have the heart to disappoint her. “Of course he won’t. I am sorry, May. It was stupid and thoughtless of me. Will you have a dreadful evening now?”

  “No,” May laughed. “She’s got the snakes and ladders board out so I think she’s probably forgotten already.”

  The momentary feeling of relief that Jayden instantly felt was smashed out of the way by the back draught of misery, which accompanied thoughts of her disappearing mother. As the phone call disconnected, she stood clutching the silent object in her hand and staring at the black screen, her face shrouded in the darkness which most of the time, she managed to keep hidden. The clearing of a male throat made her jump. Ed.

  “You seem determined to give me heart failure tonight!” Jayden bit acerbically. He sat on the bottom step waiting for her to finish, his knees bent uncomfortably and his feet crossed, one over the other. His dark hair was sticking up at the front, making him look out of control. He also looked tired.

  Ed pinched his nose between his thumb and finger hard as though stemming a headache and Jayden bit her lip. “Would you like some pain killers?”

  He nodded and shifted himself off the step, hauling his body upright using the hand rail. Jayden went into the kitchen and reached up into a cupboard over the fridge to retrieve a packet of headache tablets. She popped two out onto the onyx black counter top and they skittered together near the sink. Retrieving a glass from a longer cupboard on the back wall, Jayden filled it from the tap and left it next to the tablets.

  The kitchen wall had the distressed brick showing and it contrasted nicely with the black worktops and the pale grey cupboard fronts. An island faced the rest of the room, containing a sink and concealing a dishwasher and more cupboard space. It was formal and yet countrified, more of a bachelor pad than a sanctuary for a frightened woman. Ed pulled up a bar stool wordlessly and sat on the other side of the island, sipping the water and popping the tablets into his mouth both at once. Jayden felt suddenly awkward. Apart from Raff, she had rarely had other people in her home.

  “It’s a neat flat,” Ed said smiling around. “You wouldn’t know from the street that this exists. It’s so hidden away.”

  Jayden smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “That’s why it suits me. I feel safe here.”

  The slightest evidence of a frown crossed Ed’s strong features as he considered the buried meaning in the words that the perplexing female opposite him had just uttered.

  “Want some dinner?” Jayden’s tone was rough and she looked genuinely surprised when he nodded, slowly at first but growing in momentum.

  “I can nip up the road for some fish and chips,” Ed offered, mortified when the shadow drifted instantly across Jayden’s face. She shook her head, not wanting to open the front door again before she had to.

  “No, I’ll make us a Chilli con Carne. I’ve got some mince in the freezer.”

  Jayden reached down to a vegetable box nestled at the side of the island. Made from rough wood, possibly pallets, it was painted grey to match the kitchen. Someone had stencilled vegetables onto its lid and added the words ‘Produce of the Garden.’ Jayden seized some onions from its depths and a sharp knife from a drawer that slid silently open at her touch. Adding a chopping board, she plonked the items down in front of Ed and went through a sliding door into what looked like a laundry behind the kitchen. Evidently that was the location of the freezer, as she reappeared with a packet of frozen mince that she tossed into a microwave over the inset oven. “I love the lay-out of this flat,” Ed commented as he commenced his onion chopping and Jayden smiled at his compliment.

  “I was so lucky to find it.”

  The room behind the kitchen was long and thin and housed the washing machine, tumble dryer and numerous shelves with tins neatly lined up. A small window up high would offer light during the day but the darkness outside required use of the bright hundred watt light bulb in the centre of the area. There was even a tiny toilet cubicle slotted into the space nearest to the entry doors. Plasterboard walls and a sliding door made the toilet and sink units compact and kept them apart from the laundry equipment.

  The room had been well done, practical and hidden behind the kitchen during the renovations, the sliding door almost unnoticeable due to its colour which matched the cupboards and opened to a push-touch action, negating the need for door handles. The whole panel could easily be mistaken for a wall. As Ed fetched a tin of tomatoes and another of mixed beans from inside, he was surprised to notice some fairly hefty bolts at the bottom and top of the door. He paused in concern and then shook his head, returning with the tins as though nothing was wrong, even though the practically invisible cupboard had all the hallmarks of a panic room.

  Jayden cooked steadily and with confidence. It felt comforting to have somebody else to cook for instead of her usual fare for one, a single microwave meal or a toasted sandwich. She used the electric rice cooker to make a decent portion for them both and then set the dining table over by the window. “Where’s your motorbike?” she asked Ed suddenly, pausing with two intricate crystal wine glasses in her hand.

  “Outside your front door actually. I pulled it up practically on your doorstep. I didn’t fancy leaving it up by the Stone Bow. I assumed there wouldn’t be much left of it.”

  Jayden shook her head knowingly. “No, you’re right. So you probably don’t want wine then if you’re driving?”

  Ed opted for orange juice and they sipped their respective glasses whilst waiting for the food to finish cooking. Silence descended over them, but it wasn’t one of those awkward moments, just companionable and easy. Ed looked at the beautiful woman in front of him. On the surface, she seemed capable and professional, fully in control of her world and collected. Yet the reality of Jayden was confusingly different, almost the exact opposite. The stunning mane hung almost to her waist. Escaping from its ponytail in a never ending war, it was a veritable sheet of dark curls that bounced and tossed when she walked or moved to stir the meat dish. But Ed had seen a
naked fear in her appealing emerald eyes, a deeply hideous monster of anxiety that seemed capable of controlling her from the inside. Her seclusion and the bolts on the back of the laundry door told him that she felt hunted by someone or something and it intrigued him, whet his curious appetite in a way that he hadn’t known for too long. Who was she and what was she afraid of?

  From his vantage point on the stairs, he had sat down early enough to hear part of the conversation and a woman’s loud voice on the other end of the phone calling out the name, ‘Lily.’ He looked up at Jayden through his long eyelashes and liked the name. It suited her more than the boys’ title she was saddled with. Lily fit her better somehow, a more appropriate floral tribute to a beautiful woman. “Who did you think I was?” he asked, trying hard to sound casual. “Before, when I was calling you and trying to push the door. Who did you think I was?”

  Jayden was stirring the mince on the hob with her back to him and Ed saw her whole body stiffen. She resembled a piece of hard, brittle wood and one kick in the right place would snap her clean in half. It was painful to watch. He instantly regretted his question and generously released her from it. “Dinner smells gorgeous. We’re a good team.”

  He saw her relax and the tension go out of her spine. She pulled herself up straighter, collected herself and turned around with a smile. “Yes, we are. Why did you come here anyway?”

  She dished the rice and mince onto the plates carefully, displaying a perfectionist tendency in the way that she created a pit in the centre of the rice to prevent the mince from spilling unattractively down the side of it. Ed realised that he enjoyed watching her a little too much and looked away. “Raff asked me to. He was sorry about last night and as he was working a late shift, he wanted me to see if you were ok.”

  Jayden shrugged and brushed it off. “He worries too much. I’m perfectly fine, as you can see.”

  Ed wanted to say, ‘But you’re not, are you?’ yet some instinct made him keep the comment to himself. They tucked into their wholesome meal companionably, watching each other intently with stolen glances, each trying to work the other out and hone in on their agenda. But both were guarded enough to keep their private lives exactly that way - private. Jayden was curious about how Ed made a living but didn’t want to ask. For some odd reason, she didn’t want to reciprocate; to tell this strong capable man, that she spent her days dealing with the brokenness of the town, the adulterers, the gamblers, the sorry individuals accidentally addicted to pain killers or sleeping tablets, men and women addicted to porn or alcohol. It was a noble profession but it pained her to acknowledge that most of her clients attended St. Jude’s Church. It soiled it somehow, muddied the beautiful belfry and the stained glass windows with the inadequacy of the ‘real’ body of Christ. It also inevitably led to questions that Jayden’s confidentiality clause made impossible to answer. When she had asked Raff what his brother did, he had just winked at her and told her that she would like him. She did. But perhaps a little too much.

  Ed washed the saucepans and reassembled the cleaned rice cooker while Jayden loaded the dishwasher. They made small talk but it was easy and she wondered how she had felt such irritation at the man the previous evening, when he had only tried to be considerate and help her home.

  Downstairs at the street door, Jayden became nervous again with the prospect of the dark night outside and the silent High Street.

  “Thanks for dinner,” Ed said with a smile. He stepped over the threshold, listening to the snap of the lock and the sliding of at least two bolts along the wooden interior of the door. He stood on the steps for a moment before launching down to the street and retrieving his bike. He had expected an infringement notice pinned on it at least, but the night wardens - perhaps realising the sense in parking the bike outside the house rather than in the layby - had left it alone.

  Chapter 7

  “Hey babe. What did you do with my fit brother then? He’s still out. Or did you kick him swiftly into touch and he’s off drowning his sorrows somewhere?” Raff accompanied his reverie with a giggle.

  “He just left. He shouldn’t be long.”

  Jayden sounded miserable and Raff knew better than to press her for information. “Hey,” he began, “I’m really sorry about the other night. I shouldn’t have asked you to play ‘happy families’ for my benefit. I had no idea that it would go so horribly wrong.”

  “It’s ok,” Jayden answered softly. “It was never going to end well.”

  “I was actually hoping that Ed might have broached it with you tonight and that you would put him straight...about us...well, me really. Don’t suppose you did?”

  “Raff!” Jayden was shocked. Why did people always think that they could include her in their manipulative little schemes? “No, surprisingly your name didn’t come up - apart from as the reason that Ed called round. How little you must think of me if you believe that I’d betray you like that!” Jayden was just getting into her ‘how-dare-you’ speech when she heard her friend bleating down the phone.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m just getting desperate. I have no idea how I’m going to break the news to Ed and my parents; that their futile hopes of me ever producing offspring are completely out of the question. Added to the fact that I bat for the other side altogether. I’m thirty-five this year and I know they’re all looking at me expectantly. Gosh, what a mess!”

  Jayden sat down on her plush leather sofa and with the wall mounted television on mute, began to flick through the channels looking for company. “So what you’re actually saying, is that you wanted me to tell your brother you were gay?” she commented astutely. There was a poignant silence before Raff answered,

  “Yeah.”

  “Look,” Jayden offered, “the best I can do is sit with you while you tell him if you like. I’m offering moral support, but that’s all. Apart from mopping up the tears or blood afterwards, you have to do the hard part yourself. It’s only right.”

  “I know,” Raff sighed. “I’ve just left it so long that it gets more impossible each year. Anyway,” he brightened suddenly, “there won’t be blood. Ed won’t hit me. He hates violence. His better half wouldn’t allow it.”

  “Oh,” Jayden was surprised by the disappointment that she heard in her own voice. “Ed’s got a girlfriend or...married?”

  On the other end of the call, Raff hooted with laughter.

  “Married, definitely married. Not just the ball and chain, it’s the whole bloody castle he’s attached to! That’s why it’s going to be so hard to tell him about...what I am. He thinks marriage is the only way to go and he’s going to hate me.”

  “It might not be as bad as you think,” Jayden comforted. “But the offer’s there if you want it. I can be with you if you like.”

  Raff went back to sighing and thanked her. Before he rang off, Jayden begged him for a recap of the self-defence classes he had given her five years previously. “Why? What’s happened?” he asked her sharply and she dismissed his concern with practiced ease.

  “Nothing, I just feel a bit rusty. A woman went loco in an appointment last week and reminded me that I hadn’t been practicing enough recently.”

  “Oh, ok.” Raff calmed down and arranged to meet her at the gym after her last session the next day. “I’m on a late shift so we can eat afterwards if you like?”

  Jayden rang off feeling easier about things. Raff had promised that his horrid boyfriend would not be there and that he would give Jayden a good work out. She looked forward to the physical activity and then the peace and calm of the weekend. She made herself a cup of tea and turned out the lights on the lower level before climbing the wooden spiral staircase up to her bedroom. There was no need to shut the curtains, as her floor length windows only opened onto the roof garden and nobody but passing aeroplanes would be able to spy in.

  Leaving a lamp on in her bedroom, Jayden opened up the double doors and went outside in her slippers. The rain had stopped, leaving a glossy sheen on the paving stones
around the edge of the roof garden. Walking over to the balustrade she leaned over, peering down into the dark street three floors below. A couple wound their merry way home, slightly drunk as they weaved across the street and back again. They made their way slowly up the flagstones towards Clasketgate until Jayden could no longer see the tops of their heads anymore.

  The last five years had been filled with Jayden’s unusual hobby, people-watching from her perch high above the heads of the great unwashed masses. She had seen fights, arguments, make ups and break ups, all from her detached vantage point. It suited her and Loneliness was a far better companion than Fear, she had decided long ago. Jayden sipped her tea and admired the stars overhead, glinting happily now that their cloudy shroud had been pulled off. If she leaned quite far out, she could just about see the dark grey of the Stone Bow in the distance, guarding the city from an ancient unknown foe as if someone had forgotten to tell it that there was no longer any need for its vigilance. The city was already overrun and hope was lost.

  Lincoln had spewed beyond the safety of its gates for miles and miles in every direction. Like so many of the remnants of former strongholds, the ancient stone pile was now just a tourist attraction, something navigated with arms full of shopping and nagging children, photographed by fascinated newcomers and ignored by locals. Its history and its secrets cried out to Jayden and her heart responded, likewise. “We all have secrets,” she said out loud to herself, moving across to the raised veggie garden on the back wall. Behind the wall was the staircase down from the bedrooms to the living area and a passageway went left and right from it. Left at the top of the stairs went to Jayden’s bedroom, a huge room by any standards. To the right went to the spare bedroom, nestled on top of the roof, a smaller replica of hers.